


I. Futures Abound

by MsOzma



Series: Their Revolution [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, Gen, Homestuck AU, Homestuck Trolls, Multi, Other, Revolution, Troll AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2017-12-23 01:32:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 139,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/920433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsOzma/pseuds/MsOzma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a universe far-removed from Earth's, there is a planet called Alternia, where an alien species called trolls celebrate a coming of age of sorts for every troll that reaches the age of 8 sweeps.  This Great Gathering, as it is called, is a time where most trolls leave their species' home planet toward new horizons and homes abroad within their galactic empire--some toward greatness, others toward slavery.  While this Gathering has been celebrated for over a millenia by trollkind, this particular Gathering will not be like any other before it...and two trolls of royalty will make sure of that.</p><p>One of these trolls is looking to hold on to her chaotic regime.</p><p>The other is looking to topple it.</p><p>(Part I of the <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/series/53367">Their Revolution</a> series--please read the <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/919860">Prologue</a> first.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. carcinoGeneticist

**Author's Note:**

> Read the [prologue](http://archiveofourown.org/works/919860), it's actually not that terrible.

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and today is the worst day of your life.

======>

You’ve been pacing around frantically for the past few hours, growling and muttering obscenities to yourself, and occasionally sneaking a glance at an illuminated husktop screen, only to go back with your head down, looking as though you’re about to scream.  Your respiteblock looks barren, with boxes and crumpled up posters lining the corners.  You almost didn’t even see a reason to pack everything, but it gave you something to do while you nervously awaited this day to come.  Something to keep your mind off things.  The only lights in the room come from your husktop and the green slime of your recupercoon.  Everything about you gives the appearance of a man that is literally at his wits end.

======>

For convenient reference, a husktop is a computer, respiteblock a bedroom, and a recupercoon is a sort of troll sleeping chamber that’s filled with green slime.  But that’s not important right now.  The point is, you’re a troll and your entire existence is the most unbearable thing that God ever decided to crap up.

======>

Being that you don’t necessarily enjoy your own existence, it wouldn’t be too far out to believe that you would classify your Wriggling Day—another term for birthday—as the worst day of your life.  This Wriggling Day, though, is just a pile of shit piled on top of seven previous helpings of shit, each layer coated in a different color.  It doesn’t help that this color seems to resemble all too well the color you’ve been hiding from your entire life.

======>

As was stated previously, your name is Karkat Vantas, and today is your Wriggling Day.  It is, in fact, your 8th Wriggling Day, which puts you at about 17 years old human-wise.  Of course, years are an age unit that you have no concept of whatsoever, so it’d just be easy for us to understand you as being 8 sweeps old.

It wouldn’t be a big deal if you were simply turning 8 sweeps old today.  I mean, not really as big of a deal if it were on any day but this day.  Otherwise you’d have some time to plan things out, get your affairs in order, etc.  But of course things could never be simple and easy for you, could they?  It just _had_ to happen that you would turn 8 on the 6 th dark season’s equinox of the 12th perigee, and it just _had_ to be the case that the Great Gathering would be scheduled on that same goddamn day.

Why did your life have to be so difficult?  Why did you even have to be born?

======>

While many trolls have their own reasons for dreading the Great Gathering, you have a very particular reason why it scares the living shit out of you.  It’s not that you’re necessarily afraid of slavery—honestly, you’d almost kill to have that option.  It’s not that you haven’t tried to be placed somewhere—you have.  It’s that you have a secret that you’ve been hiding from everyone and everything since you were just a wiggler listening to the coos from your lusus.

======>

You, Karkat Vantas, are a mutant.

======>

Though not necessarily a mutant in the way trolls typically understand the term.  When trolls hear the word “mutant,” they typically think of a regular troll with some crazy psychic ability.  Honestly, mutant isn’t that odd of a term to throw about, as many trolls—especially the lower castes—are usually born with some weird power that causes them to hear voices or cause storms or what the fuck ever.  No, you’re a mutant in a different way altogether.  No cool powers for you, or even an option of everlasting servitude. 

Underneath that cold, gray skin of yours is a blood type that is unrecognized on the hemospectrum—an involuntary offense that the crown would never tolerate.  A red so bright that it has since your birth threatened to drown you in its rage.  Now it’s done much worse for you, firmly grasping you around the neck.

It is a death sentence in your society.  Literally.  As in, you’ll be culled on the spot.

======>

You’ve understood yourself to be a mutant for a long time—your whole life, if we want to put a time span on it.  Some people, if they were to meet you, would probably be shocked at this sudden revelation, if some all-knowing entity or yourself were to immediately reveal it to them. However, those people may also be simultaneously disappointed knowing that such a huge secret of yours would be spilled so prematurely before they got to know anything else about you.  I mean, an alien troll that’s different from everyone else because of their blood color?  What a mystery it could have been!  They would wonder this to themselves, pondering the possibilities of knowing such a troll in a different time, place, or even universe where this troll would be less reticent to expunge such a detail about himself so early in the game.  Perhaps a universe where said troll is supposed to lead his troll friends toward a grand victory against cosmic forces?

AU Karkat: Be the leader.  Save existence as we know it.

This is the stupidest thought you’ve had all day, if not all week.  Yeah, you’re kind of having a meltdown here, but the last thing you need is to bring in some multiverse sci-fi bullshit into this.  You promptly tell yourself, your thinkpan, and any hypothetical audience out there to shut the fuck up because you don’t have the fucking time to be all mysterious and dodgy and heroically saving existence.

======>

While it’s become increasingly difficult to keep it a secret for the past sweep, it wasn’t hard to hide from others as a child.  Most trolls don’t personally associate with one another very often, or at least not long enough to care about the other’s blood color.  If they do, they have an established relationship of sorts and blood color is hardly a concern at that point.  Even then, it’s not like a troll’s blood color is always immediately obvious.  There are only three indications of a troll’s blood color: outward displays in fashion and clothing (which, while commonly adopted, is optional); fins or lackthereof on a given troll’s face, which shows whether or not a troll is a royal blooded sea dweller or land dweller; or in the irises of their eyes.  If a troll has fully grown, their eye color will reflect the color of their blood, making it very obvious for anyone to see.  But as children, trolls are born and grow up with black irises, making one’s blood color even less apparent.  It’s not even until 10 sweeps that one’s blood color fully settles into the eyes, making it clear what your blood color is. 

Despite these safeguards and privacy a troll may have as a child, as a troll nears the age of 8 sweeps, the freedom that many of them enjoyed begins to dwindle, and the Empire starts keeping official tabs on the trolls.  The Empire doesn’t really keep track of trolls from their birth through adolescence—they don’t really care what happens then, so long as you’re not attempting assassinations of higher-up trolls or anything of the like.  If you die during that time, well, that’s your loss.  But if you manage to survive to adulthood, the Empire becomes more and more a part of your life, ensuring that the natural order is upheld and that lowbloods know their place.  They demand official tests to ensure they know your blood color, from electronic DNA samples, to scoping your room, to dissecting your dead lusus, to really anything but asking you directly what your blood color is.  They know people would just try to lie anyway.

======>

Despite the difficulties, you have managed to avoid these tests all this time.  Luckily, throughout the sweeps, you’ve befriended some trolls of higher ranking that have surprisingly been willing and able to help you out.  But you feel…no, _know_ deep in your gut that you can’t hide forever.  The days, hours, minutes, seconds have been slowly ticking down.

And today, the countdown may as well be up. 

======>

Unless, of course, the troll that has been helping you out manages to pull through.  As already stated, you’ve managed to befriend many trolls over the sweeps, some of them of very noble blood.  One in particular—one you, sometimes unfortunately, consider your best friend—has been incredibly helpful in pulling strings for you so that you can avoid being tested and your blood color being found out.  Still, suffice to say this troll isn’t always exactly the most helpful, and you’ve doubted their competence on more than one occasion.  You’re pretty sure that the troll may also be off the deep wagon.  It doesn’t help that they have sent a very important package that was meant to show up a few days ago that hasn’t showed up.  The package was meant to contain something very important that would possibly enable you to go into the imperial ships without being shot, without your blood color even being found out.  Of course, now it’s a whole four days late.

It’s become a very frustrating and frightening topic for you.

Karkat: Go and see the mystery troll who has helped you all this time and get the gift.

Oh yeah.  You’ll just fucking stroll down the merry lane singing some trashy showtune about chirping wingbeasts and cute mewcreatures, all the way down to their doorstep.  Do you seriously believe if you had that option, you would’ve already swung by and picked up the object, instead of pacing around in your respiteblock like some half-retarded fuckwit?  That is the most ridiculous thought that has ever come across your mind.  You can’t even believe that you would have allowed yourself to think something so unrelentingly idiotic.  You want to bang your head against your desk for the next few hours you know you have left of your life and gargle on your own excrement.  God you can have such stupid thoughts sometimes.

Luckily, that was the Karkat of a few seconds ago, and you’re done being him forever.  Moving on.

Karkat: Find some way to contact that troll!

You’ve already _tried_ to contact the troll.  _Multiple times._   The way you stay in touch with many of your friends is through an online messaging client called Trollian.  It actually only came out about 5 sweeps ago, and while you originally had your reservations about it, it has become an absolutely vital part of your existence, especially in contacting this higher-blooded troll.  Usually you and this troll contact each other rather frequently— _at least_ once a day.  However, over the past two weeks, they’ve been rather unresponsive.

You’ve already left multiple messages for them today with no response, and—

Wait.

Was that a ding?

A ding coming from your Trollian, signifying a new message?

You rush over to your computer as quick as you can, almost tripping in the process.  You don’t even sit down you’re so nervous.

Oh my God it really is a new message, flickering on the screen!  YES!  It may be that troll messaging you about the package!  Oh thank God, you’ll be able to talk to them and—

Oh.

Oh, fuck, not this guy.

Karkat: Answer troll.

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TC: wHaT iS uUuUuUuUp My BrUsUs FrOm AnOtHeR lUsUs?  
CG: WHAT IN THE ALMIGHTY SHIT-COVERED PISS-SMELLING FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME.  
TC: NoT a MoThErFuCkInG tHiNg My CrAb BrOtHeR.  
TC: i’M jUsT aLl Up AnD fUcKiNg ChEcKiNg Up On My BeSt MoThErFuCkInG bRo.  
TC: YoU kNoW, iT aLl BeInG...  
TC: sHiIiIiIt, WhAt DaY iS iT aT bEsT bUdDy?  
CG: I CANNOT FUCKING COMPREHEND HOW I’VE MANAGED TO STAY FRIENDS WITH YOU THIS LONG.  
CG: I CANNOT EVEN WRAP MY CRANIAL THINK GLOBE AROUND THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE NOT INDUCED YOURSELF IN SOME GODDAMN SLIME SOPOR COMA BY NOW AND CAN STILL FUNCTION ENOUGH TO TAKE TIME FROM SNIFFING YOUR OWN ASS CRACK TO BOTHER ME.  
CG: IT’S THE GREAT GATHERING YOU GODDAMN MORON, AND I’M *REALLY* NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS RIGHT NOW.  
TC: OhHhHhHhH, oKaY!  
TC: i CaN gEt BeHiNd ThAt MoThErFuCkInG nOiSe Up In My NoGgIn, If YoU cAn FeEl Me. :o) HoNk!  
CG: OH MY EVER LOVING FUCK, NOT THE HORNS.  
CG: DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND IN THAT OVERCOOKED SACK OF MEAT YOU CALL A THINKPAN WHAT THE DAY OF GATHERING IS?  
TC: Aw MaN, i DoN’t EvEn NeEd To KnOw WhAt ThAt ShIt Is AbOuT.  
TC: iT sOuNdS mOtHeRfUcKiNg MaGiCaL, bRo.  
CG: NO.  
CG: THERE IS *NOTHING* ABOUT THIS DAY THAT COULD BE CONSIDERED mOtHeRfUcKiNg MaGiCaL, bRo.  
CG: OH MY GOD, THAT HURT JUST TO TYPE.  
CG: HOW CAN YOU EVEN STAND BEING YOURSELF FOR 8 SWEEPS WHEN I CAN BARELY DO IT FOR 8 SECONDS?  
TC: MaN, i JuSt GoTtA dO wHaT’s AlL uP aNd NaTuRaL wHeRe My HeArT’s FeElInG.  
TC: tHaT’s WhAt It’S aLl MoThErFuCkInG aBoUt, KaRbRo.  
TC: ThAt’S tHe MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLe Of It AlL. :o)  
CG: I’M NOT LISTENING TO THIS.  
CG: I’M NOT LISTENING TO YOU FLAP YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE ABOUT YOUR GODDAMN MIRACLES AGAIN, NOT WHILE I’M CURRENTLY FLIPPING MY SHIT.  
CG: TODAY ISN’T SOME GODDAMN SPECIAL HOLIDAY WHERE EVERYTHING IS MAGICAL AND LA-DI-FUCKING-DOO YOU BULGE SUCKING SACK OF CLOWN PISS. THE DAY OF GATHERING IS THE DAY WHERE ALL 8 SWEEP OLD TROLLS LEAVE THE GODDAMN PLANET TO FULFILL THEIR LONG AWAITED DESTINY OF BEING ABSOLUTELY USELESS FOR THE REST OF THEIR GODAWFUL LIVES.  
TC: aWwWwW nOoOoO, yOu RuInEd ThE mAgIc! Do:  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP.  
CG: FOR YOU TODAY MAY AS WELL BE FILLED WITH RAINBOWS AND ALL THAT BULLSHIT YOU CALL MIRACLES IN YOUR CLOWN RELIGION.  
CG: BEING THAT YOU’RE SOMEHOW HIGHER THAN MOST EVERYONE ON THE GODDAMN HEMOSPECTRUM, DESPITE HOW TERRIBLE YOU ARE.  
CG: MEANWHILE I’LL BE PISSING MYSELF AND COWERING IN THE CORNER OF MY RESPITEBLOCK WHILE I WAIT FOR A CULLING DRONE TO FIND ME AND PUT ME OUT OF MY LIVING MISERY.  
TC: WaIt...WhAt ThE mOtHeRfUcK?  
TC: oHhH nOoOo! Do:  
TC: ThAt CaN’t Be RiGhT!  
TC: i MeAn, ThErE’s GoT tO bE sOmEtHiNg I cAn Do To AlL bE hElPiNg My BrOtHeR oUt!  
TC: I rEmEmBeR mY oThEr PaL wAs GeTtInG aLl MoThErFuCkInG wOrRiEd AbOuT sOmE sHiT aBoUt BeInG cUlLeD oR sOmEtHiNg By ThEsE mOtHeRfUcKiNg PeEpS, bUt I ToLd HiM tO bE cHiLl aBoUt It AlL.  
TC: tHeN i TaLkEd Up WiTh ThEsE mOtHeRfUcKeRs AbOuT lEtTiNg HiM hAnG wItH tHeM tO gO aNd Do WhAt HiS hEaRt ToLd HiM, aNd ThEy WeRe MoThErFuCkInG cOoL aBoUt It.  
TC: I dOn’T rEaLlY rEmEmBeR wHaT hE wAs FuCkInG wOrRiEd AbOuT tHoUgH.  
TC: wAiT...oHhH fUuUuCk!  
TC: It WaS aLl ThAt MoThErFuCkInG GaThErInG sHiT tHaT hE sPoKe At Me, WaSn’T iT?  
TC: fUuUuUcK bRoThEr!  
TC: It’S a SmAlL fUcKiNg WoRlD mY CaNcErOuS cOuSiN.  
TC: fUlL oF bEaUtY aNd MiRaClEs. :o)  
CG: I. CANNOT. BELIEVE. THAT I SPEAK TO YOU.  
CG: RELUCTANTLY OR OTHERWISE.  
CG: AND IF YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT WHO I THINK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, MY SITUATION IS INCREDIBLY DISPROPORTIONATE TO THEIRS BY A LONG SHOT, AND UNFORTUNATELY OFFERING TO CHILL WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING GANG WHILE YOU ALL COLLECTIVELY DRY HUMP A SHITTY CARICATURE OF THE GREAT CLOWN MESSIAH IS NOT GOING TO HELP ME.  
CG: STILL, I AT LEAST APPRECIATE THE FACT THAT, ASIDE FROM SPEWING YOUR SHITTY GARBAGE ABOUT MIRACLES, YOU WANT TO HELP ME.  
CG: THANK YOU FOR THAT.  
CG: WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, THAT’S ME ACTUALLY APPRECIATING YOUR EXISTENCE FOR ONCE.  
CG: FUCK ME SIDEWAYS, MAYBE MIRACLES DO EXIST! MY GOD!  
TC: Aw MaN, iT’s My MoThErFuCkInG pLeAsUrE tO hElP a BrOtHeR cOnVeRt To ThE fUcKiNg TrUtH oF mIrAcLeS. :o) hOnK hOnK hOnK!  
CG: IT WAS  
CG: A MOTHERFUCKING  
CG: *JOKE*.  
CG: CONSIDER ANY AND ALL COMPLIMENTS I HAVE MADE ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY IMMEDIATELY AND IRREVOCABLY RETRACTED.  
CG: EVERYONE WITH ANY FLICKERING REMNANT OF DECENCY SOUNDINGLY AGREES! IT IS THUS DECREED THAT YOU WILL NOW AND FOREVER BE SEEN AS THE LARGEST SLUMP OF BULGE DISCHARGE THAT GOD DECIDED TO SPLURGE UPON A USED COPY OF THE TRASHIEST FILM TO EVER BE DREAMT UP BY TROLL DISNEY.  
CG: NOW WHERE CAN I FIND A GAVEL TO BANG?  
CG: WHERE’S GC WHEN YOU ACTUALLY *NEED* HER?  
CG: WHATEVER, LIKE IT MATTERS ANYWAY.  
CG: THE POINT IS, THE MOST I CAN HOPE FOR AT THIS POINT ARE THE IMPERIAL TROOPS BEING PITY-STRICKEN BY ME AND DECIDING TO KILL ME FAST AND QUICK.  
CG: WHO KNOWS? MAYBE HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION HERSELF WILL SWOOP INTO MY HIVE AND DECIDE TO MAKE ME HER FUCKING PET.  
CG: WOULDN’T THAT JUST BE *FUCKING SWELL*?  
CG: IF THAT HAPPENS, YOU CAN BE SURE TO COUNT ME AS A TRUE FUCKING CONVERT TO THE WORD OF MIRACLES.  
CG: SIGN ME UP FOR YOUR CLOWN RELIGION THEN!  
TC: hAhAhAhAhA, yOu FuCkInG gOt It!

Karkat: Okay, stop trying to talk to this freak.

During the exchange you allowed yourself to sit down, and now you’re doing a double face palm at this troll’s utter stupidity.  You really can’t talk to that guy for long without wanting to shoot yourself.  Why do your best friends have to be so fucking terrible?

Of course, wacky religion aside, you did mean it when you said you appreciated his offer to help you.  When you first started getting letters talking about when your blood test date would be scheduled, he was the first person you considered turning to.  His blood color is one of the highest in the hemospectrum, and the absolute highest among land dwellers.  Even though you want to tear your hair out everytime you have a conversation with him, he’s your best friend.

The problem is, your issue takes a bit more planning than you think your friend is capable of.  No, you _know_ he’s not capable of helping you out. 

To solve your issue, you need someone who has a bit more… _smarts_ , to say the very least.  Or at least needed.  You still need them now, but they’re not responding to you.

You should’ve known that they’d just leave you out to dry like this, and you curse yourself for ever getting your hopes up.

======>

As you sit before your husktop, staring blankly at the screen and almost frozen in terror due to the overwhelming magnitude of your situation, you hear your respiteblock door creak open.  You swing your head to meet the eyes of your visitor.

It’s your lusus.  Which happens to be a giant crab monster.

You sigh and groan at his arrival, sure that he’s probably just hungry and looking to throw a fit. You begin rubbing your eyes.  “Look,” you begin exasperatedly, “I don’t have the fucking time to make sure you’re fed.  Honestly, you’re probably better off just leaving.  Just…go scavenge for some goddamn meat or something and leave me the fuck—“

You don’t notice that he had come right up to you until he starts softly nudging your shoulder with his head, breaking your train of thought.  You look up at him, kind of surprised at this outburst of affection.  Typically, your lusus is almost always ornery.  Even though you’re sure he’s just some dumb crab that isn’t capable of insight or true understanding or affection, somehow a part of you kind of feels that maybe your lusus didn’t come up for food and is just trying to comfort you, and tell you that he isn’t going to leave in spite of all of this.  You and your lusus didn’t always get along to be sure, but somehow you appreciate the fact that he’s always been there, even if it’s just because he was hungry.  And you appreciate even more the fact that he’s here now.  In your own rare display of affection, you hug his head, and he nuzzles you back.

In troll society, children aren’t raised by the adults.  The concept of a parent doesn’t even really exist the way some typically understand it.  When trolls are born, they first must undergo a series of violent trials, and if they survive those, they manage to somehow find a beast that is willing to care for them in a sort of way.  This beast chooses a troll grub to take care of by how good they think that troll smells.  This beast is referred to as a lusus, and is looked upon by the troll as anything from a partner, to a custodian, to a nuisance, to a pet, and to a guardian.  Trolls and their lusii are permanently bound together, until the lusus or the troll dies.  Typically, no matter the nature of the troll’s relationship with the lusus, the troll will not seek out another lusus in the event their lusus has died or been killed, and the lusus in turn feels no desire to find another troll to care for if their troll has died or been killed.

You can probably count on one hand the times you've appreciated and felt something bordering on compassion for your lusus.  This is one of them.

======>

Another ding from your husktop causes you to break your embrace with your lusus and swing your focus completely on the husktop screen.  Unfortunately, it’s not the troll you’re hoping to hear from.  In fact, it’s not from anyone in your contacts.  Your veins turn into ice when you see who the sender is.  You gulp, hands trembling as you click open the message window, not ready for the fate you're sure is in store for you.

======>

**THE EMPIRE**  is demanding the immediate attention of  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

**THE EMPIRE** : ---THIS IS DIRECTED TOWARD ADDRESSEE [insert KARKAT VANTAS] SERIAL NO. [insert 6-12-6-9] AND IS AN AUTOMATED MESSAGE; REPLYING WILL RESULT IN INSTANT CULLING--- 

TO TROLL [insert KARKAT VANTAS], SERIAL NO. [insert 6-12-6-9]:

YOU HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED AS A [insert CADET] IN THE [insert TRESHECUTIONING] PROFESSION [insert UNIT #1025]. THIS ACCEPTANCE IS VALID AS OF THE [insert TWELFTH BILUNAR PERIGEE] OF THE [insert SIXTH DARK SEASON’S EQUINOX] IN THE [insert THREE THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED ELEVENTH] IMPERIAL SWEEP.  YOU WILL BE SCHEDULED TO FLY OUT TO YOUR [insert THRESHECUTIONING] STATION ON FLIGHT NO. [insert #1111413].  NOT COMING ON BOARD YOUR FLIGHT WILL RESULT IN INSTANT CULLING.

\---THIS HAS BEEN A MESSAGE FROM THE EMPIRE---  
 _***LONG LIVE_ ** _~HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION~_** _***_

**THE EMPIRE** allows  carcinoGeneticist [CG] to continue with their tasks

======>

…

The only reaction you can muster is to stare blankly and agape at the message window.

…

…Is this some kind of joke?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I HOPE you read the [prologue](http://archiveofourown.org/works/919860) before you read this. You should if you haven't. It kinda sets the stage for everything.
> 
> This story's going to be very long, not gonna lie, but hopefully it'll be enjoyable. It's also a work in progress--as in, not everything has been entirely worked out yet, and I'm only coming to it with a rough outline of how I want it to go. That being said, it's open to any and all edits that I desire to make. I'm sure I won't make any major edits, as I often make 20 or so official edits to any given chapter at a time before I post anything (not including the hundreds and hundreds of small spelling, grammar, and style edits I do), but a few things may alter here and there, stylistically or otherwise.
> 
> To further note, I do not have a lot of free time to make this. I will try to be as consistent as possible, but being that I'm writing this while going to school and doing adult things, I can't say I will be posting very frequently. It's safe to assume then that just because I haven't posted in a while doesn't mean the story is dead. **_I will make it obvious if I have no desire to continue the story, by adding notes to say I have no desire to finish it. If you are reading this portion now, it means the story is still active._**
> 
> I doubt I'll stop writing this, as I've already put so much effort in to it, and it's something I've wanted to do for a while. If that means anything to you.
> 
> As a final note, the reason I don't have any specific romantic relationships listed isn't because they won't exist in the story, or that they won't have some role. It's more that I didn't want to give anyone the impression that this story will revolve around those relationships. This story will focus more on the mostly non-romantic relationships between ALL of the trolls listed in the character tags, not on any specific pairing or grouping.
> 
> With that, I hope you enjoy the story and continue to read it in the future!


	2. terminallyCapricious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLeS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gamzee's probably one of the most difficult characters for me to make sense of, being it was Hussie's intent to make him capricious and unpredictable. But I hope I did well?

You don’t know what the fuck is going on or how it’s happening, but _goddamn_ does the green glow from your recupercoon look _so motherfucking beautiful_.

======>

You chug the remains of a liter of bright orange soda, allowing small little orange droplets to trickle down your chin.  Noticing this trickle, you wipe off the soda with the collar of your shirt, smudging some of the white clown make-up that you have on your face.  You also suck some of the flavor through the fabric before, as well as through your gums, to make sure you’ve gotten every last drop.  No way you wanna fucking drool and slobber away that shit.  It’s fucking precious.

======>

You drop the collar of your shirt and absent-mindedly scratch the curly, greasy locks that adorn your head before you allow your arms to be sedentary at your sides, wiping some of the dandruff in your fingernails on the side of your polka-dotted pants.  You’ve basically been staring absent-mindedly at your large recupercoon for the past five minutes.  It’s not really the most productive thing in the world, but when has anyone ever accused you of being productive?  What does that word even _mean_?  If it means not appreciating everything and everyone for their beauty and wonder, you don’t really give a shit about it.

I mean, just _look at that shit_.  It’s just this green stuff, and it makes everything feel like miracles.  What is up with that?  It’s the fucking magically wicked up-ins is what it is.  You don’t even know what that thought means in your own head, but it’s a gorgeous thought.  Everything is wonderful for you and there’s nothing and no one alive that can tell you otherwise.

======>

A crash and honks are suddenly heard in the corner of your respite block and you jump and yelp in terror, flinching your head around. You see behind you that the disturbance that invoked such fear was merely your unicycle losing balance and falling into one of your many piles of horns.  But oh man, how do unicycles even _do_ that?  What’s even _happening_ here?  You’re afraid it might be ghosts. 

There are piles of horns all over your room, as well as both empty and full bottles of the orange soda you had just finished off—Faygo.  Lining the walls of your respiteblock are many grim-looking clown posters, each one more ~~stupid~~ terrifying than the next.  If you turn the lights out in your hive, the glowing from your recupercoon makes them all glow in the dark which you think is just the most glorious thing that the mirthful messiahs have ever made happen.  It’s motherfucking beautiful.

The only problem is, you probably won’t be able to take all these with you.  Oh wait, that’s _right._ There’s that Gathering noise going on today.  Who just told you about that?  Yeah, you’re best motherfucking bro Karkat just told you that.  Actually, you think almost everyone has told you, but suffice it to say you haven’t really been paying attention.  Not like it matters, though; things like this just happen, and you just gotta roll with it man.  It’s all good.  Life just does that sometimes, like at one point you’re just sitting around staring at green slime thinking about how wonderful life is, and the next you gotta Gather with some motherfucking peeps and you don’t even know how or why.

Miracles is the reason.

Okay, seriously, who the fuck is this guy?

Your name is Gamzee Makara, and despite this Gathering shit going on, it’s clear you’re fine just letting whatever is happening happen.

======>

It would make sense that, unlike your good pal Karkat, you would just be all chill about this motherfucking thing.  I mean, first of all, that slime pie you just had was _motherfucking delicious_ and no one can tell you otherwise.  Part of the reason you think the green slime in your recupercoon is so beautiful is because rather than sleeping in your recupercoon, you use it as an oven of sorts and eat the wonderful slime that comes out of it.  By wonderful slime, it’d be good to note that the slime is actually incredibly harmful for your body and mindset, though you’re not really aware of that.  No one’s ever really told you so.

And even if you weren’t still wiled out from that, and you can’t emphasize this enough, _motherfucking **delicious** slime pie_ , you would still perhaps have really nothing to worry about.  As a troll with the richest blood possible for a land dweller, your position in troll society is all but secured.  No one would _dare_ try to have you executed, even if you didn’t show up.  Not even the Condesce would try.

Though that’s probably because she thinks some trolls of your blood color are too hilariously idiotic to have culled, and finds it more hilarious to put these trolls into positions of power.

======>

While it’s not always a given among your fellow purple-blooded trolls, you and many like you belong to a strange and obscure cult that really doesn’t make a lot of sense to basically every troll out there.  Truth be told, you don’t really understand it all too well yourself—and you prefer to keep it that way.  Its mystery and magic have captivated you since you were but a small wiggler, and you have no desire to ruin its appeal.  And why should you?  Why should you try and question everything you’ve ever known and be grumpy and miserable with knowledge, when you can choose to know nothing and let the mOtHeRfUcKiNg MaGiC just happen?  Ignorance is bliss, and blind faith is your crutch.

Honestly, all you choose to understand about your religion is that life is full of miracles, and one day these great Mirthful Messiahs are supposed to rise up on a planet that does not exist yet.  These rowdy minstrels would bring about a new phase—a Dark Carnival of sorts, where the harshwhimsies will be plentiful, and the elixir shall run wicked.

Most people would say that’s the stupidest crock of shit they ever heard, and tell you to snap out of it.  It’s actually the reason why so many of your blood color are the butt of many jokes, including those of the Empress, which everyone is required to laugh at by decree of law.

But you don’t care.  You think it’s a beautiful vision, and no one can ever change that for you.

======>

_FUCK, WHAT WAS THAT!?_

Oh.  You were spacing out and happened to trip over a few of your horns while walking aimlessly.  You do that sometimes.  You also often forget that you have literally _piles_ of these honking apparatuses all over your hive.  Motherfuck, how does that even _happen_?  How do horns just all up and fucking accumulate in piles and shit?  Wait…did you even put them there?  You did.  What a miracle that things happen.  Fuck, your place is a mess, though.  Who even let it become messy?  Was it your lusus?

Oh, wait, no.  That was you too.  Your lusus is never around to make messes.

======>

Since you were first selected by your lusus, you can probably count on one hand how many times you’ve actually _seen_ him.  _Probably_ , as you might be too inebriated by sopor slime to actually count correctly right now.  As a land dwelling troll that is so high on the hemospectrum, you were selected by a mostly sea dwelling lusus—a massive sea goat that spans larger than most lusii.  For this and other reasons, your lusus is usually gone and away in the ocean somewhere, for weeks on end.  Possibly getting food and supplies, you’re never entirely sure.  It’s been this way for as long as you can remember—your lusus, gone in the ocean, hardly ever seen, and you, left to fend for yourself.  Needless to say, you didn’t have a lot of guardian supervision—or intervention, in the case of a misdeed—to guide you in your life.

It’s just been you, your horns, a few online friends, and your faith.  Oh, and that delicious slime.

People might look at you and think you’re the textbook example of someone that would invite violence.  But you wouldn’t know what the motherfuck they were speaking at, as you would put it.  ‘Cause really, all you need are those things.  Sure, it gets difficult without your lusus, but your faith keeps you strong.  And besides, you’ve got good friends out there—friends whose names you always remember, no matter how much slime you consume. 

Still, it begs the question…while your cult seems harmless enough—at the worst making it embarrassing for people to talk to you—who knows what secrets are hidden within its scripture?

AU Gamzee: See the light.  Kill all of your friends.

Woooooooah, say _WHAAAAAAAT_?  That kind of thinking makes a person all up and terrified!  You would _never_ want to hurt anyone, _especially_ not your friends!  That shit’s just not about the wicked nasty word, dogg!  You can’t even _imagine_ a situation that would make you want to kill the people you care about!

What is _up_ with that crazy thought, man?  It makes you want a delicious slime pie, and to pray for a miracle.  Maybe go out and see if your lusus is coming back.  And talk to a friend.

Gamzee:  Do all of those things.

You decide to do all of those things, as if some all-powerful force is pushing you to do them.  Which is all cool by you, since you’re down for whatever.

You go to your desk, where all sorts of things litter its surface.  Crumpled up papers, stains of old green slime, empty bottles of Faygo.  In the center of the desk sits a pie tin can, but with no slime.  That’s weird.  Didn’t you just make a pie not too long ago?

Oh wait, that’s right.  You ate the whole thing.  _Man._

**_Mother._ **

**_Fucking._ **

**_Delicious._ **

Gamzee:  In the meantime, make another pie.

You decide that you will make a slime pie before you start doing all the other shit you thought about doing a second ago.  Whatever they were.  You pick up the empty pie tin, licking your lips at the thought of having another pie.  You’re sure it will be just as delicious as the last, and can only pray that it will be just as potent.  Needless to say, like any soporific, excessive use can only dull its effects, and it’s gotten harder to actually feel the pie’s rush like before.  It’s still there, but it’s starting to take more pie than before.

Any connoisseur of slime pies—and there are not very many—would tell you that making slime pie is an art.  It takes finesse, craftsmanship, skill, creativity, and brains.  You’ve been making pies almost ever since you knew how great the shit was, so it would be safe to assume out of the countless things you don’t know, this would be one of the things you would know.

The way you yourself make a slime pie is a very delicate process indeed.

======>

You kinda just throw the pie tin in your recupercoon.

======>

Great!  Now you just have to wait for it to be done.

How long do you need to wait?

You don’t even know.

Really just whenever your heart feels right at it and is all up and ready to take it out.

Gamzee:  Now do the other stuff.

The other stuff?  Ohhhhhhhh, that’s right!  The checking up on your lusus and shit.  Literally the things you just thought about mere seconds ago.

======>

Luckily, you don’t have to walk very far in your hive.  It’s pretty large, and in this state who knows if you’d even be able to make your way through it.  Your respiteblock has a door that literally leads right outside to the ocean, where you spend a lot of time daydreaming, thinking, and waiting to see your lusus.

You head out the door and you flinch from all the lights you see.

======>

The normally dark, cloudy sky is illuminated, a bit more than your inebriated troll eyes are accustomed to.  They have to adjust a little—but when they do, you can make out large imperial fleet ships in the distance.  Their hyperbeam lights color the sky fuschia, it growing ever brighter to its apex.  Along with the excessive amount of lights, you can make out a bunch of trolls—sea dwellers and land dwellers—either flying, swimming, or sailing slowly towards the lights.

Motherfucking shit, you wonder.  Is that the celebration going on?

It’s fucking beautiful.

======>

You decide to sit down and enjoy the view.  Your lusus isn’t here, clearly, which makes you a little sad.  But hey, nothing says you can’t sit out here and wait for him.  In the meantime, you decide to pull out your portable husktop to talk to one of your pals.

But first, you’ve gotta pray for a miracle.

Mainly because in the middle of your conversation with Karkat, you absent-mindedly put your husktop in your fetch modus. 

======>

For many young trolls, the fetch modus offered a popular and only slightly inconvenient way to hold numerous amounts of objects, using different types of methods to store said objects.  Well…okay, it’s more than just slightly inconvenient.  The problem was, once you stashed, or captchalogued, whatever you wanted in the modus of your choosing, it was always a pain to try to get specific things out of it without fucking literally everything up.  And even if you managed to get something out, 9 times out of 10 it would just propel out of your modus like a bullet, breaking the object, or causing damage to something.  It’s mostly popular to use among younger trolls, especially among the hardcore gamers.  As trolls get older and more skilled, they learn to get better with their fetch modi, or trade with others for ones that better suit their skills.

Most trolls outgrow their fetch modus when they become adults, or only use it in certain situations.  You still like to use yours, though.  You don’t remember exactly how you even got your “Miracle” modus, nor are you even entirely sure how it works, despite having had it for sweeps.  You just know you like the rapidly shifting colors it puts out, like a glowing rainbow strobe light, or a lava lamp.  It’s so motherfucking beautiful.

In order to retrieve your husktop from it, though, you have to do some certain things.

======>

You clasp your hands in prayer, closing your eyes as you do.  You pray for the miracle that you can retrieve your husktop simply, without everything fucking up.  You do this for a couple of seconds, and then reach into one of your pockets.

You grab out a small fistful of a sparkly dust.  Just a little stardust is required for this prayer.  You throw it in your face, as per ritual custom.

======>

Amazingly, the husktop just sort of plops out of the modus, easily and without hassle.  Normally, the modus shoots stuff out of its confines miles away.  You’ve lost many good Faygos and husktops from just trying to get shit out of the modus.  You once lost a perfectly good slime pie too.  That was a dark day indeed.

The modus, however, tends to work better when you’ve had a large helping of slime, for some reason.  You would say that’s a good way to explain how it works, but like your religion, you don’t really want to know how your modus works.

======>

On your husktop screen, you see a few windows popped up.  One of them is from the chat you had a while ago with Karkat.  It doesn’t appear that he’s added anything new to the conversation.  He’s probably busy playing with his sickle or some shit.  Motherfucking Karkat and his sickle-play. :o)

Another window is from another sender entirely.  Oh shit, you received this message earlier on this evening!  You were going to read it, but it kept slipping your mind.  You wonder what sort of motherfucking wonders this message may hold for you?

You click open the window.

======>

**THE EMPIRE** humbly requests the attention of  terminallyCapricious [TC]

THE EMPIRE: ---THIS IS A PERSONAL REQUEST FOR SIR GAMZEE MAKARA; IF ANY QUESTIONS ARISE, FEEL FREE TO RESPOND---

_To the noble blood Gamzee Makara,_

_We humbly ask for your service as the Grand Tyranny, to preside over certain legal cases for the preservation of trollkind and order on a distant star system.  We feel that you, with your noble blood, would be suitable for this profession, and would kindly ask that you appear on imperial ship number 1111413 on this day of Gathering—the 12th perigee of the 6th equinox of the dark season—to report for your assigned tasks.  We beg that you actually show up, but understand if you can’t or don’t want to. Once again, you may respond to this message if you have any questions or concerns._

\---THIS HAS BEEN A REQUEST FROM THE EMPIRE---  
 _***LONG LIVE_ _ **~HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION~**_ _***_

**THE EMPIRE** ceases troubling  terminallyCapricious [TC]

======>

Well fuck.  The message spoke about that Gathering noise too.  And it looks like they want you to come!

You figure you should go, just to be nice.  Besides, the whole deal sounds pretty motherfucking crazy!  It’s bound to be wicked.

Oh.  A ding comes from your husktop, a new chat window pops up.

Ohhhh shit, you and Karkat were just talking about this person!

Gamzee:  Answer troll.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling  terminallyCapricious [TC]

GC: H3Y G4MZ33, D1D YOU G3T TH3 M3SS4G3 Y3T?  
TC: OhHhHh ShIt, ThIs Is ThE cRaZiEsT mOtHeRfUcKiNg BrAiN sHiT tO eVeR hApPeN! :oD  
GC: >:/  
GC: YOUR3 PR3TTY STR4NG3, YOU KNOW TH4T?  
TC: hAhAhAhA, i GuEsS sO, mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg WiCkEd SiStEr!  
TC: Me AnD mY bEsT fUcKiNg FrIeNd wErE jUsT uP aNd SpEaKiNg aBoUt YoU.  
TC: aNd ThEn I gOt AlL dIsTrAcTeD bY mY pIeS fOr A lItTlE bIt…  
TC: So I wEnT oUtSiDe To LoOk FoR tHe OlD gOaT, bUt SaW aAaAaAlL tHeSe cRaZy LiGhTs FoR tHiS gAtHeRiNg ShIt HaPpEnInG!  
TC: tHeN wOuLdN’t YoU kNoW, i ToOk OuT mY hUsKtOp AnD sAw A mEsSaGe InViTiNg Me To ThE gAtHeRiNg ShIt!  
TC: AnD nOw YoU’rE uP aNd TaLkInG tO mE. :o)  
TC: iSn’T tHaT fUcKiNg MiRaCuLoUs?  
GC: WOWWW, 1 DONT C4R3 4BOUT 4NYTH1NG YOU JUST S41D  
GC: 1 ONLY M3SS4G3D YOU TO T3LL YOU TH4T 1 B4S1C4LLY GOT 4SS1GN3D TO TH3 B3ST POS1T1ON 3V3R  
GC: MUCH B3TT3R TH4N 4NYTH1NG YOU COULD H4V3 GOTT3N >:]  
TC: WoOoOaH, rEaLlY?  
TC: tHaT’s PrEtTy FuCkInG sWeEt, SiStEr!  
TC: WhAtEvEr It Is YoU’rE tAlKiNg AbOuT… :o/  
GC: OH MY GOD, D1DNT YOU JUST S4Y YOU GOT 4 M3SS4G3 4BOUT TH3 D4Y OF G4TH3R1NG?  
GC: 1N TH3 M3SS4G3 1TS SUPPOS3D TO 4SS1GN YOU 4 PROF3SS1ON 1N TH3 3MP1R3, TH4T YOU 4R3 M34NT TO S3RV3 1N FOR TH3 R3ST OF YOUR L1F3  
GC: D1D YOU 3V3N R34D 1T?  
TC: wElL, sHiT, i DiDn’T kNoW tHaT wAs ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg WoRd!  
TC: I mEaN, iT sPoKe At SoMe ThInG aBoUt Me BeInG a “GrAnD tYrAnNy” Or SoMe ShIt, BuT i DiDn’T kNoW iT wAs SoMeThInG i WaS aLl Up AnD sUpPoSeD tO bE dOiNg NoW.  
GC: WH4T!?  
GC: YOU GOT 4SS1GN3D TO B3 TH3 GR4ND TYR4NNY 1N L3G4L C4S3S!?  
GC: 4444444RRRRGH, NOOOOOOOOOO  
GC: TH1S 1S HORR1BL3  
GC: D:<  
TC: oH sHiT, iS wHaT i GoT tO mOtHeRfUcKiNg Be TeRrIbLe!?  
GC: BLUGH, NO  
GC: 1TS TH3 MOST R3SP3CT3D 4ND SOUGHT 4FT3R PROF3SS1ON 1N 4LL OF L4W  
GC: 4ND 1T M4K3S MY 4SS1GNM3NT 4S TH3 HONOR4RY COURT B4B3L S33M W4Y L3SS COOL  
GC: >:[  
GC: NOW TH3R3S NO PO1NT 1N TRY1NG TO GLO4T  
TC: Oh ShIt, I’m SoRrY i AlL uP aNd HaRsHeD yOuR wHiMsY. :o( sAaAaD hOnK  
GC: YOU SHOULD B3  
GC: G3TT1NG 4 POS1T1ON SO MUCH COOL3R TH4N M1N3 >:[  
GC: HOW D1D YOU 3V3N G3T TO B3 TH4T?  
GC: YOU DONT 3V3N L1K3 L4W  
GC: 4LL YOU L1K3 4R3 YOUR STUP1D P13S 4ND M1R4CL3S >:[  
TC: hAhA, yEaH, mY pIeS aRe PrEtTy FuCkInG sWeEt.  
TC: BuT i DoN’T eVeN kNoW hOw I gOt To CoMe AnD bE tHiS tYrAnNy ShIt, MaN!  
GC: UGH, 1TS PROB4BLY JUST B3C4US3 OF YOUR BLOOD COLOR  
GC: TH4TS NOT 3V3N F41R >:[  
TC: :o( sOrRy.  
GC: BUT NO M4TT3R, 1 4LW4YS W4NT3D TO WORK TOW4RD B31NG 4 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR 4NYW4Y >:]  
GC: 1 COULDNT DO TH4T 4S TH3 GR4ND TYR4NNY  
GC: 4ND TH3 COURT B4B3L PUTS M3 1N TH3 P3RF3CT POS1T1ON TO DO JUST TH4T  
GC: YOULL B3 S1TT1NG 1N 4 CH41R 4LL D4Y PUTT1NG P3OPL3 TO D34TH W1TH NO W4Y TO PROGR3SS 1N YOUR F1ELD, WH1L3 1LL B3 WORK1NG TOW4RDS 4 MUCH COOL3R 4ND 4W3SOM3 GO4L >:]  
GC: SO TH3RE!  
TC: HaHaHa, ThAt'S cOoL sIs, I'm DoWn WiTh WhAtEvEr, So LoNg As My PeEpS aRe HaPpY. :o) hOnK hOnK hOnK!  
GC: UGH, NO  
GC: YOU SHOULDNT B3 H4PPY 4BOUT TH4T  
GC: 1T SHOULD BOTH3R YOU TH4T 1 G3T TO DO MOR3 STUFF  
GC: WHY DONT TH1NGS L1K3 TH4T BOTH3R YOU?  
GC: ...  
GC: H3LLOOOOOOO?  
GC: 4R3 YOU 3V3N ST1LL TH3R3?  
GC: OR 4R3 YOU SP4C1NG OUT 4G41N?  
GC: G4MZ3333333?

======>

You continue to space the fuck out and completely forget about the conversation you were just having, and stare at all the lights on the horizon.  You can’t help it.  As a mostly nocturnal species, trolls are accustomed to darkness, so seeing a bunch of bright lights is a rare thing for you.  Also, as someone who is high as a kite right now, the lights just look fucking amazing.

I mean, wow.  Just look at those lights.

Fucking beautiful.

======>

You can only enjoy the view for a few seconds longer.  It doesn’t take long for you to see the immense bubbling and foaming up in the water about 5 yards out.  It’s not like most bubbling that you would see from a sea dwelling troll.  They are quick to get out, and quick to kill if they so desire.  You mostly never see any bubbles from them.  No, the sort of foaming up that you see in the water now is for something much more massive, and much more dangerous.  Even you understand that.

It doesn’t stop you from being so excited that you literally start running through the water to go greet the monstrosity.

======>

The being rises almost immediately from beneath the ocean.  Its sheer power and shrugging away of the ocean pressure sends a rumbling force toward the land, as well waves upon waves to come crashing forward as a barrier to the creature.  You don’t care, though.  You swim through each wave and crashing force until you finally clutch tightly on the white form that is your gigantic lusus, hugging him with all the love you never get to show him.

======>

“You’re _HERE_!” you cry out happily.  Your clown make-up has all but washed off now from the salty sea, but you don’t care about that.  All you care about is the here and now with the lusus you never get to see.  “You’re motherfucking _HERE_!” you repeat, holding as tightly as you can to the lusus’ slick fur.

You don’t get to hold him for very long, however, because almost immediately after your exclamation, the large sea goat uses his mouth to pick you up by the collar of your shirt, causing the front of your shirt’s collar to put pressure on your throat.  Luckily, you’re only in this position for a short time, as the lusus sets you down rather roughly on your feet on his back, which only causes you to fall backward.  Before you can even get adjusted to the sudden change of situation, your lusus sinks his head down and begins swimming with ease on the ocean’s surface.  He slowly turns himself around as he swims, giving you a long look at your hive.  Even in your state, you realize this will probably be the last time you will see it.  The last thing you see of your hive is your husktop faintly flashing with your unread messages, before you turn your head to the bright fuschia lights, and whatever future lies in store for you and your vessel.


	3. gallowsCalibrator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JUST1C3 1S S3RV3D

Darkness. 

That is all you can feel now.  That’s all there is in this room.  It’s so thick you can almost smell it.

======>

“Well, well, well…” your voice fills the empty space with a chilling flavor.   “If it isn’t _you_ again.”

======>

Your movements are swift in the dark as you flick on a small, white light.  It illuminates only a small area—a dark corner—where there sits a black stool.  Sitting on the stool is one of the most vile, deadliest criminals that has ever had the gall to slither into your respiteblock.  He has committed so many crimes against trollkind that even having him stand before you makes you sick to your stomache.

“ _Professor Grapemouth_.”

======>

The purple scalemate plush does not respond, and it allows you to continue your train of thought.

“If I may list your personal grievances against the empire _and_ against the troll race,” you begin, matter-of-factly.

“First: confiscation of judicial evidence in solving a crime.”

======>

You flick on another light.  This illuminates another corner of the room, where a red scalemate is hanging from the ceiling.  It hangs there solitary, unmoving.

“Second: blackmail of a court official.”

======>

Another light flicks on, and four scalemates hang from the ceiling.  Different colors and shades of brown and yellow hang.

“Third: attempt to plan mass genocide on the troll race… _without imperial permission_.”

======>

You hit a series of lights, to show multitudes of scalemates, all varying colors of green, blues, and purples.  Most are hanging solitary from the ceiling, though there are some clumped together in nets, their fate being to starve to death.

A harsh punishment for harsh crimes.

“And finally…” you hiss.

======>

You flick on a final light, which finally reveals your shadow-casted form to the prisoner, in a red and teal body suit.  You stand next to a singular hanging scalemate—yellow with blue eyes.  You keep your face blank, and with your red spectacles, ensure that this maniac can’t read your expression.

“…False framing of a crime to imprison the great Senator Lemonsnout.”

The dead blue eyes of Lemonsnout glare at Grapemouth.  Grapemouth says nothing.

======>

“So,” you growl.  “Have you nothing to say for yourself, Grapemouth?”

Professor Grapemouth continues to stare, silently.

“Nothing?  Don’t you want to say any last words, Professor?”

He continues to stare at you blankly.  He makes no sudden movement, nothing that would give away his emotions.

Cold and callous to the very last.  His sociopathy knows no bounds.  It makes you sick.

“So…” you say, not without a sense of just anger.  “That’s how it is, then.”

======>

You pull from your strife specibus your walking cane—a standard weapon for a legislacerator such as yourself.  It’s candy red, its handle being that of a head of a dragon.  You hold it in both of your hands, and pull at its covering, unsheathing a thin, sharp blade.

“I save this punishment for only the most despicable of people,” you explain.

You raise the blade up to his neck, and he continues to stare you down with his cold, blank eyes.  Your red glasses glint under the bright white light, and your mouth curls into a brilliant, wide grin.

“Goodbye,” you say through your smile. “ _Professor Grapemouth_.”

======>

_Schwing!_

A quick flash of silver swings across Grapemouth—so quickly he barely has time to acknowledge it or feel its force.  He wobbles a bit from the blow, before he tips over and falls off the stool, landing with a resounding squeak.

Light glints off of your blade, a small clump of stuffing still stuck to its point.  You lower the weapon and peer down at the scalemate, its neck sliced open with tufts of fluff protruding out.  You walk around the stool to the now dead Grapemouth, and stop so that you are standing over him.  You take a moment to let his death sink in, before you kneel down to his frame, and sniff his corpse.

“I love the smell of death in the evening!” you grin, and begin cackling like a mad man.

Justice is served.

Your name is Terezi Pyrope, and this is your calling.

======>

You decide to stop being that weird and creepy girl who mutilates her toys for a second and turn off all of those excessive lights.  Not that it wasn’t a cool thing to do at the time—Grapemouth, for all of his flair for drama, deserved such a fitting execution, and you don’t regret for a second your past self’s decision to buy and place all of these lights.  You just prefer to keep on your one master respiteblock light in place of all those garish, white bulbs.

Now you just have to find and turn off all of those switches…

======>

After a few minutes of switch flicking and crawling around your respiteblock trying to find said switches, you finally manage to turn off all of the cheap lights in favor of the main light.  For how easily you moved around in the dark, people would assume it was an easy task for you.  How did you even manage to do that?  Perhaps it was just your inherent sense of justice guiding the way.

Still, it’s definitely hard to see where you’re going when you’re running around blind.

You take off your red glasses, to give your eyes a break from its glare, and stuff them into your front pocket.

Wait, give your eyes a break?  Didn’t you say you were blind?

What?  When did anyone say you were blind?  You said you were _running around_ blind.  Blind in the darkness.  Because it’s hard to see in the dark. 

Even a troll’s nocturnal vision has its limits, people.

======>

Terezi Pyrope may be many things, but blind is not one of them!

Though her sense of justice certainly is.

…As is her dragon lusus.

_DRAGON_ lusus!?

Without skipping a beat, you hear the flapping wings of your lusus outside of your hive, signifying her arrival.  She had hitherto been busy helping move all of your effects to your stationed flight deck.  You both had an agreement where you would pack everything they both needed, and she would make the multiple trips there, while you size in on Grapemouth.  (She, like you, understood how important it was to obtain the scummiest criminal her snout had ever sniffed.)  It was a sound agreement, and both of you sealed it in blood on an official court document.

I.E. the chalked scribbling on her old egg shell.

Eggshell???

See, you didn’t always know your lusus the way most trolls may know their lusii.  When you had emerged from the trials and were chosen by her, it was whilst she was still in her egg, slowly growing and awaiting her time to hatch out.  For six sweeps of your life, you only knew her as an egg waiting to be hatched on a momentous occasion when the doomsday scale in your hiveyard tipped. 

In other words, she was meant to be hatched at the end of the world.

======>

The end of the world never happened, though.  In fact, two sweeps ago on this very date, the scale broke all together, along with the egg shell that was covering her.  It was a strange event that neither she nor you could ever make sense of.  But you both decided it probably didn’t matter, since you both at least were together.

You and she always had a close bond, despite her being in an egg most of your life.  That’s because she would always communicate to you through your dreams.

======>

Every now and then, you would have dreams of wandering around in pure darkness, unable to see anything.  The only thing to guide you where to go was the sound of someone’s voice, calling out to you.  The first time you had this dream, the voice kept calling out to you, asking why you couldn’t see all the bright colors all around you.  You told them repeatedly that you had no idea what they were talking about, how you could see absolutely nothing in this darkness.  The voice then responded to ask you how you couldn’t at least smell all the beautiful colors.

And that was when you realized that you were talking to your lusus, and treated every proceeding “dark dream” (as you called them) as such.

======>

You knew it was your lusus, because rather than being able to see things with their eyes as most creatures would, your lusus made sense of the world purely by scent.  That was how dragon lusii like yours could “see.”

It’s always been a fascinating and really awesome concept for you.  Seriously, you probably have the most kickass lusus ever.  Seeing things by _smelling_ them!?  Oh, God, the _possibilities_!  You would see colors in a _completely_ different way!  Tertiaries and shades would pop out to you not as sights and colors but as scents and wafts!  Instead of seeing a sunset or a rainbow or any natural marvel, you would be able to _smell_ it!

Sometimes you like to close your eyes and pretend you can actually smell these things, rather than simply see them, even though you definitely can’t.  It’s actually a routine you had built as part of your legislacerator alter ego, and use it to say cool things like, “I’ll smell you as you bleed to death,” or other clever things.  All you can do is imagine the possibilities of an alternate reality where you were somehow blinded in a treacherous way, but rose beyond it to learn to smell your surroundings, rather than see them!  How absolutely _delectable_!

AU Terezi:  Be the blind girl.  Eat the red chalk.

Eat your _chalk_?  …Well, you guess that wouldn’t be _too_ weird.  You’ve certainly caught your lusus eating strange things sometimes, including your drawing utensils, so you guess that's kind of a _normal_ thing for those who smell in place of seeing?  You’re not too sure.

Actually, your lusus has always favored the red chalk most of all, and used to state in your dreams that red is absolutely the most delicious color, like seriously, you don’t even know.  You’ve always wondered the factuality of this claim, especially since red is your favorite color.

======>

_Tap tap tap._

Lost in thought for a few seconds, and your lusus is getting impatient.  A girl can’t even think about eating chalk without duty calling.

You peer out the window of your respiteblock to see your mighty dragon lusus, perching atop one of the branches of your treetop hive.  You see her large white frame, and the red of her eyes.  She sniffs the glass of your hive expectantly.  She taps on the glass another three times.

_Tap tap tap._

“In a minute Pyralspite,” you tell her calmly.  “I want to say my goodbyes.”

She responds with a huff, and a shoosh of her mighty claw, as if to say, “Go on, but make it quick.”  Even without speech, you and she understand each other perfectly.

You take a moment to take in your hive one final time.

======>

All you can see now are the multitudes of scalemates that—while once were hanging from the tree branches—are now all hanging from the ceiling.  It was quite the effort to get them moved from the branches to your ceiling, you remember.  But aside from the fact that you wanted to give Grapemouth a fittingly creepy trial, a part of you also wanted them to stay inside away from the wear and tear of natural forces.  Sure, they were all criminals; more than that, they’re stuffed toys that have no sentient thought whatsoever (even if you like to pretend they do to annoy others).  But it was important to you somehow.  A last hurrah for all the fun times you had executing and hanging them from trees.

You picture for a moment how the respiteblock looked before you made the massive move of hanging scalemates into here.  You can see clearly the two beautiful mosaic rugs you had—bright colors that usually bothered other trolls.  You see where your desk used to sit, you having drawn multiple patterns on its surface.  You can see your husktop sitting on top of it, purple and illuminated with messages from your friends.  You remember the sheer curtains you had stitched up with different fabrics and colors.  The piles of law books that were scatted across the floor, the beautiful posters and drawings that covered the walls, the tapestry that covered your door…you can see it as clear as night.

All those drawings, posters, books, and stitched up fabrics are gone now—either thrown away or packed onto your ship, and replaced all with these scalemates, and of course your immovable recupercoon.  You couldn’t keep everything, of course.  In the end, only a few tapestries, some other miscellaneous objects in the hive, and all of your legal texts were taken.  But it doesn’t matter that you couldn’t keep it all.

Because in your own mind, it’s all still here.

======>

One last thing before you go.

You go across the hive to the other window, where your lusus isn’t perched.  On the windowsill is something other than a scalemate—your old modus.

You contemplated for a while whether or not you should actually bring the old scratch and sniff modus with you.  Truth be told, you only got it so as to remind you of your lusus.  You were never that great at using it.  I mean, how are you supposed to know how a husktop smells as opposed to a poster?  Sure, your lusus could figure it out, but no matter how hard you tried, you never could.  In the end, you had to perfumize almost every object you put in there, and try to painstakingly remember the scents you gave them.  It certainly made your life difficult on more than one occasion.

In the end, you decided not to bring it as a matter of pride.  A great legislacerator doesn’t need anything but brains and understanding to convict their criminals.  But even so, as you lift up your old modus and carefully select the single card you had placed in it, you still find a part of you wants to bring it along.

======>

You scratch the back of the captchalogue card, and allow your nostrils to be filled with its cherry scent.  You already know what it is before your scalemate version of Pyralspite plops out of the deck, smelling strongly of cherry perfume.  It was the only thing you ever scented as cherry.

While your lusus was in her egg, the Pyralspite plush also served to act as your companion.  Before you had any of your “dark dreams” or even any friends, you had Pyralspite.  Out of all your scalemates, Pyralspite was the most just of them, never committing any atrocious acts.

Even though your actual lusus has been present for two sweeps now, you have never been able to let go of her scalemate counterpart.  In fact, she—along with your lusus—has continued to be an active and willing participant in all your trials, executions, and drawing pursuits.

You pick the scalemate up, staring intently into its button eyes.  You want to bring her with you, but you know you won’t.  Not because it’d be considered childish to bring a stuffed toy with you toward your new future, because seriously, who cares about that.  You know you won’t bring her because just as much as your place is in the courtblock, her place is here, along with the hundreds of scalemates who she helped to convict.

This respiteblock was just as much her courtblock as it was yours.  Now you both will get to have your own. 

Even if one of those courts is really just a bunch of toy dragons.

“Goodbye Pyralspite,” you say in a whisper.

A growl in response is heard from the other window.

“Not _you_ Pyralspite, _toy_ Pyralspite!”

A low mumble is heard as you feel your lusus shift her weight on the branch.

You give the toy Pyralspite one final good look, and set her down gingerly on the floor.  You turn around and walk toward the window where your lusus is waiting.

======>

“I’m ready now,” you tell her.

Her nostrils flare up with approval.

You open the window and climb out of it.  You wobble a bit on the branch first before she tenderly picks you up with one of her front claws, and seats you so that you were straddling her neck.  Peering from this height, you get to see much of the forest you’ve always called home.  From this distance you can even see the eggshell where your lusus came out of, as well as the broken scale.  You see where your lusus made her nest of rocks within that same area, as she could never fit anywhere within the hive neatly.  You could even see some of the scribbling and drawings that the two of you made in chalk along that nest.

You see all of the things you’ll be leaving behind, and suddenly find yourself laughing with excitement.  Yes, you’ll be leaving the home you love.  This is where you come from…and you can’t wait to get to where you’re going.

“ONWARD MY NOBLE STEED!” you cry, and with a mighty flap of her wings, you and your lusus have begun ascent.

======>

Your lusus flies high into the skies, and you turn your head to watch as your hive slowly become smaller and smaller until it melts into the blues and purples of your forest.  Once it goes out of sight, you turn your head back toward the direction you and your lusus are headed. Then all you can see being the dark clouds before you, and the faint glow of fuschia far off into the distance.

You realize that, despite your lusus’ fast flying speed, that it will in all likelihood take a long time before you get to the fleet.  One of the down sides to living deep within a forest is that it keeps you from most of troll society.  Not that trolls generally like to associate with one another, but it makes it quite the journey to go anywhere if anything big is happening.

You decide you may as well pass the time by messaging a few of your friends, see what they’re up to.

Terezi: Pull out your husktop from your modu—wait a second…

You left your modus behind.  And you had your lusus take your husktop with her to dump it.  You don’t really need a husktop anymore.

Not when you have your cool red glasses.

Terezi: Take out your _glasses_?

You pull out the red glasses you had put in your front breast pocket, and place them on your face.  You click a small button on the right of the glasses frames, and a desktop immediately displays on the red lens, where you can see Trollian already open.

======>

You got these glasses some time ago—about three sweeps earlier.  You won them in an extreme role-playing exploit against a former friend of yours, though they were in a much different form.  You had a current friend of yours make some modifications to the glasses, using your red shades to transfer some of the software of the original pair to yours.  He also added a bunch of new capabilities, like internet access, messaging services, and some other stuff.  You slowly grew more accustomed to using the glasses in place of the husktop, to the point that—while you packed all of your belongings—you decided to dump your husktop and keep the glasses.  They’re much more convenient for your purposes, and if you need to see what’s in front of you, turning them off is as simple as clicking a button.

You see on Trollian that you have one message window popped up—your letter from the Empire.  You couldn’t bring yourself to close out the chat window when you first saw it—not out of fear, but of sheer joy.  You decide to reread the letter just because it makes you that happy.

======>

THE EMPIRE commands gallowsCalibrator [GC] to pay close attention to the following message

THE EMPIRE:  ---THIS MESSAGE IS TO INFORM SUBJECTEE [insert TEREZI PYROPE], TEAL-BLOODED IMPERIAL SUBJECT, OF CERTAIN FACTS; DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS MESSAGE, OR YOU MAY BE CULLED---

TO IMPERIAL SUBJECT [insert TEREZI PYROPE]:

YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED FOR A [insert LEGAL] PROFESSION, STARTING OUT AS [insert THE HONORARY BABEL] ON A SEPARATE STAR SYSTEM FROM OURS.  WE EXPECT YOU, [insert TEREZI PYROPE], TO BE STATIONED ON FLIGHT NO. [insert 1111413] ON THE [insert TWELFTH BILUNAR PERIGEE] OF THE [insert SIXTH DARK SEASON’S EQUINOX] ON THIS CURRENT SOLAR SWEEP.

IF YOU DO NOT SHOW UP, WE WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO CULL YOU.

\---THIS INFORMING MESSAGE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE EMPIRE---  
 _***LONG LIVE_ _~HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION~_ _***_

**THE EMPIRE** allows  gallowsCalibrator [GC] to go about their business

Terezi: Reflect on how good it felt to receive this letter.

Out of all of the great things that have ever happened to you, this was probably the best.  You, teal-blooded Terezi, an Honorary Babel!  Though it was still a long-shot toward being a legislacerator, it was better than most in your blood typing did!

Despite teal bloods being considered more noble than most on the hemospectrum, having teal blood puts most in the awkward position of being somewhere in between nobility and poverty.  Higher than many, but still considered rather low.  For this reason, teal bloods often work menial jobs with little chance for advancement.  But that was no life for you, no sir!  When the imperial soldiers began knocking on your door asking for blood samples and information, you had no shame in asking them to test your capabilities in law, and even though they were hesitant, you persisted until they had no choice but to let you into the testing chambers.

The tests you were forced to take took almost a quarter of a sweep to complete.  Most other trolls of higher standing left much earlier than you, as the amount of testing for them was far less than that of teal bloods.  They had, at most, a couple multiple choice tests about law, and maybe a short essay about how they feel about the current legal system.  You, however, had to test extensively on not only your knowledge of law, but your athletic ability, your stamina, how many days you can go without sleep without hallucinating, and other tests of ability.  At the very end of it all, you were forced to write down—from memory—all of the laws, legislation, and court rulings ever made in the last 500 sweeps of the Trollian empire.

You passed every single test, even the most impossible.  And now, you’ve finally received your reward of being the Honorary Babel.

======>

Given, the position of Honorary Babel isn’t exactly glamorous.  It basically means you act as a glorified servant of a legislacerator, working under them for little pay, transcribing all of their court cases and snitching certain people out so that they may pursue them and better their reputation.  But being the Honorary Babel, unlike most other professions, gives people a chance for advancement in their careers.  They would start as an Honorary Babel, go on to be a Shrieking Juriscient, on to work as the Honorary Intern, ascending to the title of Coffeemaker (has nothing to do with coffee), and finally securing a position as a Legislacerator.

It means a lot of hard work was on the way for you.  But you don’t mind.  You like playing the game for all it has to offer.  You like being able to manipulate the rules as you see fit, until you finally are able to secure a place for yourself.  It’s better you start from the bottom and end up at the top, you think.

Terezi: Brag to your friends about getting your dream job.

You remember that you also wanted to brag/talk to your friends while you’re on this long flight to the imperial ships.  You pull up the Trollian client and scroll through your list of contacts.

Now, let’s see...  Who should you talk—you mean, brag to?  There’s quite a few people to choose from.

Ugh, not that girl.  You don’t really want to be speaking to her, if you can manage it.   Not this girl either.  Bragging to her would just make you sad.  Oh God, you REALLY don’t want to talk to that guy if you can help it.

Hm...how about AC?  You and her used to role-play a lot together.  You would portray yourself as a member of the noble and mysterious Dragonyy’yd race, while she kind of just…you know…did whatever she did.

You were never really sincere with role-playing with her, you’ll admit, but you know that she’ll at least be happy for you.  She’s really not that bad of a person.  And it may be a little fun to role-play with her again.  For old times’ sake, and for the shits and giggles.

Terezi: Troll AC.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

GC: *GC L4NDS 4TOP 4 L4RG3 MOUNT41N 1N S34RCH OF H3R OLD FR13ND*  
GC: *SH3 CH4NC3S UPON 4 C4V3RN 4ND H34RS TH3 LOUD PURR OF H3R OLD 4CQU41T4NC3*  
AC: :33 < *ac perks up her ear and hears her reptilian friend land upon her mountainside*  
AC: :33 < *she crawls out of her cave still weary from her nap only to see gc awaiting her!*  
GC: *GC M1GHT1LY GR33TS 4C W1TH 4 M1GHTY RO4R!*  
GC: *TH3N SH3 PULLS OUT OF H3R G1NORMOUS R3PT1L14N POUCH TH4T SUDD3NLY 3X1STS TWO L4RGE SN4CKS FOR H3R FR13NDS TWO MOUTHS*  
AC: :33 < *ac gasps and looks hungrily at the two snacks! she asks her friend what manner of creature she slayed in order to retrieve this feast*  
GC: *GC R3PL13S W1TH TH3 MOST R3SOLUT3 R3SOLUT1ON 4NYON3 3V3R D4R3D R3SOLUT3D*  
GC: *SH3 LOOKS 1N H3R FR13NDS 3Y3S 4ND R3PL13S...*  
GC: *...*  
AC: :33 < *???*  
AC: :33 < :oo  
GC: *L1ON CUBS!!! *  
AC: :33 < oh no not those! DD:  
AC: :33 < i mean * ac shouts, oh no not those! DD:*  
GC: OH Y3S, THOS3!!!  
GC: *1 M34N, SH3 S4YS TH4T*  
GC: *GC PULLS OUT H3R KN1F3 4ND B3G1NS TO CHOP UP TH3 CUBS FOR H3R TWO-MOUTH3D FR13ND TO 3AT*  
AC: :33 < *ac yells, noooo! DD:*  
GC: *GC W4V3S H3R M1GHTY CL4W 4ND COMM4NDS TH3 G1RL TO SHOOSH!!!*  
AC: :33 < :xx *ac shooshes*  
GC: *SH3 3XPL41NS TO H3R PL4YM4T3 TH4T TH3 CUBS SH3 K1LL3D FOR TH1S SN4CK W3R3 NOT R34LLY CUBS 4T 4LL, BUT 1MPOST3RS!*  
GC: *TH3Y W3R3 R34LLY 3V1L WOOFB34STS TH4T W3R3 D1SGU1S3D 4SCUT3 L1TTL3 L1ON CUBS, 4ND SH3 W1TH H3R M4G1C4L POW3RS D3DUC3D TH1S 4ND K1LL3D TH3 CR34TUR3S W1TH H3R B4R3 CL4WS!*  
GC: *H3R B4R3 CL4WS OF M4G1C*  
AC: :33 < *ac sighs with relief and allows gc to continue to cut the lion cubs for a meal*  
GC: *GC CONT1NU3S TO CUT, Y34H*  
AC: :33 < *after she is done ac grabs with one mouth one of the chopped up fake cubs and grabs the other with her second mouth*  
AC: :33 < *she eats them both and graciously thanks her noble dragonyy’yd furriend for her generous snack while she licks off the blood from her mouth :33*  
GC: H3Y, C4N W3 JUST T4LK NORM4LLY NOW?  
AC: :33 < oh...  
AC: :33 < sure, thats not a purroblem! :33  
AC: :33 < though i apurreciate you roleplaying with me again even if its just one more time! :33 it was fun!  
AC: :33 < it hasnt b33n an easy last few days to be honest...:((  
GC: R34LLY? TH4T SUCKS  
GC: DO3S 1T H4V3 4NYTH1NG TO DO W1TH TH4T CR33P? 1 4LW4YS K1ND OF THOUGHT H3 WOULD DO SOM3TH1NG M34N TO YOU >:[  
AC: :33 < what? no! he hasnt b33n doing anything wrong!  
AC: :33 < its just b33n other things really :oo  
GC: 1M SORRY TO H34R TH4T >:[  
AC: :33 < its okay! im sure efurrything will end up fine :33  
AC: :33 < so how have you b33n?  
GC: OH, NOT TOO B4D  
GC: 1 JUST GOT 4CC3PT3D 4S 4N HONOR4RY B4B3L >:]  
AC: :33 < ohhhhh that sounds n33t!  
AC: :33 < whatefur it is :33  
GC: UGGGH, DONT YOU KNOW 4NYTH1NG?  
GC: TH3 HONOR4RY B4B3L 1S 4 PR3ST1G1OUS POS1T1ON 1N TH3 F13LD OF L4W  
GC: 1 W1LL FOLLOW TH3 3XPLO1TS OF 4 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR UNT1L 1 C4N SLOWLY 4DV4NC3 1NTO B3COM1NG ON3 MYS3LF >:]  
GC: 1TS B4S1C4LLY TH3 B3ST POS1T1ON 3V3R  
AC: :33 < wow, thats really cool terezi!  
AC: :33 < im happy fur you :33  
GC: >:]  
GC: WH4T 4BOUT YOU?  
AC: :33 < hm?  
GC: WH4T PROF3SS1ON D1D YOU G3T 1NTO?  
AC: :33 < oh...id rather not talk about that :((  
GC: WHY NOT?  
GC: H3LLO? 4C?  
GC: >:?  
AC: :33 < oh, sorry gc! i cant talk to you right meow!  
GC: OH G33Z, 1S H3 BOTH3R1NG YOU 4G41N?  
AC: :33 < its nothing serious! were just having an impurrtant confursation with each other!  
AC: :33 < ill be back in a few! :33  
AC: :33 < (and in case not i really am happy fur you! :33)

======>

You decide not to hold your breath on her coming back.  When she and that guy talk to each other for a long period of time, everything else comes secondary.

You think he’s a creep and do your best to avoid him, but you also don’t hold it against her for talking to him.  We can’t always control the way we feel about certain people.

But now who else should you talk to?  Hmm…oh, yeah!  It’d be fun to brag to TC what position you got!

Terezi: Have that one conversation with Gamzee Makara.

SON OF A BITCH, HE’S A GRAND TYRANNY!?

Is he fucking kidding you!?  You went through all of that work just to become a Babel, and he becomes a Tyranny just because he’s a purple blood!!?  Talk about unjust! >:[

But there’s nothing you can really do about it.  It’s unfair, but you went into it knowing it’d be unfair.  It’ll take a while, but you know how to work the system.

Wait, what’s this?  A ding signifying a new message?  Did that clown actually respond to your message?

...Oh.

Oh God, not Karkat.

You were hoping you could avoid speaking to him today.  You just hope he’s not having some sort of panic attack, nor that he’s messaging you to drag you into whatever drama he’s caused for himself.

Terezi: Deal with Karkat.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CG: WELL, IF IT ISN’T GC.  
CG: LIKE, WOW. STOP EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE, BECAUSE CLEARLY WE ALL NEED TO LOOK AT GC RIGHT NOW.  
GC: S1111GH  
GC: WH4T 1S 1T NOW K4RK4T?  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT IS IT NOW?  
CG: IT’S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, TEREZI.  
CG: NOTHING YOU NEED TO WORRY YOUR PRETTY LITTLE TEAL-BLOODED HEAD ABOUT AT ALL.  
CG: WHY WOULD YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING WHILE EVERYONE ELSE IS BENT OVER BACKWARDS TAKING  AN IMPERIAL DICK UP THE ASS?  
GC: >:|  
GC: K4RK4T, 4R3 YOU ST1LL FR34K1NG OUT OV3R TH3 GR34T G4TH3R1NG?  
CG: WHAT?  
CG: WHAT ABOUT THIS GREAT GATHERING?  
CG: I HAVEN’T HEARD OF SUCH AN EVENT UNTIL JUST NOW, TEREZI. PLEASE INFORM ME.  
GC: BL4444GH, WHY DO YOU K33P FR34K1NG OUT 4T M3 OV3R TH1S?  
GC: 1TS G3TT1NG SOOOO OOOOOLD D:<  
GC: YOU KNOW 1TS NOT MY F4ULT 1M 4 T34L BLOOD 4ND YOUR3 4 MUT4NT  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK, SHHHHHHHHHHH!  
GC: WH4T >:?  
CG: DON’T FUCKING ADVERTISE THE FACT FOR THE WORLD TO SEE, FUCKING GOD TEREZI!  
CG: MY FUCKING *LIFE* IS ON THE LINE HERE!  
GC: OH MY GOD, DO YOU S3RIOUSLY TH1NK TH4T TH3YR3 GO1NG TO B3 SNOOP1NG 1N ON TH3S3 CH4T LOGS?  
GC: TH3 3MP1R3 DO3SNT SNOOP ON CH4T LOGS 1NVOLV1NG 4NYON3 4BOV3 4 GR33N BLOOD  
CG: YEAH, BUT THEY MAKE FUCKING EXCEPTIONS.  
CG: AND THOSE EXCEPTIONS WOULD SURELY INCLUDE CONVERSING WITH A KNOWN MUTANT, DON’T YOU THINK?  
CG: WOW, WHAT A STRANGE CONCEPT! TO THINK THAT THE EMPIRE WOULD BYPASS ANY LAWS THEY COULD TO CULL SOMEONE NEEDLESSLY!  
CG: WHAT AN AMAZING BREAKTHROUGH!  
GC: 44444444HHH, TH3Y DONT KNOW YOUR3 4 MUT4NT! >XO  
GC: D1D YOU ONLY M3SS4G3 M3 SO YOU COULD 4CT L1K3 4 W1GGL3R 4ND B3 4LL P1SSY W1TH M3?  
CG: OH YEAH, *I’M* THE ONE ACTING LIKE A WIGGLER.  
CG: *I’M* THE ONE WHO’S DECIDED TO PLAY GAMES WITH MY SURE TO BE EXECUTED FRIENDS, JUST SO I CAN GLOAT AND MAKE MYSELF FEEL LIKE THE BADDEST PIECE OF STEAMING SHIT THAT EVER DARED FALL THROUGH GOD’S LOAD GAPER.  
GC: DONT YOU M34N TO1L3T?  
CG: *YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR BLUE BLOOD, ARISTOCRATIC TERMINOLOGY.*  
CG: YOU KNOW *EXACTLY* WHY I STARTED TROLLING YOU.  
GC: UHHHH  
GC: NO, 1 R34LLY DONT >:/  
CG: DON’T ACT FUCKING COY WITH ME.  
CG: I KNOW YOU WOULD JUMP AT THE OPPORTUNITY TO FUCK WITH WHAT LITTLE SANITY I HAVE LEFT.  
CG: I JUST DIDN’T THINK YOU WOULD STOOP SO LOW, TEREZI.  
CG: AND HONESTLY, I’M MORE DISAPPOINTED THAN ANYTHING ELSE.  
GC: K4RK4T, 1 S3R1OUSLY H4V3 NO 1D34 WH4T YOUR3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT!  
GC: 1F YOUR3 ST1LL 4NGRY 4T M3 FOR NOT H3LP1NG YOU OUT MOR3, TH3N TH4TS STUP1D  
GC: 1 WOULDV3 H3LP3D OUT 1F 1 COULD, BUT TH3R3S ONLY SO MUCH POW3R 4 T34L BLOOD W13LDS  
CG: OH, PLEASE.  
CG: SPARE ME YOUR EMOTIONAL TIRADE ON HOW HARD YOU HAVE IT.  
CG: YOUR SUFFERING CANNOT EVEN *BEGIN* TO COMPARE TO THE MILES OF SHIT I’VE HAD TO CHEW THROUGH JUST TO GET WHERE I’M AT.  
GC: UUUGGH! 1M NOT S4Y1NG 1 H4D 4 H4RD3R T1M3 TH4N YOU!  
GC: WH4T TH3 H3LL 1S YOUR PROBL3M 4NYW4Y? YOU ST4RT3D TROLL1NG _M3_!  
CG: WELL, SINCE YOU REFUSE TO ADMIT WHAT YOU DID WRONG, WHY DON’T I FUCKING SHOW YOU.  
CG: DOES *THIS* RING ANY BELLS!?  
CG: [WHATTHEFUCKISTHISSHIT.png](http://s22.postimg.org/sspvpbpox/karkatimperialmessage.png)  
GC: ...  
GC: SO YOU GOT 4 L3TT3R S4Y1NG YOU GET TO B3 4 THR3SH3CUT1ON3R?  
GC: TH4TS GR34T, BUT WH4T DO3S TH4T H4V3 TO DO W1TH M3?  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN “WH4T DO3S TH4T H4V3 TO DO W1TH YOU”  
CG: YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY—*SO FUCKING FUNNY*—TO SEND ME A MESSAGE PRETENDING TO BE THE EMPIRE, SAYING I GOT INTO THE THRESHECUTIONING SQUADS.  
CG: I WOULD BE LAUGHING IF I WASN’T TOO BUSY CHOKING ON MY OWN VOMIT.  
CG: THIS IS, HANDS DOWN, THE MOST *DISGUSTING* ATTEMPT AT A JOKE THAT HAS *EVER* SLIMED OUT OF YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE.  
CG: I HOPE YOU’RE FUCKING PROUD OF YOURSELF  
GC: K4RK4T, 1 H4D NOTH1NG TO DO W1TH TH3 M3SS4G3 >:/  
CG: BULLSHIT. PROVE IT THEN.  
GC: HOW TH3 H3LL DO YOU 3XP3CT M3 TO PROV3 TH4T!?  
CG: I DON’T KNOW, YOU’RE THE FUCKING LEGAL EXPERT!  
CG: YOU MANAGED TO SLIP THROUGH SOME LOOPHOLES TO GET THAT MESSAGE SENT TO ME WITH YOUR MANIPULATIVE WAYS, SO I’M SURE YOU CAN FIND SOME WAY TO PROVE YOUR INNOCENCE.  
CG: OH WAIT, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT.  
CG: BECAUSE YOU’RE *GUILTY*.  
GC: LOOK, 1 L1K3 TO M3SS W1TH P3OPL3 JUST 4S MUCH 4S 4NYON3 3LS3, BUT 1 WOULDNT B3 STUP1D 3NOUGH TO 1MP3RSON4T3 TH3 3MP1R3 FOR 4 CH34P JOK3 L1K3 TH4T  
GC: 1 H4V3 3NOUGH TO LOS3 4S 1T 1S >:o  
GC: 4ND B3S1D3S, TH4T WOULD B3 1N R34LLY B4D T4ST3, 4LL TH1NGS CONS1D3R3D  
GC: 1 L1K3 TO M4K3 MY JOK3S 4T L34ST FUN >:]  
CG: I  
CG: I GUESS THAT MAKES  
CG: SOME SENSE.  
GC: OH MY GOD, S3R1OUSLY? 1 M4Y H4V3 4 M4ST3RY OV3R L4W, BUT 3V3N 1 KNOW MY L1M1TS  
GC: 1 DONT W4NT TO G3T CULL3D 4NYMOR3 TH4N YOU  
CG: ...IT REALLY WASN’T YOU THEN?  
GC: NO  >:/  
CG: OH GOD, DOES THAT MAKE ME FEEL TEN TIMES BETTER.  
CG: I DON’T THINK I COULD HAVE HANDLED IT IF IT REALLY WAS YOU.  
GC: TH3N WHY D1D YOU 4CCUS3 M3!? >:o  
CG: CALM DOWN, YOU WEREN’T THE FIRST PERSON I TALKED TO. I TALKED TO TA FIRST.  
GC: T4?  
CG: YEAH. I FIGURED IF ANYONE WAS BEHIND IT, IT WOULD BE AN EXPERIENCED HACKER. THEN WHEN HE ASSURED ME HE DIDN’T DO IT, I TURNED TO THE LEGAL EXPERT.  
GC: WHY WOULD YOU 4CCUS3 T4!? H3 H4S TH3 L34ST 4MOUNT OF R34SON TO TRY 4ND FUCK W1TH 4NYON3 R1GHT NOW!  
CG: I DON’T KNOW, TEREZI, I’M NOT REALLY IN MY SHARPEST FRAME OF MIND RIGHT NOW.  
CG: IF YOU HAVEN’T FUCKING NOTICED, I’VE BEEN FREAKING THE FUCK OUT OVER THIS FOR THE PAST TWO SWEEPS!  
GC: GROOO4N, 1 KNOW 1 KNOW  
GC: BUT 1 M34N...  
GC: WHY 1S 1T SO H4RD TO JUST B3L13V3 1TS FROM WH3R3 1T S4YS 1TS FROM  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.  
GC: 1 M34N WHY C4NT YOU L3T YOURS3LF B3L13V3 1TS 4CTU4LLY FROM TH3 3MP1R3?  
GC: 1TS 4 L1TTL3 CR4ZY, BUT S3R1OUSLY  
GC: WHO 4MONG US DO YOU KNOW TH4T WOULD B3 BOTH W1LL1NG 4ND 4BL3 TO DO SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T  
CG: OH, THAT'S FUNNY.  
CG: THAT WAS MEANT TO BE A JOKE, RIGHT?  
CG: WOW, TEREZI, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN A COMIC!  
CG: TO ANSWER YOUR LAST QUESTION FIRST, A WHOLE FUCK TON OF PEOPLE WE KNOW WOULD BE ABLE TO DO THAT.  
CG: OUR ENTIRE GROUP OF FRIENDS IS LIKE SOME FUCKING CIRCLE JERK OF PEOPLE WHO WOULD KNOW HOW TO DO THINGS EXACTLY LIKE THIS, AND WOULD DO THEM JUST TO FUCK WITH SOMEONE LIKE ME.  
CG: AND AS FOR BELIEVING IT COULD BE FROM THE EMPIRE, THERE’S A PRETTY OBVIOUS REASON WHY I DON’T ACCEPT THAT.  
CG: IT’S BECAUSE IT WASN’T.  
CG: IT WASN’T, IS WHY.  
GC: WHO KNOWS?  
GC: M4YB3 TH3Y F1N4LLY PULL3D THROUGH >:?  
CG: YEAH, WHILE IGNORING EVERY SINGLE MESSAGE I’VE SENT THEM THESE PAST TWO WEEKS.  
CG: DON’T YOU THINK IN THAT LITTLE THING CALLED A THINK PAN THAT THEY WOULD HAVE THE COMMON DECENCY TO FUCKING *TELL ME* THE PLAN WORKED?  
GC: LOOK, 1 DONT KNOW HOW TH4T P3RSON WORKS  
GC: 1 HON3STLY TRY TO 4VO1D TH3M >:/  
CG: YEAH, AND MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE AVOIDED THEM TOO.  
CG: FUCK, THIS IS TIRING ME OUT MORE AND MORE AS I KEEP THINKING ABOUT IT.  
CG: I’M SORRY I YELLED AT YOU  
CG: AND, YOU KNOW  
CG: ACCUSED YOU OF DOING SOMETHING THAT TERRIBLE  
GC: G4SP >:o  
GC: OH K4RKL3S, YOU M4K3 M3 BLUSH >;]  
GC: WH4T3V3R, 1 DONT R34LLY C4R3  
GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO FLY ON MY COOL DR4GON TO TH3 1MP3R14L SH1PS 4ND MY 4W3SOM3 FUTUR3 4S 4N HONOR4RY B4B3L 1N P34C3  
GC: OH, BY TH3 W4Y  
GC: 1F TH4T R34LLY 1S TH3 OFF1C14L L3TT3R YOU R3C31V3D FROM TH3 3MP1R3  
GC: W3 W1LL BOTH B3 ON TH3 S4M3 SH1P >;]  
GC: SWOOOOOOOON <3 <3 <3 <3  
CG: OH MY GOD, PLEASE DON’T ACT OBNOXIOUS ABOUT THIS.  
CG: LOOK, I’LL LEAVE YOU BE TO FLY WITH YOUR MAGICAL FUCKING DRAGON LUSUS OFF TO PUFF’S MAGICAL LAND OF FAIRIES AND LAW BOOKS.  
CG: DON’T MIND ME AS I CONTINUALLY BASH MY SKULL INTO THE WALL FOR ANOTHER THREE HUNDRED ELEVEN TIMES IN A ROW.  
GC: TH4TS 4 PR3TTY SP3C1F1C NUMB3R  
CG: I HAVE A PRETTY SPECIFIC SYSTEM.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  gallowsCalibrator [GC]


	4. twinArmageddons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ii hate my liife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning for brief mention of suicide in this chapter**.
> 
> Just a few things to start off:
> 
> 1) I'm sorry for its length. I didn't imagine Sollux's chapter would be so long, but I guess it was? It just seemed a good place to clarify a few things, like what I picture to be the difference between His Honorable Tyranny and the Grand Tyranny (even though no one was asking, I was kinda freaking out that people would get confused and be all like BUT AUTHOR so I wanted to explain my headcanon distinctions). And also, I mean, really, Sollux is a pretty great character, let's be honest here.
> 
> 2) HIS QUIRK. OH MY GOD, HIS QUIRK. I've come to the conclusion that there is no set way to do it. His quirk changes multiple times in the comic, AND NOT JUST WHEN HE GOES BLIND AND HALF DIES OKAY THOSE ARE OBVIOUS. I mean, even in between logs, it's like at one minute he's capitalizing the acronyms and the next he's not using any grammatical notations save for the end ones and AUUUUGH. I just decided to do what felt more natural for me and still showed his obsession with bifurcation and shit.
> 
> 3) I hope I did a decent job of portraying his bipolar disorder. Clearly, I didn't touch on it TOO much here, but I'm hoping to have maybe a brief chapter on it at some point (especially with more in depth info on what it's like to be bipolar in his society). It's somewhat difficult for me, being that I'm not bipolar myself, but I've actually studied a lot about disorders like it, so I have SOME knowledge to go off of.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: YOU HACKING PIECE OF SHIT.  
TA: why, hello KK, glad two 2ee YOU’RE iin a good mood twoday.  
CG: YOU NOOK SNIFFING, BULGE LICKING, LUSUS ROMANCING, LISPING, MORONIC FUCKING SHITSTAIN OF SOCIETY.  
TA: geez, KK, you flatter me, but 2low the fuck down. ii’m not iintwo you liike that.  
CG: YOU SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH, YOU LISPING TOOL. THIS IS *NOT* AN ADVANCE.  
TA: wow, yet ANOTHER iin2ult about my lii2p, twiice in a row, you’re fuckiing oriigiinal.  
CG: I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT *YOU* OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD MY FUCKING PROBLEMS.  
CG: I THOUGHT ME AND YOU COULD AT LEAST HAVE A SHARED DISDAIN FOR OUR TERRIBLE, INTERTWINED FUCKING DESTINIES OF BEING HATED AND LOOKED DOWN UPON.  
CG: GUESS I WAS FUCKING WRONG THERE, WASN’T I?  
TA: okay, what the fuck ii2 up wiith you?  
CG: WHAT IS UP WITH *ME*?  
CG: ARE YOU REALLY FUCKING ASKING ME THAT RIGHT NOW, IN THE MOST LITERAL AND REAL WAY?  
CG: I’M JUST GOING TO REREAD THIS LOG RIGHT NOW FOR A BRIEF SECOND, FROM BEGINNING TO THIS LAST FUCKING MESSAGE.  
CG: MY FUCKING GOD! YOU ACTUALLY DID JUST ASK ME THAT!  
CG: AGAIN, YOU HAVE SHOWN US ALL JUST HOW MUCH OF A PATHETIC JAGOFF YOU ACTUALLY ARE!  
TA: oh my god, thii2 ii2 hiilariiou2, ii’m laughing riight now.  
TA: ii don’t even know iif you’re tryiing two be 2eriiou2 or iif you’re ju2t beiing 2tupiid but thii2 ii2 fuckiing PRIICELE22.  
CG: DON’T YOU *DARE* TRY TO BELITTLE MY RAGE, YOU UGLY PIECE OF SHIT.  
TA: wow, and now you’re iin2ultiing my appearance. you’re ju2t 2ooo clever, KK, how do you even manage two be 2o clever and great?  
TA: be2iide2, everyone know2 you’re TWIICE a2 ugly a2 me, a22hole. ii’d be 2urprii2ed iif you were able two fiind even ONE per2on wiilliing two paiil wiith you before the executiioner drone 2tart2 poundiing on your hiive door.  
CG: FUCKING *REALLY*?  
CG: YOU KNOW I’LL PROBABLY BE CULLED SOON, AND YOU’RE ACTUALLY *JOKING* ABOUT IT?  
CG: *RIGHT IN MY FACE!*  
CG: WHAT A FUCKING KIND AND CONSIDERATE FRIEND YOU ARE!  
TA: waiit, 2hiit, ii diidn’t mean iit liike that.  
CG: OH, OF COURSE YOU DIDN’T.  
CG: JUST LIKE YOU DIDN’T MEAN TO TORMENT ME EVERY WAKING SECOND OF MY LIFE BEFORE THIS MOMENT.  
CG: IN FACT, THIS MOMENT HAS ALSO BEEN SULLIED BY VERY VIRTUE THAT YOU EXIST IN IT.  
CG: AND THIS ONE TOO!  
CG: TELL ME, HAS THERE EVER BEEN A TIME IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE TO ALL LIVING THINGS WITH ENOUGH OF A THINKPAN TO RELIEVE THEMSELVES IN A LOAD GAPER?  
TA: WHAT THE FUCK II2 YOUR PROBLEM, A22HOLE!?  
CG: WHAT IS *MY* PROBLEM?  
CG: WHAT THE HELL IS *YOUR* PROBLEM!?  
TA: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT II2 *MY* PROBLEM!?  
TA: ii diidn’t even do ANYTHIING two you! YOU deciided two fuckiing me22age me, and YOU deciided two treat me liike a piiece of 2hiit!  
CG: THAT’S BECAUSE YOU *ARE* A PIECE OF SHIT!  
TA: ii’m not a2 much of a piiece of 2hiit a2 YOU!  
CG: OH YEAH? WOULD SOMEONE WHO’S LESS OF A PIECE OF SHIT AS ME SEND A FALSE MESSAGE LIKE *THIS*?  
CG: [WHATTHEFUCKISTHISSHIT.png ](http://s22.postimg.org/sspvpbpox/karkatimperialmessage.png)  
TA: um...  
TA: why 2hould ii care that the empiire 2ent you a me22age?  
TA: ii can 2how you what they 2aid two ME two, iif you’re tryiing two rub thii2 iin my face or 2omethiing.  
TA: yeah, let’2 all remiind TA how much of a god awful exii2tence he ha2 in 2tore for him, and how he ba2iically liive2 two wiipe off the ejaculate of nobiiliity, 2ound2 REALLY FUCKIING AWE2OME.  
CG: DON’T TRY TO MAKE THIS A PITY PARTY ABOUT YOU, YOU SELF-ABSORBED PRICK.  
CG: THIS IS A FAKE. *YOU* SENT THIS MESSAGE.  
TA: what? no ii diidn’t!  
CG: OH, **YES YOU FUCKING DID!**  
CG: YOU USED YOUR BULLSHIT HACKING SKILLS TO TRY AND MOCK ME ON THIS DAY OF ALL DAYS, WHEN YOU KNEW—YOU FUCKING *KNEW*—HOW MUCH I HAVE BEEN DREADING AND FREAKING OUT ABOUT ALL OF THIS.  
CG: YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE SO FUNNY AND CLEVER, DIDN’T YOU? PRETENDING YOU WERE THIS BADASS HACKER, AS IF THAT’S A THING THAT ACTUALLY MEANS ANYTHING TO ANYONE.  
CG: ALL IT DOES IS GIVE YOU A REASON TO BOOST YOUR OWN EGO. AND YOU’RE NOT EVEN THAT GOOD AT IT! I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO DEDUCE THE FACT THAT IT WAS YOU WHO SENT THE MESSAGE ALL ALONG!  
CG: HONESTLY, I’M JUST SURPRISED THAT I EVER EXPECTED ANYTHING MORE FROM YOU.  
TA: WHY THE FUCK WOULD II ME22 WIITH YOU!?  
TA: you know DAMN well that ii have JU2T a2 much rea2on a2 you two hate twoday!  
TA: 2O WHY DON’T YOU TAKE YOUR 2ELF RIIGHTEOU2 PITY PARTY AND 2HOVE IIT!?  
CG: NOT UNTIL YOU FUCKING *APOLOGIZE*!!!  
TA: ii’m not goiing two apologize for 2omethiing II NEVER DIID!  
TA: why would ii try two pretend ii’m the empiire when ii could JU2T A2 EA2IILY BE CULLED A2 YOU!?  
TA: diid you forget that iimper2onatiing the empiire ii2 a CAPIITAL OFFENSE?  
TA: diid you forget that a2 a yellow blood the empiire keep2 clo2e tab2 on my me22aging actiiviity!?  
TA: DIID YOU FUCKIING FORGET THAT II’M A LOWBLOOD TWO!?  
CG: I  
CG: I DON’T  
CG: FUCK, I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU WOULD TRY THAT.  
CG: YOU WOULD EASILY BE FOUND AND CULLED.  
TA: 2EE!? 2o are you goiing two actually u2e your fuckiing THIINK PAN and 2top accu2iing me of 2hiit II DIIDN’T DO!?  
CG: FUCK  
CG: FUCK, I’M SORRY, DUDE.  
TA: fuck you!  
CG: NO, REALLY, I...  
CG: I’VE BEEN ON EDGE TODAY, AND I TRIED TO TAKE IT OUT ON YOU.  
TA: no 2hiit, 2herlock.  
CG: LOOK, THIS IS ME LEGITIMATELY TRYING TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU, OKAY?  
CG: I’M *REALLY* SORRY.  
CG: I’M JUST READING THROUGH THIS MESSAGE RIGHT NOW AND SEEING WHAT AN ASSHOLE I WAS ACTING LIKE.  
CG: IN THE EVENT THAT I SOMEHOW LIVE PAST THIS GODFORSAKEN EVENING  
CG: DO YOU THINK WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS?  
TA: go fuck your2elf, KK. 

twinArmageddons [TA] has blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG]

======>

What the fuck is wrong with him?  How could he think you would possibly want to take time out of your day to do something like that?  Especially when he knows _exactly_ what would be in store for you?

======>

Really, though!  You get he has a lot on his plate right now, but he knows you got enough on yours as well!

Well, what the fuck ever then.  He can go fuck himself with a musclebeast dildo for all you care.  You’ve about had it with his bullshit anyway.  One moment he spews angry nonsense, and the next he’s apologizing and asking if you’re still friends.  It almost seems like _HE_ should be the bipolar one, and _YOU_ should be the beacon of sanity.

======>

It’s like... yeah, you get he’s in a tougher spot than you right now, but what about that imperial message?  _CLEARLY_ he got through the mess!

...Unless it’s actually a fake, which honestly seems more probable.

======>

...Well, okay, you can definitely see where he’s coming from.  If it was a fake, it would be natural for him to assume it was you who forged it, if only because of your hacking prowess.  And honestly, now that you think about it, you could see yourself doing something that horrible, if only just to mess with him.  God, you really _are_ a terrible person.

Maybe you should apologize for blocking him?  I mean, yeah, it was basically a pointless thing for you to do anyway.  Blocking trolls on Trollian only blocks them on that particular conversation, meaning the blocked troll could easily open up another window to chat with you in a different convo.  It doesn’t make it any less hurtful or insulting a gesture, and some trolls won’t try to message beyond that point, but it’s by and by rather useless.

You should apologize.

TA: Apologize to KK.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling  carcinoGenetecist [CG]

TA: hey KK.  
TA: ii ju2t wanted two 2ay that ii’m 2orry for blockiing you.  
TA: ii wa2 angry, but ii wanted you two know that ii’m over iit and have calmed down.  
TA: ii get that you were ju2t a2 angry a2 me, and completely under2tand you goiing after me liike that.  
TA: ii’m a pretty kiicka22 hacker, and ii’m actually kiind of flattered that you would a22ume ii could pull off 2omethiing liike that, even iif iit al2o pii22e2 me off that you would thiink 2o.  
TA: 2tiill, ii promii2e that ii had nothiing two do wiith the me22age, iif iit end2 up beiing fake.  
TA: but hey, iif iit’2 real, that’2 pretty cool.  
TA: 2ee? ii can manage two be happy for people even when ii have nothiing two look forward two my2elf.  
TA: even ii can get out of my 2hell of 2elf-loathiing two tell a friiend that ii’m happy for them.  
TA: maybe more people can learn from me iin that regard, ii.e. YOU.  
TA: what the fuck, why aren’t you re2pondiing?  
TA: ii know you’re onliine, a22hole.  
TA: oh, what, now that you’re a pre2tiigiiou2 thre2hecutiioner, you’re two cool two talk two a lower liife form liike me?  
TA: afraiid that my yellow blood wiill make you nau2eou2?  
TA: you’re 2uch a fuckiing douchebag, vanta2. you have NO RIIGHT two look down on me, even wiith your 2tupiid thre2hecutiioniing po2iitiion!  
TA: YOU’RE NOT EVEN GOOD AT U2IING A 2IICKLE ANYWAY!  
TA: ii take back my apology, go fuck your2elf.

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

======>

Seriously.  Fucking _asshole_.

This guy has problems.

Your name is Sollux Captor, and your life _fucking sucks_.

======>

You’ve been sitting on the ground for the past couple hours, square in the middle of a large crowd of trolls.  You’ve all but tuned out the noises and incessant chatter of all the surrounding trolls to focus on the screen of your portable husktop.  The screen is a bit cracked in a sort of spiderweb effect right in the center, but you can still for the most part see the Trollian chat client, as well as the various coding files that litter your desktop.  It’s also not enough to cover your battery gauge in the lower right hand corner, which is clearly running low.  You had meant to charge the damn thing before you left, but you were in such a hurry you just didn’t have the time.  You estimate that you probably have ten minutes before it dies.

_“Get outta the way, dirt blood!”_

_ Oof! _

You don’t have time to react when a male cerulean blood hits you over the head with a carrying case in a not-so accidental way, knocking your sunglasses off onto the keyboard of your husktop.  As he walks away, you glare at him, half-wanting to melt a hole through his skull.  Only half-wanting to, though.

“ _...Fuck off_ ,” you say as an agitated response.

Of course, you don’t so much as “ _say_ ” this as you do “ _whisper very softly under your breath at a very reasonable distance_.”  And by reasonable distance, we’re talking, like, ten yards.

What?  There’s no way you’re going to try to instigate something with so many imperial soldiers and executioner drones around, especially not with a cerulean blood.  You may have a negative self-image, but you’re not actually looking to kill yourself tonight.

======>

You pick up your sunglasses and examine them carefully to insure no damage was done.  You stare hard at the lenses to see if there are any visible scratches, and scowl when you see in the corner of the right lens a small abrasion mark.  You take a corner of your black shirt, and start wiping the lens to try and get the small abrasion off.  It’s difficult, because your shirt has a bunch of holes in it from overuse.  You’re surprised the thing fits you anymore.  Maybe you should get a new one, considering where you’re going. 

Or would people prefer you looking as destitute and impoverished as possible?  You honestly have no idea.

======>

It’s not that you’re so image-centered that the glasses need to be spot free or your shirt to be fitted and fabulous.  Yeah, it’d be nice to have a good shirt, but you don’t really _need_ one, even if it means making yourself look more presentable.  And you have a specific reason for why you want your glasses to look clean, and it’s not that they’ve been an iconic look for you since you were a young troll.  (And even if it was, it’s really none of our business anyway, and we should just buzz off.  We don’t know your life.)

You have another reason you’re trying to make sure they’re clean.  Unlike most of the crap you own, your sunglasses are rather valuable.  This is partially because of their uniqueness in comparison to other fashion accessories normally seen on the streets—in that, both lenses on the glasses have a different color from one another.  One is red, the other is blue.  You figure you could get some cash if you sell it to someone, which you’re sure you’ll probably be in desperate need of considering where you’re going. 

Sollux: Try to sell your glasses.

Woah, wait, hold on.  Can’t a guy try to clean his glasses without being bombarded with demands to immediately sell them?  I mean, seriously, you just told us what you were thinking of doing.  It’s not even a for-sure thing yet.  You were just going to play it by ear.

Seriously, give a guy a break already.

Sollux: Decide not to sell your glasses.

Oh, so what, we think you’re not going to go through with it?  Do we think you’re so unoriginal that you’re just going to hold onto them forever and ever like they were the best thing since sliced yeast loaf?  Like, yeah, we’ll just keep beating _that_ dead hoofbeast, everyone _loves_ the hacking nerd obsessed with bifurcation and husktops, the predictable asshole he is!  Wow!

You know what, maybe you don’t even _want_ to sell these glasses anyway.  If that’s what people are going to think about you, who even cares?  You may as well decide to keep them on as a passive-aggressive stab at us.

Man, do you have a problem or something?

It’s not like you don’t have a reason to behave this way, okay?  Aside from how terrible you’re pretty sure your personality is, you have a lot of problems.  One notable issue of yours is that you have bipolar disorder, which is definitely a thing that exists in troll culture.  (It should not be confused with clinical troll depression, which is less of a disorder or mental health issue, and more of a cullable offense.) 

Having yellow blood, however, has made it difficult to get yourself diagnosed for it, and nigh impossible to get any treatment for it.  In fact, treatment for troll bipolar disorder doesn’t even really exist, except in the form of a once a sweep event where bipolar sea dwellers and purple-blooded land dwellers can go around to different planets and indiscriminately kill whoever they want.  You were only lucky enough to get diagnosed at all by a friend that was somewhat versed in the archaic field of troll psychology.  But being that troll psychology is seen as so redundantly stupid that it’s often banned in certain settings, and being that you’re third to the lowest strata possible on the hemospectrum, no one has ever really given a shit about you being bipolar.  You try not to give a shit about it either.

But it’s kind of hard to do that when literal sparks fly out of your eyes when you experience any sort of manic episode.

======>

While mental issues are a penny a dozen in your society, you have a very specific reason for why being bipolar is such an issue for you.  It’s not necessarily the varying episodes of being down and then feeling up later on—you’re used to that.  It’s not even because it gives people even more of a reason to attack you—you honestly don’t care.  It’s because of another issue of yours that would be almost immediately obvious to everyone if you decided to take off those red and blue sunglasses for good, and let people see the flashing red and blue pupil-less, iris-less scleras that sare your eyes.

======>

You, Sollux Captor, are a mutant.

======>

Which, I mean, isn’t really that big of a deal.  Mutants aren’t uncommon along the lower strata of society, due to your supposed inferior, wacky genetics.  It’s not that much of a loaded term to throw about.

All it means is you’ve got psychic powers that make your life even more of a living hell.

======>

Troll psychic powers are usually rather unique for any specific troll, if at least in minor ways.  It’s rare to see two trolls with the same powers, and if they are found, odds are one of them will probably be culled because other trolls will probably kill the one of them.  Similarities like that kind of bother your species—the upper class, in particular.

That being said, your power is fairly unique to you and your personality, as it has two components.  On one level, you have the abilities and capabilities of a powerful psionic.  This means you can control and move objects with your mind, or destroy them at will.  You can also shoot psychic energy at people, albeit not without giving you a major migraine (though you’re rather used to that by now).  The second aspect of your powers is much worse.  You hate that part so much, that you’ve considered, and continue to consider it as the bane of your existence, no matter how high or low you feel.

You hear voices.  But not just any voices… you hear the voices of those who are soon to die.

Wow, that’s actually pretty cool—

THERE IS NOTHING COOL ABOUT IT, DICKWAD.  See, this is why you have such a hard time talking about these things with people.  Almost everyone looks at your powers as “awesome” or “cool” or “wow I wish I had that.”

_No._

No one—you repeat, **_no one_ ** wants to have the kind of problems you have, least of all _yourself_.

======>

Look.  Just so we understand how terrible your power is, you’re going to let us pile into the mutated pain and suffering that is your think pan.  _This_ is what you have to listen to on a daily basis:

======?

_WAIT_ **_NO_ ** _i’m scared_ _FUCK **EVERYTHING**_ **_FUCK_** **_FUCK_ ** **_FUCK_ ** _Pardon my_ **_TONGUES INSIDE OF ME_ ** _NO_ _PLEASE_ _leave me a_ **_LONE I CAN’T_ ** _BEG OF YOU_ **_STOP_ ** _—_

**!!!! **

You see?

Now try having _that_ as the soundtrack score to your fucking life.

======>

In spite of your awful powers—and you can’t really emphasize enough how awful they really are—you would say that you’ve had an okay life.  Even if it fucking sucks

That doesn’t make sense.

You know what, you’re getting real sick of our bullshit, trying to contradict you and stuff.  It’s a complicated subject, okay?

======>

On one hand, you consider yourself pretty lucky.  Even you aren’t such a self-loathing sack of crap that you can’t acknowledge the good aspects. First off, you’ve forged some decent friendships throughout your life—some better than others, but still relatively better than most trolls.  And you’ve managed to live until 8 sweeps without being culled or murdered.  That’s a pretty decent list of accomplishments on your planet.  Honestly, most trolls in your blood range would be happy to have made it _this_ far.

It’s just difficult to be happy about the good stuff.  Not just because you’re bipolar, alright?  You hate when people assume that your being bipolar always affects your outlook on life, when it doesn’t.  It’d be pretty hard for _anyone_ , bipolar or no, to _not_ dwell on the negative if they were about to be sold into lifelong slavery at any minute.

_ Slavery!? _

Oh, right.  Fuck.

You’ve been so busy being depressed about having to be sold into slavery that you forgot you actually need to be in a specific location to be sold into slavery.  (That, or be culled.)  That’s the whole reason why you came to the Imperial Landing in the first place.

======>

The Imperial Landing is a large metropolitan center of sorts on Alternia, where imperial officials and drones do most of their business.  It’s also notable for having the largest concentration of adult trolls that live on Alternia.  Most of the troll youth that inhabit the planet (far outnumbering the adults) tend to stay away from the area, mainly because the trolls that do live around the area are considered easy pickings for culling.  You actually had the misfortune of living in this center when you were younger.  It wasn’t all bad, just crowded and cramped.  It was even more difficult, since your lusus was too large to keep in your actual hive, lest it bring the entire hive stem down.  You had to keep the monstrous (and idiotic) bicyclops chained to the roof, while your own hive served as a sort of beekeeping warehouse, as the monster only fed on the mindhoney your bees produced.

Both luckily and unluckily, you moved out of the area when you were five or so, which, though kept you less at the mercy of the drones, unfortunately meant a longer travelling distance for you today.  Even then, it really doesn’t matter—your psionic powers allow you to fly rather swiftly, so it didn’t take that long to get there.

In only a slight shade of cynicism, you could also consider yourself lucky that you didn’t have to carry your troublesome lusus.  Being that he died a long time ago.

Sollux: Think about how your beloved lusus died.

It was an accident, and you don’t like to think about it.  Why does it matter, anyway?  We really need to stay out of your private life.

======>

Back to the Imperial Landing.  Aside from its more mature population, its actually rather well-spread out, being the largest area housing trolls on Alternia.  Given its mass, it’s considered a perfect place for the Great Gathering to be held, as a large number of ships are needed to carry all of the 8 sweep trolls off the planet (save for those lucky enough to be stationed in positions on Alternia itself). 

A more poetic person may make the connection that the place where most of the adults on the planet live is the same as that where older trolls finally “leave the wingbeast settlement” so to speak, making it a powerful metaphor for coming of age in troll society.  But that’s honestly kind of stupid.  That the Imperial Landing, having the highest concentration of adults, was decreed as the location to be used for the Great Gathering is purely coincidental—the reasoning behind it was utilitarian, about finding an area that could fit literally hundreds of ships without hassle.  There’s no poetic meaning to be derived from it.

======>

Many people go to the Imperial Landing on the Great Gathering to board the ships.  Upon receiving a message from the Empire, trolls are normally assigned a ship to board, headed toward their awaited future on some distant planet or galaxy.  However, for the troll unfortunate enough to be selected into a life of forced servitude, their only decree is to be present at the Imperial Landing at a certain location to be sold to the highest bidder.  Then you will go wherever your master goes.

Only problem is, you’ve been so busy moping around and using up what’s left of your husktop’s battery that you forgot you had to be somewhere…and where that somewhere is.  Why can’t you remember?  God, these voices make it so hard to concentrate on anything sometimes.  Not to mention the impact it’s had on your short-term memory.

They’ve only gotten worse over the past two sweeps.  The screaming sometimes completely overpowers your other senses, making it difficult to do much of anything let alone try to remember important information.  Just another thing to struggle against for you.

Sollux: Look at your message from **THE EMPIRE**.

You don’t actually have the message up in front of you.  You received your message weeks in advance, which is uncommon but happens occasionally, especially for lower-blooded trolls.  You guess it’s so the trolls can spend the next few weeks getting their affairs in order and grow accustomed to the idea that they will probably be miserable for the rest of their lives.   You know you spent your weeks mostly grumbling about how much this sucks and “god ii hate my liife becau2e my name’2 2ollux and ii’m a whiiny biitch.” 

But you saved the message to refresh your memory, at least.  Well…you probably did.  Hopefully.  Did you really not save the message like an idiot?

You’re actually kind of nervous opening your saved messages folder, hoping for the best being all you can do.

======>

It’s at the top of your folder.  You exhale in relief.  Even the voices and your general terribleness didn’t stop you from saving the message in a moment of clarity.

You hastily double click the message as a window pops up.

Sollux: Reread the message.

**THE EMPIRE** orders  twinArmageddons [TA] to pay attention

THE EMPIRE: ---THIS IS AN IMPERIAL MANDATE FOR SUBJECT NO. [insert  6-11-0-2 ]; NOT FOLLOWING THIS ORDER WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE CULLING---

IMPERIAL SUBJECT NO. [insert 6-11-0-2]

YOU ARE BEING COMMANDED TO [insert WILL BE SOLD INTO SLAVERY] AND WILL WORK THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AS A [insert SLAVE].

YOU WILL BE PLACED INTO SHIP NO. [insert YOU WILL BE SOLD IN THE EMPRESS’ SQUARE] ON THE [insert TWELFTH BILUNAR PERIGEE SIXTH DARK SEASON’S EQUINOX].

DO NOT TRY TO ESCAPE OR HIDE; YOU WILL BE CULLED IF YOU DO.

\---THIS HAS BEEN AN ORDER FROM THE EMPIRE---  
 _***LONG LIVE_ ** _~HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION~_** _***_

**THE EMPIRE** ceases speaking to  twinArmageddons [TA]

======>

Geez.  The Empire sure has terrible grammar in the message.  Though most of it is probably just a copied mass message sent to other others of your blood color, with automatic inserts specific to the addressee.

You wonder if trolls higher on the spectrum get more personalized messages.

======>

You figure it doesn’t matter, and decide to go where the message is directing you toward—the Empress’ Square.  Luckily, your old residence was only a few buildings away from the Square, so you have a good idea of where it is.

You’re about to close the husktop and conserve on what little battery actually remains, when you hear a ding signifying a new message on Trollian, forcing you to remember why you were keeping the husktop on in the first place.

Of course, stupid!  You were waiting for someone to get on and message you before you left to the check in to get sold!  But in between your moping, KK bothering you, and the voices distracting you, your mind slipped again.  You check the message to see who it is, thinking it will be her…

But it’s not.  It’s someone else entirely.  Though you figure it won’t hurt to at least chat with her in hopes the other person will finally come on.

You don’t mind talking to TZ anyway.  She’s pretty cool.

Sollux: Respond to TZ.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling  twinArmageddons [TA]

GC: H3Y, 1 JUST GOT DON3 SP34K1NG TO K4RK4T  
TA: look, ii don’t know what he 2aiid two you, but iif that a22hole ii2 lookiing two apologiize two me, he can forget iit.  
TA: he can get hiim2elf fucked by a dragon for all ii care.  
GC: H3 D1DNT R34LLY S4Y 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT W4NT1NG TO 4POLOG1Z3 TO YOU  
TA: WHAT!?  
TA: what the FUCK ii2 wrong wiith hiim!?  
TA: he treat2 me liike ab2olute 2HIIT, and he doe2n’t even feel 2ORRY for iit!?  
GC: W3LL, W3 D1DNT R34LLY T4LK 4BOUT WH4T3V3R H4PP3N3D B3TW33N TH3 TWO OF YOU  
GC: H3 D1D T3LL M3 TH4T H3 4CCUS3D YOU OF S3ND1NG 4 F4K3 1MP3R14L M3SS4G3, THOUGH  
GC: R1GHT 4FT3R H3 4CCUS3D M3 OF TH3 S4M3 TH1NG  
GC: TH3N H3 CLOS3D TH3 CH4T W1NDOW >:/  
GC: THOUGH 1 GU3SS TH3 W4Y H3 S41D 1T WOULD 1MPLY H3 F3LT K1ND OF B4D 4BOUT 1T?  
TA: he diid?  
TA: whatever, liike iit hardly matter2.  
TA: liike ii 2aiid, he can get fucked by a dragon.  
TA: 2o he accu2ed you a2 well?  
GC: Y34H! >:[  
GC: WH1CH 1 GU3SS 1N 4 W4Y 1S SORT OF FL4TT3R1NG, FOR H1M TO TH1NK SO H1GHLY OF MY SK1LL  
GC: 4ND 1TS NOT L1K3 1 DONT G3T WH3R3 H3S COM1NG FROM  
GC: BUT 1TS 4LSO PR3TTY HURTFUL  
TA: yeah, ii ba2iically told hiim the 2ame thiing when he talked two me.  
TA: well, ii told hiim that AFTER ii blocked him.  
TA: whiich ii diid after he kinda apologiized two me? ii don’t even know, he wa2 beiing riidiiculou2.  
GC: W41T, D1DNT YOU JUST S4Y TH4T H3 W4S 4N 4SSHOL3 FOR NOT 4POLOG1Z1NG TO YOU?  
TA: fuck you TZ, iit’2 none of your goddamn bu2iine22.  
TA: thii2 ii2 a per2onal matter between me and KK 2o ii’d appreciiate iit iif you kiindly FUCKED OFF.  
GC: BL444444GH, SO TOUCHY! >:[  
GC: WHY 1S 3V3RYON3 SO TOUCHY TOD4Y!?  
GC: 4CS TOUCHY, CGS TOUCHY, 4ND _YOUR3_ TOUCHY  
GC: YOU GUYS 4R3 4CT1NG L1K3 S1SS13S >:P  
TA: well EXCU2E ME mii22 queen of the courtblock, 2orry iif ii’m haviing a more diiffiicult tiime wiith twoday than other more NOBLE troll2 liike YOUR2ELF.  
TA: 2OME of u2 don’t look forward two thii2 day a2 much a2 you, beliieve iit or not, 2o why don’t giive me a fuckiing BREAK.  
TA: ii’ve taken ENOUGH 2hiit from my 2o-called “FRIIEND2” twoday!  
GC: R1GHT, SORRY >:x  
GC: LOOK, 1 JUST W4NT3D TO T4LK TO YOU 4FT3R K4RK4T TOLD M3 WH4T H4PP3N3D 4ND S33 HOW YOU W3R3 DO1NG  
TA: oh, ii’m great, my liife ii2 ju2t fuckiing 2UPER now that ii’m a 2lave, how about your2?  
GC: UMMM  
GC: 1 W4SNT R34LLY TH1NK1NG 4BOUT T4LK1NG 4BOUT JOBS OR POS1T1ONS OR 4NYTH1NG L1K3 TH4T  
TA: what EL2E are we goiing two talk about on the day of the great gatheriing?  
GC: >:/  
TA: what, 2o ju2t becau2e you probably got 2ome cool a22 po2iitiion a2 a troll legii2lacerator or somethiing you 2uddenly can’t even talk two me liike a REAL troll!?  
GC: NO! >:[ G33Z, C4LM DOWN  
GC: 1 JUST D1DNT TH1NK _YOU_ WOULD W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T  
GC: 1 M34N, NO OFF3NS3, BUT YOU T3ND TO M4K3 4 B1G D34L 4BOUT TH1NGS TH4T 4R3 OUT OF YOUR CONTROL, 4ND M4K3 1T S33M L1K3 1TS 3V3RYON3S F4ULT, 1NCLUD1NG YOUR OWN?  
GC: 4ND TH3N B3G1N TO S4Y T3RR1BL3 TH1NGS TO P3OPL3, 3SP3C14LLY YOURS3LF  
GC: 1TS NOT L1K3 YOU H4D 4NY POW3R OV3R TH3 F4CT TH4T YOU B3C4M3 4 SL4V3  
GC: NON3 OF US D1D >:/  
TA: a2 iif ii’m not COMPLETELY aware of that fact, TZ.  
TA: 2iigh, look, ii’m 2orry for beiing an a22hole riight now, ii know none of thii2 ii2 your fault.  
TA: ii’m hone2tly really happy for you for gettiing your dream job a2 a legii2lacerator.  
GC: TH4NKS >:]  
GC: T3CHN1C4LLY, 1M ONLY 4N HONOR4RY B4B3L, BUT 1TS ON3 OF TH3 F1RST ST3PS TO B3COM1NG 4 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR  
GC: TH3R3S NO W4Y TH3 3MP1R3 WOULD L3T SOM3ON3 W1TH T34L BLOOD B3 4 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR OUTR1GHT  
TA: really? that fuckiing 2uck2.  
TA: ii thought wiith your general 2avvy regardiing thiing2 of a legal nature that you’d at LEA2T be able to become a legii2lacerator.  
GC: NOP3 >:/  
GC: T34L ONLY GO3S SO F4R  
TA: that BLOW2.  
GC: 1T HON3STLY ONLY BOTH3RS M3 TH4T G4MZ33 OF 4LL P3OPL3 B3C4M3 4 GR4ND TYR4NNY >:[  
GC: C4N YOU B3L13V3 TH4T!?  
TA: waiit, ii2n’t there 2uppo2ed two be only a 2elect few grand tyranniie2 or whatever?  
TA: and ii al2o remember you 2ayiing they’re 2uppo2ed two have black blood? ii’m pretty 2ure gamzee’2 ii2 purple.  
GC: NOOOOOOO >XO  
GC: TH4TS _H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY_  
GC: H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY ONLY PR3S1D3S 1N C4S3S OF TH3 UTMOST 1MPORT4NC3 4S D3CR33D BY TH3 3MP1R3  
GC: TH3 _GR4ND_ TYR4NNY 1S L1K3 4 SUBST1TUT3 FOR H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY 4ND PR3S1D3S 1N 4LL OTH3R L3G4L C4S3S  
GC: L1K3 P3TTY D1S4GR33M3NTS B3TW33N ROY4LTY OR WH4T3V3R  
GC: 1TS TH3 H1GH3ST POS1T1ON 4TT41N4BL3 1N TH3 R34LM OF L4W 4ND HYPOTH3T1C4LLY SP34K1NG 4LMOST 4NYON3 C4N B3COM3 4 GR4ND TYR4NNY R3G4RDL3SS OF BLOOD COLOR  
GC: THOUGH MOSTLY PURPL3 BLOODS 3ND UP G3TT1NG TH3 POS1T1ON >:[  
GC: TH3 POS1T1ON OF H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY 1S 4BSOLUT3LY UN4TT41N4BL3 UNL3SS YOU H4V3 BL4CK BLOOD, 4ND 3V3N TH3N 4 BL4CK BLOOD H4S NO CHO1C3 1N TH3 M4TT3R  
TA: why?  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW TH4TS JUST TH3 W4Y 1T 1S >:/  
TA: 2ound2 liike a bunch of hiigh blood garbage that ii hone2tly don’t care about.  
TA: what would a black blood’2 place iin the hemo2pectrum even BE?  
GC: B34TS ME >:/  
GC: 1TS 4LL PR3TTY CONVOLUT3D 4ND R1D1CULOUS 1N 4 C3RT41N W4Y  
GC: BUT TH4TS WHY 1 CHOS3 TO GO 1NTO L4W 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3 >:] 1TS FUN!  
TA: 2oooo you went iintwo law becau2e it’2 poliiciie2 are wiingbea2t2hiit off the belfry IIN2ANE?  
TA: and that’2 what make2 iit FUN???  
GC: W3LL TH3 G4M3S NO FUN 1F 4LL TH3 ODDS 4R3 4LW4YS 1N YOUR F4VOR >;]  
GC: 4ND 4T 1TS H34RT L4W 1S 4BOUT 3QU4L1TY  
GC: 4S TH3 GR34T TROLL PROPH3T W1NON4 RYD3R ONC3 S41D, “1N TH1S 3MP1R3 OUR COURTS 4R3 TH3 GR34T L3V3L3RS, 4ND 1N OUR COURTS 4LL TROLLS 4R3 CR34T3D 3QU4L”  
GC: 4T L34ST 1M PR3TTY SUR3 1T W4S W1NON4 RYD3R TH4T S41D TH4T >:/  
TA: yeah, well, maybe they can 2tart ACTIING liike the beacon of equaliity they are by gettiing me the fuck out of 2lavery.  
TA: how about that for a 2tart?  
GC: H3Y, 1F YOU PL4Y YOUR C4RDS R1GHT, YOU COULD F1ND YOURS3LF FR33  
GC: 1TS 4LL 4BOUT HOW YOU PL4Y TH3 G4M3 MR 4PPL3B3RRRY >;]  
TA: yeah, iit’2 al2o about whether people thiink your blood color ii2 pretty or not.  
TA: 2hiit, my battery ii2 runniing out, ii 2hould go.  
GC: >:[  
GC: YOU TH1NK W3LL B3 4BL3 TO S33 34CH OTH3R 4G41N?  
TA: hell iif ii know, ii’m not even sure ii’ll be able two keep thii2 piiece of 2hiit hu2ktop.  
GC: W1LL W3 4T L34ST B3 ON TH3 S4M3 FL1GHT?  
TA: ii won’t know iif ii’m even flyiing out untiil ii’m 2old.  
GC: OH  
GC: R1GHT  
GC: >:[  
TA: hey, iin ca2e my battery 2uddenly diie2, could you pa22 a me22age for me?  
GC: WHO WOULD TH3 M3SS4G3 B3 FOR? >:?

twinArmageddons [TA] ’s battery died

======>

Your battery dies before you have the chance to respond.  Just your fucking luck.

======>

You figure there’s probably no use in trying to wait for that person to come on anyway.  She hardly ever comes on anymore.  Not ever since…the incident.

You decide just to head for the Empress’ Square.

======>

You’re folding your husktop for easy carrying when a throught crosses your mind.  You probably won’t even get to keep the husktop when you get there.  Odds are, there won’t even be a charger.  You may actually get in trouble for trying to bring it to the auction post. 

Why bother even risking it?  It’s a piece of shit anyway.

======>

Despite the overwhelming logic of this, you find it difficult when you decide to get up and simply walk away without it.  Not only because littering can be considered a cullable offense (though it’s not regulated very well), but a large chunk of your life is on that husktop.  Hacking files, codes you designed, even some very personal messages on Trollian.  Even though it’s easy to just call you a nerd, forcing you to get rid of your husktop is no different than forcing a writer to never write again, or a threshecutioner to drop their sickle-wielding ways for the rest of their life.  Husktops were your skill, your passion, and you’ll probably never own one of your own again.

Of course, why should anyone care?  If you had blue blood or some other high blood color, people might care about it.  But you’re just another low-blooded slave.

You remind yourself of that as you walk through the crowd of people toward the Empress’ Square.  It was easy to forget your place in the past—to forget the importance of the hemospectrum, and where you’re situated in it.  But it’s something you can’t afford to forget anymore.  From now on, you can’t let any manic episode, memory lapse, or screaming voices make you forget it. 

You just _can’t_.

======>

In spite of the crowds and having to dig through your long-term memory on where the Square is, it surprisingly only takes a half an hour before you find a large clearing being barred by a laser field with a metal platform in the middle.  You deduce that this is probably the bidding station, as you watch a female sea dweller calling out random numbers and pointing enthusiastically at a male maroon blood.  From your vantage point, you’re able to see the divide between the lower blooded slaves on one end and the higher blooded purchasers on the other.  You head toward what you begrudge as the side you’re supposed to be on, finding an entrance where a blue blood blocks the path.  No other trolls seem to be around trying to get in, which is kind of suspicious, but it’s the only entrance you see.  You decide to take your chances with this stern-looking blue blood, and as you come close to the entrance, she holds out her hand, as if to stop you from going further.

“State your name, I.D., and business here,” she demands.

Even you are shocked at how automatic your reaction is, and how unsnarky you sound when you say it.  “Sollux Captor, I.D. number six-eleven-zero-two, and I’m here as a slave.”

The blue blood looks through a husktablet she’s carrying probably to find your name and I.D., but not before she chuckles a little.  You know she’s probably laughing at your lisp.  It’s honestly not that strong, but it’s definitely noticeable, and has caused you to receive your fair share of ridicule.  Any other day, you may have been able to laugh it off yourself or disregard it as another annoyance.  But on a day like today—when you’re being laughed at by the person working to ensure your lifelong involuntary servitude—it’s almost enough to send you off the handle.

It takes all of your willpower to not to blow up her husktablet right there.

======>

After seemingly finding your name and I.D. on the husktablet, she looks back up at you, still not ready to let you in.

“Any weapons or objects that could potentially be harmful to yourself or others?” she asks, in a tone that shows she’s said this a hundred times today.

You figure she’s going to search you anyway, so you spread your legs and arms apart before you answer, this time with a strong hint of sarcasm.  “Not unless my glasses count.”

Before you can even chuckle at your own remark, she pulls the glasses off your face.  “Actually, they do.  A guy tried to break his glasses and slit his wrists with the pieces.”

_Well, shit_ , you think.  _There goes my bright idea to sell them off for dough._

======>

It turns out spreading your limbs was unneeded, as her husktablet has a feature that allows her to scan your body for any objects.  After confiscating a ball of lint from your pockets (“ _choking hazard_ ”), she finally steps aside to let you into what she calls the “Slave Pen.”

“You will await your number to be called out by the slave auctioneer,” she informs you.  “Until then, you’re free to do as you wish, so long as you stay inside the Pen.  There’s a public area with husktops where you can say any last goodbyes to friends or quadrant mates if you have any.  Otherwise, I would find them now before you walk inside, as you won’t be able to come out after this.”

You think the smarter move would be to hold your tongue, as you’re unsure how much information you’re allowed to ask for from these imperial officials—if your message was any guess, it’d be none.  But having a public anything at your disposal, let alone a husktop, is so strange a concept that your curiosity overcomes you before you can stop yourself.  “Why is there a public area for husktops?” you ask.

She shrugs.  “I’m not so sure.  My guess would be that it’s the millenial of the Great Gathering, and Her Condescension is feeling… _generous_.”

_Not generous enough to let us free_ , is how you want to respond.  “Okay,” is all you actually say, and you walk past her into the Pen.

======>

It doesn’t take you long to find the area she’s talking about, though it’s on the other side where you couldn’t see it.  The husktops are being powered by the slave-selling platform itself, it acting as a large generator of sorts.  You’re actually lucky to find a husktop has become open just as you get there, and are happy to find each computer has Trollian installed.  The troll before you left their’s open before you got there, so you log off and sign in to your own account.

======>

You don’t know why, but you were hoping that by the time you got back you would have had some offline messages from her.  Unsurprisingly, there is none.  You feel that you should accept that you’re not going to get a message from her—not after all this time.

Despite all of this, you find yourself unable to stop yourself from clicking her name to open a chat window, if only one last time.

======>

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

TA: hey AA.  
TA: how’2 everythiing?  
TA: well...probably not that great, ii’m gue22iing.  
TA: yeah, defiiniitely not that great.  
TA: not for you.  
TA: god, why doe2 thii2 feel 2o awkward?  
TA: you’d thiink we weren’t mate2priits or 2omethiing, haha.  
TA: ii gue22 maybe not anymore, all thiing2 con2iidered.  
TA: maybe we never really COULD be cla22iifiied mate2priit2, but...  
TA: whatever, liike iit even matter2.  
TA: god, AA, what am ii 2uppo2ed two do?  
TA: what do you even 2AY iin a 2iituatiion liike thii2?  
TA: ii have nothiing two look forward two anymore.  
TA: ii gue22 we BOTH don’t.  
TA: diid we ever have anythiing two look forward two, AA?  
TA: my gut reactiion ii2 two 2ay no, but maybe at one poiint ii thought there wa2.  
TA: maybe iin one of my niicer maniic epii2ode2 ii wa2 able two 2ee a great future wiith you and me twogether.  
TA: no 2lavery or anythiing.  
TA: ju2t  
TA: ii don’t know.  
TA: u2 beiing happy.  
TA: me beiing genuiinely happy for once.  
TA: but ii think iit’2 obviiou2 now that’2 never goiing to happen.  
TA: ...ii mii22 you. iit’2 2tupiid, but ii do.  
TA: ii’ll probably alway2 feel thii2 way.  
TA: do you thiink we’ll ever 2ee each other again?  
TA: maybe at the very end.  
TA: ii'd liike two thiink even ii would be fortunate enough two have at lea2t that.  
TA: or el2e ii would have lo2t iit a long tiime ago.  
TA: ...  
TA: AA...  
TA: ii just want you two know...  
TA: more than ANYTHIING riight now...  
TA: ...that ii’m 2orry.  
TA: and that...  
TA: ii love you.  
TA: ii hope you can forgive me for...  
TA: well...  
AA: s0llux

======>

The responding message leaves you immobilized with shock.  Here you were, expecting to pour your heart out with no interruptions and suddenly you’re seeing maroon at the bottom of your screen.  Your hands are actually trembling as you type a response.

======>

TA: AA? you’re really THERE!?  
AA: yes im here s0llux  
AA: where else w0uld i be  
TA: well, ii...  
TA: ii don’t know, ii gue22 ii kiinda expected after everythiing that...  
AA: that what  
TA: fuck, AA, ii don’t know!  
TA: ii don’t know how two proce22 any of thii2, alriight!?  
AA: i can see that  
AA: maybe i can help y0u pr0cess s0me 0f it  
TA: and how do you expect two do THAT?  
AA: turn t0 y0ur left

======>

You oblige and turn to your left.  But all you see is a bunch of trolls rapidly typing away goodbyes to the ones they love and hate.  You scowl and are about to turn back to your screen to type an angry response, when something stops your gaze.

And then your heart stops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a humorous note, there were multiple celebrities considered when I had Terezi quote a "troll prophet." (The actual quote is adapted from To Kill a Mockingbird, and it's said by Atticus Finch.) Winona Ryder only seemed to be the funniest to me. But here is a list of the celebrities considered, so that we may think and wonder what it would have been like had I chosen someone else:
> 
> Britney Spears  
> Donald Trump  
> Kanye West  
> Clark Gable  
> Marilyn Monroe  
> Courtney Love  
> Walt Disney  
> Marilyn Manson  
> Ringo Starr
> 
> and finally...
> 
> ROB SCHNEIDER
> 
> Wow, how much funnier that already redundant joke could have been with those other celebrities!
> 
> And I guess if y'all are interested, here's the actual quote without the troll references:
> 
> “Our courts have their faults as does any human institution, but in this country our courts are the great levelers, and in our courts all men are created equal."


	5. adiosToreador

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hERE'S SOME, uHHHH, sICK FIRES, }:D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tavros is fun. Who _doesn't_ think Tavros is fun?
> 
> _Losers, that's who._

“Hey, uh, Tinkerbull?”

======>

A buzzing of wings—slightly louder than most insect wings—is your response as your lusus flies to meet you.  The tiny, winged white bull flies into your view, smiling and happy to oblige you.

“Well, I was just speculating, as to what _else_ I should bring for, well, the ship I am to board, though, uh… I don’t have to be there until sunrise.”

Tinkerbull’s large eyes look at you curiously, as his body bobs up and down in the air.

======>

“Mainly, my question is in regards to my lances.

“Considering that we are taking an already large number of things, and that they will, in all likelihood, give me lances at where I am supposed to be stationed, I believe it is best for me to, um, _not_ take some lances, and leave them here.  However, given that I have, well, a lot of them, I am not sure which ones I should get rid of.”

You turn around, facing the back wall, surveying the five jousting lances you have propped up.  Tinkerbull flies around you and takes a closer look at the lances, flying between all of them before turning back to you.

======>

“I narrowed it down to these lances, but uh, I am having difficulties, trying to narrow it down further.”

You look to Tinkerbull for a possible answer, but he has none.  He just stares at you blankly, surprisingly stationary despite his rapidly flapping wings.

Your eyes go back to the lances, as you rub your chin in thought.

======>

“Well… maybe I don’t need to narrow it down more?  We _did_ decide to bring my modus, and, so, I guess I can put one in my specibus, and the rest in that.”

This response seems to make Tinkerbull happy, for he smiles and immediately flies to your chest, lightly headbutting it in a sign of affection.

You chuckle, and grab Tinkerbull in your arms for an embrace.  “I suppose,” you say after laughing, “that that is what I will do!”

Hooray! }:D

Your name is Tavros Nitram, and things are looking pretty good for you.

======>

Before you can ask of your guardian which lance would be best suited for your specibus, Tinkerbull wiggles out of your embrace to another corner of the hive—probably protecting the things to you have packed.  Since you were keeping your captchalogue modus, you thought it would be easier to pack everything up in boxes, thus clearing up a lot of cards that would otherwise be occupied.  You have a lot of captchalogue cards, but you’d like to save as much room as possible for easy unloading.

======>

Instead of interrupting the fairy bull’s watch again, you decide you will equip the plain lance with the red, white and blue swirl on its handle, situated in the middle of the set.  It’s the lance you had used the majority of your life, and compared to the other lances, it’s not all that powerful; however, compared to the other lances, it’s also not incredibly large or unbalanced.  You received two of those lances when you were younger, and another two from the Empire, and while they were extremely powerful and useful where you’re going, they weren’t exactly easy to use. 

It will probably take more training on your part to use them without falling over.

You use your modus to store the four other lances, and equip the plain lance to your strife specibus.

======>

The strife specibus, much like a modus, is something that is popular among game-playing trolls.  Actually, the strife specibus is probably more popular, nearly being a universal item among all trolls.  It’s practically required if a troll wants to play any sort of game, even the least violent, and almost every troll has played at least one game in their lives.

But unlike the modus, which can be equipped and taken off like any other object, the strife specibus always stays with you, as an abstract universal constant.  You can add cards to it like a modus, but they’re impossible to take out or off.

Also unlike the modus, the strife specibus and its portfolio are not simply for storing items.  Rather, they store weapons for a person, as well as weapon types.  You can have multiple weapon types, but you can never delete one.

For instance, you have the lancekind specibus.  This means you can equip a lance to your person, which can be pulled out in a battle or otherwise.  You can only carry one lance at a time, though you can unequip your lance and put another one in its place.  If you wanted to carry two lances, you would have to create a strife card saying dblelancekind, and while that wouldn’t be too difficult, why would you carry two lances?  It’s hard enough to wield one jousting lance, let alone two—even wielding a single dagger lance (considerably smaller) is hard.

So you stick with simple lancekind, the model weapon of the cavalreaper.

Cavalreaper?

Not important right now.

After equipping your chosen lance and storing the others, you call out to your lusus from across the hive.

“Hey, so, I think that we’re almost done.  Everything has been sorted into what I’m bringing and what I’m not, and so I think all that needs to happen is to put everything in my modus.”

You don’t hear any vocal response, but a wild buzzing from the other room tells you how excited he is.

What the fuck’s a cavalreaper?

Okay, fine, sheesh.  Talk about impatient.

A cavalreaper is an infantry person of sorts that is almost always on the front lines of war.  Mounting a beast of some sorts, the cavalreapers are usually the ones sent to fight other species in different galaxies, or quell uprisings among trolls.  Though they are not the strongest (ruffianhilators), the noblest (archeradicator), or even the most lethal (threshecutioner), members of the cavalreapers have more often been turned into heroic symbols of the empire.  They may not cast the final blow, but they almost always cast the first.

Other than being pretty badass, the cavalreaping ranks are also ranks that you have always aspired to join, ever since you were a grub.  Their heroism, their confidence, and the admiration they received from others were always inspiring to you.  And today, on the day of the Great Gathering, you have found yourself about to go on an imperial ship to finally join their ranks as a cadet.

======>

It says a lot that you were able to get accepted into their ranks.  Honestly, you were sure that they would reject you and cull you needlessly.  There are a lot of reasons why they would.  For one thing, your brown blood is considered extremely low on the hemospectrum—second to lowest level, actually.  And there are probably plenty of other arbitrary reasons why the empire would decide to cull you.

Is it also because you’re a parapalegic?

Wait, what?

_What?_

When did you ever say you were a parapalegic?  Do we see a wheelchair in this room?

…Okay, yeah, we can’t _see_ anything, being that this is all words, but don’t we think you would have mentioned swiveling in your wheel chair at this point, struggling to get your lances and turning it in different directions?

Tavros Nitram is many things, but handicapped is not one of them!

======>

Although it’s strange that we should bring up being handicapped, because there was a time once some sweeps ago that you being parapalegic could have been a real possibility.  That, or you could have died.  Though you prefer to think you would have only been handicapped.

It was an event a few sweeps ago during an extreme roleplaying expedition with some of your friends.  You’d rather not get into it now, but suffice to say, someone could have done something awful to you if it weren’t for the help of your friends.

Even though you’ve had more than your fair share of near-death experiences, the event always stuck out to you for some reason.  Perhaps as a turning point in your life, but somehow you think it had much larger implications.  You sometimes wonder what things would have been like if it had turned out differently—if you had been handicapped/killed by that person.  Preferably handicapped.  How would your life have turned out?  Would you be standing here now, in your hive, making preparations to spend the rest of your life as a cavalreaper, a moment you thought you could only dream of ever being possible?  Would you have been culled?  Or would something much greater have happened?

AU Tavros: Be the handicapped hero.  Get your legs chainsawed off by your friend, only to have them replaced with robot legs, and fail to avoid the stairs despite having been warned about them.

Wow, you really need to stop daydreaming so much.  You’re pretty sure that would never happen in a million sweeps, not even in a different hypothetical universe.

You have strange thoughts sometimes.

Tavros: Get back to what you were doing.

You decide to stop thinking and pondering and daydreaming for a second to go back to the task at hand: packing everything up.

Though, like you had said to Tinkerbull, there’s really not much left to do.  You already took your numerous fairy and Pupa Pan posters off the walls, took all of your books off the shelves, dumped all of the toys and treasures you got from extreme roleplaying and other means on the floor, and sorted them all out between things that you will be bringing with you and things you won’t.  You packed away all the things you knew you would feel bad about leaving, and left all the other things in another room in the hive. 

Even the lances you ultimately decided not to take are on the side of your current room, laying horizontally near the furthermost corner.  Upon being accepted as a cavalreaper, you received nine lances from the empire, giving you a total of twelve.  But most of the lances were more ornamental and meant for decorative purposes—only two of them would actually serve a cavalreaper well.  So as one of the last things you thought to do, you sorted away the lances you didn’t need, and have decided to bring five of the original twelve with you.

After deciding what lances to bring, all that you really need to do now is captchalogue the boxes in the other room, and you’ll be all set to leave.

You walk across the room to open the door, finding Tinkerbull fluttering excitedly near your recupercoon.

======>

 Your respiteblock looks barren, compared to the way it looked yesterday when you began your packing.  You used to have dozens of posters all over the room, all pertaining to your various interests: fairy and fantasy stuff mostly.  You ended up leaving most of those posters in the other room, but you decided to bring a few Pupa Pan and fairy posters, all rolled up in a bundle in the corner.  As well as posters, you used to have a lot of toys Fiduspawn merchandise littering the floor, and different comic books and fantasy novels.  All of the toys you decided to leave, but almost all of the books you decided to keep.

You look up to see your lusus still buzzing around your recupercoon.  You’re about to ask why he’s so fixated on it when you realize what you forgot to do.

_The recupercoon.  You forgot to tell them about your sleeping problems._

Sleeping problems?

Well, it’s not so much that you have a problem going to sleep as you do getting into your recupercoon to get a good night’s sleep.  You have massive horns that stick from both sides of your head, and they make it difficult to go into your recupercoon with its small opening.  The green sopor in the recupercoon helps trolls sleep peacefully, without suffering the terrible nightmares that plague your species; however, it’s only really effective if your body is fully submerged.  It’s hard to get solid shut-eye when everything below the neck is in sopor and your head is stuck dangling from the opening.  Nightmares and other sounds are enough to keep you awake.  

A while ago, you thought about asking to see if you could get a recupercoon with a larger opening on the flight and at your station, but you were too nervous to ask at the time, and put it off until just now.  It’s hard enough for you to gather up confidence to talk to others, but it’s even harder to do so with the empire.

Tavros: Try to get your request in.

They probably won’t even consider it now, but it couldn’t hurt to try.  Or it could.  You’re not entirely sure what the terms were on you becoming a cavalreaper, being that you weren’t involved in the negotiations.  A friend of yours made sure you got in, and you weren’t allowed to be there with them when they were talking to the officials.

Maybe it says something about it on your imperial message?

Tavros: Pull out your husktop.

Your portable husktop, which you had placed in your modus, is not that difficult for you to get out.  You have the candle modus, and all that you have to do is find the right candle to blow out to get your item.  Blowing multiple candles out at once can cause all of your things to fly out, but since you only have three cards filled (a bundle of lances, a charger, and the portable husktop), it’s not hard to find.

You find the candle and blow it out, letting the husktop plop out before you, still on and running.

Tavros: Find imperial message.

You received the message some time ago when your friend had negotiated to get you in the cavalreapers, so you open your “Saved Messages” folder and easily find the message at the top of your folder.  You double click it, and see what it has to say.

======>

**THE EMPIRE** requests of  adiosToreador [AT] their attention

THE EMPIRE: ---THIS IS A MESSAGE FOR TAVROS NITRAM, IMPERIAL SUBJECT # 6-42-0-5, AND GOOD FRIEND OF SIR GAMZEE MAKARA; IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, PLEASE HAVE SIR MAKARA CONTACT US; DO NOT CONTACT US YOURSELF---

_Tavros Nitram,_

_It has been decided that you will serve as a cavalreaper in squadron 2405 as a grunt.  You will be flown to this assignment on ship no. 1111413 on the 6 th bilunar perigee of the 12th dark season’s equinox of this 3111th imperial sweep.  We fully expect you will be there—if not, we will have no choice but to cull you or sell you into slavery._

_Please inform Sir Gamzee Makara of these terms as they are non-negotiable, due to a lack of a shared quadrant between the two of you.  We hope to see you on your flight, and wish you and Sir Makara all the best._

\---THIS HAS BEEN AN IMPERIAL MESSAGE---  
 _***LONG LIVE_ _~HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION~_ _***_

THE EMPIRE allows  adiosToreador [AT] to go about their business

======>

Huh.  It seems that the only way for you to get a request into the empire anyway is for you to ask Gamzee to ask them for you.

_Gamzee_ helped you become a cavalreaper!?  _Of all people!!?_

Gamzee and you have always been good friends.  You’ve always found it easy to be yourself around him, since, well, he’s the way he is.  He’s so unjudgmental of anything that you do, and never makes you feel like a loser.  He’s just a nice guy, and a good friend.  Plus, you and he drop the dopest slam poetry this side of the empire has ever seen.

That’s why when you were having to take the blood tests a couple sweeps ago, you had no qualms describing to him your anxiety about being culled or put into slavery.  And he, without you even asking him to, offered to help you talk to the officials about it.  He invited you and the other officials to his hive, and—with you in another room—managed to convince them to let you become a cavalreaper.

You’re sure most of it had to do with his blood standing, but you also like to think that it’s because he was able to show them you’re worthy of being a cavalreaper.

======>

Of course, seeing the terms of the letter—specifying that only Gamzee can request anything on your behalf—it’s clear his blood color goes pretty far in terms of obtaining special privileges.  If you have any chance of getting the recupercoon, you’ll have to ask Gamzee to ask them for you.

Unfortunately, according to your Trollian, he’s not online right now.  Though this could mean a couple of things: 1) Gamzee is actually offline; or 2) he “spaced the motherfuck out” and Trollian assumed his lack of activity meant he was offline (which is honestly more often the case).

You could always at least _try_ to get a hold of him.

Before you can even try to click his name, though a ding comes from your husktop, and a new message opens from a person you don’t want to be talking.

======>

Oh no.

Oh no oh no oh no oh no.

This is not someone you want to be talking to you.

What could they possibly want from you now?  Haven’t they made your life hard enough?

You sit and contemplate a few minutes on what to do. You can always just ignore them, you suppose.  But they’ll just keep messaging you until you respond.  That, or force you to respond themselves.  Maybe your best bet is to just talk to them, and hope that they won’t do or say anything awful to you?

Or…you know what, no.

You shouldn’t let them make you feel so bad about yourself.  You’re going to be a cavalreaper!  It’s time you stand up for yourself!!!! }>:(

…That is, if you even have enough guts to.

Multiple dings come on, showing the person is getting impatient, and is definitely not going to go without you responding.

You gulp hard and steel yourself for the conversation to come.

Tavros: Be tormented by  AG.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  adiosToreador [AT]

AG: Taaaaaaaavroooooooos.  
AG: ::::)  
AG: ????????  
AG: HELLOOOOOOOO, EARTH TO TOREADUM8AAAAAAAASS????????  
AG: ALOHAAAAAAAA????????  
AT: wOW, tHAT SEEMS TO BE AN AWFUL LOT OF LETTERS,  
AT: tHOUGH, i GUESS, tHAT IS SORT OF YOUR THING,  
AG: Wow, geez, how a8out a simple “hello”????????  
AG: It’s the Gr8 Gathering, and not even a simple utterance of formality on your part!  
AG: Is that any way to treat a l8dy, Tavros?  
AT: uHH,  
AG: Of course it isn’t!  
AG: Especially considering we may never get to see each other again!  
AG: RUUUUUUUUDE!!!!!!!!  
AT: uMMM,  
AT: i REALLY DON’T THINK i SHOULD BE TALKING TO YOU,  
AG: And why not?  
AG: W8, don’t tell me you’re listening to GA again!  
AG: She’s a no good stinking meddling meddler!  
AG: Meddling here, meddling there, meddling eeeeeeeeverywhere!  
AG: >::::(  
AG: It’s almost am8zing how much meddling she gets done from her little c8ve!  
AG: Wh8tever she told y8u, d8n’t listen to h8r! >::::(  
AT: aCTUALLY  
AT: tHAT’S NOT WHAT i MEANT,  
AG: W8.  
AG: You mean it WASN’T GA????????  
AG: Well, that’s kind of a relief, I guess.  
AG: So who else is telling you not to talk to me then?  
AG: I h8 them already!  
AT: uMM,  
AT: wELL, tHAT IS WHAT i’M TRYING TO SAY,  
AT: tHAT NO ONE HAS TOLD ME NOT TO TALK TO YOU,  
AT: tHOUGH i UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULD THINK SO,  
AT: bUT REALLY, tHE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS,  
AT: tHAT IT’S NOT SO MUCH THAT SOMEONE SAYS i SHOULD NOT TALK TO YOU,  
AT: aS IT IS,  
AT: tHAT i DON’T REALLY WANT TO,  
AT: tALK TO YOU, tHAT IS,

======>

Oh, God, you think you’re going to hyperventilate.  You’re actually doing this.  What’s she going to do?

Tavros: Continue being tormented.

AG: Whaaaaaaaat????????  
AG: Why wouldn’t you want to talk to ME???????? ::::o  
AG: I mean, let’s get real, I’m 8asically the 8est person you have to talk to!  
AG: Compared to that clown and everyone else in our group of friends, I’m the LEAST cr8zy!  
AG: You should 8e dyyyyyyyying to talk to me!!!!!!!!  
AT: bUT, tHE THING ABOUT THAT IS,  
AT: yOU DON’T SAY VERY NICE THINGS,  
AT: yOU DON’T EVEN REALLY SAY THINGS THAT COULD OBJECTIVELY BE SEEN AS NICE, oR SAID IN GOOD SPIRIT, bUT COME ACROSS AS MEAN,  
AT: yOU JUST SAY,  
AT: eR,  
AT: iNTENTIONALLY MEAN THINGS TO PEOPLE,  
AG: Yeah, r8ght!!!!!!!!  
AG: You’re just a wimp who do8sn’t kn8w how t8 t8ke a compl8ment!  
AG: Who else wo8ld 8ven say 8’m me8n!!!!!!!!????????  
AT: uMMM,  
AT: eVERYONE, rEALLY,  
AT: tHOUGH MAYBE NOT IN THE SAME WORDS,  
AT: aND PERHAPS MORE ARTICULATE,  
AT: bUT THAT IS WHAT EVERYONE SAYS,  
AT: sO IT’S NOT JUST ME, tAKING THINGS OUT OF PERSPECTIVE,  
AT: lIKE YOU USUALLY SAY IT IS,  
AG: Pleeeeeeeease, n8me five people that think I’m awful! And G8 doesn’t count 8ecause she’s just meddling!  
AG: Go ah8ad, tr8!!!!!!!!  
AT: uHHHHH,  
AG: Exactly! See?  
AG: You can’t even name ONE!  
AG: Clearly you’re just 8eing ridiculous, as per usual! And all 8ecause I messaged you to be nice and try to 8id you good luck in all your cavalreaping stuff........  
AG: Can’t even appreci8 someone trying to 8e nice, can you????????  
AT: wELL, yOU’VE DONE REALLY AWFUL THINGS TO ME,  
AT: iN THE PAST, aT LEAST,  
AG: Oh 8oy, here we go again!!!!!!!!  
AG: Everything I’ve ever done is to m8ke you STRONGER, Tavros.  
AG: It isn’t MY fault that you were too much of a wimp to follow through with any of my schemes!  
AG: I mean, really, when you lean on GA and AA and GC to fight your 8attles for you, it’s no wonder you 8arely m8de it as a cavalreaper!  
AG: It’s only th8nks to me that you even got this far.  
AG: 8ut don’t worry, I don’t need a th8nk you or anything. I’m just that nice.  
AG: :::;)  
AT: bUT, yOU DIDN’T HELP ME BECOME A CAVALREAPER,  
AT: gAMZEE DID,  
AG: Oh, sure, just 8ecause that stupid clown sweet-talked some imperial officials, he deserves all the credit!  
AG: Aaaaaaaall of it!!!!!!!!  
AG: You think those officials would have t8ken a second look at you if you didn’t already show some promise?  
AT: uHHH,  
AG: No! They wouldn’t have!  
AG: They wouldn’t have given a single shit if it weren’t for the training I put you through!  
AG: No shits would have been given, Tavros!  
AG: None of them!  
AT: i THINK THAT THIS TRAINING YOU MENTION,  
AT: wAS LESS OF YOU TRAINING ME,  
AT: aND MORE CERTAIN EVENTS THAT COULD HAVE KILLED ME,  
AT: hAD MY FRIENDS NOT STOPPED YOU,  
AG: And if you didn’t go whining to them, you pro8a8ly wouldn’t have even neeeeeeeeded Gamzee’s help!!!!!!!!  
AG: >::::(  
AG: You would have 8een strong aaaaaaaall on your own, 8ut guess what?  
AG: You W8REN’T!!!!!!!!  
AG: And so you had t8 hav8 that st8pid clown h8lp you, who’s 8nly real talent 8s e8ting pi8s and having p8rpl8 8lood 8nd 8e8ng stup8d and dum8!!!!!!!!

======>

Oh, _now_ she’s done it.

Tavros: Stand up for your friend.

AT: i DON’T AGREE WITH THE THINGS THAT YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT HIM,  
AT: hE IS NICE, aND HE’S HELPED ME WAY MORE THAN YOU EVER DID, jERK!!!  
AG: Excuuuuuuuus8 me!!!!!!!!????????  
AT: iN FACT, i’M STARTING TO THINK THAT, wITH EVERYTHING TERRIBLE YOU HAVE EVER DONE, yOU WERE NEVER REALLY TRYING TO HELP ME, lIKE YOU SAID YOU WERE!!!!  
AT: 1 NEVER NEEDED TO L1STEN TO YOU, aND FROM NOW ON, 1 WON’T!  
AG: 8h, you 8re just B8GG8NG for m8 to do s8mething t8rrible right n8w!  
AG: 8 COULD T8KE 8VER YO8R M8ND 8NY SEC8ND, Y8U KN8W!!!!!!!!  
AG: I W8LL F8CKING M8KE YOU P8Y!!!!!!!!  
AT: 1’LL TAKE MY CHANCES, aSSHOLE!!!  
AT: 1 HOPE 1 NEVER SEE YOU AGA1N, aRACHN1DS GROSS!!

adiosToreador [AT] has blocked  arachnidsGrip [AG]

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  adiosToreador [AT] in a new window

AG: TH8T WAS TH8 W8RST INS8LT EVER, DUM8ASS!!!!!!!!

arachnidsGrip [AG] has blocked  adiosToreador [AT]

Tavros: Revel in your sick fires.

sOooOo sIIiIiiCK!!!! }:D

God, that felt AMAZING!  That girl has tormented you for sweeps, nearly killed you multiple times, and you finally told her off, like a confident person with self-esteem would!

You’re on fire, Tavros Nitram!

(But not literally, that would hurt.)

_ yEeESssSsSSS _

Looking back through the messages, seeing you act all passive, only to tell her off at the very end!  You don’t even care if she tries to retaliate, you feel like you’re on cloud nine right now!

And the ones!  Why did you decide to use ones all of a sudden?  You don’t know, but it somehow felt right!  You think you’re going to do it from now on, replacing any “i” with a “1.”

It feels SO BADASS!

======>

Suddenly, you see your friend Gamzee come online—probably no longer spacing out.  Completely forgetting that you were going to ask him to tell the empire something, you decide to ride the wave of adrenaline and self-confidence to jam with him, and show him just how cool you feel.

Tavros: Jam with  Gamzee.

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling  terminallyCapricious [TC]

AT: hEEEEEY GAMZEE!  
AT: }:D  
TC: HeY hEy HeY!  
TC: iF iT aIn’T tAvBrO fRoM tHe MoThErFuCkIn’ MaVbRo, HoNkHoNkHoNk!  
TC: :o)  
AT: hAHAHAHAHAHA, wHAT 1S A MAVBRO?  
TC: MaAaAaN, i DoN’t EvEn KnOw, My BuLl FiGhTiN’ mOtHeRfUcKeR.  
TC: iT jUsT bE aLl FiTtIn’ So EaSeFuLlY wItH tHe WoRd ThAt Is AlL bEiNg TaVbRo, FrIeNd.  
AT: hEH, 1 SUPPOSE THAT 1S TRUE,  
TC: OhHhHhHh ShIt, SoN! :o0  
TC: i JuSt AlL uP aNd GoT tO rEaLiZiNg AnD sEeInG tHaT yOuR qUiRk Is MoThErFuCkInG cHaNgEd, WhAt WiTh ThE oNe’S bEiNg I’s!  
TC: HoW dId ThAt CoMe To Be A mOtHeRfUcKiNg ThInG tO eXiSt, My LoNg-HoRnEd PaL?  
AT: hAHAHA, wELL, 1T’S ALWAYS BEEN SOMETH1NG THAT SEEMED TO BE COOL,  
AT: hAV1NG NUMBERS AS LETTERS, K1ND OF L1KE TEREZ1, wHO 1S CONF1DENT AND COOL,  
AT: aND LOTS OF OUR OTHER FR1ENDS DO 1T TOO, aND THEY ARE ALL VERY CONF1DENT,  
AT: aND 1’VE ALWAYS L1KED THE NUMBER ONE, sO,  
AT: 1 DEC1DED TO GO AHEAD AND JUST DO 1T,  
AT: bECAUSE 1 CAN, aND 1T’S FREE, }:)  
TC: aWwW mAn, ThAT bE jUsT lIkE tHeSe MoThErFuCkIn’ BiTcHiN’ hUsKtOpS tHaT i Be UsIn’ HeRe At ThIs SqUaRe.  
AT: sQUARE?  
TC: YeAhHhHhH, dOgG! :oD  
TC: i’M iN tHiS bItCh NaStY pLaCe WiTh A bUnCh Of OtHeR pEePs WiTh AlL tHeSe MoThErFuCkIn’ HuSkToPs ThAt ThEsE bLuE mOtHeRfUcKeRs GoT tO tElLiNg Me WeRe FrEe. :o)  
TC: SaId It WaS aLl BeInG fOr A sPeCiAl OcCaSiOn Or SoMe NoIsE lIkE sUcH.  
TC: i CaN’t BeLiEvE mY mAn KaRkAt WaS gEtTiNg HiS wOrRy On FoR tHiS sHiT ‘cAuSe ThIs Be ThE wHeRe It’S mOtHeRfUcKiNg At!  
AT: kARKAT?  
AT: 1 D1DN’T KNOW THAT HE WAS WORR1ED ABOUT ANYTH1NG, }:/  
TC: YeAh, MaN, hE wAs AlL sTrEsSeD oUt AbOuT tHiS mOtHeRfUcKiNg ThInG.  
TC: bUt FoR sOmE fUcKiNg ReAsOn I cAn’T rEmEmBeR wHaT hE wAs AlL bEiNg WoRrIeD aBoUt.  
TC: I jUsT kNoW iN mY hEaRt PlAcE tHaT iT wAs FuCkInG tErRiBlE. :o(  
AT: oH, wOW,  
AT: 1 HOPE THAT, fOR H1S SAKE, tHAT 1T WASN’T ANYTH1NG TOO HORR1BLE, }:(  
TC: mAn, BuT tHiS gAtHeRiNg ShIt Is OfF tHe HaNdLe My ToReAdOr!  
AT: wOULD YOU SAY THAT TH1S PARTY, 1N TERMS OF 1T’S OFF THE HANDLENESS,  
AT: 1S, aS YOU WOULD SAY,,,  
AT: ,,,b1TCH1N’? }B)  
TC: OhHhHh MaN!  
TC: tHiS gAtHeRiNg Is So OfF tHe HaNdLe, It WaNtS FuCkIn’ NoThIn’ To Do WiTh It! :oD HoNk!  
TC: It’S fUcKiN’ cErTaIn ThE hAnDlE wIlL hArSh Up It’S mOtHeRfUcKiN’ wHiMsY. Bo)  
TC: i CaN’t ImAgInE wHy KaRbRo WoUlD bE aFrAiD oF jOiNiNg ThE cElEbRaTiOn.  
TC: ThEsE eMpIrE tRoLlS aIn’T mOtHeRfUcKiNg ScArY!  
TC: tHeY bE fUcKiNg BaLlInG aS a FuCkInG mOfO uP iN tHiS bItCh!  
TC: ThErE’s ThIs OnE fUcKiNg SeA mOtHeRfUcKeR wItH fInS tHaT’s CaLlInG uP a WhOlE sHiT tOn Of FuCkInG nUmBeRs, AnD tHeSe OtHeR pEePs KeEp Up AnD cOmInG tO tHe FuCkInG sPoTlIgHt, AnD eVeRyOnE gOeS fUcKiNg CrAaAaAzY!  
TC: sTaRt HoLlErInG oUt EvEn MoRe RaNdOm NuMbErS aNd ShIt!  
TC: It’S mOtHeRfUcKiNg WiLd, My TaUrOs TrIcKsTeR. :o)  
AT: uMMM,,,,  
AT: gAMZEE, 1 DON’T TH1NK THAT,  
AT: uHHHH,,,,  
TC: wHaT’s WroNg, My TaVbRo?  
AT: wELL, 1T’S JUST,  
AT: tH1S PLACE YOU’RE TALK1NG ABOUT, w1TH MUCH ENTHUS1ASM AND EXC1TEMENT,  
AT: sOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE, wELL,  
AT: uHHHH,,,,  
AT: yOU KNOW, 1T 1S PROBABLY 1RRELEVANT,  
AT: bUT HOW D1D YOU GET THERE 1N THE 1ST PLACE?  
TC: OhHhH, tHaT’s ThE bEsT pArT!  
TC: mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg LuSuS aLl CaMe FrOm NoThInG aNd SnAtChEd Me Up LiKe FuCkInG nObOdY’s BuSiNeSs. CaN yOu FuCkIn’ FiGuRe ThAt?  
TC: AnD sO hE tOoK mE wHeRe aLl ThE fUcKiNg LiGhTs WeRe, AnD hAd Me FoLlOw HiM hErE!  
TC: bUt As BuMpIn’ As ThIs JoInT fUcKiNg Is, I’m ThInKiNg Of BoUnCiN’ sOoN aNd GoInG tO wHeRe I aLl Up AnD oUgHt To Be On ThE sHiPs.  
AT: oH, yES, tHAT'S GOOD!  
TC: YeAh, GoTs To Be SeRiOuS nOw ThAt I’m A fUcKiNg GrEaT tYrAnNy Or WhAtEvEr ThEy Up AnD fUcKiNg NaMeD mE tO bE. :o)  
AT: wOW,  
AT: 1’M NOT ENT1RELY SURE WHAT THAT 1S, a GREAT TYRANNY,  
AT: bUT 1T SOUNDS COOL, aND POSS1BLY FAM1L1AR, tO SOMETH1NG TEREZ1 WOULD SAY ABOUT LAW AND H1S HONORABLE TYRANNY WHEN WE USED TO FLARP TOGETHER,  
AT: pERHAPS YOU SHOULD ASK HER FOR PO1NTERS, bE1NG THAT SHE 1S VERY SMART, aND KNOWS A LOT ABOUT LAW,  
TC: bRo, ShE aLrEaDy BeGaN yElLiNg At Me AbOuT sOmE nOiSe Of It BeInG pReStIgIoUs AnD sHiT, bUt I dIdN’t PaY tHaT mUcH aTtEnTiOn.  
TC: It WaS pRoBaBlY iMpOrTaNt, ToO. :o(  
AT: dON’T WORRY!  
AT: 1’M SURE YOU W1LL BE F1NE,  
AT: cONS1DER1NG YOU ARE A PURPLE BLOOD, aND ALSO,  
AT: bECAUSE YOU ARE ALREADY REALLY GREAT, l1KE 1 1MAG1NE A GREAT TYRANNY WOULD BE, }:)  
TC: aWwWw MaN, nOw YoU gOt A mOtHeRfUcKeR bEiNg AlL tEaRy-EyEd.  
TC: HoW’d YoU eVeN mAnAgE tO dO sUcH a MoThErFuCkIn’ ThInG, tAvBrO?  
TC: :’o)  
AT: }:)  
AT: hEY, bEFORE YOU DEC1DE TO LEAVE,  
AT: dO YOU TH1NK THAT YOU ARE POSSIBLY READY, tO DROP DOWN SOME RHYMES,  
AT: tHAT WENT TO A LICENSED MED1CAL DRONE, tELL1NG THEM THAT THEY HAD A COUGH, aND WERE POSS1BLY,,,  
AT: 1LL???? }:D  
TC: oHhHhHh ShIt SoN, yOu KnOw I aM aAaAlWaYs ReAdY tO dRoP sOmE wIcKeD rHyMeS wItH mY bEsT fUcKiNg FrIeNd! :o)  
TC: BuT fUcK, tHeRe’S a WhOlE lOt Of NoIsE bEiNg MaDe AbOuT sOmEoNe Up FrOnT, aNd It’S gOt A mOtHeRfUcKeR uP aNd CuRiOuS.  
TC: oHhHhH fUcK, tAvBrO, i KnOw WhO tHaT pEeP fUcKiNg Is! :o0  
AT: wHAT????  
TC: ThAt’S mOtHeRfUcKiNg SoLlUx CaPtOr, BrO! rIgHt On ThE pLaTfOrM!  
TC: aW, fUcK, i GoT tO sAy Hi To ThE mAn!  
TC: LaTeR tAvRoS!  
TC: bE fUcKiNg StRaIgHt!  
AT: wA1T, gAMZEE!!

terminallyCapricious [TC] disconnected

AT: yOU SHOULDN’T DO THAT, bECAUSE HE COULD GET 1N TROUBLE!!  
AT: oH,  
AT: yOU’RE ALREADY GONE,  
AT: sH1T, }:(

======>

It was clear to you that Gamzee had found his way into an auction block for slaves, and probably saw your other friend Sollux being sold.  You knew for a long time Sollux had been selected for slavery—not from him personally, as you and Sollux rarely talked to each other, but another friend who was close to him.  You’re afraid that Gamzee will be careless and endanger Sollux’s life.  You really hope that doesn’t end up being the case, but you also know that there’s not much you can do about it.

Your wave of self-confidence and happiness comes to an end, giving over to fear for your two friends.

======>

Tinkerbull is the one that breaks you from your thinking, flying over to your face, a worried expression on his face.  He was always able to see when you were worried about something, and he’d always try to comfort you.

Instead of opening up to him as you often would, you decide that as a newly confident person, you should act like it doesn’t bother you.  You break into a smile and pat his head.

“We should probably get ready,” you tell him in your most steady voice.

Somehow, he doesn’t seem convinced.

======>

You busy yourself instead with captchaloguing the boxes, of which there aren’t a whole lot.  A few boxes of books, a bundle of posters, and a few other necessities fill the cards of your candle modus.  After finally captchaloguing your husktop, you find yourself standing in a completely empty respiteblock.

You’re finally ready to leave.

“Come on,” you tell Tinkerbull, who has now all but forgotten your being sad.  “Let’s go.”

======>

As if on cue, you hear a large flapping of wings, causing you and Tinkerbull to rush out on your balcony to greet who you’re sure to be there.

Terezi, as well as her dragon Pyralspite, fly toward the hive, Terezi waving and laughing like crazy.

You find yourself genuinely smiling as wave back to her.

“Hey Terezi!” you call out to her.

“Tavros!” she responds back, as her dragon descends down in a circular fashion, eventually landing safely on your balcony.

======>

Terezi received her letter early today, as the sun was barely setting in the sky.  You, who spent most of the night packing things up, were one of the first to know.  You both also learned that you would be on the same ship, which was even more exciting.  That’s when she offered to possibly come by and pick you up, being that you live so far out in the country and have no real way of getting to the ships quickly.

GC: TH3R3S NO GU4R4NT33, BUT 1F 1M F33L1NG P4RT1CUL4RLY G3N3ROUS, 1LL SW1NG BY TO P1CK YOU UP  
GC: 1TS K1ND OF OUT OF TH3 W4Y, BUT 1TS N1C3 TO H4V3 4 TR4V3LL1NG P4RTN3R >:]

After not hearing from her for the rest of the day, you assumed she decided your hive was too far off for her to stop by, and resigned yourself to walking most of the way.  It was pretty far-off for walking, but it wasn’t so far-off that you and Tinkerbull couldn’t get there.

But still, it would have taken non-stop walking and some sprinting to get to your ship on time, which—though you’re capable of doing—would have been more than inconvenient.  You’re happy she decided to stop by.

======>

“Ready to head out?” she asks.

“Yeah!” you respond excitedly, practically ready to jump on her dragon and fly off.

Suddenly she looks you down, as if sizing you up.  “Why are you dressed in such boring clothes?”

You look down at your outfit.  It’s your normal one that you wear almost everyday—brown and white sneakers, black pants, black overshirt, and another black shirt underneath with your brown symbol.  You thought it looked pretty stylish, but now looking at Terezi with her red and teal roleplaying suit, it does seem a little plain.

You shrug. “I don’t really have many other clothes,” you explain to her.

“What about your roleplaying outfit?” she questions.

This causes you to look away shyly.  Your green outfit was an outfit you used as a boy skylark in your gaming and roleplaying adventures.  It was actually based off of Pupa Pan, a prominent figure in troll folklore.  You thought people would make fun of you if you decided to wear it on your ship.

But you’re pretty sure confident and brave people don’t say those things, so you instead opt for another response for Terezi.

“Uh, I thought it would be kind of stupid, to show up in my boy skylark outfit.”

“So?” she continues, now grinning.

And after a moment of thought, you smile back at her, finding you couldn’t agree more.

======>

After a few minutes of changing outfits and messing with your modus, you’re in your green boy skylark outfit, complete with a feather-adorned hat, flying along with Terezi toward the ship you both are supposed to board.  Tinkerbull rests peacefully between the two of you, Pyralspite flying at a comfortable and level speed.

You hardly ever expected you would become a cavalreaper, let alone that you would be flying toward your new life on a dragon.  This is, without a doubt, one of the best days of your life.  It’s enough to make you laugh out loud, and Terezi, sharing in your excitement, laughs along with you.

If anyone else were audience to the scene, they would have thought you two were mad. But who cares? You were a cavalreaper. Terezi was on her way to be a legislacerator.

You two have every right to be this happy.

======>

A ding interrupts both of your laughter, as you hear your husktop signifying you of a new Trollian message from your modus.  You know Alternia has a global wireless internet connection, but you’re still surprised that you get a signal even at this altitude.

Before you can try to uncomfortably grab the husktop out of your modus, Terezi stops you.

“Here,” she says, handing you her red glasses.  “Just sign out of my account and into yours.”

You’re confused at first, but upon donning her glasses, you understand what she’s saying.  The glasses show on the lens a Trollian client open, signed into Terezi’s account.  With Terezi’ instruction (you not being used trying to vocally command a pair of glasses to do what you want), you manage to sign out of her account and into yours.  Upon signing in, you’re greeted with a message that you weren’t expecting.  However, you’re happy to hear from him, considering what Gamzee was saying earlier.

Tavros: Answer  Karkat.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  adiosToreador [AT]

CG: YOU.  
AT: hEY kARKAT! }:D  
CG: ...  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING, YOU WOULDN’T HAVE DONE IT.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  adiosToreador [AT]

AT: wHAT????


	6. apocalypseArisen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y0u feel like the w0rld is ending

You know he only sees your ram lusus when he looks your way, but that’s enough to cause his unspectacled eyes to widen.

You see him mouth your name.

_ “Hello,” you whisper back. _

Your name is Aradia Megido, and things look pretty awful.

======>

As if controlled by an unstoppable force, he comes walking toward you.  Then his walk breaks into a run.  And then he calls your name.

“ _Aradia!_ ”

It sounds hollow in your ears.  But you can’t let him know that.

======>

He has already broken so much.  Not only today, but throughout his life they have torn him apart, piece by piece.  You’re surprised the man running toward you now, with holes in his shirt and worn-out jeans, still looks at all recognizable.

But then again, you’ve been with him every day since the incident.  You two have grown together because of it.  Perhaps you’re just used to this version of him now.

Still, even now, you can’t let him know that you have broken just as much as him.  He needs you to be strong.

Who else will be strong for him?

======>

Finally, he has stopped before you.  Instead of sweeping you off your feet, and hugging and kissing you, he instead only barely looks at you, and kneels down to pet your lusus.  She doesn’t react to his touch.

You knew you would have to be the one to talk to him first.  “Sollux,” you say.

======>

He freezes—flinched, as if threatened by a stray woofbeast.  He doesn’t even look in your eye.

He continues to look down as he finally mumbles, lisp apparent in his voice.

“…I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“…Where else would I be?”

======>

You’re not in the least bit insincere upon asking this question.  You are legitimately curious as to why he would expect you anywhere else.

He looks up for a brief second, only to put his head back down almost immediately after.  It’s as if he doesn’t want to admit you’re there.

“I just thought…” his voice trails off.

“That I’d be dead?” you joke.  The booming laughter you make is obviously fake, to both you and him.  But it’s all you can manage.

And it’s enough to get him to finally look at you, anger in his expression.

======>

“Don’t fucking joke about that!”

His teeth bares, as if you could be a threat, though you’re not.  And he realizes this quickly after, for he puts his head down—this time not out of avoidance, but shame.

“I just…didn’t think…”

======>

You let the silence linger for a second more, kneel down in front of him.  You wear the biggest smile you can manage, and even to you it doesn’t seem fake.

And this time, his eyes can’t stay off you.

“I managed to stay alive for eight sweeps in spite of everything,” you say dryly.

Ram, your lusus, licks your cheek, which draws a genuine giggle.  You see the knot in his brow that has been there since he ran toward you loosen.

“Aradia Megido is many things,” you continue, “but she’s not, nor ever has been, dead.”

======>

He kisses you on the cheek, and everything feels infinitely better.

======>

After that, not much happens.  He sits on the chair in front of the husktop you managed to get, and you sit on his lap.  His head rests on your shoulder, allowing you to feel his breath on the nape of your neck.  His arms wrap around you, and you absent-mindedly run your fingers through his hair.  Ram sits quietly beside the two of you, sometimes letting out a small sigh of boredom.

You both don’t say anything.  Just listen to each other’s breathing.  The amount of time that passes seems infinite, and you’re surprised that the guards don’t force you to get off the husktop to let others get on.  But you suppose they’re not used to allowing free access to husktops like this, especially not to slaves.  They probably don’t know how or care to manage the amount of time each person gets to a husktop.

Whatever it is, you doubt it’s out of the kindness of their hearts.

======>

You feel a shift in the mood between you and Sollux, and you suddenly know that now is the time to ask each other questions.

Predictably, Sollux is the one to start talking this time.

“When did you get here?” he asks softly.

======>

“Sometime ago,” you reply.  You shift a little to get comfortable, but not enough to break his embrace.  “Before you got here, at least.  I’m surprised you didn’t see me on my husktop.”

You don’t need to see him to know he’s smiling.  “I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“Didn’t the fact that I was online seem suspicious to you?”

He shakes his head.  “I just figured you were back at the hive.  I kind of didn’t expect you’d want to message me.”

He stops.  And suddenly, you both realize it’s your turn to ask the questions.

“Why did you leave without me?”

He sighs, surely knowing this was coming.

======>

“I don’t know, AA.  It’s just…today has been fucking awful from the start. 

“I know I promised that we’d leave together.  I know that’s what you were hoping for, since I know you’re freaking out about all of this and wanted me to be there to help you through it.”

He interrupts you, as if sensing how you were about to protest.  “Don’t even say you’re not scared.  I know you’re scared.  I know you were depending on me just as much as I was depending on you, and even though you’re not making a big deal of it right now, I fucked up.  I fucked up bad.”

You pause for a moment, not having a retort for what he just said.  You decide instead to let your fingers run through his hair again, lightly rubbing the base of his horn. 

“Start from the beginning,” you say calmly.

======>

“Well, the thing is…I couldn’t sleep last night, you know?  And it wasn’t just because of nerves or anxiety or a mania or anything, it was just…the voices were so _loud_.  They’ve been loud all fucking day.”

There was once a time when you would have been able to argue back that you know exactly how he feels and that’s not a proper excuse.  As someone who hears the voices of the dead, and can ask them to do her bidding, you’ve known all too well the effects they can have.  But since the incident two sweeps ago, the voices that you hear have become far more subdued, down almost to a whisper.  You were never able to explain why.  And while you know how awful it is for them to be loud, you can’t even imagine what it’s like for them to be screaming bloody murder day in and day out.  It’d be unfair of you to assume you know how he feels now, despite your uncanny ability to read him like an open book.

======>

“And it just spiraled from there.  I got out of the recupercoon and everything bad that has ever happened to me just hit me like a tidal wave.  The incident two sweeps ago.  My lusus being dead.  Having to get sold into slavery.  The voices.  How I had to live with my matesprit because I had no hive of my own.  It was all fucking there, and I had no stupid, snarky, ego-driven defense against it.”

That last part was true.  Sollux not only lost his lusus, but his hive two sweeps ago from the incident.  A huge accident that neither of you had any control of.  It had destroyed his entire hive stem, though being that most of the trolls in the compartment hives along the stem were his blood ranking or lower, he managed to not get in trouble for it.

You’d rather not talk too much about it.

After the incident, though, you offered to let him live in your own hive.  You managed to use some of the money you saved from extreme roleplaying expeditions to get him his own husktop.  You even got him a recupercoon, since, at the time, neither of you were comfortable sharing one.  Despite having been together since you two were five, it still seemed strange to share a recupercoon so young.  Of course, over the sweeps, you both gradually got over your awkward feelings and began sleeping in the same one every night.

======>

“And then I thought about you…and how your life seemed to be going alright.  You had voices, but they weren’t loud.  Your lusus was still alive.  And yeah, the incident caused you to be a little socially distant, but things seemed to have been looking good for you.

“…Until the message came.”

======>

The hand not running through his hair clenches into a fist involuntarily.  You gulp before you can even realize it.

You remember when you got that dreaded message weeks ago.  It was a little bit before Sollux received his.

You remember how you suddenly broke down upon reading it.  How you got sick and vomited in the load gaper.  How Sollux had to take care of you and wipe your tears and try to tell you everything was going to be fine.  How even when he received his own message, he had to try and act like it was no big deal, even though you knew in his condition how hard it must have been to not break down.

You know that he was the one keeping you grounded the past few weeks, and how you did little to help him.  And you weren’t proud of it.

The memory of the message stuck with you, clear as a picture, seared deep into your mind like a brand.  Even now, you can clearly remember the big black text of the empire’s name, and the almost casual way they spoke of your lifelong servitude.

======>

THE EMPIRE demands that  apocalypseArisen [AA] read this message

THE EMPIRE:  ---THIS IS A COMMAND FOR TROLL [insert  6-10-0-0 ]; NOT READING THIS OR FOLLOWING ITS OBLIGATIONS WILL GET YOU CULLED---

TROLL [insert 6-10-0-0]:

YOU WILL [insert WILL BE SOLD INTO SLAVERY] AS A [insert SLAVE].  THIS IS NON-NEGOTIABLE.

WE WILL SEE YOU ON [insert SHIP NO. [insert YOU WILL BE SOLD IN THE EMPRESS’ SQUARE]] ON THE [insert 6-12-3111] DATE.  OTHERWISE, YOU WILL BE CULLED.

\---THIS HAS BEEN AN IMPERIAL DECREE---  
 _***LONG LIVE_ _~HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION~_ _***_

THE EMPIRE no longer cares about  apocalypseArisen [AA]

======>

Somehow, the message broke you in a way no one and nothing else could.  You’ve always considered yourself a fighter, but you had no way to fight against this.  All the dreams of being an archaeologist, of digging up skulls and fossils and artifacts, all of the things you ever did under the foolish assumption that you still had the rest of your life ahead of you…it all meant absolutely nothing compared to this.  And even though Sollux didn’t know how to deal with it either, he remained much stronger than you did, bearing the both the blow to you _and_ to him all by himself.

And despite the fact that you know you screwed up, here he was still acting as if he was all to blame.  As if he had no right to do what he did.

======>

“And I thought about all these things, about how when the sun finally went down I would have to face you as a slave, and I…I couldn’t.  I just fucking couldn’t, AA.

“And so I left before you woke up.  Just took my husktop and got out.  And then when I got to the Landing, I just kept thinking about how bad I fucked up, and how I screwed you over by what I did, and how hard it would be for you to face it all on your own, and how I would probably never see you again, and—“

You turn your head and kiss his temple, causing him to stop.  You take his face in your hands and look deep in his eyes.

“I had my breakdown,” you tell him.  “You were allowed to have yours.”

You give him another kiss—this time on the cheek—before you break out into a sad smile.

“We both fucked up.”

======>

You both gaze at each other for a minute longer, before you finally break the silence again.

“Now you get to ask another question.”

Sollux smirks a little, which gives you some relief, as it shows you were able to lift some of the guilt off of his chest.  His next remark makes you even happier.

“How did you get your lusus past the guards?”

You let out a low chuckle.  You’re one of the few in the pen who has her lusus with her.  Everyone else seems to be orphans, like Sollux.  “They let her go by,” you tell him.  “I suppose there is an unspoken rule that if a troll goes in with their lusus, it’s alright for them to keep them.”

You give Ram a pat on the head, and she responds with a yawn, obviously still bored with your guys’ conversation.

“Though they told me I probably won’t get sold for a good price, since I brought her.”

“Well fucking shit,” Sollux says with a light laugh.  “And why the hell is that?”

You shrug.  “It gives the buyer another mouth to feed, maybe.”

“You’d think the nobility wouldn’t be so stingy,” he remarks, laughing a bit louder.

“Heaven forbid they pay too much for a living being like themselves!” you agree, joining in his laughter.

People looking on probably think the two of you are mad.  But this is the saddest day of your life.  You will be sold into slavery, along with your matesprit.  There’s no guarantee either will see each other again.  You may even find yourselves having to pail with someone you don’t care for either as a black interest or as a red one.  But you don’t care how illogical it is, you _will_ laugh.

You both deserve this last moment to be happy.

======>

A ding from the husktop causes the happy moment between you two to break, back into the cold realities that are your lives.  What could anyone possibly want from you, at a time like this?

Sollux squeezes you a little in his embrace, to get your attention.  “I think I want to go for a walk, AA.”

You look back at him, a softness in your expression.  You want to tell him not to go, because it could be the last time you see him, and you want him to be there when your number is called, or you when his is called…but you force yourself to smile.

“Sure.”

You move off of him, and he gets up, walking in a different direction from you.  You don’t watch him leave, because then you would be sure to call out to him to stay.

So instead, you focus your attention on the new message on the husktop.  Seeing the sender, you suddenly realize why they messaged you.  Such a meddler, this one is, always trying to get in people’s business.  But you don’t actually mind it from her.  In fact, you’re kind of happy she’s talking to you right now.

Aradia: Respond to GA.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

GA: Hello Aradia  
AA: im surprised after all this time y0u still have this acc0unt  
AA: d0nt tr0lls up0n gaining a pr0fessi0n get a different tr0llian acc0unt that reflects said pr0fessi0n  
GA: Yes This Is True  
GA: I Have A Different Account That I Use For Official Business  
GA: But Being That Talking To My Friends Is Not Considered Official Business I Keep This Account To Do That  
GA: How Are You  
AA: im 0kay  
GA: How Is Sollux  
AA: hes 0kay  
GA: Why Do I Doubt The Validity Of Your Claims That You Two Are 0kay  
AA: because we are b0th slaves  
AA: its hard t0 believe either 0f us would be 0kay  
GA: ...  
GA: I Wish It Didnt Have To Be Like This  
AA: i kn0w  
AA: but theres n0thing y0u can d0  
AA: theres n0thing any0ne can d0  
AA: this is just the way it is 0_0  
GA: Still  
GA: Despite How Awful The Situation Is  
GA: And The Awfulness Of The Situation Is An Immutable Fact That I Am Stating For The Record  
GA: And Despite The Similarly Immutable And Awful Fact That We May Never Speak To Each Other Again  
GA: I Want You To Know That My And Your Positions Do Not Change What Is Taking And Has Taken Place Between Us  
AA: i d0nt f0ll0w  
GA: Were Friends  
GA: We Always Have Been  
GA: If You Need Anything  
GA: And By You I Mean You And Sollux  
GA: Im Here For You In Whatever Capacity I Can Be Helpful  
GA: Even If Its Only As A Sympathetic Shoulder To Lean On  
GA: And Only In An Abstract And Nonreal Sense  
AA: ...  
AA: thank y0u  
AA: it may n0t seem like it  
AA: but y0ur help has always meant a l0t t0 us  
AA: we appreciate everything y0u have d0ne

======>

You can’t think of anything elseto say to her, and her lack of a response shows she can’t think of anything else to say to you as well.  Still, you can’t bring yourself to close the window, and it seems she can’t do the same.

Out of all the people you could have heard from today, you couldn’t have asked for someone better.  Even if she is a meddler.

======>

 Sollux is still out on his walk, and with no new messages on the husktop, you suddenly become acutely aware of the sea dweller auctioneer calling out numbers.  At first you don’t listen to the numbers she’s calling out, and mainly make note of her strange dialect.  It sounds strange—something you’ve never heard anywhere else on Alternia.  You try for a moment to pinpoint the accent, but you suddenly realize that it may be one of those accents that royalty often like to create for themselves. 

Royal and noble trolls—mainly sea dwellers—like to create unique accents that make themselves stand out from a crowd.  It’s more of a trend than anything else, but given that sea dwellers often live very long lives, trends for them can last what would be a lifetime for you.  Meaning sea dwellers have been doing it for a couple of sweeps now, and it’s sure to continue for many more.

You actually know of a sea dweller that created an accent in a similar fashion to most other sea dwellers, but somehow you don’t think it was because of this recent phenomena.  He might even say he started doing it before it was cool, which would be funny considering who the guy is, but it’s still the image you draw up upon the realization that this auctioneer probably made up her accent.

======>

When you get over the humor and ridiculousness of her accent, you’re suddenly overwhelmed by the numbers she calls out to get the trolls on stage.  You can’t stop yourself—despite your own fear of going up, and despite how cruel you think this whole deal is—from trying to pinpoint the trolls going up on the platforms and watching them get sold.

A few random numbers.  A troll goes up, crying.  He’s sold.  More random numbers.  Another troll goes up.  She’s been here for hours.  She’s sold in a matter of minutes.  Another troll’s number is called, and you don’t know what their gender might be.  But you do know they only got in a couple minutes ago.  Why are they getting sold just as they got checked in?  They’re sold almost immediately.

You realize then that there’s no particular order to the way the sea dweller is calling out numbers.  It’s all completely random.

Meaning you or Sollux could be called at any time.

_ Ding! _

The husktop’s noise causes you to jump in your seat a little.  Even Ram looks around, as if to search for an invisible threat.

Your focus turns back to the husktop screen, and you see to your disappointment that the sender is no one that could be considered friendly.

Why is she bothering you?

Aradia: Be bothered by AG.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

AG: Weeeeeeeell.  
AG: If it 8n’t Slavey McSlaver off to 8e a slave for the rest of her little slave life.  
AG: How are you and your slave 8oyfriend doing, slaaaaaaaave?  
AA: w0w  
AA: this is really childish  
AA: even f0r y0u  
AG: Can it, Megido.  
AG: I’m just reveling in the sweetest revenge that I ever got to witness.  
AG: And I didn’t even have a hand in it!  
AG: It just haaaaaaaappeeeeeeeened. ::::)  
AG: I’m honestly just happy it finally DID happen, after all the shit you pulled on me.  
AA: i never pulled anything 0n y0u  
AA: y0u just assumed what happened was intenti0nal  
AA: why d0nt y0u ever listen t0 pe0ple  
AG: Look, I’m not here for any small talk.  
AG: Aside from ru88ing in your face the fact that you’ll 8e misera8le for the rest of your life, I actually wanted to say good luck.  
AG: I may have wanted to make you pay for a loooooooong time, and you may deserve every rotten thing that happens to you, 8ut I don’t actually want you to die.  
AG: That’d 8e low, even for MY standards.  
AG: A lifetime of suffering is good enough for me! :::;)  
AA: after all this time y0u still try t0 say were the bad guys  
AA: all we ever did was try t0 keep you from hurting a friend  
AA: and you ended up hurting s0llux and i anyway  
AG: Ohhhhhhhh, that totally reminds me!!!!!!!!  
AG: I just got done talking to your little partner.  
AG: Gotta say, I’m honestly surprised he wasn’t sold into slavery like you and four-eyes.  
AG: Or should I say two-eyes?  
AG: Which insult would fit 8etter Aradia, hmmmmmmmm?  
AA: h0w ab0ut eight eyes  
AA: minus seven  
AG: >::::(  
AG: You think you’re so fucking clever, d8n’t you?  
AG: You’re just l8cky I didn’t try t8 k8ll you wh8n I had the ch8nce!!!!!!!!  
AA: y0u mean y0u were never trying t0  
AG: UGH!!!!!!!!  
AG: I think I’m fucking done with this convers8tion.  
AG: I t8ke 8ack what I said. You and lover 8oy can 8urn in hell for all I care!!!!!!!!

arachnidsGrip [AG] has blocked  apocalypseArisen [AA]

Um, wow.

Old grudges seem to die hard.  At least, for a girl like her.  Still, she’s usually not so edgy or so desperate to mock someone.  Maybe the stress of the day is getting to everyone?

Or maybe she’s finally lost it.

_ “Aradia.” _

Sollux’s voice breaks your concentration and forces you to face him.  You didn’t even realize he had come back to your side.  The sadness in his eyes is heartbreaking to say the very least.

“They…called my number.”

And suddenly the sadness is reflected into yours, and you can do nothing but squeeze his hand tightly.

======>

_“Hey!”_

The sea dweller’s voice breaks your concentration.  She glowers down at the both of you from the platform.

“I’m no **t** ge **tt** ing pai **t** **t** o watch you **t** wo kiss goo **t** bye!  Sollux Cap **t** or, number six-eleven-zero- **t** wo, ge **t** up here _now_!”

She says her hard “t’s” _very_ hard, and also in place of “d’s.”  It only sounded a little ridiculous before, but now it’s enough to make you want to kill her.

Sollux tears away from your hand, and your about to grab onto him, when he pulls you into him, planting a kiss on your lips.  He lightly sucks on your bottom lip, and you relish every moment of it, and even though it’s probably long, it still doesn’t feel like enough when he tears away.

“I’ll always love you,” he says.

He doesn’t wait for you to respond as he walks up onto the platform.

It’s all you can do not to scream as you listen to every agonizing second of your matesprit getting sold away.

======>

“Alrigh **t**!” the female auctioneer calls out.  “Yellow-bloo **t** e **t** mu **t** an **t** , with psionic powers!  Goo **t** for those with a ship **t** o pilo **t**!  Any s **t** ar **t** ing bi **t** s?”

“Four-hundred credits!” you hear some voice call out.

“Five-hundred!” another calls out.

“Six-fifty!”

More and more numbers being shrieked over different voices in the crowd.  You’re all too used to hearing voices of your own, but these…these are voices you don’t know how to deal with.  They drown out almost everything around you.  Even the dinging of the husktop with new messages from some unknown sender sound faint and distant compared these voices that seem to consume all sound around them.

It’s the sound of the end of your matesprit’s freedom.  And it’s absolutely devastating.

======>

And in the midst of all the sounds, you suddenly hear one voice that seems familiar, and it forces you to focus on the platform.

You’re shocked to see a familiar face hugging Sollux like an old friend.

_Gamzee Makara._

“ _Brotherrrr!_ ” you hear him say, slapping a shocked and muted Sollux on the back.  “I can’t believe you got to being at the same place I’m at!  What a _motherfucking miracle!_ ”

“ _Excuse me!_ ” the sea dweller yells at the purple blood.  “ **T** o you know this **t** roll?”

The logical part of you is saying that there’s nothing to worry about.  That Sollux isn’t going to get in trouble just because of Gamzee.  That it wouldn’t make sense for officials to cull Sollux because of Gamzee’s actions.

But whoever said the empire needed a good reason to cull someone?

Aradia: Don’t flip out.

You fail to not flip out.

“ _GAMZEE!_ ” you nearly shriek.

Multiple heads turn around to greet your voice.  But only one is happy from a high off of sopor.

Gamzee grins down at you.  “ _Heeeeey_ , if it ain’t fuckin’ Aradi-sis, too!  It’s a small motherfucking world, my wicked cousins.”

“ _Get off the stage!_ ” you yell at him.  “ _Don’t you see what you’re doing!?_ ”

“Go **tt** ammi **t** slave,” the sea dweller glares you down, “you will be sol **t** nex **t** for your in **t** rusion!”

It’s not so much a threat as her stating a fact.  But it’s enough to shut you up, and enough to make Sollux look at you sadly.

“An **t** _you!_ ” the auctioneer points angrily at Gamzee.  “I **t** on’ **t** care _wha **t**_ this crea **t** ure is **t** o you, you will ge **t** the fuck off my s **t** age or so help me Con **t** esce I will have you _cull **t**!_ ”

You suddenly watch two guards appear next to Gamzee—one cerulean-blooded male, one blue-blooded female—grab Gamzee’s arms, and pull him off stage.  You think you hear them apologize after—something about his “nobility.”

The auction continues as more voices add their numbers to the bid.

======>

“ _Ten-thousdand credits!_ ” one voice calls out.

And suddenly the number calling stops.  It is replaced by murmuring voices and whispers from the bidders.  You can’t see whoever called the number out, but from what the murmuring voices suggest, it’s from a person who’s blood is rather low.

The auctioneer confirms this by askng, “An **t** wha **t** business does a **_jade blood_** have a **t** a slave auction!?”

She even says “jade blood” without her accent.  But the voice did not sound like your jade-blooded friend.  First, she is a female, and the voice was male.  Second, she is down in a cave somewhere, tending to her duties.

This means that this is a jade blood that either absconded from his duties, or completed the task for which jade bloods are assigned.  This means he is probably a slave himself.

_A slave purchasing a slave?_

======>

The person that the voice belongs to has walked up to the platform, and it’s confirmed that he is in fact a jade blood.

“I’m here purchasing slaves on behalf of my master,” he explains, while flashing what looks to be some identification—presumably that of the person who owns him.

You can’t see the face on the identification card, but the way the auctioneer gasps makes you certain he’s important.  She only has to let the realization of whoever the troll is sink in for a moment, before she nods, and turns back to the crowd.

“Sol **t** for **t** en-thousan **t** cre **t** i **t** s!” she calls out.  “En **t** of bi **tt** ing for six-eleven-zero- **t** wo!”

Groans and mumbles are heard from the crowd, who are clearly not important enough to fight the wishes of this jade blood’s master.  You see Sollux—frozen in fear—pulled away by the jade blood troll, off somewhere you can’t see, and you can’t stop yourself.

“ _Sollux!_ ”  you cry, reaching out to the place he was dragged.

And suddenly you remember what the auctioneer told you.

======>

“Ge **t** up here maroon bloo **t** before I have you cull **t**!” she orders, eyes staring holes through your skull.

You almost forget how to walk right there, but suddenly you find yourself moving without your mind commanding you to.  Your legs are shaking as you step onto the platform, and the only thing you can think is, _I watched my matesprit get sold like a piece of meat right in front of me, and now I will be sold in the same way._   You hardly notice your lusus following you, tail between her legs.

Once you’re up in the platform, everything suddenly becomes dizzy.  It’s hard to hear anything.  All you hear, in fact, is the faint whispering of the voices of the dead.  You’re pretty sure, however, that the auctioneer has called out your number, blood color, and status as a mutant, because you see hands being waved and people’s mouths forming into shouts.

They’re all enough to make you sick to your stomache.

You really do think you’re about to vomit like you did the day you read the empire’s message, when a hand is raised and a voice rings out loud enough for you to hear, but you don’t understand what’s being said.  You turn your head to see the voice, only to be shocked again by a familiar face.

Only this time, it’s not Gamzee. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

CG: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I’M TALKING TO YOU.  
CG: I ALREADY TALKED TO SOLLUX.  
CG: AND I’M PRETTY SURE YOU DON’T CARE ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS.  
CG: BUT...FUCK, I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO RIGHT NOW.  
CG: JUST  
CG: [WHATTHEFUCKISTHISSHIT.png](http://s22.postimg.org/sspvpbpox/karkatimperialmessage.png)  
CG: DO YOU KNOW IF ANYONE WOULD HAVE SENT ME THIS?  
CG: AS A FAKE MESSAGE?  
CG: BECAUSE IT’S CLEARLY FAKE.  
CG: RIGHT?  
CG: THERE’S NO WAY THAT THEY COULD HAVE ACTUALLY SUCCEEDED...  
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T THEY HAVE TOLD ME SO IF THEY DID!?  
CG: FUCKING  
CG: ARE YOU EVEN *THERE*!!?

apocalypseArisen [AA] disconnected

CG: FUCK MY LIFE.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's clear now that Aradia and Sollux have what is known by many to be "a thing." Which is honestly one of the few pairings that I had already figured would be a thing, but Sollux's chapter really solidified it for me. It's not because I really ship the two together, it just seemed to make sense for the story--particularly them being red, and not the other popular pairing of them, pale. I just hope it makes sense for the readers.
> 
> I probably won't add Aradia and Sollux's matespritship to the relationship tags, unless enough people complain about it being their NOTP or some crap. Even then I probably won't change it. Sorry this isn't a story about your favorite pairing, deal with it.


	7. arsenicCatnip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :33 < *the mighty hunteress is ready to pounce! :33*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning for slurs made against neurodivergent people.**

GC: WH4T PROF3SS1ON D1D YOU G3T 1NTO?  
AC: :33 < oh...id rather not talk about that :((  
GC: WHY NOT?  
GC: H3LLO? 4C?  
GC: >:?  
AC: :33 < oh, sorry gc! i cant talk to you right meow!  
GC: OH G33Z, 1S H3 BOTH3R1NG YOU 4G41N?  
AC: :33 < its nothing serious! were just having an impurrtant confursation with each other!  
AC: :33 < ill be back in a few! :33  
AC: :33 < (and in case not i really am happy fur you! :33)

======>

You hope in the future that Terezi will forgive you for lying to her.  You’re certainly not talking to your moirail right now, nor do you have any intention to.  But you can’t be talking to Terezi right now either.

Not when you’re so busy.

======>

You’re sitting cozily against your napping lusus in your cave-dwelling respiteblock, though on the inside you’re far from cozy.  Any other time, it would have been wonderful to have one last chance to speak to an old friend, and roleplay with them.  But this isn’t just any time.  You have a plan to set in motion, and you can’t afford any mistakes.

======>

You remind yourself of this by switching back to that dreaded chat window you couldn’t bring yourself to close out of.  The window that caused everything to avalanche downwards and cause you to consider drastic measures.

The message from the empire.

AC: Read imperial message.

THE EMPIRE is demanding the immediate attention of arsenicCatnip [AC]

THE EMPIRE: ---THIS IS DIRECTED TOWARD ADDRESSEE [insert NEPETA LEIJON] SERIAL NO. [insert 6-12-4-5] AND IS AN AUTOMATED MESSAGE; REPLYING WILL RESULT IN INSTANT CULLING---

TO TROLL [insert NEPETA LEIJON], SERIAL NO. [insert 6-12-4-5]:

YOU HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED AS A [insert SLAVE] IN THE [insert SLAVERY] PROFESSION [insert AND WILL BE SOLD IN THE EMPRESS’ SQUARE]. THIS ACCEPTANCE IS VALID AS OF THE [insert TWELFTH BILUNAR PERIGEE] OF THE [insert SIXTH DARK SEASON’S EQUINOX] IN THE [insert THREE THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED ELEVENTH] IMPERIAL SWEEP.  YOU WILL BE SCHEDULED TO FLY OUT TO YOUR [insert FUTURE MASTER’S] STATION ON FLIGHT NO. [insert WHATEVER FLIGHT THEY WILL BE ON, IF THEY ARE FLYING OUT].  NOT COMING ON BOARD YOUR FLIGHT [insert OR COMING TO THE SQUARE] WILL RESULT IN INSTANT CULLING.

\---THIS HAS BEEN A MESSAGE FROM THE EMPIRE---

_ ***LONG LIVE ~HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION~*** _

THE EMPIRE allows arsenicCatnip [AC] to continue with their tasks

======>

You like to say you’re a master roleplayer.  You can take on any role as your own, as if that role were something you were born to do.  Even if these roles are ridiculously farfetched or unbelievable, you have no problems adopting it as something completely fathomable.  You can become a personification of your feline lusus, with her signature two mouths, sleeping lazily in her cave, or you could be a fearsome warrior, a force to be reckoned with.  You can do this for your friends as well, dreaming up scenarios for them with all manners of implications.  An angry friend can become a happy house guest.  An over-serious horse lover can become playful creature in just a manner of words. 

This skill is even useful for you in hunting.  Scary beasts that live on the mountainside—that can kill even the most powerful troll with the crushing magnitude of their jaws—become nothing but the prey of a skilled hunteress in your world.

You always told yourself you can take on any role of your choosing, if you so wanted.

But this…this is a prompt you’re not prepared to fill.

Not this.

Your name is Nepeta Leijon, and you know for a fact that this is _not_ your calling.

======>

You received the unfortunate message about your new position as a slave sometime before sunset.  Before that, you spent the daylight hours tossing and turning in your recupercoon, trying to obtain sleep, but to no avail, thoughts of what this day of the Great Gathering had in store for you.  After deciding that sleep was a thing that was not going to happen for you, you crawled out of the recupercoon, cleaned yourself up, and dressed simply for a day you had no resources to prepare for, donning only a simple black shirt with your green symbol, and black pants.  You didn’t even bother to put on slippers or shoes, nor even the green overcoat that's so large it used to nearly consume you sweeps earlier.

You thought at first you would go do some early hunting with your lusus—though you weren’t sure what your position would be, you were sure you would never have the opportunity to feast on Alternian beasts again in your life.  Before you even had a chance to wake your soundly sleeping lusus (obviously untroubled by the events that could occur), you saw your husktablet on sitting soundly on a flat-surface rock that you use as a desk in your cave.

You knew then that there was no way you would be able to get off the husktablet until you received your message from the empire.

And the message you did receive.

======>

After reading it, there was at once a feeling that you could have somehow avoided this had you not read it—as if simply by reading it, you had sealed your fate ultimately.  You felt that had you ignored it—had you decided to completely disregard this Great Gathering event entirely—you would have been able to continue your days roleplaying with friends and hunting and drawing and nothing would have ever changed.  But since you did read it, you were overwhelmed with the glaring fact that things were never going to be the same ever again.

======>

Your first reaction was to try to find a good friend of yours online to talk to him about it.  After all, both he and you always talked to each other when problems came about.  But being that it was so early, he was not online.

In fact, the only person online at this time was another friend of yours—a roleplaying partner, who despite his health problems, always went along with feline shenanigans.  He was always nice to you.

You thought that maybe you didn’t even need to talk to him about your problems—maybe just roleplaying with him would be good enough.

And so, you roleplayed.

Past Nepeta: Roleplay with Tavros.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling  adiosToreador [AT]

AC: :33 < *ac rubs up against ats leg mewing fur attention :33*  
AC: :33 < ...  
AC: :33 < :??  
AC: :33 < *the kitty pawnders why her friend has not responded yet, if he is intentionally ignoring her, or if he is simply too busy to talk!*  
AT: oH, hAHA, sORRY,  
AT: i WAS BUSY PACKING, aND HAD MY HUSKTOP SOMEWHERE i COULDN’T REACH,  
AT: uH, i MEAN,  
AT: *i TELL THE CAT THIS,  
AT: pRETENDING FOR A MOMENT CATS CAN UNDERSTAND TROLL LANGUAGE,  
AT: aND ALSO TELL AC, tHAT i WOULD NEVER IGNORE HER INTENTIONALLY,  
AT: bECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A MEAN THING TO DO TO A FRIEND,* }:)  
AC: :33 < *ac smiles and starts using ats recupurrcoon as a scratching post :33*  
AT: uHH, tHAT WILL CAUSE DAMAGE,,,  
AT: oH, wAIT,  
AT: *uHH,,,  
AT: iNSTEAD OF SAYING WHAT i JUST SAID, i CHANGE THE SUBJECT,  
AT: aND, iN TRYING TO MAKE SMALL TALK,  
AT: i ASK THE CAT WHY SHE IS UP SO EARLY,  
AT: aND IF SHE HAS RECEIVED A SPECIAL MESSAGE YET,  
AT: wITH IMPORTANT INSTRUCTIONS, fROM IMPORTANT PEOPLE,  
AT: aS TODAY IS AN IMPORTANT DAY,* }:D  
AC: :33 < uhhh  
AC: :33 < oops, i mean *uhhh ac does not believe that is a purrtinent discussion to have right meow, as it involves tricky things on her part*  
AC: :33 < *she also doesnt think its fur for her to purrden tavros with her purroblems and so doesnt really wanna talk about it :((*  
AT: *oH NO,* i SAY,  
AT: aND UH,*i WONDER WHAT SHE MEANS, wHEN SHE SAYS “FUR,”* }:/  
AC: :33 < oh! i meant fair  
AC: :33 < geez, i guess im just going crazy with the cat puns today :oo  
AT: hAHA, tHAT’S OKAY,  
AT: bUT,  
AT: uMMM,,,  
AT: *aT STILL WONDERS, wHY nEPETA WON’T TELL HIM ABOUT THE IMPERIAL MESSAGE,  
AT: aND,,,  
AT: uH, iS IT OKAY IF WE TALK NORMALLY?  
AT: i ASK THIS,*  
AC: :33 < oh! yeah, i guess we can talk normally  
AC: :33 < if you really want to  
AC: :33 < but...  
AC: :33 < its really not something i want to trouble you with!  
AC: :33 < its just...  
AT: wELL,  
AT: yOU DON’T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT, iF YOU DON’T WANT,  
AT: i’M JUST WORRIED IF IT’S SOMETHING REALLY BAD, }:(  
AC: :33 < its...its nothing horrible!  
AC: :33 < i mean, it cant be THAT bad  
AC: :33 < surely efurrything will end up okay! :33  
AT: oH, gOOD, }:)  
AT: aND YEAH, i MEAN, sO LONG AS YOU’RE NOT A SLAVE,  
AT: tHINGS SHOULD BE OKAY, rIGHT?  
AC: :33 < ...  
AT: wAIT,  
AT: aRE,,,  
AT: aRE YOU A SLAVE!?  
AC: :33 < i...  
AC: :33 < yes :((  
AT: oH NO, nEPETA! D:{  
AT: i’M SO SORRY!  
AC: :33 < ...its fine  
AC: :33 < its not like its your fault  
AT: yES, tHIS IS TRUE,  
AT: bUT, tHAT DOES NOT STOP FROM BEING TRUE,  
AT: tHE FACT THAT IT’S HORRIBLE THAT YOU’RE A SLAVE!  
AC: :33 < i...i know :((  
AT: i MEAN, jUST THINK ABOUT THE AWFUL THINGS THEY WILL DO TO YOU!  
AT: yOU COULD BE USED FOR LABOR,  
AT: oR JUST WHIPPED WITH NO MERCY,  
AT: oR EVEN BE FORCED TO, uM,,,pAIL WITH SOMEONE,  
AT: aND ALSO,  
AC: :33 < tavros STOP!!! XOO  
AC: :33 < i dont want to hear any of this!  
AT: oH,  
AT: i’M SORRY, }:(  
AC: :33 < i know youre just trying to help  
AC: :33 < but the only thing that could help me right now is if my moirail got online  
AC: :33 < then id at least have him to talk to about it :((  
AC: :33 < or maybe hed just make things worse, i dont know  
AT: }:(  
AT: iF, uH, yOU DON’T MIND ME ASKING,  
AT: hOW DID THEY DECIDE TO MAKE YOU A SLAVE?  
AT: wAS IT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU SAID TO THEM,  
AT: wHEN THEY CAME TO DO YOUR TESTS?  
AC: :33 < no! i was really pawlite!  
AC: :33 < i even showered and dressed up, like my moirail told me to!  
AT: uHHHH,,, sHOWERED???  
AC: :33 < i mean cleaned myself in an ablution trap, sorry! :xx my moirail doesnt like when i say ablution trap  
AT: oH,  
AT: wELL, i GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE, }:/  
AC: :33 < *sigh*  
AC: :33 < maybe the officials just got angry for having to travel so far out of their way :(( i shouldve found a place further away from my hive!  
AT: wHAT DO YOU MEAN?  
AC: :33 < well, the impurrial officials that tested me couldnt efur find my hive  
AC: :33 < and the directions i gave them confused them fur some reason  
AC: :33 < so i agr33d to m33t with them somewhere really far away from my hive  
AC: :33 < it took a day just fur me to get there!  
AC: :33 < but it inconvenienced them too, and they even said so when they tested me  
AC: :33 < maybe i should have traveled further...:((  
AT: wOW,  
AT: i MEAN, i SAY “WOW,” nOT JUST BECAUSE OF THE STORY,  
AT: bUT ALSO BECAUSE A SIMILAR THING HAPPENED TO ME WHEN i HAD TO BE TESTED, }:o  
AC: :33 < really? :oo  
AT: yEAH,  
AT: i ACTUALLY HAD TO MEET THE OFFICIALS AT GAMZEE’S HIVE,  
AT: bECAUSE MY HIVE WAS TOO FAR OUT OF REACH, aND,  
AT: tHEY COULDN’T FIGURE OUT WHERE IT WAS,  
AC: :33 < thats strange...  
AC: :33 < actually, now that i think about it, its even stranger, beclaws the empire nefur even found my real trollhandle on their own!  
AC: :33 < they only found an old roleplaying account i used to use when i was thr33  
AC: :33 < i only found the message they sent scheduling a test beclaws i was going through those old accounts one day ://  
AC: :33 < otherwise they may have never found me!  
AT: wOW! }:o  
AT: iT SEEMS SO STRANGE,  
AT: tHAT THE eMPIRE NEVER FOUND YOUR REAL ACCOUNT, oR YOUR HIVE,  
AT: yOU WOULD THINK THAT, wELL,  
AT: bEING THAT THEY ARE THE eMPIRE,  
AT: tHAT THEY WOULD HAVE INFORMATION ON ALL TROLLS,  
AT: aND HAVE NO DIFFICULTIES FINDING THEM,  
AC: :33 < yeah...youd think ://  
AT: i MEAN, iF YOU HAD NOT HAD LOGGED INTO YOUR OLD ACCOUNT,  
AT: tHEY PROBABLY WOULD HAVE NEVER FOUND YOU,  
AC: :33 < yeah...yeah i guess youre right  
AC: :33 < hmmm...  
AT: hMMM?  
AC: :33 < oh, sorry!  
AC: :33 < ive been talking the pawful things that have happened and didnt even congratulate you on becoming a cavalreaper :33  
AT: oH, uH,  
AT: tHANKS,,,  
AC: :33 < tavros, dont be so sad!  
AC: :33 < im really happy fur you  
AT: wELL, tHANK YOU,  
AT: gAMZEE IS THE ONE WHO GOT ME INTO THE CAVALREAPERS THOUGH,  
AT: dID i EVER TELL YOU WHAT HE SAID TO THE OFFICIALS FOR ME?  
AC: :33 < no :oo  
AT: wELL,,,

======>

The conversation continued with a funny, though faltering retelling of how Gamzee got Tavros into the cavalreaping squads, but truth be told, you weren’t really paying attention to it, only responding with the occasional “huh” and “really.”  As an even worse show of courtesy, you almost completely stopped replying to his messages altogether after a certain point, though he did not take offense to it.  Because Tavros’s conversation got you to thinking about the possibilities aside from slavery.

Possibilities that could have any troll culled were they to speak them aloud.

======>

Your name is Nepeta Leijon.

And you’re going to run away from the empire.

_ What!? _

It’s clear how easy it is, how easy it’s always been.  Why should you accept the distinctions other people give you?  Oh, you have green blood, that puts you in “x” spot of the hemo-who-even- _cares_.  You never agreed with the empire, or their system in place.  You just want to be able to be _yourself_.

Yeah, the empire says they’ll cull you, but they couldn’t even _find_ you at first!  And they still don’t even know where your cave is!

You know this terrain better than any stupid imperial official.  You can live off of beasts and prey with your lusus on the mountains, in the forests, on the rivers, anywhere you could imagine!

======>

The slavery role was never one you were meant to have, nor is it ever one you will accept.  So instead, you will take on the role of a runaway, a castout of the empire. 

You can say with honesty that it’s the best role you have ever decided to claim for yourself.

======>

The only problem is trying to say goodbye to your friends without really saying goodbye.  Which brings us back to the present, and your sudden cut off from your friend Terezi Pyrope.

======>

You decided it’s important to leave your husktablet on with you logged onto Trollian for as long as possible.  Because they do have your troll handle now, they will certainly access as much information as they can about your location—especially with that conversation with Tavros.  There’s no way they would let go of someone doubting their competency (but I mean, really, how stupid are they?).

As well as that, you decide it would be in your best interest to talk to anyone who messages you as you leave and wipe away any traces of your living in this cave.  Because as you said, you would like to say goodbye to your friends.

Even though they don’t really know you’re leaving them.

======>

You tell yourself that it’s the best option, for it to be this way.  After all, as a slave, you would probably not be able to talk to anyone again anyway.  Perhaps they would let you talk to your moirail, but even then, what would you have to say to each other?  “Hey, how are you, my life is just _great_ now that I’m a slave, how about yours?”  If anything, it could potentially break your unbreakable diamond, and that’s not a thing you’re willing to have happen.  At least by running away, you can occasionally talk to him by sneaking onto computers.  You don’t have to use your arsenicCatnip trollhandle—you have other accounts, and he is added to all of them (much to his chagrin at times).  If anything, running away will give you more of a chance to talk to him—and your friends—again.

======>

There’s another problem that begs to present itself as a conflict to your wishes.

You can’t talk to your moirail, or else you’ll definitely have to tell him you’re leaving.  It’s the rules of the diamond. 

======>

Yes, he’ll eventually figure it out when he doesn’t see you on the ships.  But he can’t know before then.  He might compromise your position.  He has always acted as a proponent of the empire (even though you can _totally_ tell he doesn’t really agree with any of their beliefs), and may try to get imperial forces to find you before you have time to leave your hive and make sure it looks like no one has ever lived there.   He knows where you live, and would be able to lead the forces your way.  He might even try to tell you that slavery is good for “your kind” and it’s only your fault that you didn’t present yourself well and blah blah blah.

You can’t have that.  But if he talks to you, you know you won’t be able to keep it from him.  He is your moirail, after all. <>

======>

So you have to pack away and/or hide everything as soon as possible, before he surely gets on and tries to have a conversation with you.  You also need to clean up the place because even though you and your lusus love the decorating you did, it’ll probably a dead giveaway to your scent.  You don’t know what sort of trolls or beasts they will try and send your way, so you have to clean up as much as possible.

Uh…”decorating”?

But of course!  What kind of girl doesn’t decorate a shipping wall of her friends on the stone walls of her cave hive?

I… _What_!?

As well as being a renowned roleplayer, a great hunter, and now a renegade runaway, you also consider yourself a master shipper.  As such, you have taken your sweeps living here to make a shipping wall of your friends using the blood of the animals you kill.

I… _WHAT_!?

You have mapped out nearly every potential romance there is for all of your friends, with your favorites or most likely ones being circled or starred.  Not all of them make sense, but a dedicated shipper never lets the rare pairing pass her gaze without acknowledging it!

It’s great that there’s so many quadrant combinations to choose from, too!

Nepeta: Please, for the love of God, do _not_ go into an expedition of troll quadrants.

You fail to not go into the expedition.  How could you not?  They make things so much fun for a shipper like you!

<3<

The blackness of spades and kismessitudes!  A romance built on rivalry and hate, but where two people still share concupiscent relations!  Truth be told, you’re not a huge fan of drawing up kismessitudes, but you do so anyway for shipping’s sake.  And honestly, some trolls seem to beg for others to hate them.  Two people you know in particular seem to dominate a lot of your most believable kismesis pairings. 

You’re only happy that kismeses aren’t supposed to kill each other, even if it usually happens anyway.

c3<

The grayness of clubs and auspisticism!  A romantic quadrant for all of your OT3 needs!  One troll acts as the auspistice, and prevents two other trolls from having illicit or unhealthy black relations.  Without the auspistice, troll society would be riddled with black infidelity and unwarranted killings (at least, more so than it already is).  You love the club because there are just so many fun combinations to get from it!  Every new ship drawn is an experience!  And it’s even better because one friend of your’s acts as the perfect auspistice for any trio.  Oh, how fun!

<> 

The paleness of diamonds and moirallegiance!  It’s built on an intimate, yet platonic understanding of another—platonic soul mates, as it were.  A moirail cannot live without their other half, if that other half is found.  More than this, it serves the important function of keeping dangerous trolls from wrecking havoc on society.  With a moirail to keep them a check, an overly violent or aggressive troll could be pacified in a matter of seconds. 

You know for a fact that your moirail would be going on rampages left and right if you didn’t make sure he was calm.  God, he has anger issues.

You take a moment then to gaze at the drawing of you and your own moirail, with a pink diamond over it.  You have to say that you never expected to be anyone’s moirail, especially not his, but as much as he bothers you at times, you know he needs you.  That’s the beauty of moirallegiance.  It happens out of nowhere, and when it fits…it’s near unbreakable. 

<3

And the final quadrant—one of your favorites, if not your absolute favorite.  The red quadrant of hearts and matespritship!  This is based on having flushed, positive romantic feelings for another troll.  This is where you tell another troll you love them, that you care about their existence—so much so that you’re willing to mate with them, which is kind of a big deal in troll society.  Matespritship is the other concupiscent relationship aside from kismessitude, auspisticism and moirallegiance having meant to be platonic.

======>

You have many pairings in the red quadrant.  You think it suits most of your friends and pairings better than any kismessitude you can come up with (save for those two trolls you mentioned earlier).  You also think it’s nicer to pair people up in matespritships than kismessitudes.  They’re much more friendly and cute!

There is one matesprit pairing that you hold a lot of high regard for—one that settles closely to your heart.  Your magnum opus.  Your **_One True Pairing_**.

It’s your absolute favorite pairing, if a bit personal to mention.

Nepeta: Mention your OTP.

What?  No!  Why would you do that?

Your OTP is highly confidential!  What kind of person goes around parading their OTP for everyone to see like it’s no big deal?  No one who knows the sanctity of the OTP, that’s for sure! 

OTPs are serious business—not something to fool around and play with!  You can’t just lollygag and choose an OTP willy-nilly, while at the same time showing everyone like, “Oh, wow, look at this cool thing I found” like a dead animal to give to some—

…-one.

Oh.

Speaking of the devil, a ding goes off on your husktablet, signifying a new trollian message.  From none other than the person himself.

You feel your heart skipping more than a couple beats as you open the message to see what he’s saying.

Nepeta: Answer troll.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

CG: NEPETA, GET HIM TO TALK TO ME.  
AC: :33 < *ac purrks her head curiously at the visiting troll, but is still happy to s33 him! :33*  
CG: NO, STOP RIGHT FUCKING THERE.  
CG: STOP YOUR RIDICULOUS, NONSENSICAL, RETARDED ROLEPLAYING, TALK SERIOUSLY FOR ONCE IN YOUR GODDAMN LIFE, AND *GET HIM TO TALK TO ME*.  
AC: :33 < uh...who do you n33d to talk to?  
CG: YOU’RE NO GOOD, UGLY, FREAKISH BRUTE OF A MOIRAIL, THAT’S WHO.  
CG: I HAVE FUCKING BUSINESS WITH HIM, BUT HE’S DECIDED THAT HE’S BEYOND TALKING TO PEASANTS LIKE *ME* TODAY AND ISN’T RESPONDING TO MY MESSAGES.  
CG: YOU NEED TO GET HIM OFF HIS HIGH SKYHORSE AND HAVE HIM FUCKING *TALK TO ME*.  
AC: :33 < really? i didnt know you and him had something planned today :oo  
CG: WE DON’T HAVE ANYTHING PLANNED. I JUST NEED TO FUCKING TALK TO HIM.  
AC: :33 < well, id like to help you!  
AC: :33 < but...i cant 33:  
CG: AND WHY THE FUCK NOT!?  
CG: OH, LET ME GUESS, IT GOES AGAINST YOUR STUPID SHIPPING WALL, HUH?  
CG: YOU THINK WE MIGHT GET INTO A QUADRANT YOU WOULDN’T WANT US IN.  
AC: :33 < what? it doesnt have anything to do with my shipping wall!  
AC: :33 < wait, are you ACTUALLY going to try to get into a quadrant with him!? :oo  
CG: OH, DON’T MAKE ME FUCKING *LAUGH*.  
CG: IF ANYTHING, I’M GOING TO MAKE SURE HE KNOWS TO STAY AS FAR THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME AS POSSIBLE, OR ELSE I’LL EVISCERATE HIM TO THE FIFTH DIMENSION.  
CG: TEREZI’S LUSUS WILL SMELL HIS FESTERING BOWELS FOR THE REST OF ITS LIFE ONCE I’M FINISHED.  
AC: :33 < ...  
AC: :33 < _you mean youre going BLACK fur him!!!!??_ DD:  
CG: WHAT!? *NO!!!*  
CG: I WANT HIM TO BE HURT IN A VERY PLATONIC WAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.  
CG: SO GET OVER WHATEVER BULLSHIT DRAMA YOU HAVE WITH HIM RIGHT NOW AND MAKE HIM FUCKING *ANSWER ME*.  
AC: :33 < theres no drama betw33n me and him!  
AC: :33 < i just...  
AC: :33 < i cant talk to him  
AC: :33 < its REALLY complicated, karcat :((  
CG: OF FUCKING COURSE IT IS.  
CG: I SHOULD HAVE GUESSED FROM THE BEGINNING.  
AC: :33 < :?? what do you mean?  
CG: YOU AND HIM ARE IN *CAHOOTS* TOGETHER TO UNDERMINE ME, AREN’T YOU?  
CG: BEEFSTEAK HAS SOME GODDAMN NUB TO PICK WITH ME BECAUSE HE FOUND OUT MY SECRET, AND HAS SOMEHOW TURNED *YOU* AGAINST ME TOO!  
CG: WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I HAVE EXPECTED ANYTHING DIFFERENT!?  
CG: WHY SHOULD I HAVE BELIEVED THAT AT LEAST *YOU* WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN THAT!!?  
AC: :33 < what!? no, karkat! DD:  
AC: :33 < i have no idea what youre talking about!  
AC: :33 < i never even knew you had any big secrets until this moment! :oo  
CG: OH, YEAH RIGHT!  
CG: SO YOU PROBABLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT *THIS* LETTER IS!  
CG: [WHATTHEFUCKISTHISSHIT.png](http://s22.postimg.org/sspvpbpox/karkatimperialmessage.png)  
AC: :33 < um...  
AC: :33 < i know thats an impurrial message ://  
AC: :33 < are you sure youre sending me the right thing?  
CG: DON’T ACT LIKE YOU’RE NOT AWARE THAT THIS IS FAKE.  
CG: SO MANY PEOPLE TRY TO ACT LIKE THIS IS REAL WHEN IT’S CLEARLY NOT.  
CG: NOW TELL ME—HOW THE FUCK DID CT MANAGE TO IMPERSONATE THE EMPIRE?  
AC: :33 < but...but karkat, that cant be fake!  
AC: :33 < i mean, it shows you as a gr33n blood, and its the exact same message as mine, s33?  
AC: :33 < [this is my message!.png](http://s11.postimg.org/gkcg00h0j/nepetaimperialmessage.png)  
AC: :33 < people get messages tailored to their blood colors, and lowbloods get automated messages! thats what my meowrail told me!  
AC: :33 < and since im the only gr33n blood you know, and youre the first purrson i showed my message to, it has to be real!  
CG: WAIT  
CG: MY MESSAGE *IS* EXACTLY LIKE YOURS.  
CG: AND YOURS IS...FUCKING LEGITIMATE? *NOT* FAKE?  
AC: :33 < of course!  
AC: :33 < well...unfurtunately, it is :((  
CG: I  
CG: WHATEVER, ALL IT MEANS IS THAT YOU FOR SURE HELPED CT MAKE A MESSAGE TO SCARE ME  
AC: :33 < but i just told you i didnt! youre the first purrson ive shown this to, and im not even talking to my moirail! DD:  
CG: YEAH, WELL I’M CALLING BULLSHIT  
CG: YOU AND YOUR STUPID MOIRAIL ARE PROBABLY FUCKING WITH ME, HIM BECAUSE HE’S JUST A GRADE-A ASSHOLE, AND YOU PROBABLY HAVE SOME GODDAMN GRUDGE AGAINST ME BECAUSE  
CG: ...WAIT  
CG: ...  
CG: ...NEPETA, YOU’RE...  
CG: ...YOU’RE A *SLAVE*?  
AC: :33 < ...:((  
CG: OH, FUCK.  
CG: OH, GOD, I FEEL HORRIBLE NOW.  
CG: WHAT AM I EVEN *THINKING*? ACCUSING YOU IS EVEN WORSE THAN ACCUSING SOLLUX AT THIS POINT.  
CG: FUCK, I’M...I’M SO SORRY, NEPETA.  
AC: :33 < its...its fine!  
AC: :33 < im sure itll be fine! youll s33!  
CG: NO, FUCK, THIS ISN’T FINE.  
CG: IT’S NOT FINE AT ALL.  
CG: I JUST  
CG: *FUCK*  
CG: DOES *HE* KNOW ABOUT THIS?  
AC: :33 < ...no  
AC: :33 < thats what i was saying, youre the furst purrson to s33 it  
AC: :33 < and thats also why i cant bring myself to speak to him right meow  
AC: :33 < i wouldnt know what to say to him  
AC: :33 < i dont even really know what im going to do about it! im just...doing what i can  
CG: WOULDN’T THE ONLY OPTION BE AT THIS POINT FOR YOU TO JUST...BECOME A SLAVE?  
AC: :33 < well...its just really complicated right now :((  
CG: I GUESS THERE’S NO WAY YOU WOULD BE LYING TO ME ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT  
CG: AND WITHOUT YOUR MESSAGE AS AN EXAMPLE, THERE’S NO WAY CT COULD BE INVOLVED WITH *MY* MESSAGE.  
CG: FUCK, NEPETA, I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE YOU WERE A SLAVE.  
AC: :33 < ...  
AC: :33 < you know, i nefur would have guessed that you were a gr33n blood  
AC: :33 < though i guess it nefur s33med that impurrtant to know  
AC: :33 < you were always just regular old shouty karkitty! :33  
CG: OH GOD, IT’S...NOT REALLY THAT SIMPLE.  
CG: I DON’T KNOW HOW COMPLICATED YOUR DEAL IS, OR IF MY SITUATION EVEN HOLDS A CANDLE TO IT, BUT...IT’S PRETTY GODDAMN COMPLICATED.  
AC: :33 < really?  
CG: YEAH. AND I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING EARLIER ABOUT IT TO YOU—I MEAN, WE’RE NOT CLOSE, BUT YOU NEVER SEEMED THAT PICKY ABOUT BLOOD COLOR, UNLIKE THAT ASSHOLE MOIRAIL OF YOURS.  
CG: I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE YOU MANAGED TO FIND AND STILL REGULARLY CONVERSE WITH A TROLL WHO’S ACTUALLY MORE TERRIBLE THAN ME. WAY TO FUCKING GO ON THAT.  
AC: :33 < he isnt really as mean as he s33ms ://  
AC: :33 < i honestly dont think he takes blood color as seriously as he likes to say  
CG: YEAH, WELL, HE STILL PROBABLY WOULDN’T HESITATE TO HURT SOMEONE LIKE ME.  
AC: :33 < oh nooo! DD: i wouldnt let him hurt you!  
AC: :33 < id make sure of it! he would have to leave you alone if he knew  
AC: :33 < uh  
AC: :33 < shit  
CG: WHAT?  
AC: :33 < :xx  
CG: WHATEVER, AS MUCH AS I KNOW YOUR INFLUENCE COULD PROBABLY SWAY HIM, I HAVE A “FELINE” AS IT WERE THAT HE WOULD BE _STRONG_ LY INCLINED TO DO SOMETHING TO ME IF HE WERE AWARE OF CERTAIN FACTS  
AC: :33 < you mean about the...complicated thing?  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: LOOK, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS, YOU CAN ASK TEREZI. SHE’S ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO KNOWS, AND THE BEST ONE TO ASK RIGHT NOW.  
CG: YOU AND HER GET ALONG, RIGHT?  
AC: :33 < of course we do! but...  
CG: BUT WHAT?  
AC: :33 < since you didnt really push my complicated thing, it wouldnt be fair for me to push yours  
AC: :33 < i dont n33d to try and get into your purrsonal life  
AC: :33 < and besides, i dont care what your blood color is! i nefur did!  
AC: :33 < whatefur this complicated thing is, its really none of my business, is it?  
CG: ...YOU KNOW, EVEN THOUGH I’VE ALWAYS INSULTED YOU AND TOLD YOU THAT YOUR ROLEPLAYING IS STUPID  
CG: WHICH IT IS, DON’T GET ANY FUCKING DOUBTS ABOUT THAT  
CG: I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN EXTREMELY  
CG: WELL  
CG: NICE, ALL THINGS CONSIDERD  
CG: AND I COULD HAVE BEEN A LOT NICER TO YOU  
AC: :33 < :OO you really mean that?  
CG: YEAH. AND YOU'RE WAY MORE RESPECTFUL OF PEOPLE’S PERSONAL AFFAIRS THAN SOME OF THE OTHER ASSHOLES WE’RE FORCED TO ASSOCIATE WITH.  
AC: :33 < i dont really have a purroblem with any of them ://  
AC: :33 < well, except ag...  
AC: :33 < and ca too! ca gives me the CR33PS! XOO  
CG: OH GOD, PLEASE DON’T BRING UP CA RIGHT NOW  
CG: I’M GETTING SICK JUST THINKING ABOUT THAT GUY  
CG: FUCK, THIS ENTIRE SITUATION MAKES ME WANT TO PROJECTILE VOMIT INTO THE FACE OF THE NEAREST TROLL.  
AC: :33 < ewww, thats gross! XPP  
CG: COMING FROM A GIRL WHO LIVES IN A CAVE AND LITERALLY PAINTS A SHIPPING GRID OF HER FRIENDS’ LOVE LIVES WITH THE BLOOD OF HER VICTIMS.  
AC: :33 < hey! how else is a mighty huntress like myself going to k33p track of purrtential ships? :33  
CG: PLEASE, DON’T TRY TO MAKE ME LAUGH WHEN I’M GAGGING ON THE IMAGE OF ANIMAL INTESTINES LINING YOUR COZY LITTLE CAVE WHILE YOU MAKE OBNOXIOUS CAT NOISES AND PUNS.  
CG: GOD, I’VE PROBABLY TAKEN UP A LOT OF YOUR TIME. I SHOULD LET YOU GO.  
AC: :33 < what? you dont have to go! :oo  
AC: :33 < i mean, i  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < *ac enjoys having confursations with her dear friend karcat :33*  
CG: WHAT THE HELL DID I SAY ABOUT ROLEPLAYING?  
CG: AH, I GUESS IT DOESN’T MATTER.  
CG: EVEN IF YOU CAN STAND TO TALK TO AN ABSOLUTE SHITSTAIN LIKE ME FOR A WHILE, I STILL NEED TO TALK TO OTHERS ABOUT THIS GODDAMN MESSAGE  
CG: I GUESS AG IS THE MOST LIKELY CANDIDATE NOW, BUT...  
CG: FUCK, NOW IT’S STARTING TO LOOK LIKE IT’S ACTUALLY *REAL*  
CG: BUT THAT CAN’T BE TRUE. IT WOULDN’T MAKE *SENSE*, YOU KNOW?  
AC: :33 < uh... :??  
CG: OH, RIGHT. I GUESS YOU WOULDN’T KNOW.  
CG: ANYWAY, IN THE EVENT THIS IS OUR LAST CONVERSATION WITH EACH OTHER  
CG: I’M...SORRY  
CG: FOR ALWAYS BEING SO AWFUL TO YOU  
CG: INCLUDING THE MAJORITY OF THIS CONVERSATION  
CG: I REALLY DO HOPE YOU END UP BEING HAPPY, NEPETA.  
CG: YOU DESERVE IT.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

AC: :33 < :oo

Nepeta: NOW mention your OTP.

Okay, so maybe your OTP is a bit personal.  Maybe it involves you being red with a certain troll.  A troll who types in angry shouty grey letters and is just absolutely adorable and YOU KNOW WHAT, WHO ARE ANY OF US TO JUDGE.

It probably doesn’t really matter how you feel about the troll now.  You’ve had a crush on him for who knows how long, and you never once told him how you felt.  This was your last chance, and you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything.

Honestly, you’re pretty sure he doesn’t return your feelings.  And what with your decision to become a runaway, it’s probably best to just get over the infatuation altogether.

It’s time to let go, Nepeta Pounce de Leijon.

======>

Your lusus, Pounce de Leon, stretches awake under your back, both of her mouths yawning as she turns her head toward you.  She’s been asleep this entire time, even as you had been moving things around, taking things out of the hive, packing, hiding or destroying things.  You cleaned out your recupercoon of its sopor and walked across the room to throw out of the window pans filled with it, and actually dropped some on the feline, only to have her roll to a different position.  Cats can be so funny sometimes. :33

Now awake, she gives you a light headbutt of affection, which you return with one of your own.

“Ready to help me now?” you ask her.

She trills in response as you stand up, allowing her to stand as well.  “Well, what are we waiting for?”

======>

Truth be told, you don’t really need much of her help.  Most of the things you’ll need you’ve packed already.  Everything else just needs to be cleaned up, thrown out, or destroyed.  Still, out of hunter’s courtesy, you decide to unpack your sylladex.  It’s important for her to know what you’re bringing, because it will cue to her that you two are leaving for a long time and may not be coming back.  The two of you are used to going on long hunting expeditions, so it wouldn’t be that much of a big deal for her.  To her, it would just be a much longer, much more exciting hunting trip.  Still, even though she can’t understand the full breadth of the situation, you know it’s only fair to make her aware of the planned length of this “hunting trip.”

You have a backpack sylladex, which is kind of convenient for hunters like you.  It’s sorted into different pockets that have different functions, all essential for a skilled hunteress like yourself.

======>

First, there’s the food carrying pocket, meant for all your food essentials.  It even keeps things fresh for a while, acting as a sort of thermal hull (or refrigerator, if we wanna be fancy about it).  You empty this out to show Pounce the amount of food you’re bringing, which is a lot more than most of your hunting trips.  Most of it is dried meat from past animals you’ve captured, but there’s also some fresher meat that you captured from the day before.  As well as this, you have plenty of water bottles, as well as blood, in case either of you get thirsty.

The amount of food you’re bringing also signals to her that this will be a long trip.

======>

You put everything back into the food pocket and open up your second pocket—the camping gear one.  The very fact that you open this is enough to further show Pounce that you will, indeed, be gone a long time.  Still, you take everything out just to show her what you’re bringing.

Camping is kind of an uncommon thing in your society.  In fact, it’s usually reserved for the absolutely destitute.  You’ve seen before strange trolls pitching up tarps and the like, with no lusus in tow, clearly having no hive to return to.  Only occasionally do you see anyone of relative comfort going out to camp for pleasure, and they’re usually high bloods who are so wealthy that it’s almost sickening for them.  It’s one of the adventures out of privilege that only those who are privileged would know anything about.

However, even though you are neither poor nor rich, you actually do enjoy camping, and you and your lusus have done so willingly in the past.  So when you pull out your hanging tarp (often called a tent by high bloods), a recuperbag (a rolled up cloth of sorts that’s lined with sopor on the inside), nails, lanterns and other useful supplies for camping, your lusus doesn’t appear too alarmed, as she’s all too familiar with camping, as are you.  Of course, her lack of surprise could simply be from the fact that she’s a cat, but you’d rather say it was her experience in camping.

You let her sniff around the items before you stow them back into the pocket.

======>

The third pocket is the medicinal pocket.  You pull out its contents to reveal bandages, medicinal herbs, and water tablets for purifying water.  You don’t really have a lot of access to actual troll medicine living so far away from civilization, but you’ve managed to make up for this by finding plants—on the mountain or in the forest near your mountain—that have medicinal value.  You’re pretty unique in using mostly plants to solve your medicine issues, as almost all trolls are expected to have some sort of medicinal or self-aid kit on hand with serious medical tools to assist them in an emergency.  This is mainly because of the lack of medical drones in most lawnrings and hivestems.  Being a medical drone is a rare profession to be assigned to, and even then they are more likely to serve those in positions of power than to care about the average troll.  So most trolls keep kits with them that may allow them give themselves stitches, prevent blood hemorrhaging, gauze wounds, or even do impromptu surgeries on themselves. 

Of course, if a surgery was ever needed, a troll would most likely die in the process, either by falling unconscious and bleeding to death, or simply cutting a vital artery.  That’s also partially why some of the kits have directions and manuals to help trolls in trying to treat themselves in easy-to-understand instructions and illustrations.  Of course, the kits with these instructions are ridiculously expensive.

You’ve luckily never had any serious injury, but you’re more than aware of how vulnerable you may be if you did experience an injury.  You think maybe Pounce realizes too, as she sniffs the plain herbs and bandages (some of them used even) and looks back up at you as if expecting more to come out.  But you don’t have anymore, and so shove all of the stuff back in your sylladex.

======>

You have one more pocket—the miscellaneous pocket—that allows you to keep anything that doesn’t fall into the other categories.  It’s the smallest of pockets, and therefore holds the least amount of cards.  Your sylladex was originally not made to include this pocket—the extra pocket was made by your moirail, after you had complained how inconvenient it was to only have three pockets to try and fit only specific things into.  Although it’s pretty handy, it does tend to glitch up sometimes if you try to take too much out of it or put too much into it at once.  With this in mind, you slowly take out one item that surprises Pounce.

Your shipping notebook.

======>

As well as the walls, you also have this notebook to record potential ships.  And unlike your wall, these ships have very specific notes as to why you think these ships would be good or bad.  You also have other notes, identifying certain quadrants as representative of your friends, and even some of your innermost, personal shipping desires.  It has pages describing your feelings about Karkat, and even old entries about your feelings about Equius, before the two of you solidified the moirallegiance.  It’s one of your most prized possessions.

Pounce actually takes the notebook away from using her bottom mouth, and turns as if to put it away somewhere.

“Pounce, _no_.”

You’re not stern about it, but it does get her to stop.  You walk around to face her, and tug the notebook out of her mouth.

“I’m taking it with me,” you tell her, putting it back in the pocket.

If everything else you had shown her up to this point didn’t give her the impression you were leaving for good, you’re sure this certainly did.  You never take your notebook out hunting with you.  Never.

======>

After putting away your notebook, you take out one by one the other objects that are in your miscellaneous pocket.

You have a few pens for writing and coloring.  You don’t really use writing utensils that much, as blood you feel is a lot more useful and permanent in drawings, but you keep some coloring pens just in case.

You then take out a couple romance novels you got from Karkat, when you had asked him about his romantic literature.  Okay, you’ll admit some of the books are trashy.  But they’re not _that_ bad!  And hey, a shipper’s gotta stay open-minded!  It’s not like you’re only keeping them because you got them from Karkat or something, haha, who would even _do_ that?

You also take out some other essentials, like spare clothes.  Most trolls don’t have a lot of spare clothing, and you’re no exception.  However, you do have clothes that will help you combat the elements if need be—your big green coat to keep you warm, your favorite blue hat, some rainwear, and other things.  You mainly packed for cold weather, if it were to become too cold.  If it were to get too hot, you figure you could always just get naked.  Though being that you’re a nocturnal species, you don’t imagine it getting extremely cold.

As a final thing, you pull out a strange notebook written in sloppy, archaic Trollian.  You don’t know who it’s by or even what it says, but it’s something you’ve had with you for a long time—two sweeps, if we want to put a term on it.  You found it near a cave while hunting one day, and were immediately drawn to it.  This wasn’t because you found it particularly extravagant—it was just a plain, black, leather-bound book.  Nor was it that you never found books like this in the mountains or woods—plenty of orphaned trolls camping out have left items far more interesting.  What you did find interesting about this unassuming book was the symbol that adorned the cover.

It was _your_ symbol.  A Leo symbol.  Not to mention, the text inside was written in a green that highly resembled your blood color.

So you stashed it away and took it with you, and have kept it ever since.  You don’t know the significance of it still, or if it’s even significant.  A part of you realizes it’s kind of stupid to be keeping an old book you can’t even read just because it had your symbol on it.  It’s probably just some coincidence that someone had the same symbol as you.  You’re sure that the book is of no major consequence at all.

======>

You put each item back in your sylladex, carefully, and one by one.  When you’re done, you look back up at your lusus, only to see her two mouths curled up in a cat’s smile.  Though you’ll admit that you’ve been afraid of what the reality of the situation is going to mean for your future, your lusus smiling—intentional or not—puts you at some ease.  To her, this is probably some grand adventure the two of you are going on, riddled with excitement, fun, and good food.  Even if you know it’s a lot more than just that, it’s good to be reminded that it’s still those things as well.  You smile back and pet her head, resulting in a small trill from the feline.

“Anything else in here needs to be thrown out or broken,” you tell her.  “And we also need to clean the walls.”

These activities don’t seem to particularly fascinate her, so she simply walks away, and curls up against some of the objects you were planning to throw out, and falls asleep.  Yes, so very helpful Pounce.

======>

You spend some time getting everything cleared out—often having to navigate around a “very helpful” Pounce—but eventually your hive looks almost barren, with the exception of your shipping wall.  You wanted to save the walls for last, partly because you knew it would take more time to clean them off, and partly because you didn’t want to clean them off.  You were proud of your elaborate shipping wall.  You had the notebook, yes, but that is a poor comparison to the majesty of having entire walls dedicated to your shipping.

You take a lot of time not doing the cleaning you’re supposed to be doing.  You instead lay on your back and stare at the walls you spent much of your life decorating with sweat and blood.  (Literally.)  These walls are a part of you just as much as anything else in this hive.  So of course of all the things in your hive, you have difficulty parting with it, let alone erasing its existence completely.

======>

It’s in the middle of this thought that you hear a ding from your husktablet.  It’s been sitting untouched on the same rock-desk that you left it on before, still logged in to Trollian.  Yet in all that time, no one has messaged you.

A sinking feeling in your gut tells you not to look at the message.  Because a part of you is sure you know exactly who it is.  But you can’t bring yourself to not walk over to the husktablet and have this horror confirmed for you.

Oh no.

It’s him.  It’s your creepy, weird moirail.

Crap.

Okay, okay, maybe you can get out of this without lying to him.  All you have to do is make sure he never has a chance to ask you about the message.  But how?

Yes.  Yes, he would hate that.  He’d probably log off without even being willing to ask you.  But you can’t break for a second.

You open the message and get ready for your response.

Nepeta: Roleplay like crazy with CT.

centuarsTesticle [CT] began trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

CT: D --> Hello  
AC: :33 < *ac purriedly straightens up the place fur her moirail, who has come quite unexpurrctedly :33*  
AC: :33 < *she pounces on you happurrly, excited to s33 you here!*  
CT: D --> What is this  
CT: D --> This is abso100t nonsense  
AC: :33 < *ac has no idea what her fuzzy wuzzy cuddly sweaty moirail is mewing about*  
AC: :33 < *she tells you hello with one mouth, and blows a kiss with the other :*3*  
CT: D --> On a scale of 1 to 100 in displays of 100dicrous poppycock, this would most certainly be considered a level 100  
CT: D --> I demand you cease this ridic001ous charade at once  
AC: :33 < *the happy feline wiggles her butt and pounces at some invisible object in the cave! she f33ls FURRY playful today :33*  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> This is 100% not a%eptable  
CT: D --> You will behoof in a manner that is tolerable to my wishes this instant  
AC: :33 < *the young lioness is purrplexed by her STRONG moirails use of the not well placed horse pun, but is ch33rful all the same that he is trying to have FUN!*  
AC: :33 < *she asks him if he would like to play with her outside of the cave, where there are lots of animals to hunt and eat! >:33*  
CT: D --> Oh, for goodness sake, Nepeta  
CT: D --> Today is the day of the Great Gathering  
CT: D --> It is not the time to behave so gosh damned silly  
CT: D --> I mean darn, e%cuse my profanity  
CT: D --> You will behave SERIOUSLY on an important occasion like this  
CT: D --> I command it  
AC: :33 < *the hunteress cannot hear her furiend as she leaves the cave to stalk her purrey in the jungle :DD*  
CT: D --> You do not live in a jungle  
AC: :33 < *you dont know that :33*  
CT: D --> Yes, I do  
AC: :33 < *no you dont :33*  
CT: D --> Yes  
AC: :33 < *nuh uh :33*  
CT: D --> YES  
AC: :33 < *nope :33*  
CT: D --> This is f001ish  
CT: D --> It is an immutable fact that you reside in a cave in a mountain, not the jungle  
CT: D --> You will not argue this with me, and will stop trying to roleplay  
CT: D --> There is no choice in the matter  
CT: D --> It will be done  
AC: :33 < *ac says youre full of shit :33*  
CT: D --> NEPETA  
AC: :33 < oh, whoops!  
AC: :33 < *i mean, she says whoops!*  
AC: :33 < *what she meant to say was that you were big and dumb and shes not listening to you :33*  
CT: D --> You WILL listen to me  
CT: D --> I will not tolerate the conversation continuing in this manner  
CT: D --> We will forward this discussion in logical manner, by speaking of this joyous day and the letters we have received from the wonderful EMPIRE

======>

Oh no.  He’s trying to ask it now.  There’s no way you can bring yourself to lie to him.  But…

Nepeta: Avoid the question.

AC: :33 < *ac has no idea what ct means when he talks about letters and empires*  
AC: :33 < *when the animals in her savannah gather, it is near the watering hole, and does not require an infurtation!*  
AC: :33 < *though an infurtation can certainly help :33*  
CT: D --> NOW you are saying you live in a savannah, when we have just confirmed that you, in fact, live in neither a savannah nor a jungle but in the MOUNTAINS  
CT: D --> You are being willfully manip001ative, and I will NOT stand for this  
CT: D --> You will TALK TO ME LIKE A NORMAL TROLL  
AC: :33 < *ac refuses to talk to the weird troll until he plays with her*  
CT: D --> Abso100tely NOT  
AC: :33 < *yes!*  
CT: D --> NO  
AC: :33 < *YES!*  
CT: D --> _NO  
_ AC: :33 < * _YES!_ *  
CT: D --> NEPETA POUNCE DE LEIJON, I COMMAND YOU TO STOP THIS HORSE SHIT  
CT: D --> I MEAN, BOLOGNA  
AC: :33 < you cant make me talk about this if i dont want to!  
CT: D --> YES I CAN  
AC: :33 < whats even the big deal about the great gathering!? its just anofur stupid empire thing that makes people do things they dont want to do!  
AC: :33 < its not like we HAVE to go to the gathering anyway!  
CT: D --> What are you SAYING, Nepeta!?

======>

Crap.  It’s out there now.  There’s no choice but to tell him.

You just hope he’s more understanding of it than you originally thought.

Nepeta: _Spill._

AC: :33 < well, i mean, why do we n33d to go to the great gathering?  
AC: :33 < sure, the empire says theyll track us down and cull us, but they werent even able to find ME! i had to find THEM!  
AC: :33 < and i was only SEVEN!  
AC: :33 < and even THEN they never really found my cave! just a general location to test me!  
AC: :33 < i think its a lot easier to escape than people think!  
CT: D --> Nepeta, I do NOT condone what you are insinuating!  
CT: D --> Are you REALLY e%pecting to hide from the EMPIRE!?  
AC: :33 < maybe i am!  
AC: :33 < maybe im thinking of running away, so that the empire doesnt efur find me!  
AC: :33 < how do you like THOSE apples, horse cr33p!?  
CT: D --> NEPETA!  
CT: D --> The Empress is harsh, but fair  
CT: D --> %ing her would be TRAITOROUS!  
AC: :33 < uh  
AC: :33 < %ing? ://  
CT: D --> CROSSing, you nincompoop  
CT: D --> How DARE you consider trying to run away?  
CT: D --> This is UNA%EPTABLE  
CT: D --> You will NOT run away, and we will both go to the Imperial Landing before the end of the day, and that is FINAL  
AC: :33 < maybe i WONT!  
AC: :33 < why should i anyway!? not EFURRYBODY gets to be some big sweaty, milk-drinking jerk the rest of their lives!!! DDX<  
CT: D --> I doubt your position in the EMPIRE is that terrible  
CT: D --> I will show you, by reading your imperial message  
CT: D --> Send me it this instant  
AC: :33 < what? no!  
CT: D --> Yes  
AC: :33 < NO!  
CT: D --> YES  
AC: :33 < NO NO NO NO NOOOOO! >XOO  
AC: :33 < its none of your business what it says on my message, loser!!! >:((  
CT: D --> Nepeta, you will div001ge this instant what the EMPIRE said to you AND THAT’S FINAL  
AC: :33 < ...fine :((  
AC: :33 < [this is my message!.png](http://s11.postimg.org/gkcg00h0j/nepetaimperialmessage.png)  
CT: D --> Good  
CT: D --> Finally, you are being obedient  
CT: D --> I will take a moment to read this  
CT: D --> ...  
CT: D --> This does not appear out of the ordinary  
CT: D --> Clearly they are less formal with people who are so low on the hemospectrum, such as yourself  
CT: D --> This is why you should be grateful that someone as noble as I would associate myself with someone so uncivilized and distasteful  
AC: :33 < >:((  
CT: D --> As well as this it says that you’re a  
CT: D --> ...  
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> You are  
CT: D --> It says  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> I  
AC: :33 < :((  
CT: D --> I don’t know how to react toward this knowledge  
CT: D --> You’re  
CT: D --> **_YOU’RE A SLAVE!?_**  
AC: :33 < ...yeah :((  
CT: D --> **_NO_**  
CT: D --> **_NO, THIS IS  
_** CT: D --> **_THIS IS GROSSLY UNA%EPTABLE_**  
CT: D --> **_FUCK_**  
CT: D --> **_I MEAN SHIT_**  
CT: D --> **_I MEAN CONFLABBIT_**  
AC: :33 < woah! calm down! :((  
AC: :33 < im the one being sold into slavery, not mew!  
AC: :33 < this is why you n33d someone like me, you have WAY too many anger issues :oo  
CT: D --> **_WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME THIS SOONER_**  
CT: D --> **_GODDAMMIT, NEPETA_**  
AC: :33 < i didnt expect you to react this way at all!  
AC: :33 < do i n33d to sing our grubmix song?  
AC: :33 < i want cluckbeast, i want grub meat, condesce condesce please dont cull me~~  
CT: D --> **_I NEED A FUCKING HOOF-DARNED MINUTE_**

centuarsTesticle [CT] ceased trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

Nepeta: Be weirded out by your moirail.

What the heck just happened?

You were expecting a lecture on how you should respect the empire.  You were expecting him to try to dissuade you from running away.  You were expecting him to say it’s your own fault for being a slave, and you have no choice but to accept your position for the rest of your life.

You did not at all expect for him to freak out and be angry at your being sold into slavery.

======>

Your lusus stalks toward you and lightly headbutts you, causing you to turn and face her.  You’re sure the look in her eyes is saying, “I’m hungry, let’s go eat,” but you take it to mean, “Hey, you still need to clean your walls.”

“Yeah,” you tell her.  “I’ll…I’ll start cleaning.”

You take a pan that you were originally using to clean out your recupercoon, and go outside of the respiteblock to get some water.

======>

You enter the common block and see your small stream running.  You don’t have actual running water.  This stream water, though not entirely clean, acts as your main water source.  You much prefer your lusus’s cleanings, but if need be, you can make a makeshift ablution trap out of the water.

You’re honestly not sure if this water will even clean the walls, but it’s the best you really have.  And hey, if it doesn’t clean them, it may at least get your scent off of them.  You think.  Actually, you’re pretty sure it won’t.

After the conversation with your moirail, you’ve become incredibly skeptical about this whole affair.  You thought your planning was pretty impeccable, but this whole thing about trying to lose their scent is ridiculous.  Even if you were able to wipe out all the traces of your scent and existence in this cave, they would still be able to track you using your trash and other means.  And you don’t have enough time to go and destroy everything else you threw out.  You may as well just leave the drawings on the wall, even if it means they may be able to find you.

Still, left with no real sense of direction, you kneel and wash the caked on sopor in the pan.  You’re surprised at how much the sopor sticks, and it takes some minutes of scrubbing to get it completely clean.  (If you’re going to clean your walls to try to get the scent off, you certainly can’t be expected to clean them with sopor that you had been laying in for a while.)

Once the pan was clean and filled, you enter back into your respiteblock to see your husktablet’s screen blinking.  A signal of a new Trollian message.

You sigh, not really wanting to talk to anyone after what happened with your moirail, but still walk over to grab it.

Your heart stops when you see the sender.

The empire.

Fuck.

Why are they messaging you?  What else do they need to say to you?  Did your moirail actually tell them what you were planning?  You thought after how angry he got he may have seen your side of the plight.  But maybe he didn’t?  Maybe he was just angry at you for being selected as a slave?  And now he’s ratting you out!  That’s not fair!

It’s because you’re so angry that you can even bring yourself to open the message; however, upon seeing it’s text, that anger subsides into shock and confusion.

Nepeta: Read new message from the empire.

THE EMPIRE requests of  arsenicCatnip [AC] their further attention

THE EMPIRE: ---THIS IS A MODIFIED IMPERIAL MESSAGE DIRECTED TOWARD NEPETA LEIJON, TROLL SUBJECT 6-12-4-5, AND MOIRAIL OF SIR ZAHHAK; YOU MAY CONTACT US IF ANY QUESTIONS ARISE---

_Nepeta Leijon,_

_We would first like to apologize for the previous message sent.  We were unaware of your quadrant affiliation with highblood subject 6-99-9-9._

_With this fact recently coming to light, we have restationed you as a cahootioneer, to begin your training on imperial flight no. 3112600 on this 6 th bilunar perigee of the 12th dark season’s equinox.  This is the same flight as your moirail.  We hope these accommodations are suitable for both you and he, but if for some reason they are not, either of you may contact us if it is truly necessary._

\---THIS HAS BEEN A MODIFIED IMPERIAL MESSAGE---  
 _***LONG LIVE_ ~HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION~***

THE EMPIRE allows arsenicCatnip [AC] to go about their business

What?

_What?_

A cahootioneer...it's a spy of sorts—a bounty hunting spy that's permanently contracted under the Condesce. Basically, it means you'll get to take on different personas and disguises as you go around hunting enemies of the empire. It's practically the perfect job for you, allowing you to utilize both your roleplaying and your hunting all at once.

But…why?  What happened to slavery?

What just _happened_?

Before you have time to figure this out in your head, a ding goes off for a new message, once again from your moirail.  And for some reason, you’re sure he has the answers to your questions.

Nepeta: Answer CT.

centuarsTesticle [CT] began trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

CT: D --> Did you receive a new imperial message  
AC: :33 < what!?  
CT: D --> _DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT OBTAIN A NEW IMPERIAL MESSAGE_  
AC: :33 < g33z, yes i did!  
AC: :33 < they made me a cahootion33r!  
CT: D --> Then the deed is done  
AC: :33 < what is going on!?  
AC: :33 < what did you DO!!?  
CT: D --> I will see you on the flight  
AC: :33 < _HEY!!!_

centuarsTesticle [CT] ceased trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU DO NOT FUCK WITH NEPETA LEIJON.
> 
> I hope I did a good job, critiques are welcome.


	8. arachnidsGrip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some 8ad 8r8ks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIIIIIIIINALLY.
> 
> The eighth chapter, all about our favorite eight-themed troll, Vriska Serket.
> 
> (Large dialog breaks with Vriska's trollian messages are white text, by the way. Highlighting is needed.)

THE EMPIRE needs to bring to the attention of arachnidsGrip [AG] the following facts

THE EMPIRE: ---THIS IS A MESSAGE FOR CERULEAN BLOOD SERIAL NO. 6-16-4-8, AKA LADY SERKET, AS AN ASSESSMENT OF THEIR SKILLS IN THE INVOLUNTARY TROLL APTITUDE TEST FOR CERULEAN AND BLUE BLOODS (ITATCBB); YOU MAY ONLY RESPOND TO THIS MESSAGE IF IT IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY; CULLING MAY STILL APPLY IF NOT---

GREETINGS LADY SERKET.  THIS IS YOUR ASSESSMENT OF THE INVOLUNTARY TROLL APTITUDE TEST FOR CERULEAN AND BLUE BLOODS (ITATCBB), WHICH IS REQUIRED OF CERULEAN AND BLUE BLOODS WHOSE CHOSEN PROFESSION EITHER DOES NOT SUIT THEIR SKILLS OR IS ILLEGAL UNDER CURRENT IMPERIAL LAW.

ACCORDING TO YOUR RESULTS, WE HAVE DETERMINED THAT YOU WOULD BE A SUITABLE FIT FOR THE POSITION OF FLEET CAPTAIN SERVING ON THE IMPERIAL FLEET AT STATION NO. 62.  THOUGH THIS STATION IS WITHIN THE ALTERNIAN SOLAR SYSTEM, YOU WILL STILL NEED TO FLY OUT ON SHIP NO. 1111413, WHICH WILL FLY YOU TO YOUR STATION EN ROUTE TO ITS TRUE STAR SYSTEM.

IF YOU ARE UNSATISFIED WITH THIS POSITION AND CHOOSE NOT TO ACCEPT IT, WE MUST INFORM YOU THAT YOU WILL BE BARRED FROM MOST PROFESSIONS AS A DESERTER, AS WELL AS FINED 40% OF YOUR SAVINGS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.  IF YOU DO NOT SHOW UP TO YOUR SCHEDULED FLIGHT, YOU WILL BE FINED AND POSSIBLY CULLED (WE WILL STILL EXPECT YOU TO PAY THE FINE UPON CULLING).

\---THIS HAS BEEN A REVIEW FROM THE EMPIRE---  
 _ ***LONG LIVE  ~HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION~ *** _

THE EMPIRE has now informed  arachnidsGrip [AG] of the aforementioned facts

======>

This… _this is_ …

This is _8ULLSHIT!!!!!!!!_

Your name is Vriska Serket, and you did _not_ deserve this.

======>

A fleet captain?  A fucking **_FLEET CAPTAIN_**!!?  What kind of morons were testing you anyway!?

A fleet captain may as well be some nameless, expendable crewmate!!!!!!!!

(This should not be confused with a naval captain, which is the absolute _best_ there is, no questions asked.)

Can’t catch a fucking _8reak_.

This is just typical for you, to get this sort of occupational assignment.  First they have to question your original job choice (which happens to literally _NO OTHER BLUE AND CERULEAN BLOODS_ ), and then they give you the shittiest profession _ever_?  What the actual fuck!?

You’re so angry you could… _you could_ …

_ Smash! _

_“AAAAAAAAH!_ ”

You screech in pain.  In your blind rage, you slammed the eight ball you were holding hard onto your desk, causing it to shatter into sharp, jagged pieces with a mysterious fluid now spilling across the surface.  Not only did it make a mess and hurt your hand, but a piece inadvertently flew into your face and scratched your left eye. 

You cover your eyes for a few seconds, teeth clenched in pain, and then begin rubbing frantically at the injured eye hoping to take out any shard that might be stuck in there.  You may be the most unlucky person in the galaxy, but at least you find no shard stuck in your eye at the end of your rubbing.

Though you guess it wouldn’t have mattered even if there was.  You’re blind in your left eye anyway.

Vriska: Continue to be angry at the message.

So when anyone above a green blood (excluding jade bloods) becomes old enough to get their blood tested, they are asked by their testers what occupation they want.  It’s mostly a formality for green and teal bloods—like a polite gesture or something—since they rarely ever get their chosen profession, unless they do a shit load of stuff to earn it.  Most of the time they don’t even know, which is bad for green bloods since they always get defaulted to slavery.  It’s kind of okay for teal bloods, since it’s illegal to own any slaves within the teal shades and higher.  But for everyone else, you’re _supposed_ to basically be guaranteed your chosen profession by virtue of being better than everyone else.  So of course when they showed up to test you, you told them what you wanted to be.  “ _Pirate._ ”

Sounds decently fine, right?  _Wrong._

‘Cause apparently piracy is no longer legal for anyone below a purple blood, and even then it’s highly regulated.  So they forced you to take that stupid Involuntary Troll Aptitude Test for Ceruleans and Blue Bloods (ITATCBB, which is the most offensive abbreviation _ever_ ), which is required only of blue bloods and cerulean who either have questionable occupational choices or don’t know what they want to do—basically losers.  You had to get up at the butt crack of sunset just to take some timed only short answer test online as well as a webcam interview, and it was basically the most pointless thing _ever_.

And even after _all of that bullshit_?  They make you a fucking _fleet captain_.

Can your luck get any worse?

_ Bing! _

You guess it can.

Unlike the ding that goes off when you get a new Trollian message, a bing sounds that means someone on your list has messaging activity.

And wouldn’t you fucking know, it’s someone you absolutely hate.

_ “Tavros.” _

You have to mutter it to yourself just to keep your skin from crawling.  This weakling has been the bane of your existence for who knows how long.  He’s some loser wimp who’s obsessed with Pupa Pan and fairies and a bunch of loser weak _nonsense_.  And the thing is?  He doesn’t even _try_ to make himself stronger.  It’s like he doesn’t care about getting culled or _anything_.

Of course, you out of the absolute kindness and generosity of your heart have tried to change him—make him stronger, as it were.  And you know what you got in return?

 _Bullshit_.

======>

Fucking asshole whined and moaned and whimpered and cried about how _hard_ and _unfair_ you were being _every single time_.  No thank yous, no appreciation, no nothing.

You’d think a guy would be _happy_ that a girl as great as you would stop to notice him.  You think he’d be _grateful_ for this girl trying to help him be stronger.  You’d think he would understand that you were only doing what was _best_ for him.  You’d think he would definitely understand these things being that you were so much higher on the hemospectrum, and had every right (and every opportunity) to snap his fucking neck for any show of disrespect.

You’d think you’d think you’d think.  But that’s never what happened.  You’re honestly pretty sure Tavros is incapable of changing his wimpy weak ways and _God_ do you hate him for it.

Maybe you should talk to him.

Vriska: Bother  Tavros .

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  adiosToreador [AT]

AG: Taaaaaaaavroooooooos.  
AG: ::::)

Doesn’t sound that angry.

Okay, yeah, truth be told, you’re really not that angry with him.  He may be a blubbering wimp, but you think maybe since you’re both adults, you can keep this civil.

And besides, he DID end up getting some good position in the cavalreapers, probably thanks to your benevolent help.

…Wait, no, that’s not what happened.  He asked that crazy clown friend of his to help him.

But hey, you can’t imagine that airhead could have done much to help him.  He had to have some of his own personal skill, and clearly that would have been YOUR doing. :::;)

So yeah, you’ll keep this nice and sweet, even if you’re personally pissed off.

_ “Heeeeshhhhhhh!” _

That noise.

What does she want?

Vriska: Go to window.

You go to your opened window to see what the fuss is about.

And of course, you see your monstrous spider lusus, throwing a fit.

Vriska: Get into an argument with your spidermom.

“ _No, I’m NOT going to feed you right now!_ ”

“ _Heeeeesshhhh!”_

_“NOOOOOOOO!”_

_“Heeeshshshseee!”_

_“I can’t feed you because I have to get ready to leave!”_

_“Heeeeeesh!”_

_“Besides, I already fed you today, you selfish bitch!”_

_“HEEESHAAAAAAA!!!”_

_“WELL, FUCKING **DEAL** WITH IT!!!”_

_ Slam! _

You slam the window shut before you can hear her bitch some more.  I mean, you don’t actually understand her—the mind control and mind reading of animals are not your forte—but she only ever acts this way when she’s hungry.

God, you have the most high maintenance lusus _ever_.

Vriska: Examine spider food.

What?  You don’t have her spider food in here!  That would be crazy!  Then she would want to come in your respiteblock _aaaaaaaall the time_ , and this is basically the only place you have some actual privacy in this stupid hive.

And besides, you may be a messy person, but you’re not about to try and clean the bloodstains of dead trolls off your walls!

!!?

Ever since you can remember—which is pretty far back—you’ve had to feed that crazy spider monster, and her dish of choice has always been and always will be dead trolls.  This means you’ve had to do the dirty work of killing trolls in order to feed her.

It hasn’t always been easy, but whatever.  The way you see it, it’s either them or you.

…Literally, since if you didn’t feed her, she would just eat you.

Vriska: Examine respiteblock.

Your respiteblock is, as implied before, a mess.  Broken and fully formed eight balls are scattered everywhere, as well as rumpled up papers and eight-sided dice—the latter things being remnants of your younger days as a FLARPer.

FLARPing is a popular form of extreme roleplaying for Alternian youth.  It was in FLARPing that you obtained much of the food you needed to feed your lusus.  You’d use your intelligence and overall greatness to lure trolls into deadly traps that would either kill them, or—more often than not—lead them to your spider to be eaten.

…That, or just mind control them to your lusus’s awaiting palp.

Like many trolls on Alternia—but unlike many highbloods—you have psychic abilities that allow you to read the minds of trolls, as well as control those that are most gullible.  You also used to have vision eight-fold.

That is, until you were blinded in your left eye.

Vriska: Ruminate on how you became blind in one eye.

And why the _fuck_ would you start thinking about that?  You’re clearly having a bad enough day as it is, why do we need to bring up _more_ horrible junk?

Anyway, there are more pressing matters on the hand.  Like, for instance, this shitty message you got from the goddamn empire, and also…OH!

Vriska: Remember your conversation with Tavros.

Oh, that’s right, duuuuuuuuh!  You’re still talking to that wimp!

You go back to your desk and husktop, only to find he hasn’t responded to you.

What the fuck?

????????

AG: ????????

_ Ding! _

You’re about to type a follow-up to those question marks when a window pops up, blocking the message.

…Oh, wow, this guy.  You can’t believe he still talks to you.  It’s not like he has anything worth saying.

Vriska: Talk to this jackass.

_ HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO.  
_ AG: Gr8. It’s you.  
 _HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE.  
_ AG: Aaaaaaaand I see you still can’t talk like a normal person.  
 _HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA.  
_ AG: W8!  Don’t tell me! It’s little Timmy, isn’t it? Is he trapped in a well?  
 _HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO.  
HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE.  
_AG: Wow, that’s soooooooo interesting.  
 _HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA.  
HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO.  
HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE.  
_AG: Let me guess. You’re going to write........MORE HOO’S, HAA’S, AND HEE’S!!!!!!!!  
 _HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA.  
HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO.  
_AG: HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE, I know.  
 _HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE.  
HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA.  
_AG: ‘Kay, I’m done with this, 8yeeeeeeee.

======>

What a waste of your valuable time.

Though it’s not like he’s ever done anything good for you.  He’s always tried to manipulate you, and you him.  But at least back in the day he said things that were way more substantial than this.  You’re not sure why that stopped.

You never thought you’d actually prefer conversing with him back when he was manipulating you than now.

======>

Still, just thinking about those days and how he fucked you over…God, what an _ASSHOLE_!  You’re getting angry just remembering.

…And Tavros _STILL_ hasn’t responded!

What the _FUCK_!?

Vriska: !!!!!!!!

AG: HELLOOOOOOOO, EARTH TO TOREADUM8AAAAAAAASS????????  
AG: ALOHAAAAAAAA????????  
AT: wOW, tHAT SEEMS TO BE AN AWFUL LOT OF LETTERS,  
AT: tHOUGH, i GUESS, tHAT IS SORT OF YOUR THING,

======>

_Fiiiiiiiinally_.  A response.

A pretty _rude_ response, but a response nonetheless.

======>

AG: Wow, geez, how a8out a simple “hello”????????  
AG: It’s the Gr8 Gathering, and not even a simple utterance of formality on your part!  
AG: Is that any way to treat a l8dy, Tavros?  
AT: uHH,  
AG: Of course it isn’t!  
AG: Especially considering we may never get to see each other again!  
AG: RUUUUUUUUDE!!!!!!!!  
AT: uMMM,  
AT: i REALLY DON’T THINK i SHOULD BE TALKING TO YOU,

======>

What?

_What?_

Vriska: Demand answers.

You continue the conversation, asking him why he would say he shouldn’t talk to you.  At first you think it’s something GA said to him—it’s typical she would talk to HIM before even discussing things with YOU, the no-good backstabbing meddler!  But he tells you it’s not GA—no, it’s MUCH worse.

Vriska: Have a bombshell dropped on you.

AT: bUT REALLY, tHE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS,  
AT: tHAT IT’S NOT SO MUCH THAT SOMEONE SAYS i SHOULD NOT TALK TO YOU,  
AT: aS IT IS,  
AT: tHAT i DON’T REALLY WANT TO,  
AT: tALK TO YOU, tHAT IS,

======>

**_WHAAAAAAAAT!!!!!????_ **

Did you seriously just read that?  You can’t _BELIEVE_ he would even say that!

You demand an explanation—in a rather nice way, you honestly think—and he continues to shit all over you, saying you’re “uHHHHHHHH, _mEAN_ ,” in that stupid loser way he talks.  And then he has the gall to claim everyone else thinks this way about you!  _Tavros!_   Trying to act like he’s superior to _YOU!_

Is he fucking _kidding_ you!!?

A part of you considers taking over his mind—he’s gullible enough for it.  But you instead try to reason with him.

======>

AG: Clearly you’re just 8eing ridiculous, as per usual! And all 8ecause I messaged you to be nice and try to 8id you good luck in all your cavalreaping stuff........  
AG: Can’t even appreci8 someone trying to 8e nice, can you????????  
AT: wELL, yOU’VE DONE REALLY AWFUL THINGS TO ME,  
AT: iN THE PAST, aT LEAST,

======>

_Ohhhhhhhh, but Vriskaaaaaaaa, everything you did was MEEEEEEEEAN and HAAAAAAAARD and I’M A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT TH8T C8N’T T8KE CAR8 OF M8SELF!!!!!!!!_

Same sob story you’ve heard every other time.

If he had listened to you, he would have been able to get into the cavalreapers legitimately without asking that shitstain clown for help.  And you tell him as such.

He’s lucky you didn’t mind control him _more_ in the past.

======>

AT: i DON’T AGREE WITH THE THINGS THAT YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT HIM,  
AT: hE IS NICE, aND HE’S HELPED ME WAY MORE THAN YOU EVER DID, jERK!!!  
AG: Excuuuuuuuus8 me!!!!!!!!????????  
AT: iN FACT, i’M STARTING TO THINK THAT, wITH EVERYTHING TERRIBLE YOU HAVE EVER DONE, yOU WERE NEVER REALLY TRYING TO HELP ME, lIKE YOU SAID YOU WERE!!!!  
AT: 1 NEVER NEEDED TO L1STEN TO YOU, aND FROM NOW ON, 1 WON’T!  
AG: 8h, you 8re just B8GG8NG for m8 to do s8mething t8rrible right n8w!  
AG: 8 COULD T8KE 8VER YO8R M8ND 8NY SEC8ND, Y8U KN8W!!!!!!!!  
AG: I W8LL F8CKING M8KE YOU P8Y!!!!!!!!  
AT: 1’LL TAKE MY CHANCES, aSSHOLE!!!  
AT: 1 HOPE 1 NEVER SEE YOU AGA1N, aRACHN1DS GROSS!!

adiosToreador [AT] has blocked  arachnidsGrip [AG]

 

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  adiosToreador [AT] in a new window

AG: TH8T WAS TH8 W8RST INS8LT EVER, DUM8ASS!!!!!!!!

arachnidsGrip [AG] has blocked  adiosToreador [AT]

Vriska: _RAGE_.

Who the _FUCK_ does he think he is!?  After everything you’ve done for him!? AND HE TRIES TO PULL THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!?

**_AAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!!!!_ **

Vriska: Break another 8 ball.

You grab an eight ball from your desk drawer and throw it across the room.  Broken pieces fly in all direction and the liquid splatters on the wall.

At least this time it was purposeful.  And it felt immensely…better, than the last one.

Ever since you went blind in your left eye, you began breaking eight balls, and now it’s something that borders along fetishistic.  You should probably stop.  But addiction’s a powerful thing.

Of course, breaking the eight ball this time doesn’t really stop you from being unrelentingly ANGRY at Tavros Fucking Nitram.  If anything, it has probably given you even more bad luck, which is the last thing you need.

AU Vriska: Be the huge 8itch.  Steal all the luck.  _Aaaaaaaall_ of it. ::::)

Wow, of _course_ we would all call you a huge bitch.  And what the fuck do we mean by _stealing_ luck?  You can’t just _steal_ luck!  Don’t we think that if you could just up and take some luck that you _would have_ already, and that you wouldn’t even _be_ in this mess right now?

Luck is something you either have or you don’t, simple as that.  And you _clearly_ do not have any luck coming your way.

======>

Thinking about bad luck just makes you angrier, and you see someone else online that you’ve refused to talk to out of sheer anger.  She’s been online for a while.

Aradia Megido.

Well, your position may be shitty, but at least you can always brag to a slave.

Vriska: Boast to Aradia.

AND YOU END UP LEAVING THAT CONVERSATION EVEN ANGRIER!!!!!!!!

Of course she made that shitty comment about you being blind in one eye. “h0w ab0ut eight minus seven,” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA _reeeeeeeeal_ fucking clever, Megido!  If it weren’t for the fact that she wasn’t being sold as a slave with her lover boy, you would have catapulted her off a goddamn cliff!!!!!!!!

_ Ding! _

_“Who the **FUCK** can it be now!!?”_

You audibly yell this, despite no one being there, and rapidly click on the window to see who’s messaging you.

...Oh.

You weren’t expecting her.

You’re no good backstabbing meddlefriend.

You’ll never admit it, but you’re actually a bit calmer seeing her username on the window.

Vriska: Be meddled with by  GA .

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling  arachnidsGrip [AG]

GA: What Profession Did You Get  
AG: Wow, really?  
AG: After so long of not talking to me, the first thing that you want to talk about is my letter?  
AG: Couldn’t just 8e like, “Hey there Vriska! How’s it going, 8uddy ol’ pal?”  
AG: Just, wow.  
GA: Oh  
GA: I Didnt Realize My Messaging Activity Had Been Sparse As Of Late  
GA: Is That Really True  
AG: It’s 8een weeks since we spoke!  
AG: Weeeeeeeeks!  
GA: I Apologize Then  
GA: You Must Understand My Tasks Down Here Prevent Me From Doing Much Of  
GA: Well  
GA: Anything  
GA: Save For Those Tasks Of Course  
AG: Oh, right. I guess you WOULD 8e pretty 8usy. ::::/  
AG: Didn’t really think a8out it like that!  
AG: What’s it like working down there anyway?  
GA: Its Dark  
GA: I Miss The Light A Lot  
GA: Also You Didnt Answer My Question  
AG: 8leh, I don’t wanna talk a8out it.  
AG: I just got a really shitty jo8 and it’s really unfair and sucky.  
AG: And people are treating me like shit for NO REASON.  
AG: And that’s really all there is to say on the matter.  
GA: Im Not Going To Even Touch On What Others Have Said Because It Will Probably Just Make You Angry  
AG: If it’s going in the direction I imagine it going, then you pro8a8ly shouldn’t. >::::(  
GA: But If I Recall Correctly Your Breakdown Of Events From Your Own Perspective With Regard To Testing And Occupations  
GA: You Told The Testers You Wanted To Be A Pirate  
GA: Which Is Illegal If Not At Least A Little Silly  
AG: How was I to know it was suddenly illegal for cerulean 8loods to 8e that?  
GA: Its Apparently Been The Law For Decades If Not Centuries  
AG: Do I look like Pyrope to you? I don’t read stupid law books!  
AG: Why does it matter to you? Whose sid8 are yo8 8n anyw8y!?  
GA: Oh Wow Youre Really Upset  
GA: Was What They Assigned You To Be That Terrible  
AG: YES!  
AG: I have to 8e a FLEET CAPTAIN of all things!  
AG: I h8ve the worst l8ck 8VER!!!!!!!!  
GA: Hmm  
AG: What is this Hmming about?  
AG: Why do you need to say Hmm?  
AG: HMMMMMMMM????????  
GA: I Say Hmm Because Im Thinking That You May Be Looking At Things In A Very Skewed Way  
GA: Considering Some Of The People We Know Are Being Forced Into Slavery Against Their Will  
AG: Yeah, 8ut they’re nothing 8ut a 8unch of low 8loods!  Who, 8y the way, have ALL screwed me over somehow!  
AG: I’m a cerulean 8lood! I should 8e a8le to CHOOSE my position!  
AG: It’s not fair! >::::(  
GA: It Does Not Change The Fact That Some Of These People You And I Mutually Know Are In Positions They Have No Choice But To Be In  
GA: Myself Included  
AG: 8ut your jo8 is aaaaaaaawesome!  
AG: I wish I could have a jo8 like yours!  
AG: Like, it’s literally one of the most important jo8s a troll could even HAVE! ::::o  
AG: I’d KILL to have your jo8! ::::(  
GA: I Guess You Would Do That  
GA: Still Its Not As Easy As It Seems  
AG: Well, it’s still way cooler than fucking fleet captain.  
AG: You j8de 8loods are so fucking lucky, and I literally have no luck at all!  
AG: >::::(  
GA: Well This Kind Of Goes Back To My Original Point About Having A Skewed Sense Of Logic  
GA: And Really The Point Ive Been Trying To Get Across For The Past Couple Sweeps  
AG: Oh God, not THIS convers8tion again. I thought we weren’t going to talk a8out this!  
GA: Im Just Saying I Think That This Bad Luck You Claim To Have Has More To Do With Your General Outlook On Things Than Anything That Is Actually A Thing Being True  
GA: While You Didnt Know Piracy Was Illegal For Your Blood Color You Probably Could Have Gone About Your Aptitude Test In A Much More Willing Manner  
AG: I did though!  
GA: You Told The Tester To Go Fuck Himself And Then Tried To Control His Mind  
AG: Yeah, 8ecause he was asking ridiculous questions!  
AG: I was helping him 8e 8ETTER at his jo8!  
AG: In fact, they should have given me HIS jo8! I would have been waaaaaaaay 8etter at it!!!!!!!!  
GA: You Probably Could Have Gotten A Position In Any Profession You Wanted Had You Been Respectful  
GA: I Just Feel That A Lot Of The Awful Things That You Claim Happens To You Out Of Bad Luck Is More Because You Do  
GA: Well  
GA: Awful Things Yourself  
AG: What the F8CK!?  
AG: So I’m just this 8wful, t8rr8ble p8rson t8 you????????  
GA: No  
GA: I Just Think Youre Kind Of  
GA: Dangerous  
GA: If Left To Your Own Devices  
GA: Which Is Fine  
GA: Some Trolls Are Like That  
GA: But They Need People To Watch Out For Them For That Reason  
AG: And I guess that’s where YOU come in, meddlef8ngs!?  
GA: Precisely  
GA: I Only Wish I Could Be There To Properly Pacify You  
AG: Well, you can fucking shove it for all I care!!!!!!!!  
AG: I don’t need your meddl8ng 8r y8ur ins8lts 8r your SH8T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
GA: But You Do  
GA: Which I Realize Is Difficult For You To Grapple With  
GA: But Your Difficulty Grappling With It Does Not Change The Fact That You Are A Dangerous Person  
GA: So Miss Meddlefangs I Must Be  
AG: Woooooooow, I can’t 8ELIEVE this!  
AG: You like to act like you’re so superior and so gr8, 8ut guess what? YOU’RE NOT THAT GR8 OR AWESOM8 SO WH8 DON’T YOU SH8T 8P!!!!!!!!  
GA: Oh  
AG: Damn right you say Oh! That’s the fucking truth!  
GA: No Not You  
GA: Its Her  
GA: I Know You Are Upset But Shes Going Kind Of Crazy  
GA: I Need To Go Soothe Her Or Shell Keep Acting Out  
GA: Oh Wow Shes Already Made A Mess  
AG: Fine! Go!  
AG: I’M TIRED OF TALKING TO YOU ANYW8Y!!!!!!!!  
GA: I Will Say This While I Have Some Time Left  
GA: I Realize You Are Very Angry Right Now  
GA: But Dont Do Anything Irrational  
GA: Do This For Your Own Sake If Not For Mine  
AG: Pfft, whateeeeeeeever.  
AG: I wasn’t going to do anything anyway! YOU just think I would!  
AG: 8ecause you don’t 8elieve in me or think I’m a good person!!!!!!!!  
AG: 8ut you know what? It doesn’t matter if I’m a good person to you! I DON’T CARE!!!!!!!! AG: And me 8eing a good or 8ad person has NOTHING to do with my 8ad luck!  
AG: I have 8ad luck and alw8ys will and n8thing you s8y or d8 8s 8v8r g8ing t8 ch8ng8 th8t!!!!!!!!  
AG: S8 why d8n’t you st8rt pac8f8ing your st8pid anim8l a 8it more 8nstead of 8oth8ring ME 8ll th8 time!!!!!!!!!????????

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling  arachnidsGrip [AG]

GA: I See You Have Done Your Signature Log Off Before The Other Person Has A Chance To Respond Thing So Congratulations On That  
GA: Still Please Take Seriously What I Just Said  
AG: GO AW8Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
GA: Okay I Will

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling  arachnidsGrip [AG]

_ UGH! _

A moirail’s job is to keep their other pacified, right?  Keep them calm?  Well, you sure as fuck feel _far_ from pacified right now!

Vriska: Make her _P8Y_.

You…what?

No!  You’re not going to make her pay!  You’re angry at her, but you’re not going to go _that_ far.  In your younger sweeps maybe—you fully exploited your mind control capabilities _and_ your high hemospectral status (which is a rare combination for your species)—but you like to think you’ve moved beyond that now.  And she’s also your moirail, which would be an _incredibly_ awful thing to do, even for your violent society.  So no, you won’t “make her _p8y_.”

Even if you’re visibly fuming from the disrespect she showed you.

A ding goes off.  That man’s messaging again, with more of his laughter.

And suddenly, you’re beyond pissed off.

======>

_ HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO.  
HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE.  
HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA. _  
AG: Shut up.  
 _HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO.  
HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE.  
HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA.  
_AG: SHUT UP.  
 _HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO.  
HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE.  
HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA.  
_AG: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP **_SHUT UP_**!!!!!!!!  
AG: STOP LAUGHING!  
AG: STOP TALKING TO ME!  
AG: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!  
 _HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO.  
HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE.  
HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA._  
AG: This is all YOUR fault!  
AG: I wouldn’t even be in this position if it weren't for you!  
AG: Why don’t you fucking own up to it for once!?  
AG: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!!????????  
 _HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO.  
_ _HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE.  
_ _HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA._

======>

You can’t stand it anymore.  You grab another eight ball from your drawer, and as dings sound and the highlighted white laughing continues, you hurl the eight ball through your window a shattering crash.  Before you can fully appreciate the damage you’ve done, your whole hive suddenly begins rumbling.

_ “HEEEEEEEEEESHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!” _

You hear windows crack and walls crumble outside, and you’re not sure what’s going on.  For a brief second, you think you might be responsible for the entire mess, like you underestimated your own power, before you fully comprehend your lusus’s shrill cry.

_She’s destroying the property._

“NO!” you yell, rushing to your now shattered window and look outside, to be surprised with the view you see.

The good news is she wasn’t breaking your shit.

The bad news is she was breaking your neighbors.

_ “HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” _

You see your neighbor’s dismantled walls and windows and immediately gulp.

You can safely say your neighbor is one of the few people whose bad sides you would definitely want to stay away from.  Half the time he’s just some creepy, sweaty brute, but he’s also capable of getting back pretty bad at people.  As a fellow blue blood, it was typical for the two of you to scheme against one another, but even then it’s always been rather respectful—noble, you would even say.

Still, you doubt he’d be happy to see his hive crushed by your lusus.

_ Ding ding ding! _

Through the chaos, you forgot you were still receiving messages.   Some of those obviously belonged to the laughing white text man, but there are also newer messages—some you’re sure are from the neighbor in question.

You steel yourself for the conversation as you walk back to your desk...

Vriska: Respond to…wait, what?

There are some messages from white text guy of course, but the other messages aren’t from your neighbor at all, surprisingly.  Rather, they’re from two assholes you’d rather not be talking to today, but still definitely aren’t your neighbor.  One of these guys has been messaging you non-stop for the past few weeks (how desperate can you _be_?), and the other dude…why the fuck is _Karkat_ bothering you?  What does he have to bitch about _now_?

You block both of them, and look at your neighbor’s username.

It says he’s online.  This makes you assume that, to your (rare) good fortune, he’s not at his hive.  Come to think about it, he probably left for the Imperial Landing already.  A guy like him would surely not be waiting around to leave this shitty planet.

You consider for a moment not saying anything about it to him.  If he’s not coming back, why bother starting shit?  But you know if he does end up returning, he’s going to expect an explanation, and perhaps be even angrier than he usually is.  You’re used to him being angry, but you wouldn’t want to see him on a rampage, especially with his moirail so far away.

So taking a deep breath, you double click his name, and initiate a conversation.

Vriska: Talk to neighbor.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  centuarsTesticle [CT]

AG: Hey! ::::P  
CT: D - > What do you want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What does a giant, angry spider mom sound like?
> 
> Apparently "heeeeshaaaa."


	9. centuarsTesticle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> D - -> So _100d_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so y’all know, this is a _preeeeeeeeetty_ long chapter. Partially because a lot happens in it, and also partially because I just like Equius.
> 
> Also, there’s a lot of casual mention of slavery because these are all people who think slavery is normal and natural, and are basically assholes (yes, Equius included). Of course I write this in character, so a lot of it may seem positive. Brace yourselves for that.
> 
>  
> 
> **Also a trigger warning for mentions of dubcon/noncon sex.**

THE EMPIRE wishes to address  centuarsTesticle [CT]

THE EMPIRE: ---THIS IS A MESSAGE FOR SIR ZAHHAK, SUBJECT NO. 6-99-9-9, REGARDING THEIR RESULTS FOR THE INVOLUNTARY TROLL APTITUDE TEST FOR CERULEANS AND BLUE BLOODS (ITATCBB); PLEASE ONLY RESPOND FOR IMPERATIVE OR URGENT CONCERNS, OR ELSE YOU MAY BE FINED---

_Sir Zahhak:_

_This is a message informing you of your results for the Involuntary Troll Aptitude Test for Cerulean and Blue Bloods (ITATCBB).  Upon reviewing your test results, we have found you most suited for the position of Ruffianhilator, to be situated on a star system far away from the Alternian system, riding on ship no. 3112600.  We feel this is a good position for you due to your excessive strength and ability._

_We hope this is a suitable position for you.  If you feel this is a mistake, you have one free message to send before we fine you for unlawful and unnecessary correspondence with the Empire.  After this message, we will unfortunately have to fine you a large chunk of your savings (at least 20%)._

_We hope you enjoy this Great Gathering, and Condesce speed to you on your journey to your new destination._

\---THIS HAS BEEN A TEST REVIEW FROM THE EMPIRE---  
 _ ***LONG LIVE  ~HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION~ *** _

THE EMPIRE is no longer addressing centuarsTesticle [CT]

This is… _this is…_

This is absolute **_HORSE RADDISH_**!!!

Please e%cuse the profanity.

Your name is Equius Zahhak, and you are _not_ okay with letting this happen.

======>

You are sitting straight and dignified at the desk of one of many public husktops that have been graciously set up by the generous EMPIRE in the Imperial Landing, reading the less than dignified evaluation of your performance on the Involuntary Troll Aptitude Test for Cerulean and Blue Bloods (which you refuse to abbreviate because that is way too disgusting an acronym).  Though it was perhaps bold of you to assume that you would have gotten the exact position you wanted, you did not expect getting such an undignified position even as a ruffianhilator.  For them to really place you so far away from the Alternian star system is really just… _just_ … ** _insulting_**.

_GASP_.  Did you say that aloud?

Oh dear.  You really have to learn to control such profane and anarchic thoughts.  This is probably why you got such a terrible position in the first place.

Your centuarian lusus Aurthour seems to sense your anger, and pats you on the shoulder as if to try and calm.  You would give him a pat of thanks in return, but your incredible STRENGTH would certainly bruise him, no matter how tenderly you tried to pat him.

You simply turn his way and nod so that he understands your gratitude, and he seems to be pacified by this.  You turn back to the infuriating message detailing the fate in store for you.

Equius: Pontificate on your circumstances.

Around the time you finally turned seven sweeps old and received your summons for testing, you humbly requested of the blood examiners that you could be placed among the legion of archeradicators—the most distinguished and noble profession one may attain serving the wondrous and glorious EMPIRE.  The testers doubted your capabilities, asking if you would prefer the ruffianhilator position instead, as they believed it would be most suitable for you.  You thanked them for thinking so highly of you to even say you deserved that position, but you were adamant in your desire to be an archeradicator.  After all, as great as the EMPIRE may be, it is necessary for one with such rich b100 b100d as yours to be firm in your wishes.  The testers said they would have to put you through the Involuntary Troll Aptitude Test for Cerulean and Blue Bloods, a test for the higher ranking blue shades to attain a position if their chosen profession is deemed inadequate or if it is illegal.  Taking that test, they said, would be the _only way_ to prove your worth as an archeradicator.  You thanked them for giving you the opportunity to prove your worth.

And now, sometime after you had taken this test, you have finally seen the results of it, only to find that all of your efforts had been for naught.

Well, that is _bullpucky_.

If we could please refrain from using such language, that would be great. 

You thought you had performed well on the examination.  Well, aside from breaking every arrow and bow they gave you, you felt you did very well.  You also failed to make bows and arrows from scratch, and kind of crushed every material there was to make them in the testing facility.  But you thought you did well at the historical review on archeradicators as a deadly class that does the bidding of Her Imperious Condescension in the shadows.

What other than those two other things could have possibly gone wrong?

======>

_“Nex **t** slave, please!”_

You hear from afar the shrill voice of the sea dweller auctioneer, her hard “t” very noticeable.  You glance up momentarily, not expecting anything intriguing about this new potential slave.

Just another weak, useless, wretched lowblood.  Nothing worth wasting credits for.

You go back to your husktop screen, only to be aggravated by yet another message from a person accusing you of something you do not care about.  You continue to block him—he’s only serving to take your mind away from the reason you’re here at this auction block today.

======>

It was always your plan to come and purchase a slave on the Day of Gathering.  You had dreamt of the moment since you were a wiggler.  You would come here and consort with the most noble of slave purchases.  They would discuss the quantities of slaves they had purchased, and which slave would be used for what.  As if _quantity_ was all that mattered.

But you were not going to be so frivolous and unwise as they, for you knew what made a good slave auction visit was not the _quantity_ of slaves purchased, but the _quality_ of any slave purchased.  There was no use throwing money away to buy slaves if they were weak slackers who would drop dead at the tiniest whip crack.  So you reasoned you would buy four—four high quality slaves, using up the majority of your savings, if not all of it.

They would call you foolish for spending so much money on only four servants, but you knew you would be making the right choice by doing so, because once they saw how powerful and capable those slaves were compared to theirs, they would be wishing they did the same thing.

You thought the Empress’ Square in the Imperial Landing would be the best place to purchase these slaves, and woke early at sunset to pack your things in your modus just to get here on time.  So far, you have been rather disappointed with the selection.  You were hoping you would have already obtained one or two slaves by now, and force them to carry your things, since no self-respecting adult troll should have a modus on them, you believe.  However, you still have no slaves to show for your efforts, and you are still forced to carry such a childish contraption.

Ah, the frustration of being a stingy slave-purchaser.  You are certain absolutely _nothing_ can compare to it.

======>

Truthfully, you probably are being stingier than is necessary when it comes to purchasing good slaves.  Part of this is because in your deepest, most despicable desires, you wish one person in particular would be on that auction stand.  You heard a few weeks ago they would be auctioned off as a slave, and since then…well, since then you have had incredibly… _lascivious_ thoughts.

But there’s no way they could be here.  There are numerous auction squares not only in the Imperial Landing, but elsewhere on Alternia.  There’s no way they could be at this one.

Oh, you wicked dreamer.  You are supposed to be above such thoughts.

======>

_“Nex **t** up: slave number four-fif **t** een-zero- **t** wo!”_

You glance up at the auction stand, only to see a young, trembling brown blood make her way up the stage.  She is rather pretty, and you guess whomever buys her will end up using her for one purpose, as she doesn’t appear to have the physique for physical labor.  You remain uninterested.

You glance back down to your husktop, but something catches your eye.  You gaze back at the crowd around the public husktop area, trying to find the thing that appeared so noticeable, when suddenly you see it.

_ “Gamzee Makara.” _

Simply uttering the name is enough to make your skin crawl.  You absolutely _loathe_ this foul creature.  You have ever since you had the misfortune of meeting him via Trollian.

He has the noblest blood possible for a land dweller.  The absolute _richest_ shade of purple.  One would think he would behave in a manner that is expected of his caste.  And yet he behaves in such a _vile_ manner.  It is an absolute waste of his gifts.  You cannot stand it.

And now here he is, standing next to a large goat creature you guess is his lusus, among some of the most noble of trolls in the EMPIRE.  This is absolutely uncalled for.

You should tell him it makes you angry.

Equius: Talk to this degenerate.

centuarsTesticle [CT] began trolling  terminallyCapricious [TC]

CT: D --> Have I ever told you what a reprehensible disgrace you are  
TC: HaHaHaHa, AlMoSt EvErY fUcKiN’ dAy, MaN!  
CT: D --> What in heaven’s name are you even doing here  
CT: D --> Do you not realize that this area is reserved for only the most distinguished of the noble and royal of our race  
CT: D --> Who gave you the right to be here  
TC: wAiT...wHaT aRe YoU tRyInG tO uP aNd GeT aT mE, bRoThEr?  
CT: D --> You and I are within the same vicinity  
CT: D --> The au%ion block  
TC: WoOoOoOaH, fOr ReAl DoG!?  
TC: wElL, iF tHaT aIn’T tHe MoSt BoDaCiOuS mIrAcLe To EvEr FuCkIn’ Be!  
TC: WhErE yOu At, BrO!?  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> Don’t try to find me  
CT: D --> Don’t even think about trying to find me  
CT: D --> Don’t even turn your gaze toward me for an instant  
TC: aW, mAn. :o(  
CT: D --> What are you even doing here  
TC: OhHhHh, MaN!  
TC: mY lUsUs CaMe AlL uP fRoM tHe OcEaN! aNd ThEn...  
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> Don’t finish your story  
CT: D --> I don’t want to hear it  
CT: D --> In fact, I feel it would be best for both of us if you just left  
CT: D --> You clearly do not belong in this hallowed au%ion block, nor do you deserve the privilege of having someone kneel before you  
CT: D --> So leave  
CT: D --> I command it  
TC: WeLl...AlRiGhT tHeN. GuEsS i’Ll SeE yA aRoUnD!  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Are you serious  
CT: D --> You’re really going to leave  
TC: wElL, yEaH! yOu ToLd Me To!  
TC: YoU gOtTa TrUsT wHaT yOuR fRiEnDs Be SaYiN’ tO yOu, MaN, oR eLsE yOu GoT nOtHiN’!  
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> This is una%eptable  
CT: D --> You can’t just leave like that  
TC: hUh?  
CT: D --> Okay, 100k  
CT: D --> Let’s start over  
CT: D --> I apologize for telling you to leave  
TC: Aw, No WoRrIeS dAwG!  
CT: D --> I have no right to demand such things from you  
CT: D --> Despite your unsavory decorum, you are still above me  
CT: D --> I can’t just give you orders like that  
TC: uHhHhH, yOu CaN’t?  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> You have the richest blood possible for a land dweller  
CT: D --> For me to tell you off like I did is reprehensible  
CT: D --> No other high b100d would dare allow me to go unpunished for such an a%ion  
CT: D --> Nor would I ever expect anything less than such  
TC: Aw, It’S aLl GoOd WiTh Me, BrO! i KnOw YoU dIdN’t MeAn No HaRm By ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg ThInG.  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> I did mean harm by it  
CT: D --> Why can’t you just  
CT: D --> Gosh darn it  
TC: aWwW, dId I sOmEwAyS uP aNd MaKe YoU aLl FuCkIn’ UpSeT aGaIn ? :o(  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> Wait, no  
CT: D --> I have no right to be upset with you  
CT: D --> Let me try this again  
CT: D --> I understand it must be difficult for someone as loathsomely ignorant as you to comprehend your position in the hemospectrum  
TC: MaN, yOu CaN sAy ThAt FuCkIn’ AgAiN!  
TC: i DoN’t GeT aNy Of ThE wHoLe BlOoD cOlOr ShIt AnD aLl WhO aNd WhErE eVeRyOnE oUgHt To Be.  
TC: So I jUsT dOn’T lIsTeN tO nOnE oF iT.  
CT: D --> See, this is e%actly why I find you so terrible  
CT: D --> You don’t even try to maintain the social order  
CT: D --> I could e%cuse ignorance, as loathesome as it is, but outright disobedience is just  
CT: D --> _Revolting_  
TC: :o( i’M sOrRy.  
TC: Is ThErE aNyThInG a MoThErFuCkEr CaN dO tO hElP a FrIeNd GeT hIs HaPpY wHiMsY oN?  
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> Are you asking me if there’s anything you can do to please me  
TC: wElL, yEaH! i DoN’t WaNt My FrIeNd To AlL fEeL dOwN jUsT ‘cAuSe I’m DoInG hIm WrOnG aNd ShIt. :o(  
CT: D --> Hmm  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Perhaps there is something you can do for me, highb100d  
TC: FuCkIn’ NaMe ThE tHiNg, BrOtHeR!  
CT: D --> I demand that you  
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> If I could humbly ask of you to  
CT: D --> Act more authoritative, and to  
CT: D --> Oh, this is so depraved  
CT: D --> If you could boss me around a little, I would greatly appreciate it  
TC: uHhHhHh, OkAy!  
TC: YoU mEaN lIkE sOmE rOlEpLaYiNg ThInG?  
CT: D --> If that is how you prefer to 100k at it  
CT: D --> Though it will not be the childish kind  
CT: D --> I forbid it  
CT: D --> I mean, if you would be so kind  
TC: nOt A fUcKiNg PrObLeM, bRo!  
TC: BuT uH...  
TC: wHaT aLl Am I sUpPoSeD tO bE aCtInG aLl BoSsY aBoUt?  
CT: D --> It doesn’t matter  
CT: D --> All you need to know is that I’ve been behaving in a reprehensible manner, and I must be punished  
TC: UhHhH...  
CT: D --> Okay, how about this  
CT: D --> Think about what you desire, and try to view everyone around you as a t001 to implement that desire  
TC: hMmMm...WeLl...  
CT: D --> Yes?  
TC: I cOuLd Go FoR a WiCkEd SlImE pIe RiGhT aBoUt NoW. :o) hOnK!  
CT: D --> Okay, no  
CT: D --> I will not allow you to consume such vile substances in this unreal scenario, no matter if my b100d level is lower than yours  
TC: aWwWw. :o(  
CT: D --> A%ually, this conversation has been a complete disaster  
CT: D --> I do not want to continue discussing these things with you  
CT: D --> Just...don’t come find me  
CT: D --> And don’t talk to me like this  
CT: D --> _Ever again_

centuarsTesticle [CT] has blocked  terminallyCapricious [TC]

TC: :o( SaD hOnK.

======>

That was awful.  _He_ is awful.

The very idea of speaking to that guy makes you…sweat immensely.  Goodness gracious, do you need a towel.  You do not have one, however, and there does not appear to be any around.  You know you should be grateful that the EMPIRE gave you access to a public husktop, but now you wish they had some complimentary towels to hand out.

You will just have to do without.  Oh, boy, is this going to be uncomfortable or what?

======>

You try to stop thinking about Gamzee or sweat or the two combined together by going back to your imperial letter.  You still find it atrocious that you even got this position.

You have one free message to the EMPIRE.  Perhaps they will show mercy on you, and give you your desired profession as an archeradicator.  Though it would entirely depend on what sort of Imperial Official you got a hold of.  And you will also have to deal with the EMPIRE’s notoriously difficult automated messaging system.

It shouldn’t be that bad, though.  Unless you do end up getting a bad Imperial Official, and they have you fined for wasting their time.

You must pray that does not happen.

Equius: Ask the EMPIRE to change your position.

centuarsTesticle [CT] began trolling  THE EMPIRE

CT: Hello, I am Equius Zahhak, blue blood, serial no. 6-99-9-9.  
THE EMPIRE: SCANNING RECORDS  
THE EMPIRE: -SIR EQUIUS ZAHHAK, TROLL HANDLE CENTUARSTESTICLECT, SUBJECT NO. 6-99-9-9, BLUE BLOOD-  
THE EMPIRE: INFORMATION CLEARED  
THE EMPIRE: !!! _RECORDS SHOW THAT YOU HAVE NOT YET USED YOUR FREE CORRESPONDENCE WITH THE EMPIRE_ !!!  
THE EMPIRE: WOULD YOU LIKE TO USE THIS MESSAGE NOW? Y/N  
CT: Y  
THE EMPIRE: YOU HAVE NO MORE FREE MESSAGES WITH THIS ACCOUNT; THE NEXT YOU CONTACT US YOU WILL BE FINED, UNLESS IT IS AN URGENT MATTER  
THE EMPIRE: IF YOUR CONCERN INVOLVES YOUR SHIP, WRITE SHIP  
THE EMPIRE: IF YOU NEED MORE TIME TO GATHER YOUR POSSESSIONS, WRITE I NEED MORE TIME, AND WE WILL HAPPILY CULL YOU  
THE EMPIRE: IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHERE YOUR NEAREST AUCTION BLOCK IS, WRITE SLAVE  
THE EMPIRE: IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT YOUR OCCUPATION, WRITE JOB PLACEMENT  
CT: Job placement.  
THE EMPIRE: !!! _RECORDS SHOW THAT YOU HAVE INTERRUPTED THE EMPIRE BEFORE WE COULD FINISH LISTING ALL OF OUR COMMAND PROMPTS_ !!!  
THE EMPIRE: !!! _PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS AGAIN_ !!!  
THE EMPIRE: [WE GRACIOUSLY GIVE SIR ZAHHAK A CHANCE TO APOLOGIZE]  
CT: I am sorry.  
THE EMPIRE: ALL IS FORGIVEN  
THE EMPIRE: YOU HAVE INPUTED THE COMMAND JOB PLACEMENT  
THE EMPIRE: WE WILL NOW CONNECT YOU TO AN IMPERIAL OFFICIAL WHO WILL TALK TO YOU ABOUT JOB PLACEMENT  
THE EMPIRE: WE HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY SIR ZAHHAK  
THE EMPIRE: [WE GRACIOUSLY GIVE SIR ZAHHAK A CHANCE TO THANK US FOR OUR GOOD TIDINGS]  
CT: Thank you.  
THE EMPIRE: _***LONG LIVE ~HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION~***_

THE EMPIRE is now connecting  centuarsTesticle [CT] to an  imperialOfficial [IO]

 

imperialOfficial50005 [IO] is now connected to  centuarsTesticle [CT]

IO: Greetings, Sir Zahhak.  
CT: Hello. Thank you for taking time out of your day to connect with me.  
IO: Not a problem.  
IO: What can I help you with?  
CT: I was hoping to change my profession.  
IO: Alright, then.  
IO: Do you suspect foul play from a kismesis that is looking to undue you with respect to your professional assignment?  
CT: No.  
IO: Do you think the ITATCBB testers had a bias against you because of quadrants, status, or identity?  
CT: No.  
IO: Then why do you feel this occupation is incorrect for you?  
CT: I simply do not wish to be a ruffianhilator.  
IO: ...  
IO: Sir, that really isn’t a legitimate reason.  
CT: Please, hear me out.  
CT: I have asked from the beginning to be among the archeradicators, but have been placed as a ruffianhilator despite this. I even told the testers very clearly that I did not want to be a ruffianhilator.  
IO: Both positions are very noble.  Why does it matter to you which one you receive?  
IO: The Empire doesn’t take kindly to selfishness.  
CT: I know.  
CT: The archeradicators, however, are much more refined tacticians than the often brutal ruffianhilators.  
CT: And if you see my records, you will find I performed rather well in the historical review assessment, which I believe more than shows my desire and resolve to be a part of the league of archeradicators.  
CT: If you placed me among them, I will promise you I will be more dedicated in performing my professional duties than I would as a ruffianhilator.  
IO: That is irrelevant.  
IO: Whether or not you would _prefer_ to be one thing or the other is not our concern.  No one _prefers_ to be a slave, but we still need them.  
IO: And we need you as a ruffianhilator more than we do as an archeradicator.  
IO: End of story.  
CT: No, please!  
CT: I...  
CT: All my life, I have known that I would probably be most suited for the ruffianhilator position.  
CT: I understand my STRONG physique is more than enough to convince any troll of that.  
CT: And though I am truly very proud of my STRENGTH, it has also been a hindrance in my more noble desires to be an archeradicator.  
CT: If I could perhaps learn to reign in on my incredible POWER, I know I would be more than capable of making up for the sections of the archeradicator tests I failed.  
CT: I know I can aim an arrow, I simply...I simply need to find a bow I won’t break.  
CT: Please, take pity on me.  
CT: Wouldn’t you have wanted someone to do the same for you?  
IO: ...  
IO: Fine then.  
IO: I will place you elsewhere as an archeradicator, no penalty.  
IO: But you will be in the absolute lowest ranking possible, until you can learn to control your...I suppose your “STRENGTH.”  
CT: Thank you.  
CT: Thank you, so much.  
IO: Hold on just a moment...  
IO: There.  Everything is changed.  
IO: Your new flight is 1211234.  
IO: You will be dropped on an asteroid at the very edge of the Alternian star system, and will be expected to find your own way to the archeradictor base there.  
IO: And yes, as always, you are still expected to be on the ship by sunrise.  
IO: I suggest you save this message to your records, in case you forget this information.  
CT: Thank you again, kind stranger.  
CT: I will forever be in your debt.  
IO: Don’t mention it.  
IO: Can I help you with anything else today?  
CT: No, thank you.  
IO: Then I believe we’re done.  
IO: Goodbye, Equius.

imperialOfficial50005 [IO] ceased communication with  centuarsTesticle [CT]

CT: Goodbye.  
CT: Oh.  
CT: You’re already gone.

======>

That was not _nearly_ as difficult as you thought it would be.  And now you are an archeradicator!

All is well for you.

======>

Now that you are an archeradicator, you feel as if things are finally happening as they should.  Here you are with Aurthour, about to purchase some fine slaves, and about to fulfill your lifelong goal of being an archeradicator.

You would say that you feel…uplifted, right now.  Oh, heck, you would go so far as to say you are… _happy_.  You look to Aurthour and flash him a smile, and he flashes one back.  He is nice enough to not care that some of yours are missing—possibly for good.

But you wish not to only share this joy with Aurthour.  No, you should definitely share this news with someone else.

And what do you know, looking at your Trollian chat client, you can see she’s already online.

You cannot _wait_ to tell her the good news!

Equius: Converse with moirail.

centuarsTesticle [CT] began trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

CT: D --> Hello  
AC: :33 < *ac purriedly straightens up the place fur her moirail, who has come quite unexpurrctedly :33*  
AC: :33 < *she pounces on you happurrly, excited to s33 you here!*

======>

What?  What is she _doing_?

This is only souring your mood.

Equius: Scold moirail.

CT: D --> What is this  
CT: D --> This is abso100t nonsense  
AC: :33 < *ac has no idea what her fuzzy wuzzy cuddly sweaty moirail is mewing about*  
AC: :33 < *she tells you hello with one mouth, and blows a kiss with the other :*3*

======>

For some reason, she continues on this charade, in spite of multiple scoldings!  She even curses!!!

You try your hardest to steer the conversation to something resembling normalcy and really anything that isn’t so…ridiculous.  You finally demand she talk about the imperial letters you both received, finally getting back to your original desire.

And yet…

======>

AC: :33 < *ac has no idea what ct means when he talks about letters and empires*  
AC: :33 < *when the animals in her savannah gather, it is near the watering hole, and does not require an infurtation!*  
AC: :33 < *though an infurtation can certainly help :33*

Is she _avoiding_ the question?

This is unbelievable.  Why is she acting this strangely?  She tries to continue this foolish charade, until you finally tell her enough is enough.  She is _not_ going to ruin this pleasant day.

======>

CT: D --> NEPETA POUNCE DE LEIJON, I COMMAND YOU TO STOP THIS HORSE SHIT  
CT: D - > I MEAN, BOLOGNA  
AC: :33 < you cant make me talk about this if i dont want to!  
CT: D - > YES I CAN  
AC: :33 < whats even the big deal about the great gathering!? its just anofur stupid empire thing that makes people do things they dont want to do!  
AC: :33 < its not like we HAVE to go to the gathering anyway!

======>

What!?  Not go to the Gathering!?  What is _wrong_ with her!!?

She claims she has received a terrible position in the EMPIRE.  But you doubt this.  She is your moirail.  You were sure to mention it to your blood testers when they asked you.

You demand you see her letter.

======>

AC: :33 < ...fine :((  
AC: :33 < [this is my message!.png](http://s11.postimg.org/gkcg00h0j/nepetaimperialmessage.png)  
CT: D --> Good  
CT: D --> Finally, you are being obedient  
CT: D --> I will take a moment to read this  
CT: D --> ...  
CT: D --> This does not appear out of the ordinary  
CT: D --> Clearly they are less formal with people who are so low on the hemospectrum, such as yourself  
CT: D --> This is why you should be grateful that someone as noble as I would associate myself with someone so uncivilized and distasteful  
AC: :33 < >:((  
CT: D --> As well as this it says that you’re a  
CT: D --> ...  
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> You are  
CT: D --> It says  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> I  
AC: :33 < :((  
CT: D --> I don’t know how to react toward this knowledge  
CT: D --> You’re  
CT: D --> _YOU’RE A SLAVE!?_

======>

Oh no.

Oh no oh no oh no oh no.

This… ** _NO._**

Equius: Freak the fuck out.

CT: D -->  _NO_  
CT: D -->  _NO, THIS IS_  
CT: D -->  _THIS IS GROSSLY UNA%EPTABLE_  
CT: D -->  _FUCK_  
CT: D -->  _I MEAN SHIT_  
CT: D -->  _I MEAN CONFLABBIT_  
AC: :33 < woah! calm down! :((  
AC: :33 < im the one being sold into slavery, not mew!  
AC: :33 < this is why you n33d someone like me, you have WAY too many anger issues :oo  
CT: D -->  _WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME THIS SOONER_  
CT: D -->  _GODDAMMIT, NEPETA_  
AC: :33 < i didnt expect you to react this way at all!  
AC: :33 < do i n33d to sing our grubmix song?  
AC: :33 < i want cluckbeast, i want grub meat, condesce condesce please dont cull me~~  
CT: D -->  _I NEED A FUCKING HOOF-DARNED MINUTE_

centuarsTesticle [CT]  ceased trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

======>

All you feel is rage.  All you think is rage.  All you _are_ is rage.

How could this have happened?  How the **_HELL_** could this have happened!?

**_THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE._ **

You immediately open a new chat window, ready to give these people a piece of your goddamn mind.

Equius: DEMAND THE EMPIRE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.

centuarsTesticle [CT] began trolling  THE EMPIRE

CT: D --> _WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?  
_ CT: D --> I MEAN  
CT: GODDAMMIT.  
THE EMPIRE: SCANNING RECORDS  
THE EMPIRE: -SIR EQUIUS ZAHHAK, TROLL HANDLE CENTUARSTESTICLECT, SUBJECT NO. 6-99-9-9, BLUE BLOOD-  
CT: YES, I AM EQUIUS ZAHHAK, GOSH FUCKING DARN IT!  
CT: I  
CT: _I_  
THE EMPIRE: INFORMATION CLEARED  
THE EMPIRE: !!! _WARNING!  YOU WILL BE FINED 20% OF YOUR INCOME IF THIS DOES NOT CONSTITUTE AN URGENT MATTER_ !!!  
THE EMPIRE: IS THIS MATTER URGENT? Y/N  
CT: Y  
CT: Y Y Y  
THE EMPIRE: !!! _RECORDS SHOW THAT YOU HAVE JUST INPUTED TOO MANY Y COMMANDS_ !!!  
THE EMPIRE: !!! _PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS AGAIN_ !!!  
CT: NO  
CT: YOU _CANNOT_ TELL ME NOT TO DO THIS.  
CT: NOT AFTER  
CT: _GOD-H*RSE-IT!!!_  
THE EMPIRE: [WE GRACIOUSLY GIVE SIR ZAHHAK A CHANCE TO APOLOGIZE]  
CT: I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING RIGHTFULLY FURIOUS!!!  
THE EMPIRE: ALL IS FORGIVEN  
THE EMPIRE: WE WILL LIST OUT ALL OF OUR URGENT MATTERS, AND YOU MAY INPUT AT ANY TIME WHICH ONE FITS YOUR SITUATION  
CT: FUCKING HEAVEN’S _NO_  
CT: LET ME SPEAK TO SOMEONE YOU AUTOMATED PIECE OF HORSE POOP  
THE EMPIRE: ARE YOU AFRAID FOR YOUR LIFE? IF SO, WE DO NOT CARE, AND YOU WILL PROBABLY BE CULLED, GIVEN YOU ARE NOT KILLED BY SOMEONE/SOMETHING ELSE  
THE EMPIRE: IF YOU HAVE WITNESSED A CRIME, PLEASE WRITE SOMEONE SHOULD BE CULLED  
CT: _NO NO NO NO NO_  
THE EMPIRE: IF YOU ARE IN DANGER OF BEING SEPARATED FROM YOUR MOIRAIL OR AUSPISTICE, WRITE QUADRANTS  
CT: ...  
CT: Quadrants.  
THE EMPIRE: WHICH QUADRANT-MATE DO YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE BEING SEPARATED FROM?  PLEASE ENTER c3< FOR AUSPISTICE AND <> FOR MOIRAIL  
CT: <>  
THE EMPIRE: WE WILL NOW CONNECT YOU TO AN IMPERIAL OFFICIAL WHO WILL TALK TO YOU ABOUT QUADRANTS-MOIRAIL  
THE EMPIRE: WE HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY SIR ZAHHAK  
THE EMPIRE: [WE GRACIOUSLY GIVE SIR ZAHHAK A CHANCE TO THANK US FOR OUR GOOD TIDINGS]  
CT: ...Thank you.  
THE EMPIRE: _***LONG LIVE ~HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION~***_

THE EMPIRE is now connecting  centuarsTesticle [CT] to an  imperialOfficial [IO]

 

imperialOfficial50005 [IO] is now connected to  centuarsTesticle [CT]

IO: Hello again, Equius.  
IO: I believe contacting the Empire twice in a day should be a culling offense, but I’m forced to let it slide due to this being marked “urgent.”  
CT: You are GOSH DAMN RIGHT this is urgent.  
CT: You are very fortunate that I am barely able to _CONTAIN MY RAGE RIGHT NOW_.  
IO: Excuse me?  I believe I’m the Imperial Official, and you’re the person serving under us.  
IO: You have absolutely no right to speak to me that way.  Know your place, Zahhak.  
CT: I  
CT: have  
CT: EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY RIGHT NOW.  
IO: Sure you do.  Let’s just hope this is as bad as you’re making it out to be, lest I put you on the culling block.  
IO: What is going on?  
CT: MY MOIRAIL  
CT: THE EMPIRE MADE HER A _SLAVE_!  
IO: ...Oh my God, really?  
IO: Oh, dear, Equius, I am truly sorry about this.  
IO: I’ll get this cleared up right away.  
IO: What is your moirail’s name?  
CT: Her name is Nepeta Leijon, serial no. 6-12-4-5.  
IO: Let’s see...  
IO: Oh, wow, you’re right.  She was definitely placed as a slave.  
IO: And she is truly your moirail?  
CT: _YES, SHE FR**KING IS._  
IO: I see.  
IO: Okay, yes, your records say you definitely have a moirail named Nepeta.  
IO: Yet hers don’t for some reason...  
IO: The testers must not have asked her about her own quadrant affiliations.  Typical tester negligence.  Probably because she’s a green blood.  
IO: I truly am sorry about this, Equius.  
CT: It’s _fine_.  
CT: Just clear the matter up.  
IO: Let’s see...  
IO: I’m trying to contact the main Imperial Director to attain a voucher to purchase her as your own, as well as give you financial compensation for your troubles.  This may take a minute...  
CT: What?  
CT: _What?_  
CT: _NO._  
IO: _Excuse_ me?  
CT: Nepeta is a very capable woman. She _deserves_ to have something different than slavery.  
CT: For heaven’s sake, she went out of her way to find the testers to save them the trouble of finding her hive!  
CT: _IT TOOK HER A DAY OF TRAVEL TO GET TO THAT LOCATION!_  
IO: I’m sorry, Equius, but the placement has already been made.  
IO: She should have told the testers on location if she wanted a specific profession.  
CT: How was she supposed to know that!? _I_ didn’t even know that!  
CT: And aside from that, you already said the testers should have asked about her quadrant affiliations!  
IO: Yes, but they’re testers.  Sent from the Empire.  
IO: She’s just a green blood with no recognition from us other than the fact that she’s a _slave_.  
IO: My hands are tied, Equius.  Your best option is to take the voucher and compensation.  
CT: You were able to change _my_ profession, so why can’t you do the same for her!?  
CT: She’s my _MOIRAIL_ , for f*ck-...goodness sake!  
IO: But she is still a green blood.  
IO: I was already bending the rules by giving you the archeradicator position, and I’m only able to get away with it because you’re a blue blood.  
IO: There is no way in hell our Director will turn a blind eye to my changing the placement of a green blood, _especially_ not the moirail of the person I just changed the job placement of.  
CT: ...  
IO: Equius, I sincerely wish I could give you a different option.  But like I said: my hands are tied.  
CT: ...What if I changed my job placement back?  
IO: What?  
CT: Back to ruffianhilator.  In the same star system and everything.  
CT: And then give her my job placement change.  
IO: I...  
IO: Well, there’s technically nothing against giving a person your job placement change...and she _is_ your moirail...  
IO: Considering the circumstances, I’m sure it would be fine.  
IO: But are you certain you want to do this?  
CT: ...  
CT: Yes.  
CT: Nepeta _cannot_ be a slave.  
CT: I forbid it.  
IO: Hold on...  
IO: I changed her position.  
IO: According to the information from the blood testers, she’s a very skilled huntress.  She also seemed to hold a liking for roleplaying.  
IO: Based on these facts, I decided to give her the position of cahootioneer.  It’s a bit of a stretch, but she could possibly do something with it.  
CT: No...it’s perfect.  
CT: It will utilize both of her talents.  
IO: I’ve just sent her a new message with this new information.  
IO: She will be riding out on the same ship as you, to the same star system.  
IO: And of course, everything in your original letter is valid again.  Everything in our last message has been invalidated.  
IO: Do you need a new letter?  
CT: ...No. I still have the old one.  
IO: Then it seems my job is done.  
IO: ...Unless you have a different matter to discuss.  
CT: No.  
CT: There is nothing else.  
IO: Well, then, I’m glad to be of service to you.  
IO: ...Good luck, Equius.

imperialOfficial50005 [IO] ceased communication with  centuarsTesticle [CT]

======>

…

Equius: Confirm new job placement with Nepeta.

centuarsTesticle [CT] began trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

CT: D --> Did you receive a new imperial message  
AC: :33 < what!?  
CT: D --> _DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT OBTAIN A NEW IMPERIAL MESSAGE_  
AC: :33 < g33z, yes i did!  
AC: :33 < they made me a cahootion33r!  
CT: D --> Then the deed is done  
AC: :33 < what is going on!?  
AC: :33 < what did you DO!!?  
CT: D --> I will see you on the flight  
AC: :33 < _HEY!!!_

centuarsTesticle [CT] ceased trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

======>

This is better.  Yes, this is better, you tell yourself.  Nepeta will be fine.  She won’t be a slave.

…And you won’t be an archeradicator.

But…it’s better.

Yes, it’s much better.

Equius: Mourn.

_“Hey.  Pssst.  Heeeeeey.”_

You do not get the chance to mourn the loss of your wonderful future, because you hear a person loudly whispering near you, somewhere outside of the magnetic field you are surrounded by.  You look around, intrigued by the sound, wondering if it’s even directed toward you, when your eyes finally fall upon the source and his terrible, goofy grin.

“Hey, brother.”

_ Gamzee Makara. _

You grit your teeth, trying to conceal your rage.  You see in your peripheral Aurthour visibly cringes.

“ _I told you not to find me._ ”

Upon this, the man with the splotched clown make up immediately looks forlorn.  “Man, I know y’all don’t wanna up and fuckin’ talkin’ to me, and that’s cool.  But uh…I got kicked out.”

“ _Good_ ,” you bite.

“But hold up, bro!  They forgot to grab my lusus, too!”

As if on cue, you hear a loud whinny come from the side nearest, and turn to see the large goat you suspected was his lusus coming toward him.  You look back to glare at Gamzee for wasting your time, but he doesn’t even seem fazed by you as his face immediately brightens upon seeing his lusus.

“ _YOOOOOO, IF THAT AIN’T A MOTHERFUCKIN’ MIRACLE!_ ”

You roll your eyes at him, despite the fact he could never have seen you do so through your cracked shades.  “Are we done here?”

He drawls on, though, giving you more information than you wanted.  “Yeaaaaah, man, it’s good.  I just wish I coulda fuckin’ talked to Solbro for a little longer.”

“Hm,” you grunt, going back to your husktop and hoping he takes the hint.  You are certainly not in the mood to deal with his moronic nature right now.

He does not take the hint.  “Yeah, brother, poor Captor looked all freaked out up there with that mermaid gal, and I just wanted to up and say what up to a motherfucker!  But truth be told, I probably fuckin’ scared him too.  But maaan, that lady was fuckin’ scarier!”

You consider turning around and demanding that he leave, when suddenly something clicked.

======>

“Wait,” you interrupt him, turning to face him.  “You mean _Sollux_ Captor?  The _gutterblood_?”

He cocks his head like he has no idea what you just asked.  “Well, fuck, yeah, ol’ Sollux man.  But I didn’t know nothin’ about a motherfuckin’ gutter!”

You have heard of Sollux, though tried to stay away from him.  He was a degenerate worse than even Gamzee, you would argue, with a horrid lisp.  But you knew Sollux merely because you knew he was with…

“Yeah, and our good sistah Aradia was all up there too!” Gamzee declared, and then added ruefully, “She kinda got mad at me, though.”

Oh God.  Oh God Oh God Oh God.

_ “Maroon bloo **t** , six- **t** en-zero-zero, can con **t** rol the spiri **t** s of the **t** eh **t** , comes with her lusus, s **t** ar **t** ing bi **t** is one hun **t** re **t** cre **t** i **t** s for both, as is normal for a **t** roll-lusus pair!” _

You swing your focus to the stage ahead.  You even remove your glasses, just to make sure you’re seeing it properly.

And you are.

The beautiful, elegant filthblood—Aradia Megido.

Equius: Ignore her.

You fail to ignore your foolish flush crush of a little over two sweeps.  Putting your shades back in place, you rush to the stage, despite cries from the clown and Aurthour.  You push through the crowd, possibly breaking a few ribs because of your strength, though you don’t mind.  You need to be there near the stage, to see her up close, to make sure you take the prize.

When you have finally managed to get a few yards away from the stage, the girl makes eye contact with you, eyes widening in recognition of who you are.  Amid some of the shouts of people, you know she sees you finally make a call of your own.

“ _Two-hundred fifty credits!_ ”

“ _Two-seventy-five!_ ” another calls out.

_ Ding! _

Oh, what is it now?

You installed a Trollian chat messaging client in your high-tech glasses a while ago, simply for convenience.  A ding goes off within them to signify a new message. 

You hate using these because the cracks in your glasses sometimes make it difficult to read these messages, and consider turning it off completely for the time being, until you see the sender. It is not the gutterblood that keeps trying to accuse you, but rather someone else entirely. 

Oh. She isn’t going to take an ignored message so lightly.  Not that you are necessarily frightened by her, but you aren’t about to get on her bad side.

You decide to be cordial and message her back.

Equius: Try to deal with former neighbor.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  centuarsTesticle [CT]

AG: Hey! ::::P  
CT: D --> What do you want  
AG: Geez, way to start the convers8tion off!  
AG: It’s not like we’ve 8een neigh8ors for foreeeeeeeever.  
AG: And it’s also not like you and I are going to 8e leaving soon, never to see each other again!  
AG: I thought we could at least 8e civil to each other on this last day. ::::/  
CT: D --> Okay, fine  
CT: D --> 400 credits  
AG: What?  
CT: D --> No, I’m not talking to you  
CT: D --> I’m kind of busy at the moment  
AG: Okay, fine, I get it!  
AG: Don’t want to talk to me, whaaaaaaaatever.  
AG: You’re just lucky I respect you enough to not make you pay!  
CT: D --> I will ask again  
CT: D --> _What do you want_  
AG: Look, I was just gonna ask if you were planning on going 8ack to your hive at some point.  
AG: Like, if you still needed to pack or get your lusus or something something.  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> I have everything packed, and Aurthour is here with me  
CT: D --> Why does this matter  
CT: D --> _800 CREDITS_  
AG: Good! Okay, yeah, I didn’t think you would be coming back.  
AG: I just thought I’d ask.  
AG: ........Where are you anyway?  
CT: D --> _1000 CREDITS!_  
AG: _What????????_  
CT: D --> 100k, Vriska, is that all you needed to ask me  
CT: D --> I don’t have time to deal with you right now  
AG: Well FUCK, fine then! >::::(  
AG: I didn’t wanna fucking talk to you anyw8y!  
AG: And you wanna know what else? YOU’RE A TERRI8LE NEIGH8OR!!!!!!!!  
AG: I’m glad I won’t see you again, you sweat8ng h8rse FRE8K!!!!!!!!

arachnidsGrip [AG] has blocked  centuarsTesticle [CT]

CT: D --> _2500 CREDITS_

Oooh, nice bid.

You shut off the client in your glasses with a small click, not caring about how angry Vriska is.  You focus on the task at hand.

======>

“ _Twenty-seven fifty!_ ”

“ _Three thousand credits!”_ you counter.

With that, the crowd seems to go silent.  Usually, a girl like Aradia would probably go a little higher, but people rarely ever want to buy a slave who still has their lusus.  This either means having an extra mouth to feed, or having to kill the lusus, which often makes the slave more likely to rebel against their master.

You, of course, do not care about the lusus.  What matters is you having Aradia.

======>

_“I dunno, man…”_

You hear a voice somewhere near you, though you can’t find the source.

 _“I mean, she seems cute…could be a good hatefuck…_ ’SPECIALLY _with those ghosts.”_

A hand suddenly shoots up, and you see who the perpetrator is.  A male cerulean, who can honestly be no older than you.

“Five thousand!”

But you’re not going down that easily.

“Five thousand five hundred credits!”

You see him turn his head your way, and you leer back at him.  That’s when both of you realize that this is not going to be a simple fight.  He seems to laugh at this—cocky and arrogant in his belief he will overpower you—and nudges someone next to him, which you presume is a new slave from the way they flinch.

“This is gonna be _fun_ … Sixty-five hundred credits!”

“Seven thousand credits.”

You’re saying this more to him now than you are to the auctioneer.  You know he is also directing his number call outs to you.

You both continue.

“Eight thousand!”

“Nine thousand credits.”  This is steep even _without_ a lusus.

But he’s persistent.  “Ten thousand!”

“Twenty thousand.”

“Twenty-five!”

“Thirty.”

“Forty-five thousand!”

“ _Fifty thousand!_ ”

======>

At this point, people are audibly gasping and murmuring in the audience, more transfixed on the battle between the two of you than on their own personal conversations.  Even the auctioneer remains quiet, watching you and the cerulean blood duke it out in a battle of pride for the cerulean, and desire for you.

For a second, you think he’ll actually stop and let you win at fifty thousand credits, but then he calls out his next number.

“ _Seventy-five thousand!_ ”

This is really pushing it.  You really only have around one hundred thousand credits, which on the Day of Gathering is more than enough to purchase plenty of slaves, given the sheer overload of additions in the market.  Risking to spend more is a huge gamble, if only because he may end up having more.  Or maybe he’s bluffing?

You look at Aradia and see her wide-eyed still, looking between the two of you.  And you know you really have no choice.

Your desires always win.

======>

_“One hundred thousand credits.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may feel like more of a prologue than the actual prologue, but I promise ALL OF THIS IS _**INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT**_.


	10. grimAuxiliatrix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Is Not What I Expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning for slur word used against neurodivergent people used in a pesterlog**.
> 
> It’s everyone’s favorite girl-loving fashion enthusiast who is also _very_ goth.
> 
> Kanaya Maryam is ~~super poised and elegant~~ _a huge fucking dork and I love her_.

In the darkest, coldest region of Alternia where the sun never hits, and within the deepest, dampest depths of their caverns, the Mother Grub—the key to the troll species’ continuity—is being raised.  Though adult grubs prefer the light, in infancy their larva body is unshelled and exposed, too soft to sustain even the moons’ lights, and they would surely shrivel up and die.  So for a short time during the beginning of her life, the grub remains completely cave-ridden, residing solely in dark.  After this time, ideally the grub with its hardened shell will be able to go outside and withstand even the scorching light of the Alternian solar system’s sun—one of the few creatures on Alternia that can do such a thing, and the only that are so docile and peaceful.

That is, when they aren’t going through feeding withdrawals.

_ “Hisssss!” _

“Now, dearie, just let me—”

_“Hisssssss!”_

“I already told you that boulders are not food—”

“ _HISSSSSSSS!!!_ ”

“Please don’t tear up the—”

“ _HISSSSSSSSSSSSS HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!_ ”

“ _Will you just—_ ”

“ ** _HISSS HAAA HISSSS HAAAAA HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!_** ”

Oh, no, she’s made an absolute mess of the place.

Your name is Kanaya Maryam, and you promise your life is _great_.

======>

Okay, so raising the Mother Grub is a _taxing_ enterprise.  You always knew this, so it’s not a big deal.  Honestly, you’re probably the only person could even do it.  You would even go so far as to posit that you’re the best equipped jade troll to do it, even.  After all, you are one of the few jade bloods, or even the only jade blood who had the experience of having a virgin Mother Grub as a lusus—that is, an adult female grub that chose to abscond from their reproductive duties, which you’re pretty sure is unprecedented even for jade bloods.

So why is trying to get an infant Mother Grub to _not_ tear up the small cavern going through an Imperially Mandated Food Withdrawal just _so very difficult_?

Kanaya: Throw a rock at the future Mother Grub to knock it out.

What?  No!  That would be foolish!

She would just eat the damn thing!

Kanaya: Uhhhh…?

Oh, and _now_ she’s tearing up the wonderful tapestry Terezi made you when you left for your duties.  You can’t just let this action slide without consequences.

You hate to do this, but you have no other option.  You pull out your strife specibus and mutter a silent apology to the little grub.

Kanaya: Make Her _Pay_.

You shoot a tranquilizer dart at her.

She hisses and “ha's,” crawling along the walls until she drops back first on the ground, finally unconscious.

You _really_ try not to use that option too often, as it is said the agents in the darts may sometimes act to dilute the slurry the Mother Grub will be forced to carry in the future.  You’re not entirely sure if that’s true, or if it’s just that the Empire is too cheap to equip you with more darts (they give you sixty as a standard, which would be fine if it weren’t for the fact that raising a grub can take _sweeps_ ).  Still, you also just don’t like to hurt her.

Kanaya: Pull out your makeupkind strife specibus and get looking _fabulous_.

And _why_ would you do that?  You live in a deep, dark cavern with very little sources for light.  You have a lit up vanity mirror and desk, of course, but the light is hardly bright enough for you to properly do your makeup.  As sad as it is, you just have to go without.

Kanaya: Fine, just put the future of trollkind in a proper bedding arrangement.

The future of trollkind, vicious as she may get at times, is still small enough for you to carry.  You scoop her up and position her head on your shoulder, and she wastes no time to begin drooling on it.

The cavern has no real “blocks” to speak of, so you simply walk a few feet ahead to the pile of pillows you graciously gave to her when she hatched from the matriorb.  They used to be your own bedding arrangement, until you started sleeping in a recupercoon like a proper troll.  You lay her down as gently as possible in her pillow cocoon, and then stop for a moment to appreciate the sleeping grub.  She really does look sweet when she sleeps.  She used to be more like that a sweep ago—sleeping, that is.

Now that she’s in a proper sleeping arrangement, you can finally take a breath of relief and take a moment to yourself.  Really, you can do _anything_ you want to now.  What will you do?

Kanaya: Exposit on how you became a Caretaker of the Mother Grub.

It’s kind of pointless for you to think about, but why not?  Some light thinking is probably what you need right now.

As was said before, you being the Caretaker to the Mother Grub was less something you had to train to become as it was something that was going to happen no matter what.  It’s something _all_ jade bloods must do eventually.  You learned this from your own lusus, who, as you also stated previously, was a virgin Mother Grub.  You’re honestly very grateful she was around to teach you these things, and that she was generous enough to die on your property to allow _you_ to chainsaw her open and retrieve the matriorb she was carrying.  According to the male jade blood who you replaced, most jade bloods grow up incredibly isolated and unaware that they will be raising a mother grub until some Imperial Drone knocks on their hive door carrying a fresh matriorb from a newly dead virgin Mother Grub.

Apparently, it’s absolutely terrifying.  Imperial Drones in general are just terrifying.  You’re lucky you were spared such a horrifying event, and instead you simply had to find an imperial contact to tell them that you had obtained the matriorb and was ready to fulfill your obligation to the Empire.  This happened when you were six.  Actually, now that you think about it, it happened two sweeps ago to this very day!

Huh. What a strange coincidence.

Kanaya: Ponder on Mother Grub reproduction.

Ew. That’s a little gross to think about.

You’re not sure you even want to.

Kanaya: Ponder on Mother Grub reproduction.

Well, _now_ that the thought’s stuck in your mind, you may as well.

Grubs are a very interesting species.  They’re a unisex species (though trolls like yourself often refer to them as “female”) that reproduce their own kind without sexual contact.  This means they are asexual, in a sense, though they are much more evolved than simple bacterium.  This is why it’s important to have a virgin Mother Grub alive—even if it means they must abstain from a troll reproductive cycle, which happens every six sweeps.  Usually, it’s not that hard on the troll population, unless a war, plague, or rebellion has broken out, _especially_ since a Mother Grub that does carry the troll slurry can often continuously lay eggs for at least six sweeps longer (all depending on how many buckets of genetic material the drones bring in).

As for the million imperial credit question about how a species so different from trolls can reproduce using the Mother Grub…the Mother Grub’s biology is adaptable enough to give birth to any species that inseminates it, and is capable of giving birth to that species in large numbers.  You could say if the Mother Grub was a card in the deck, it would be a joker card, being whatever you needed it to be.  And for trolls, that card has always been used for their reproductive benefit.  There has never been a time where trolls have not been dependent on the Mother Grub, and there has not been a time where grubs as a species have been dependent on them.  Grubs depend on trolls to keep their species going, ensuring that there are enough virgins to make sure they continue to reproduce and not just allow any wild fauna out there to use them as a conduit.  If trolls did not use grubs themselves as reproductive conduits and protect virgins until their time came, the grub species would surely go extinct.  Creatures in general seem to be drawn to grubs, and would use them to reproduce all the time if they could.

You think this is part of the reason grubs prefer sunlight, as the nighttime sun makes most animals hide away to the dark, even if the animals that don’t hide away are more dangerous.

Kanaya: Think about troll reproduction.

Ohhhhh no.  You are _not_ going to think about that.

It’s one thing to talk about another specie’s reproduction, it’s another thing entirely to talk about your own.  That is not something proper to think about right.

Kanaya: Think about troll reproduction.

OH MY GOD, REALLY?  _REALLY?_

ALL THAT NEEDS TO BE KNOWN ABOUT TROLL REPRODUCTION IS THAT IT’S DONE USING BUCKETS, AND AN IMPERIAL DRONE CAN COME VISIT A TROLL AT ANY TIME IN THEIR LIFE AND _MULTIPLE_ TIMES EVEN TO DEMAND EITHER RED OR BLACK OFFERINGS, OR EVEN BOTH, WHICH MEANS A TROLL SHOULD ALWAYS REMAIN CLOSE TO THEIR KISMESIS OR MATESPRIT, AND IF THEY _DON’T_ HAVE A KISMESIS OR MATESPRIT OR SOMETIMES EVEN BOTH THEY CAN GET CULLED BY THE VISITING IMPERIAL DRONE!  OKAY?  _OKAY!?_

======>

…

Wow, you really lost it there.  All because you didn’t want to think about troll reproduction.  You’ve never been so easy to anger in the past, _especially_ when it came to your own thoughts.

You think it might be the fact that this cavern is so dark.  You’d _love_ to see sunlight again.  That, or you just don’t get enough sleep anymore.  Not since you started getting nightmares.

Kanaya: Be nostalgic.

This is where things always get a little strange for you.  The past before you became a Caretaker is _always_ difficult for you to explain, even to yourself.

Before you lived in the caves, you lived in the sunnier side of Alternia, where most jade bloods and their lusii choose to reside (you envy the jade bloods that lived in the dark, and were thus able to get used to the caverns more quickly).  You of course lived with your lusus, the virgin Mother Grub, and had a fairly normal life.  You designed clothes, you changed your fashion regularly, you dreamed about slicing daywalkers in half with your chainsaw… _very_ normal things you would certainly say.

Only there was one thing that made you abnormal, even if we discounted the virgin Mother Grub lusus, and even if we discounted the fact that you’re a sunlight loving jade blood.  And that fact…well, that’s where you have trouble understanding where reality ends and begins.

======>

As a child, you not once had a nightmare.  You hardly ever even slept in a recupercoon.  In fact…and this probably silly to think…but you remember your dreams taking place in the same location.  No, it wasn’t the same dream over and over again, it was just…you dreamt on the same place over and over again, if that makes sense.  The place was colored gold and yellow, and you remembered it being called “Prospit.”

And on this “Prospit”—and this is where things just get weirder for you to think about—you felt like you used to see clouds that…well…that would tell you the future.  And the visions they showed you were often so _real_ yet bizarre that you often believed they would come true.

Of course, a lot of them never did.  Two of those visions in particular have stuck with you even beyond your fanciful dreams—one which was pretty big, and another which was so small you can’t even believe you’ve remembered it for so long.

======>

The smaller vision was that you would visit a website by someone named “tentacleTherapist.”  The vision was very specific, and showed you the exact server you were supposedly going to go to.  However, on that day, you got so busy with other affairs that you’re not prepared to divulge that you just completely forgot about it.  Maybe it was merely the specificity of the vision that made it stick out to your for so long after, because you can’t imagine why something like that would be terribly important to draw upon in your thinkpan.

Another vision—the much larger one—was that you and eleven other friends would play a game that would have drastic consequences.  Everyone’s lusii would die (including yours, of course) and troll existence would end as you knew it, leaving you as the one who would restore it.  But when the day came that you were supposed to play—the very day that your lusus died as well—nothing really happened.  No one ever played the game, for one reason or another.

It was at that point that you assumed the visions you had seen were lying to you.  You tried to find an answer in the knowledge you obtained about the archaic and discontinued field of troll psychology, but all it offered was an idea that you were having a strange reaction to something called “chucklevoodoos,” which is fake and absolutely preposterous.

Of course, it ultimately didn’t matter what the answer for them was, for after that fateful day, you no longer dreamed on this place called “Prospit.”  From that day on, you began having awful nightmares—the kind that the Empire claims trolls are supposed to have.  And from that day forward, you’ve had to sleep in a recupercoon.

It helps, but it’s not really enough for someone who has lived without nightmares their entire life.

Kanaya: Think about that game you were supposed to play.

Truth be told, not a day goes by that you _don’t_ think about the game.  The site you were supposed to visit will occasionally pop up in your thinkpan, sure, but the game…it’s a thought that never really goes away.

Thinking about the things that could have happened in that game both excites and frightens you.  A game where you and eleven of your closest friends will be dependent on saving existence as you all know it, and yet your entire species would have to die just to make it so.  What kind of life would you have lived if it had happened?  What kind of person would you be if you never had to go to the caverns?

AU Kanaya: Be the auspistice.  Auspisticize _all_ the conflicts—

_NO._   You will NOT engage in excessive auspisticism in this reality or any other.  You _DESPISE_ people always assuming that about you.  For heaven’s sake, you are _not_ the village two wheel device in auspisticism, you are _just a troll!_  A very _helpful_ troll, but a troll nonetheless, okay?

If you’re going to have ANY alternate self, you will _not_ allow them to be the default auspistice.  You’ve put up with that role enough in _this_ reality as it is.  Are we clear on that?

AU Kanaya: Be the rainbow drinker.  Drink _all_ the blood.

Ohhhhh _yes_.  You can definitely get behind this idea.  You have loved ever since you were young the passionate tales of rainbow drinkers, forcing unwitting trolls to succumb to their charms in the sunlight.  You have always fantasized about turning into one of these fabled creatures.  The world and its inhabitants would be your drinking fountain, and you would have access to almost any flavor your heart desires.  Your life would be lived with passion, and your love would be even more so.

Those dreams may be old to you now (and a little bit silly to say the least), but it does remind you of how careless and happy your youth was.  Days in the sun with your lusus, designing clothes, dreaming on “Prospit,” imagining a life with Vriska—

_ Vriska? _

…Oh.  Um.  Yeah.  Your moirail.

When you say you imagine a life with your moirail, you clearly mean it in the _palest_ and _diamondest_ way possible.  Yeah!  It’s _definitely_ just a very pale red—so pink.  So very pink and _OKAY IT’S A VERY DARK SHADE OF PINK CALLED RED AND YOU DON’T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT._

Kanaya: Remember how you went red for your moirail.

**_WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT NOT WANTING TO TALK ABOUT IT!?_ **

It’s just…difficult to talk about, okay?  You’ve wanted to change to red with her in the past, but it hasn’t really happened for you yet.  Mainly because she just…well…she’s _Vriska_.  Without a proper moirail, she’d probably do something that could threaten the entire troll race.  Then she would probably do something to stop that previous something she did, just to say that she was a big hero and the best there is.

You know.  _Vriska_.

So you’ve kept it to yourself for a long while—sweeps, in fact—for Vriska’s sake.

Of course, you haven’t really spoken to her as of late.  Not that you don’t want to—even though it gets hard to not just outright confess how you feel about her, you _still_ care about her, and she’s often the first person on your contacts list that you’ll initiate a conversation with.  But you’re often so busy with the Mother Grub with feeding her, calming her down when you’re _not_ feeding her, putting her to sleep after she’s eaten, waking her up so she can eat _again_ , cleaning up her mess and waste _after_ she’s eaten, and various other things that you honestly don’t have enough time to check in with even _acquaintances_ on Trollian, let alone with your moirail.

Of course, you tried to ensure that you would have enough time to talk to everyone today, since today was the Great Gathering, and is a really special day for everyone.  Well, everyone but you.

Kanaya: Message Vriska.

You already messaged her today!  Before the grub began tearing everything up.  It began with:

GA: What Profession Did You Get  
AG: Wow, really?

And ended with:

AG: GO AW8Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
GA: Okay I Will

Technically, you _could_ message her again, assuming she’s still even on.  You’re kind of tempted to do it, too, considering it didn’t seem like she was taking anything you were saying into consideration.

But…somehow, you think talking to her would just make her angrier.  She doesn’t seem like she’s in the mood for your meddling.  So you pass on talking to her.

Though considering you haven’t spoken to everyone yet, you think it’ll be best to get goodbyes and good lucks out of the way now while your grub is still unconscious from the tranquilizer.

Kanaya: Go to your husktop.

The cave is dark, and the only consistent light you have comes from the glowing sopor in your recupercoon, the inadequate light coming from the vanity mirror, and of course the bright light coming from your husktop screen.  While the cave is definitely expansive, you keep most of your stuff pretty close together—just a few yards apart, more often than not.  You also didn’t bring a lot of things with you when you moved sweeps ago—you had a lot, and most of it was useless for the task you were going to perform.  You have a few things here and there, of course, like clothing (strewn all over the floor from the Mother Grub’s fit), and even some parting gifts you received from friends when they knew you were leaving (including that tapestry from Terezi, which is now shredded).  But other than that, most of the stuff you have consists of grub food and _your_ food, which the Empire has someone bring over to you every few weeks or so.  Most of that stuff you keep in your chastity modus, to eat only when it’s necessary.  Also because the grub would eat all of it otherwise.

You walk the few yards necessary to get to the bright light emanating from your husktop, and sit in the chair in front of the desk it’s on.  Of course, no one else has messaged you—they used to contact you frequently over the sweeps while you were offline or idle, but because of your inability to always reply in a timely manner, they’ve mostly stopped doing it.

Like you guessed, Vriska is offline now.  As are a lot of people, it seems.  GC left, AT’s on but you talked to him already, you’ll wait ‘till later to talk to CG, and…OH!

CC’s on!

You remember that you needed to talk to her.  Well, _you_ don’t need to talk to her.  You agreed to talk to her today for a friend, though.  And you’d like to speak to her anyway—like you, this day has a different meaning for her than everyone else.

Kanaya: Troll CC.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling  cuttlefishCuller [CC]

GA: Hi There  
CC: O)(! )(i.  
CC: 38)  
GA: Im Surprised You Didnt Try To Initiate A Conversation With Me Yourself  
GA: I Thought On Today Of All Days You Would Be Brimming With Sheer Joy And What You Often Say Is Excitement  
GA: I Had My Responses All Lined Up For You And Your Fish Related Rhetoric  
CC: )(a)(a, sorry!  
CC: I suppose I just got a little distracted is all!  
CC: So! W)(at is up, Kanaya? 38D  
GA: Nothing Very Exciting  
GA: Our Future Mother Grub Has Been Rather Unwieldy But I Managed To Pacify Her  
GA: And She Is Now Currently Sleeping Peacefully  
CC: Wow, t)(at’s neat!  
CC: I bet raising t)(e Mot)(er Grub can be so DIFFICULT at times.  
CC: But it also seems R-E-E-E-E-EALLY -EXCITING!  
GA: I Suppose The Idea Of Raising Her Would Seem Exciting To You  
GA: I Spent My Whole Life Knowing It Would Happen Someday  
GA: So For Me It Was Really Just A Matter Of When  
GA: But Of Course You Know All About Creatures That Are Incredibly Difficult To Care For  
CC: O)(, s)(e’s not too difficult!  
CC: Okay, SOM-ETID-ES s)(e is, )(e )(e!  
GA: It Is Often Hard To Imagine Youre Royalty Considering The Heavy Load On Your Plate  
CC: GOOD! I like it t)(at way!  
GA: Speaking Of Which  
GA: Being That Your Situation Is A Bit  
GA: Different  
GA: From That Of Many Of Our Acquaintances  
GA: And Is Actually In Fact Different From All Of Them  
GA: I Was Wondering If You Had Any Special Services To Perform  
GA: Or Perhaps Plans For Today  
CC: )(mmm...  
CC: Not really. 38/  
GA: None At All  
CC: NOP-E! 38)  
CC: I’m just enjoying all t)(at t)(is day )(as to offer!  
CC: Plus, it would be kind of retarded to plan somet)(ing wit)( t)(e -Empress SOOOO close by, don’t you t)(ink?  
GA: Hm  
GA: I Suppose You Have A Point  
GA: But Still  
GA: I Was Certain A Woman As Bold As You Would Not Simply Bid Her Time Until An Invitation Came About  
CC: W)(ale, w)(at can I say? I am pretty dull and old-fas)(ioned w)(en it comes to t)(ose t)(ings!  
CC: O)(, s)(oot, I need to go.  
CC: My lusus is getting pretty worked up wit)( all of t)(ese boats and ot)(er lusii passing above us. S)(e’s so silly!  
CC: TALK TO YOU LAT-ER! 38D

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

GA: But The Conversation Barely Started  
GA: Oh Youre Already Gone  
GA: Hmm

Well _that_ was odd.

_Extremely_ odd.  While she’s usually running off to do one thing or another, she rarely ever leaves a conversation so quickly.  And even when her lusus is at her rowdiest, she still manages to take time to check up with you for longer than a handful of minutes.  In fact, she’s one of the only people in your group of friends—aside from Vriska and two others—that will put everything aside to speak to you after you left.

The fact that she would leave so abruptly seems a bit… _strange_.  You’ll definitely report this to your friend.

But not now.

Kanaya: Do something else.

You do something else, and that something else is logging into your other Trollian account.  You keep your grimAuxiliatrix account solely to talk to old friends and acquaintances.  However, once you started your work in the caverns, you were given a more _professional_ Trollian account, which puts your occupation and your serial number together.  Yours is jadebloodCaretaker64866.

You log into this account and see your contact list pop up.  It’s populated with various Imperial Officials and Directors, as well as the imperialCommand, which serves almost as a direct line to every top official in the Empire, including Her Imperious Condescension herself.  This is only to be contacted in the most extreme of emergencies.

You get a bad feeling almost immediately when you log on, because there’s only one account than the Command that’s online—or, at least visibly online to you.  It’s one of your least favorite Directors—one who insists on using their quirk, but refuses to let you do the same.  Plus, they’re just a really awful person in gernal.

And of course, a ding goes off with a message from them.  Just _wonderful_.  What could the Empire want from you now?

Kanaya: Deal with Imperial Director.

imperialDirector51111 [ID] began messaging  jadebloodCaretaker64866 [JC]

ID: Greet’ngs, Maryam.  
JC: Hello, Imperial Director 5-11-1-1.  
ID: I hope you d’dn’t just address me like that to ‘nsult me.  
JC: Absolutely not.  
ID: Good. ‘’m glad you’re show’ng me the respect ‘ deserve, espec’ally cons’der’ng how you jade bloods can be.  
JC: I’m happy that you find my behavior acceptable sir.  
ID: Enough ch’t-chat, Maryam. ‘’m contact’ng you f’rst to say happy Great Gather’ng.  
JC: Thank you. Though the day holds little significance for me.  
ID: Was that sass ‘ just got from you?  
JC: No, sir, I’m not being insincere or otherwise engaging in any sassery against you at all. Just making a clarification.  
ID: Good.  
ID: Second th’ng ‘ wanted to let you know ‘s that we’ve scheduled a surpr’se Grub Exam’nat’on w’th you.  
ID: ‘t starts now.

Crap.

You hate Grub Examinations.  You hate even more _surprise_ Grub Examinations.

It’s not so much that they are incredibly difficult or long-winded.  On surprise examinations, they usually ask no more than three questions and then ask you to fill out a form by the next day.  It’s more the stress and fear of going through one.  Say even one wrong thing and you can get culled.

The whole thing just makes you scared and nervous out of your wits.

Kanaya: Complete Grub Exam’n—you mean, _Grub Examination_.

ID: F’rst th’ngs f’rst.  
ID: On a scale of 1 to 10, how sat’sf’ed ‘s your grub?  
JC: 9.  
ID: That seems pretty h’gh.

======>

See?  This is what you’re talking about.

Kanaya: Change answer.

JC: I’m sorry. I meant to say it was _around_ 9.  
JC: It’s probably closer to 8.8.  
ID: Hm.  
ID: That sounds a b’t more bel’evable.  
ID: Though you really should str’ve for a 9.5.  
ID: Second quest’on.  
ID: D’d you feed your grub today?  
JC: No.  
ID: NO?  
JC: Today was Imperially Mandated to be a non-feeding day for the Mother Grub.  
ID: Good.  
ID: That was a tr’ck quest’on, and you answered ‘t well.  
ID: F’nal quest’on.  
ID: How many darts have you used to pac’fy the grub s’nce you began ra’s’ng ‘t?  
JC: 4.  
ID: Oh, wow, that’s a lot.  
ID: And you’ve been ra’s’ng ‘t for 2 sweeps?  
JC: Yes.  
ID: ‘ hereby forb’d you from us’ng anymore darts unt’l the end of the sweep. Are we clear?  
JC: ...Yes.  
ID: Good.  
ID: Congratulat’ons, you scored adequately on the test.  
ID: However, we w’ll have to cut your personal nutr’t’onal supplements by 5 percent for not scor’ng except’onally.  
JC: ...If you say so, sir.  
ID: Good.  
ID: You’re qu’te obed’ent, for a gutterblood.  
ID: We w’ll send you a form to f’ll out later on today. You must complete ‘t by th’s t’me tomorrow.  
JC: Of course.  
ID: W’th that, you may be on your way, Maryam.  
ID: LONG L’VE HER ‘MPER’OUS CONDESCENS’ON.  
JC: Long Live Her Imperious Condescension  
ID: WHAT D’D ‘ SAY ABOUT US’NG YOUR QU’RK W’TH ME???  
JC: I’m sorry, it just slipped out.  
ID: Don’t let ‘t happen a second t’me.  
ID: Unt’l next t’me, Maryam.

imperialDirector51111 [ID] ceased messaging  jadebloodCaretaker64866 [JC]

JC: Jerk  
JC: Stupid Stupid Jerk

It’s a good thing you don’t actually type that out and send it, or else you’d probably get culled. 

Kanaya: Lament your job.

What?  You don’t mind your job!  Your job’s _fine_!  Who cares that your grub eats everything on sight but you can’t feed it, and that it makes a mess out of everything, and that you can’t put makeup on the dark, and your bosses are awful, and no one talks to yuo anymore, and you don’t get enough sleep, and all you have are nightmares, and a very very _very_ childish part of you wishes things were different, and you’re flushed for your moirail, and you miss the sun and your lusus and being able to _talk_ to people on _your own time_???

**_Who CARES???_ **

Your…your job is great!  Your _life_ is great!  You’ve expected having to do this since you were born, and now here you are, actually doing it!  Everything is just—

_ Ding! _

A message pops up from your other account—grimAuxiliatrix.  When you see who the sender is, you have to sigh in frustration.

First you have to deal with the Imperial Director, and now you have to deal with _this_ guy and his theatrics.  You were actually hoping to stave off having to talk to him—you have to, yes, but you still wanted to hold it off.  You know he’s just going to bother and pry and be…well… _himself_.

…Well.  At least he’s talking to you.  Like CC, he’s one of the few who goes out of his way to talk to you.  He was actually the only person who actually bothered to send messages to you offline when everyone else had stopped…even if he was usually just complaining about something.

You figure if you were put at gunpoint and had to speak to someone, you wouldn’t mind that someone being him.

Kanaya: Deal with CA.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CA: did she talk to you today  
GA: Who  
CA: dont act fuckin coy you knoww wwho im talking about  
GA: Actually No I Dont  
GA: If Memory Serves Me Correctly You Asked Me To Speak To Two Different People Today  
GA: One Is A Person Thats Completely Off Limits And Another Happens To Be An Overly Excitable Moirail To A Very Overbearing Sea Dweller  
CA: wwoww noww youre insultin me  
CA: wwhat a nice fuckin wway a thankin me for givving you a break from your sad life livvin in a goddamn cavve  
CA: but really did you talk to either of em  
GA: Maybe I Did  
CA: wwell  
GA: Well What  
CA: did you do wwhat i told you to do  
GA: Im Sorry I Cant Seem To Recall You Wanting Me To Do Anything  
CA: goddammit kan i dont havve time for this  
CA: i got a LOT a shit to get done wwith today and the last thing i need is for you to be dodgy wwith me  
CA: at least fuckin tell me if you relayed my message to mindfang or not  
GA: Why Must You Continue To Try And Consort With Her  
GA: Its Been Sweeps Since You Two Last Spoke  
GA: She Is Clearly Not Interested In Any Spaded Reconciliation  
CA: bullshit i knoww wwhen shes fuckin wwith someone and shes trying to fuck wwith me somethin fierce  
CA: this adorable little break up charade of hers is clearly just an expression of her scorchin jetblack hatred kan its so obvvious  
CA: plus if i brag to her about howw great my lifes going to be noww that im growwn shell HAVVE to stop ignorin me and face facts that im the best rivval shell evver fucking havve  
GA: The Logic Of Your Assumptions  
GA: I Just  
GA: Wow  
CA: kan you better start cooperatin im leagues abovve you in terms of authority  
GA: If I Werent So Used To Your Empty Threats I Would Block You For Saying That  
GA: And Besides What Could You Possibly Do To Me Aside From Engaging In More Tiresome Theatrics  
CA: oh you are fuckin BEGGIN me to put you in your place  
CA: you should feel grateful that i happen to hold some modicum a respect for you lest i feel the urge do something extreme  
GA: I Am Rolling My Eyes  
GA: Not Just At That But This Whole Conversation Thus Far  
GA: Look Even If I Wanted To Assist You In Your Onesided Kismesis Solicitations Vriska Is At The Moment Not Speaking To Me  
CA: wwait  
CA: really  
CA: wwhat happened  
CA: oh wwait lemme guess you finally told her howw hard youvve been pinin for her red wwise  
GA: What  
GA: Why Would I Tell Her About That  
GA: Wait Thats Not What I Meant  
CA: hahahahahaha oh my god kan you alwways get so goddamn defensivve about your feelings for her its actually quite precious  
CA: you already knoww me an kar got you pegged dowwn about this a long time ago come on  
CA: face it youre as red for her as a troll can be for another  
GA: Oh Yes You Are Absolutely Correct In That Assumption  
GA: I Am So Very Red For Her So Much More Than A Certain Sea Dweller Could Ever Be For His Own Moirail  
GA: Your Powers Of Deduction Amaze Me  
CA: okay that wwas just fuckin LOWW  
GA: Anyway  
GA: The Reason She Is Not Speaking To Me Is Because She Is Rather Upset At Her Professional Assignment From The Empire  
GA: And Any Time I Try To Pacify Her She Only Gets Angrier  
GA: So Im Opting For A Different Tactic Other Than Meddling And Will Try To Give Her Some Space  
CA: really  
CA: this wwhole bitchfit shes throwwin is about her neww job  
CA: wwhat did she evven get  
GA: I Believe It Is Fleet Captain  
CA: WWHAT  
CA: HAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD THATS SO FUCKIN ADORABLE  
CA: oh man you should tell her im laughin at her and then shell DEFINITELY wwanna talk to me  
GA: NO!!!!  
CA: fuck fine kan wwhatevver  
CA: ill let this fucking slide just because i understand you dont wwanna get yourself stuck in that sort of pattern wwith her and i can respect and relate to that  
GA: ...  
CA: speakin a wwhich did you at LEAST do the other thing i asked  
GA: Actually  
GA: Yes  
GA: I Spoke To Her For You  
CA: did she glub to you about anything important  
GA: Not Really  
GA: Though I Would Almost Go So Far As To Venture That She Was Being Rather Avoidant With Me  
CA: really  
GA: Yes  
GA: Not Even Six Minutes After The Conversation Began She Left Saying She Needed To Do Something For Her Lusus  
CA: typical  
CA: shes been playin this shark and fish game all fucking day its ridiculous  
CA: she wwouldnt evven let me hunt for her  
CA: shes gotta be schemin somethin i just fuckin knoww it  
GA: Surprisingly I Dont Disagree With You On That  
GA: Though Im Not Sure What It Could Possibly Be  
CA: yeah exactly  
CA: youd think shed tell her goddamn moirail about wwhats on her think sponge ESPECIALLY since ivve put up wwith her in this shit stinking quadrant for swweeps but NOOOOO lets not tell me a goddamn thing is apparently the go to phrase for her today  
GA: Considering Your Attitude Im Surprised She Has Managed To Deal With You All Of These Sweeps Let Alone Today  
GA: Her Patience Must Be Incredible  
CA: i dont need to take this shit from you  
CA: ill havve you knoww mine and hers pale bond is stronger than evver noww that ivve gotten better at being deceitful  
CA: i evven act like i genuinely enjoy her stupid fish puns instead a mildly toleratin them for her sake  
CA: i drop them in convversations wwith her all the time and i evven say “haha” an shit unsardonically next to them and she goes right for the bait  
GA: First Of All Unsardonically Is Not A Word And Secondly I Somehow Doubt That She Goes Right For The Bait As You So Colorfully Put It  
CA: its true though  
CA: i also make jokes on my owwn behalf in a wway wwhere she doesnt think im just feeling sorry for myself  
CA: trust me wwere GREAT together noww  
GA: Self Deprecation Even Coming From You Just Seems So Vile Knowing Youre Only Doing It So Shell Flip Red For You  
CA: wwhoevver said i wwas actin this wway to go red for her  
CA: maybe that wwas true in the past but ivve fuckin growwn up kan  
CA: ill alwways WWANT that to happen sure  
CA: but ivve faced facts and realized shell nevver go red wwith me an theres no fucking point in wwastin my time wwith it no more  
CA: so ill just sit around bein her good little pale buddy and do as she tells me  
CA: that wway ill at least havve SOMETHIN wwith her wwhich is better than nothin at all  
GA: That Just Seems So  
GA: Manipulative  
CA: wwhich brings me to another point  
CA: youvve tried to slither your wway into mindfangs red affections by auspisticizing for her so many times its upright SILLY  
CA: youre playin the same game i am kan so you havve NO right to make those sorts a judgment calls against me  
GA: ...  
GA: I Think  
GA: We Should Change The Subject  
GA: Right Now  
CA: shrug  
CA: wwhatevver you say  
CA: i just wwanted to see if you had did wwhat i asked  
CA: and you did half of it wwhich i guess i shouldnt complain about  
CA: so thanks for that i owwe you  
GA: No Problem  
CA: i guess i also just wwanted to talk to you before i left and say  
CA: ...  
CA: goodbye  
GA: !?  
GA: Why Do You Feel The Need To Say That  
CA: fuck kan do i gotta spell it out for you  
CA: all of us are goin off to servve the role the empire has decided for us  
CA: evven my moirail to some extent though its a bit grim in nature  
CA: and in betwween our duties and travvels and really evverything theres hardly going to be a chance to talk  
CA: come on youre actually performin your duties as wwe speak you should knoww this better than anyone  
GA: Dont Be Ridiculous  
GA: Even While Fulfilling My Duties I Still Converse With You Regularly  
CA: really kan  
CA: do you really consider talking to us sporadically evvery feww wweeks as regular check ins  
GA: I  
GA: Well  
GA: I Guess Not  
CA: face it kan  
CA: noww that wwere all going to be in different parts a the galaxy wwere hardly going to talk anymore if wwe evven talk at all  
CA: evveryone knowws that friends growwin up hardly remain friends as adults unless theyre quadrant affiliated  
CA: and since you refuse to auspisticize betwween me and vvris like you wwere hatched to wwe may as wwell kiss these convversations goodbye  
CA: so  
CA: goodbye kan  
GA: ...  
CA: and also kan  
CA: you may not wwanna face facts right noww but im gonna say this to let you ponder it in your cavvern in hopes you may one day break outta your little delusional reality  
CA: yours aint evver gonna flip for you  
CA: just like mine aint evver gonna flip for me  
CA: the sooner you realize that the sooner youll be happier  
CA: its not much of a happiness but its better than telling yourself its going to happen and havve it nevver be so  
CA: its hard  
CA: its hard but youll understand one day

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

======>

…Maybe he’s right.

Sure, his judgment isn’t exactly coming from a sound mind unclouded by their own ego, but…he makes valid points.

Not just about Vriska.  That’s what he was talking about, certainly, but it can be applied to other areas of your life.

Your dissatisfaction with your job.

The friends who keep drifting further away from you, and will keep doing so no matter what you do.

Your frustration with the Mother Grub.

Your lack of sunlight.

The trajectory of your life in general.

In the end, it’s just the way things are.  Thinking about a different reality where none of it ever happened and you played some game that probably never existed in the first place isn’t going to change that, nor will it ever be enough to take you away from this reality.

Maybe it’s just time to…let it all _go_.

…

_ Ding! _

A ding goes off on your husktop, signifying a new message.  Who could it be now?

…CG?  You were hoping to talk to him later, as the last person you spoke to—just to sort of make it special, since you and he have always been close—but here he is, messaging you instead.

You wonder what he’s going to say.

Kanaya: Converse with Karkat.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON’T EVEN CARE ANYMORE.  
GA: What  
CG: I DON’T CARE IF IT WAS VRISKA OR YOU OR NEPETA OR ANYONE RIGHT NOW.  
CG: HELL, FOR ALL I KNOW, I SENT IT TO MYSELF!  
GA: Karkat What Exactly Are You Talking About  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT’S PROBABLY WHAT HAPPENED, KANAYA.  
CG: I WAS PROBABLY IN SOME ANXIETY-INDUCED FEVER AND SUBCONSCIOUSLY DECIDED TO PRETEND I WAS THE EMPIRE AND SEND *MYSELF* A GODDAMN MESSAGE SAYING I BECAME A THRESHECUTIONER.  
CG: I REALLY *AM* GOING CRAZY!  
GA: Karkat You Are Frightening Me  
GA: What Exactly Is Wrong  
CG: WHAT’S WRONG?  
CG: WHAT’S FUCKING *WRONG*???  
CG: WHAT’S WRONG IS THAT I’M A GODDAMN MUTANT KANAYA  
GA: I  
GA: What  
GA: You Never Told Me About Any Psychic Powers Before  
CG: _*NOT LIKE THAT!*_  
CG: I MEAN MY GODDAMN BLOOD COLOR.  
CG: SEE? THIS IS IT.  
CG: THIS IS MY BLOOD COLOR. THIS IS THE GODAWFUL RED I HAVE COURSING THROUGH MY VEINS AS WE SPEAK.  
CG: HAHAHA! IF THEY DON’T CULL ME FOR PRETENDING TO BE THE EMPIRE, THEY’LL PROBABLY CULL ME FOR TELLING YOU THIS RIGHT NOW SINCE YOU’RE BELOW TEAL, BUT I DON’T EVEN FUCKING CARE ANYMORE.  
CG: IT’S NOT LIKE I WAS EVER GOING TO LIVE PAST THIS DAY ANYWAY, HAHAHAHAHAHA!  
CG: ISN’T IT SO FUCKING *FUNNY*, KANAYA!?  
GA: ...  
GA: Karkat  
GA: Im Unsure How To Take This News Personally  
GA: But Oh My God You Have No Idea How Unsafe It Is To Reveal That To Me!  
GA: You Have To Close The Window And Log Off Right Now Or Else Theyll Be Able To Track This Message Down!  
GA: Please While You Still Can!!!  
CG: WEREN’T YOU LISTENING TO ME?  
CG: IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER.  
CG: I’M GONNA DIE.  
CG: I’M GONNA DIE AND THAT’S ALL THERE IS TO IT.  
CG: I CAN’T  
CG: ICN ‘T BLEEVIE I EVER TRSUTED HMI  
GA: Karkat Your Words Are Becoming Unreadable  
GA: TELL ME WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!!  
CG: I JSUT THOUGH TTHAT ICOILD TRIXT HIM YOU KNWO?  
CG: HE SADI YM BLODO COLOR DIDNT’ M*ATTRE** TO HIM AND THEN EHE PLULS THOS CRAP  
CG: ISHOUDL HABE FUCKING KNOWN HDE THROS ME UNDER THE BOAT LKEI GHAT  
CG: ICANT TSOP CRYING NOW FFFYCJ  
GA: Karkat Please Calm Down  
GA: Who Threw You Under A Sea Vessel  
GA: Who Put Your Life In Danger!!!  
CG: FCKIGN *ERIDAN*!!!!!!

_GASP._

Oh _hell_ no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [*Kenstar voice*](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBJZwYpHUBo) _**That explains everything.**_
> 
> So yes. Now we all know the mystery of the secret douchebag who has been helping/not helping Karkat this whole time. The Mystery Wagon has finished their job, Old Man Jenkins is upset, and Scooby has finally gotten his Scooby Snack.


	11. caligulasAquarium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuckin fantastic mess wwe havve here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ITS A SUPPER RAR 2X S-EA DWW-ELL-ER COMBOB!!1!](http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh144/Fantasy-Lied/SWEETDANANDHELLAFEF_zps82989e0b.png)  
>     
> Eridan and Feferi chapters. _At the same time._ That’s right! It’s two slightly insane sea dwellers for the price of ONE!
> 
> What a great deal!
> 
> Okay, enough stalling. Onto our favorite awful prince.
> 
> (And I would like to remind y’all that he is fucking awful, and you should brace yourself for the bullshit that’s going to come out of him in this chapter. Literally, I could add triggers all day for the shit he’s going to say and never come close to scraping the surface. Just…consider this a warning.)

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]

CG: ALRIGHT, ERIDAN  
CG: I’M TRYING TO BE * _REALLY FUCKING CALM_ * HERE  
CG: I’M TRYING REALLY HARD TO GIVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT  
CG: MAYBE THERE’S SOMETHING YOU’RE DOING THAT I JUST CAN’T UNDERSTAND RIGHT NOW.  
CG: BUT FOR _FUCK’S SAKE_  
CG: _***WHY WON’T YOU ANSWER ME!!?***_  
CG: JUST  
CG: GIVE ME *SOMETHING* I CAN WORK WITH, *PLEASE*!  
CG: SOME SORT OF SIGN THAT SHOWS YOU HAVEN’T JUST LEFT ME OUT ON THE CULLING BLOCK!  
CG: SOMETHING TO TELL ME THIS IMPERIAL MESSAGE IS FUCKING *REAL* OR *FAKE*!!!  
CG: [WHATTHEFUCKISTHISSHIT.png](http://s22.postimg.org/sspvpbpox/karkatimperialmessage.png)  
CG: ...ERIDAN?  
CG: I KNOW YOU’RE ONLINE, YOU NAUTICALLY BASED PIECE OF SHIT!  
CG: _FUCKING ***ANSWER ME!!!***_

caligulasAquarium [CA] has blocked  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

======>

Goddamn, he’s relentless. You realize he’s scared shitless, but really, you don’t have time for his little breakdown right now.

======>

Look, you’ve got a lot of shit on your plate right now. It’s the Great Gathering, for fuck’s sake—it’s kind of a big day for royalty like you. The last thing you need is some assblood groveling at your feet all pathetic like, especially when you don’t have anything to worry about when it comes to said assblood.

Not when you have so much shit to do.

======>

Like, for example, this message you have from the empire. You got it just a few minutes ago, but you haven’t been able to read it yet. Minutes have gone by and you haven’t yet read this obviously very important message regarding your future!

CA: Read the obviously very important message.

imperialTransitionary55131 [IT] began trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]

IT: Hello, Your Majesty! :D  
IT: This is your designated transitionary, here to assist you with transitioning into your adult living situation!  
IT: But of course, you already know that by now. XD  
IT: AAAANYWAY, I just wanted to let you know that your application to be an Intergalactic Crushquistador has been accepted by the Empire!  
IT: YAY! :D *confetti explodes*  
IT: Congratulations, Your Majesty! I’m so happy you trusted me to submit and complete the application for you!  
IT: They said the best flight for you to go on is flight number 3112600. But of course, that’s completely optional!  
IT: It’s up to you which flight you wanna go on, or even if you want to fly out at all today!  
IT: And now...without further ado...here is your new trollhandle!  
IT: intergalacticCrushquistador60311  
IT: Your password is “p@$$ww0rd”  
IT: Beyond that, I have no further news to report!  
IT: If you have any other questions, feel free to message!  
IT: I’m right here for you, Your Majesty.  
IT: The entire Empire is here for you. :)  
IT: Okay, I’ll let you go now!  
IT: Byeeeeeee! uwu

imperialTransitionary55131 [IT] ceased trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]

======>

YES.

HELL YES.

HELL.

FUCKING.

 _YES_.

You’ve finally done it.

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you _definitely_ deserve this.

======>

After having to deal with two goddamn sweeps of the empire making your life a literal _hell_ , you have finally gotten the position you were craving for your entire life. You, Eridan Ampora, have risen up to attain what has always been your fucking _birthright_ to be one of the first ever to travel in between galaxies, to do what the troll race has done from its origins—conquer the shit out of other solar systems.

It’s only fair and right for you to be given this position. You would say it’s an honor, but quite fucking honestly, the _empire_ should feel honored that you got this position. And you hope they do. You couldn’t imagine anyone but a _sea dweller_ getting this position, and moreover, you can’t imagine any sea dweller being as fitting for this position as you are. After all, what other sea dweller has spent their entire life combing through entire history texts and military strategies regarding the greatest conquerors trollkind has ever known?

…Maybe a handful. But none were as dedicated to the practice as you.

Eridan: Ponder on the trials of attaining this position.

You’re not about to claim that you had a more difficult time than others with the testing process. After all, you are nothing if not completely in tune with the empire. You honestly pity any land dweller—nay, even _sea dweller_ —who wasn’t as great a great tactician.

But that didn’t stop the testing process for being stressful in its own right.

Because really, blood tests are just so _pointless_. Half the time, they don’t even take your blood. They just see the fins, ask you a bunch of pointless questions about what you want to do with your life, and then leave. This process can monopolize entire _hours_ in your day. It’d be one thing if you were some pathetic land dwelling garbage or even a sea dweller with a lesser shade of violet than yours—after all, yours is penultimate on the scale just below the Condesce—but for God’s sake, you’re fucking _royalty_. Your time is _precious_ , and the imperial testing process was just a blight on your schedule that you shouldn’t have ever had to deal with. Honestly, you’re not sure why they don’t just give sea dwellers any position they want.

…Oh wait. They _do_ give sea dwellers any position they want.

But goddamn, the _HOURS_ you wasted!

======>

No matter, though. The point is, you have finally accomplished what some could only dream of doing. You are finally ready to fulfill your long awaited destiny of being absolutely amazing for the rest of your incredible life.

Things could not be better for you. The empire may as well be a small pearl in your fist, and so long as it bows to your whims, nothing, and you mean _nothing_ , could ever stop you from—

_ Ding! _

And just _who the hell_ is so fucking inconsiderate as to message you while you’re inwardly gloating? Sitting at your desk, you focus away from your thoughts and back at the husktop screen.

And of _course_ , it’s him again. Goddammit, can’t he take a hint?

Eridan: Deal with this asshole.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]

CG: HA.  
CG: _HA._  
CG: THAT LAUGHTER IS FAKE, BY THE WAY.  
CG: YOU ARE LITERALLY THE WORST PERSON ALIVE, YOU KNOW THAT?  
CG: I SAID THAT TO SOMEONE ELSE TODAY, BUT CLEARLY *YOU’VE* TAKEN THAT TITLE AWAY FROM HIM!  
CG: YOU WANNA KNOW WHO THAT PERSON WAS?  
CG: IT WAS FUCKING *GAMZEE*  
CG: YOU ARE LITERALLY WORSE THAN A FREAK WHO LIVES OFF OF NOTHING BUT SOPOR SLIME AND A DELUSIONAL RELIGION ABOUT MAGICAL CLOWNS AND MIRACLES!  
CG: BECAUSE UNLIKE HIM, YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY INCAPABLE OF THINKING ABOUT *ANYONE* BUT YOURSELF TODAY!  
CG: _***NOT EVEN WHEN YOU MADE A PROMISE TO SOMEONE, YOU TWO-FACED PIECE OF DECAYING FISH MEAT!!!***_

caligulasAquarium [CA] has blocked  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

======>

Fuckin’ A, why does he keep bothering you about it? It’s _done_. You don’t need to worry about it anymore. It’s no longer on your list of concerns.

The last thing you need is for the empire to know you’re talking to a mutant.

Eridan: Think about Karkat.

About a sweep and a half ago, your friend Kar divulged to you a terrible secret he had been hiding for a long time—his whole life, if we want to put a time span on it. You had the distinguished honor of being the first person he ever told this terrible secret to, in the trust that you would help him bear that cross.

And you did. And now you’re finished. Seriously, you don’t know why he’s freaking out now.

…Well…you know _why_ he’s freaking out. You just didn’t expect him to be so persistent about this.

_ Ding! _

And wouldn’t you know, yet _another_ message, probably from our favorite grey-texted douchebag.

You look at the husktop screen on the desk you’re sitting at, and are surprised to find Kar’s oh so familiar grey text not there. Instead, it is the text of someone you talked to just a little while ago.

Hoping she has some news about someone in particular, you open the chat window. When you do, however, you’re frustrated to know what she’s actually saying.

Eridan: Deal with Kanaya.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]

GA: Eridan Ampora What Did You Do  
GA: Karkat Has Come To Me In Hysterics Saying You Have Threatened His Wellbeing And Very Life  
GA: I Have Always Attempted To Overlook Your Less Than Desirable Traits OF WHICH THERE ARE MANY Because You Are My Friend  
GA: But This  
GA: I Thought Even You Were Above Something Like This  
GA: How Could You!  
GA: He Trusted You Eridan!  
GA: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!!!

caligulasAquarium [CA] has blocked  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

======>

Oh my God, now he’s got _Kan_ trying to scold you. This is just downright pathetic.

Doesn’t she realize she has no idea what she’s talking about? Probably not, since Kar is acting a straight up _wiggler_ about this nonsense. You just wish they both would be less attacking toward you.

God, you could use a drink.

Eridan: Go get a drink.

You get yourself up from the desk, and walk over to your refrigerator (referred to by peasants as a “thermal hub” or “food trunk”) to grab yourself a nice, cold drink, and then open it.

Eridan: Watch out for the wands!

What? _Wands?_ Why would you need to watch out for wands? You don’t have wands in your refrigerator. Just some refreshing Alternian carbonated beverages.

You stopped putting your wands in the refrigerator a long time ago. That’s primetime wiggler _bullshit_ , and something you are definitely not going to indulge in anymore.

======>

You grab a beverage from the fridge, and open it up, sure to be slow and precise about it so as to not have it erupt. You sip it slowly, making sure to not get a single drop on the nice outfit you’re wearing, because seriously you’re not a fucking _slob_.

Okay, so technically the outfit’s just your violet FLARPing outfit from back in the day—simply starched up and pinned with _official_ military regalia (as opposed to the fakey fake stuff you were embarrassingly forced to wear in the past). Hell, it’s not even the only nice outfit you own. As a sea dweller, you have the option of being fashion conscientious and owning multiple outfits—something not all trolls have the luxury of.

But even if you had a billion other outfits just like this with the same regalia, you _still_ wouldn’t want to mess them up in any way, shape, or form. You might have a surplus, but you’re still fucking _considerate_. And besides, who knows what could happen that could force you to be wearing that outfit for a long time? You doubt anything that unplanned or random could happen, but it’s still a good thing to keep in mind, and makes you more conscientious of trying to get every Imperial Measuring Unit you can out of it.

_ Ding ding ding! _

OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

“I swear to GOD,” you say to absolutely no one. “If the Empire doesn’t fuckin’ kill him, _I will_!”

You hear a neigh come from the other room, and suddenly your saddled-up Skyhorse—your flying seahorse lusus—comes in, as if terrified that something happened to you. As you always do with Skyhorse, you completely ignore his outburst. You learned a long time ago that the best way to deal with Skyhorse is to not feed into his musclebeastshit. After all, he’s _your_ lusus—you’re not _his_ troll.

You walk past him and over to your husktop screen, ready to see angry grey capslocked letters displayed across your screen, or very specifically chosen jade green letters. However, you’re greeted by something much worse.

Eridan: Fuck, talk to your Imperial Transitionary.

imperialTransitionary55131 [IT] began trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]

IT: Helloooooo, Your Majesty! :D  
IT: How are YOU today, old buddy old pal? :)

======>

See what you have to deal with? This is just awful on so many levels.

You set your drink on the desk, preparing yourself for the awful conversation sure to be had.

Eridan: Deal with this godawful bullshit.

CA: wwell seein as you messaged me not but ten minutes ago id say im PRETTY FUCKIN TIRED A YOUR SHIT  
IT: Hahahaha, oh YOU! :D  
IT: Classic Eridan, always with the insults!  
IT: Sometimes I think you might be genuine about it, but I know better! XD  
CA: no  
CA: your first assumption is the right one  
CA: i seriously cannot stand you or anythin that invvolvves you  
IT: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! XD  
IT: Okay, Eridan, enough of the games! We have serious business to discuss, friend!  
CA: please for the lovve of all things beautiful an awwful dont call me your friend  
CA: evven if youre fuckin jokin i dont wwant to hear those falsities comin from you  
IT: Now what did I say about games???? XD  
IT: Aaaaanyway, I just wanted to verify that you got my message about your assigned profession!  
CA: and noww wwere right back at square one because I ALREADY TOLD YOU I GOT IT  
IT: Oh, good!  
IT: But just to make sure, I’m gonna give you a quick pop quiz!  
CA: fuckin NO  
IT: Alright, first question!  
IT: ....What’s your job assignment!? :o  
CA: go fuck yourself  
IT: NOPE! Wroooong!!!  
IT: You’ve been selected to be a part of the first legion of Intergalactic Crushquistadors, off to conquer other galaxies in the name of HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION!  
IT: But it’s okay, chum! I’ll give you the point anyway! :D  
CA: oh  
CA: my  
CA: fucking  
CA: god  
IT: nnnnNNEXT QUESTION!  
IT: What is your new troll handle’s password?  
CA: this is hell im in literal fuckin hell wwhat did i evver do to deservve this  
CA: oh thats right  
CA: I DIDNT DO A FUCKIN THING TO DESERVVE THIS  
IT: Wrong again! Oh, shoot! :(  
IT: The answer was “p@$$ww0rd”!  
IT: Though I can’t expect you to remember all those CRAAAAAZY characters, so I’ll give you a pass on that too!  
IT: (Also, did you notice how I incorporated your quirk into that password? Isn’t that just NEAT? :D)  
CA: you are seriously ovverestimatin the amount a shits i givve about this  
IT: And FINAL QUESTION!!!!  
IT: Bum bum bummmmmm!!!!!  
IT: This one’s REALLY HARD, Eridan. You’re going to have to REEEEEEALLY think on this one!  
CA: im face palming so hard i can feel it straight to my feet  
IT: WHO  
IT: HAS  
IT: THE BEST IMPERIAL TRANSITIONARY _EVERRRRRRR_????????  
IT: :D :D :D :D  
IT: IT’S A TRICK QUESTION!!!!  
IT: That would be YOU, Eridan! YOU have the best Imperial Transitionary ever!  
IT: And I’ll ALWWAYS be here to help you! :D (Do you see how I did the quirk thing again? XD)  
CA: thats it  
CA: this urge is too much for my collapsing and expanding bladder based aquatic vvascular system to quell  
CA: im going to go kill something noww  
IT: And that’s A-okay with me, Eridan!  
IT: ‘Cause after all, sea dwellers are allowed to kill whoever they feel, so long as it’s not another sea dweller with a richer shade of violet!  
CA: oh im tickled fuckin purple by that  
IT: You mean VIOLET, right? :D :D :D  
CA: dont fuckin correct me peasant wwho do you think you are  
IT: Oh, silly Eridan! XD You know just as well as I that only sea dwellers get assigned as Imperial Transitionaries!  
CA: HA  
CA: thats a laugh  
IT: Eridan, I’m completely serious about this.  
IT: I’m a sea dweller! Just like YOU! :D  
CA: do you really think im so gullible as to believve that crock of spewwed garbage youre trying to convvince me of  
CA: i dont knoww wwhats more insulting the fact that youre trying to correct me as if im in any wway WWRONG or the fact that you think im some imbecile wwho wwould really believve any a that  
IT: Oh...  
IT: Oh my.  
IT: It wasn’t my intention to insult you, Your Majesty! D: I swear!!!  
CA: hahahahahaha and therein lies the exact reason wwhy ill NEVVER buy the old lie that youre all sea dwwellers  
CA: any sea dwweller in their right fuckin mind wwont take such a retort wwithout a grain a fucking salt or wwithout AT LEAST standing their goddamn ground  
CA: youre a pathetic pansy compared to the likes of us  
CA: all the more reason to kill you land hogging lowwbloods  
IT: OH! That reminds me!  
IT: All this talk of sea dwellers killing things reminds me of the other piece of business we need to discuss!  
CA: wwait  
CA: you mean  
IT: YES! Your request to commit planetary genocide went through, and we finally have a response back!  
CA: oh god yes  
CA: this makes talking to you infinitely less cringe wworthy i evven forgivve you for insulting my intelligence  
CA: wwhats the deal then am i fulfillin my god givven birthright to purify the bloodlines of alternia  
IT: ...Well...  
CA: wwell  
IT: Unfortunately, your request to commit genocide on the planet of ALTERNIA wasn’t accepted.  
CA: WWHAT  
IT: HOWEVER!  
IT: You DID get a permit to kill every being, troll or otherwise, in the Algae star system!  
CA: THE FUCKIN ALGAE STAR SYSTEM  
IT: Isn’t that just SOOOO NEAT? :D :D :D  
CA: NO  
CA: NO THAT ISNT FUCKING “NEAT” OR WWHATEVVER STUPID BULLSHIT YOU WWANNA CALL IT  
CA: the algae system is BARREN of life and evveryone wworth their salt in astrogeography knowws it  
CA: HOWW THE FUCK COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN  
IT: Eridan, please!  
IT: We all know the Empress loves her fair share of genocidal schemes as much as the next person, but Alternia as the main center of the Empire AND as the home of the Empire’s youth and mother grub makes it too risky a candidate for genocide!  
IT: After all, how can we expect to keep the population going if you drown the mother grubs?  
CA: THIS IS FUCKING UNACCEPTABLE  
CA: you ASSURED me that i wwould get to purify the race WWHY THE FUCK ISNT THAT HAPPENING  
IT: I’m sorry, Eridan! I sincerely wish I could help you more, but my hands are tied.  
IT: :(  
CA: no  
CA: dont you fuckin DARE add your goddamn frowwn face when im SO CLOSE to blowwin a hole through my goddamn hivve  
IT: Well, look on the bright side Eridan!  
IT: You may not be able to purify the troll bloodline like you wanted, but your position will at least enable you to ensure troll supremacy over never before discovered races!  
IT: Won’t that be EXCITING??? :D  
CA: one more smilie  
CA: i swwear to the condesce herself just type ONE MORE GODDAMN SMILIE  
CA: I FUCKIN DARE YOU  
IT: Uh...  
IT: Eridan, I’m starting to think you may not be kidding as much as I think you are.  
IT: :/  
CA: thats it  
CA: THATS FUCKIN IT  
CA: im going to track you dowwn to the little filthblood hole you livve in and make you fuckin PAY  
IT: Uhhhh  
IT: HAHAHA ERIDAN.  
IT: Oh, wow, that’s so funny! Hah.  
IT: I mean, not only would you never do that to me, but even in a hypothetical environment where you WOULD, it’s not like you can find me!  
IT: Aaaand besides, it’s not like you would kill a fellow sea dweller!  
IT: Haaaaa  
IT: ...Right?  
CA: youre just BEGGIN for me to hurt you wwith that fuckin attitude  
CA: evven if you wwere a sea dwweller im fucking penultimate on the scale shitblood  
CA: im so high only the empress herself could evver think of punishing me  
CA: and lets face it she cant be bothered to care evven if i slaughtered a million a you incompetent transitionaries  
CA: hell id probably get a fuckin MEDAL more like  
CA: and knowwin that wwell then its just a matter a wwhich ship in the glowwin fuchsia horizon youre on  
CA: guess ill just havve to bloww all a you to kingdom come  
IT: Oh God  
IT: OH GOD  
IT: OH MY GOD YOU’RE SERIOUS  
IT: OH MY GOGD ERIDAMN PLEASE DON’T/ KILEE MEE I;M BEGGINS YOU  
IT: I JUST STARTIND THI SJOBPL EASE NONO N NO NO  
CA: too fuckin late

caligulasAquarium [CA] has blocked  imperialTransitionary55131 [IT]

======>

Oh my fucking God. The transitionary actually _bought_ that act. Man, you can _still_ make lowbloods wet themselves! Fucking PRICELESS.

If you weren’t so angry at the fact that you can’t commit land dweller genocide on Alternia, you’d probably be laughing hysterically at how pathetic and gullible that troll is. But of course you _are_ angry about that, and it only serves to sour the hilarity that is the image of that troll pissing their pants in fear.

_ Genocide!? _

Oh my God, _yes_ , genocide. Excuse you for taking seriously the purity of the troll race.

Moving on, at least that transitionary will never bother you again. The last thing you need is more setbacks.

======>

Unlike any of the bottomfeeders below you on the hemospectrum, sea dwellers like yourself don’t get letters to inform them of their profession. Oh no, you get _much_ worse. You get fucking incompetent imperial transitionaries that the empire _tries_ to tell you are all sea dwellers. But being that sea dwellers can choose their profession, and also being that no fucking sea dweller with all their faculties would _ever_ degrade themselves by being a lousy transitionary, it’s usually just a bunch of land dwellers trying to pretend like they’re sea dwellers, when everyone with even a fraction of their think globe knows otherwise.

It’s like this secret the empire tries to keep that honestly isn’t even a secret. The only reason they probably don’t admit it’s all land dwellers is because they don’t want to appear _entirely_ incompetent.

It’s things like this that make you so passionate about _genocide_.

Not genocide again.

_YES, GENOCIDE AGAIN._

Since you were but a young boy, you have always dreamed of exterminating the land dwellers. To you, it is the most obvious way to solve the issues that plague your society. Overpopulation? Solved. Lack of sea dwellers in other positions? Not a problem anymore. When everyone is a sea dweller, the race will be stronger, smarter, and just _better_.

…At least that’s what you choose to believe. Truth be told, you don’t actually know what would happen if all the land dwellers drowned as you intend to do, nor do you know a whole lot about biology. But you know a lot about the social order and sea dweller supremacy, and what better way to express your superiority than by plotting the genocide of everyone below you? It’s what the military heroes you’ve always idolized would have done. People like Josef Stalin, Jugius Caegar, Martin Sheen, and of course…the one and only.

Your ancestor, _Orphaner Dualscar_.

Eridan: Gush about Dualscar.

How can you _not_? One of the most terrifying figures in all of history, and he happens to be _your ancestor_. You’d do _anything_ to be as great as him, to even come close to fulfilling the role he left for you.

Even if it means genocide.

You want so much to be like Dualscar that for a while his namesake was the basis of your FLARPing persona. Of course, that was before some spider hag tore your spade to pieces.

Eridan: Think about your FLARPing days.

And _why_ would you think about those days? They’re behind you. You’re off to become an actual productive member of the troll Empire.

Why do you need to think about days where you FLARPed with bitchy spider wenches who always took your slaves and treasure and infuriated you beyond all reason?

Eridan: Think about your FLARP—

OKAY, FINE, YOU GET IT.

Back in the day, and by that you mean “a couple sweeps ago,” you used to FLARP regularly with a girl named…ugh… _Vriska Serket_. She called herself Mindfang after her ancestor, much as you called yourself Dualscar after yours.

And…well…it was both awful and amazing all at once.

You two were the blackest of rivals that had ever dared sail the Alternian seas, pillaging treasures, maps, and artifacts from both other trolls and each other. Back in those days she had _so many_ irons in the fire…and you were the hottest of them all.

You hated her so much sometimes you thought the flames of your loathing would engulf you in a black void, never to escape… Of course, this was all before she _dumped_ you like the fucking bitch she is.

Eridan: Think about Vriska dumping you.

It was a little over two sweeps ago. You don’t want to think about it.

Eridan: Think about Vriska dumping—

_YOU DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT, OKAY?_

Ever since then, you’ve tried to patch things up with her. Tried to brew up that old hate you two once had. You even messaged her a couple times today. Of course, she’s either ignored the messages or blocked them. You should just face facts—she’s _never_ going to take you back.

…God, you could use some grub loaf right now.

Eridan: Grab food.

You get up and begin walking to the door of your respiteblock. As you walk out, Skyhorse—still in the block—gives out a whinny, which you ignore as you shut the door behind you.

As a sea dweller, people would think your hive was an expansive maze or castle. If you’re royalty, odds are you’re going to want to flaunt it. You do flaunt that fact, but not necessarily with your hive. Your shipwreck of a hive with few blocks in it is less a testament to your royalty status, and more a testament to your resourcefulness and willpower. Not _everyone_ has the gall to uproot a sunken ship and turn it into a hive, even with the help of construction drones.

That being said, it’s a short distance to the kitchen (referred to by peasants as the “feastingblock”), only requiring a couple yards of walking. You walk in the kitchen, and head over to open up the cabinets (referred to by peasants as “nourishmentlockers”).

You open the cabinet—

_ CRASH!!! _

—and you are knocked over and crushed by fucking _wands_.

Of _course_ there were wands in here. You don’t know why you expected anything else.

_ “Fuck!” _

Your shout of anger and frustration invokes a loud neigh from your Skyhorse, and in mere moments he is there, neighing and whinnying and being a _nuisance_ , like always.

Doesn’t he realize he’s there simply to be your _steed_?

“ _FUCK OFF, SKYHORSE!!!_ ”

Yelling at him proves effective, and he immediately shuts up and leaves. _Finally_. That’s the thing with lusii—you gotta know when to ignore them and when to show them their place.

======>

Getting up from the new pile of wands you made, you decide to forget the grubloaf and go back to your husktop. You satiating your hunger isn’t so important right now anyway. As a sea dweller, you’ll have access to plenty of meals on the ships.

You leave the kitchen and go back to your respiteblock, happy to see Skyhorse away from your path as you walk back. When you enter your respiteblock, you half expect to see more messages from Kar.

Amazingly, you don’t. No new messages from anyone, and no chat windows open.

…Well, except the one you’ve kept open for a while with your moirail.

Eridan: Think about your moirail.

What’s there to think about? She’s your moirail.

Yeah, nothing much more to think about.

Palest of pals.

So. Fucking. **_Pale_**.

Eridan: Think about your _true_ feelings about your moirail.

OKAY, YOU’RE FLUSHED FOR HER. HAPPY? ARE WE HAPPY NOW THAT WE KNOW THAT YOU’RE FLUSHED FOR YOUR MOIRAIL?

…Oh, God, you’re an absolute _mess._

======>

You’ve been red for her for her almost as long as you’ve been her moirail, and _God_ has it been difficult. You try to tell yourself you should be _grateful_ , because honestly, you should be. That time two sweeps ago when you just _know_ she was wanting to leave you showed you just how important she is in your life, and how much you wanted to have her as more than just a friend, even if it meant being in what you were sure was the wrong quadrant for you two.

Ever since then, you’ve made it your solemn duty to be the best moirail _ever_ , even if it means straight up lying to her about what you feel so you can say you had a feelings jam with her. Hell, you’ll even talk to her about _quadrants_ , something you were always afraid to discuss with anyone but Kar.

You ultimately decided that no matter how red you were for her, she was still always going to be nothing but pale for you, so you would take at least _that_. And honestly? Things have been fine ever since, aside from the awkward quadrant conversations.

…That is, until she started _LYING TO YOU_ today.

======>

Today is the Great Gathering, which for most eight-sweep-old trolls means they have to go off to their assigned professions, either on the planet of Alternia or somewhere else in the galaxy. Your moirail, however, is an heiress to the imperial throne, meaning she doesn’t get the chance of even being assigned a profession.

Because according to the empire, she’s inherently a criminal, simply for sharing the blood color and symbol of the Condesce. As are you, technically, but it’s not like they’ve caught you yet.

And now here she is, at her first Great Gathering being eight sweeps old, watching a bunch of people she should feel inclined to join in adulthood but _can’t_ join because technically her spot in the empire has already been filled, and the person filling that spot is currently _on the same planet as her_. Not to mention the fact that she’s been avoidant with you and everyone else _ALL FUCKING DAY_.

Yeah. She’s planning something, and you just _know_ it.

So for the umpteenth time today, you type a message in the chat window, demanding answers.

Eridan: Bother moirail.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling  cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CA: im getting real sick a your shit you knoww that  
CC: O)( really?  
CC: Well maybe I’m getting real sick of YOUR s)(it, -Eridan!  
CC: DID YOU -EV-ER T)(INK ABOUT T)(AT???  
CA: MAYBE I GOT SICK A YOUR SHIT FIRST  
CA: DID YOU EVVER THINK ABOUT THAT  
CC: )(ee )(ee!  
CC: 38D  
CA: laugh it up wwhile you can princess because im being dead serious right noww  
CC: Is t)(at so???  
CA: yeah youre just making this harder on yourself the more you refuse to be honest  
CC: )(mp)(!  
CC: I can take you on NO PROBL-EM!  
CA: you dont knoww wwhat youre up against  
CA: im not considered a flarp champion for nothing  
CC: BRING IT ON, CLAMPORA!!!!  
CC: 38P  
CA: fine  
CA: thats howw you wwanna play it princess  
CA: thats howw its going dowwn  
CA: you leavve me NO CHOICE  
CC: And w)(at are you gonna do?  
CA: i...  
CA: wwill GLUB YOU TO DEATH  
CC: GASP.  
CC: 38o  
CC: NO, ANYT)(ING BUT T)(AT!!!  
CA: ITS TOO LATE  
CA: GLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUB  
CC: O)( NOOOOOO!!!  
CC: T)(e glubs are TOO MUC)( for me to take!  
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a!  
CC: 38D  
CA: okay you see i made twwo godawwful jokes wwith you in a roww thats a personal fuckin record  
CA: noww you havve to tell me wwhat kinda schemes youre concoctin  
CC: O)( my COD, not T)(IS again!  
CC: -Eridan, I would T-ELL you if I )(ad any sc)(emes, but I don’t!  
CC: Now I am not going to talk aboat it AN-EMON-EMOR-E, okay???  
CA: sigh  
CA: FINE  
CA: then howw is your day going  
CC: It is GR-----EAT! 38)  
CC: )(ow about yours?  
CA: oh yeah its nice  
CA: real fuckin PEACHY knowwing my plans havve been stalled yet again  
CC: -Eridan, are you STILL trying to get t)(at genocide permit!?  
CC: T)(at’s so STUPID ! You )(ave NO RIG)(T to do t)(at to people!  
CA: the empire begs to differ  
CC: I DON’T CAR-E W)(AT T)(-E -EMPIR-E SAYS!!!  
CC: It is wrong, and t)(at is all t)(ere is to glub on t)(e matter!  
CC: And you know W)(AT???  
CC: I t)(ink you already KNOW it is wrong!  
CA: oh PLEASE  
CA: it isnt wwrong its for the betterment of our species  
CA: you may not think it but im doing this for the both of us  
CA: once the flithbloods havve been done awway wwith our livves wwill be a hell of a lot better trust me on this  
CC: Don’t call land dwellers filt)(bloods! W-E AR-EN’T B-ETT-ER T)(AN ANYBODY JUST JUST B-ECAUS-E W-E’R-E S-EA DW-ELL-ERS!!!  
CC: 3>8(  
CA: yes wwe are its called the hemospectrum  
CC: AUG)()()()()()(!!!  
CC: You are )(OP-EL-ESS!!!  
CA: anywway it doesnt evven matter because my request got rejected  
CC: )(A!!!  
CC: Serves you RIG)(T. 3>8)  
CA: yeah yeah youre happy and im mad lets just cut to the important thing here wwhich is my eelings about all a this  
CC: -Eelings??? 38o  
CC: O)(, wait, F-----E-ELINGS!  
CC: Wow, t)(at was a tricky one! 38)  
CA: hm  
CA: anywway the wwhole deal is just raww and im just feeling really fuckin angry about evverything right now  
CA: it doesnt help that vvris is still ignorin me  
CC: 38(  
CC: Are you feeling like you are going to do somet)(ing bad?  
CA: no  
CA: but i threatened my transitionary  
CC: -Eridan! 3>8(  
CA: come on he fucking deservved it and otherwwise ivve been performing spectacularly all things considered  
CA: and shell maybe if you let me HUNT FOR YOU LIKE IM CODDAMN SUPPOSED TO id be perfoaming evven betta  
CC: -Eridan, for t)(e last time, YOU CANNOT )(UNT FOR M-E TODAY.  
CC: I am sorry if you are )(aving a roug)( day, but )(unting is COMPL-ET-ELY out of t)(e question!  
CC: And NO, no amount of fis)( puns are going to convince me OTT-ERWIS-E!  
CA: wwhich brings us back to square one  
CA: WWHAT ARE YOU PLANNIN THATS MADE YOU DECIDE I CANT HUNT FOR YOU  
CC: GLUUUUUUUUUB!!!!!  
CC: I am not fucking planning ANYFIN!!!  
CC: W)(y don’t you ever LIST-EN!?  
CA: maybe i wwould start listening more if you started TELLING THE TRUTH  
CC: T)(is is RIDICULOUS.  
CC: You )(ave accused me of lying SO MUC)( today t)(at I do not even minnow w)(at your job is going to be!  
CA: oh  
CA: wwell i just got confirmation for it so thats part a the reason i havvent said anything  
CC: R-EALLY???  
CC: 38D  
CC: W)(at is it??? T-ELL M-E T-ELL M-E T-ELL M-E!!!  
CA: youre not gonna like it  
CC: ...  
CC: It is somet)(ing t)(at involves conquering and killing t)(ings for t)(e -Empire, isn’t it?  
CC: 38(  
CA: its also something of great historical significance but of COURSE youre goin to focus on the killin thing  
CA: im going to be one of the first evver intergalactic crushquistadors meaning im going to be conquering places in other galaxies in the name of the empire  
CC: T)(at is just AWFUL.  
CA: youre a glubbin pacifist your opinion doesnt count  
CC: I agree wit)( using violence if it is absolutely N-EC-ESSARY.  
CC: Conquering ot)(er places to expand our already large -Empire is NOT a necessary venture!  
CA: yeah yeah youll be thanking me once you ascend to the throne and havve so much territory wwhat you wwont knoww wwhat to do wwith  
CC: ...  
CA: wwhat  
CC: Not)(ing. I just...  
CC: I don’t know, I t)(oug)(t t)(at wit)( you leaving to perform your imperial duty that you would probubbly not care about my ability to ascend to t)(e t)(rone.  
CC: Or at least I assumed you would )(ave stopped believing I even COULD.  
CC: 38o  
CA: wwell youre my moirail its not like i really havve a choice wwhen it comes to caring  
CA: and anywway your lusus said it wwas a for sure thing you becomin empress so i dont see wwhy youd think id stop thinking it wwould happen  
CA: if your lusus foretells something its basically going to happen isnt it  
CC: W)(ale...  
CC: Yes and no?  
CC: It is )(ard to explain.  
CC: S)(e )(as w)(ispered to me about a LOT of t)(ings t)(at were supposed to come to pass t)(at never did.  
CC: But at t)(e same time, s)(e says t)(ey DID happen, just not for M-E, w)(ic)( doesn’t make sense at ALL.  
CC: So maybe s)(e DID foresee me being an -Empress, but for some reason...it may )(ave not been me?  
CC: I don’t really understand it myself.  
CC: 38/  
CA: wwell thats just needlessly confusin  
CC: Tell me about it!  
CA: so is that wwhy you wwont tell me wwhat youre planning  
CC: GODDAMMIT, -ERIDAN!!!  
CC: 3>8(  
CA: okay FINE ill stop  
CC: Good!  
CA: by the wway are you at least going to sea me off like you said you wwere going to do  
CC: I said I would TRY to see you off.  
CC: But yes, it’s still somet)(ing I’m )(oping to do!  
CC: 38)  
CC: W)(y, are you going to leave soon?  
CA: yeah probably after im finished talkin to you  
CA: but ill bring those messagin glasses so i can reach you still  
CC: Okay! I will try to be on my wave soon, t)(en!  
CA: good  
CA: and by the wway  
CA: i WWILL figure out wwhat youre hiding dont think youre off the hook yet princess

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling  cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CC: GLUB.  
CC: 3>8(

======>

You wish you could make her tell you what she’s thinking. You wish you could tell her what _you’re_ really thinking. Not just about your _real_ feelings for her, but everything else. Really _talk_ about your issues with Vriska. Talk genuinely about your excitement for your position without her chastisement. But even if you could, it would always still have that pale shade to it. While you’ve accepted the fact that she’ll never go red for you, it’s still hard at times to talk to her openly.

Then again, you don’t really like to be looked at as something that needs to be coddled into pacification. 

======>

You would have also liked if she had let you hunt today—that usually takes your mind off things. But _of course_ she has to stubborn about that, too. Heaven forbid you help her do the thing she’s always hated doing! Especially after you just told her about your failed attempt to get a genocidal permit, and especially since when you start talking about genocide, the last thing you usually wanna talk about is hunting for her lusus.

Mainly because hunting for her lusus means ensuring the survival of the troll species.

======>

Everyone knows about the Vast Emissary to the Horrorterrors, though few wish to speak of her. Her name, Gl’bgolyb is hardly ever even whispered. This is because she is an expansive sea monster that lives in the Alternian sea, and who has the ability to kill trolls if it’s voice raises above a whisper. To keep its voice down, one must feed it the dead lusii of trolls.

For sweeps, you’ve helped your moirail feed this terrible creature, in spite of your conflicting interests. Honestly, it would just be _too easy_ to eradicate the land dwellers, knowing what you do about the Gl’bgolyb. Just slow the feeding for a couple weeks, maybe pretend to be off your game for whatever reason…it happens to the best.

But no. That would make her sad.

_ “HYEEEhehehehe.” _

Your brooding is interrupted as you hear your lusus whinny from behind you, signifying his presence in your respiteblock. Normally, his interruption would make you irritated, but this time it serves to remind you of what you told your moirail you would do.

You get up off the husktop desk and begin gathering your belongings. You don’t plan on bringing much—just a few articles of clothing, those glasses you told your moirail about, and of course your rifle, the legendary god weapon Ahab’s Crosshairs. Really, it will be downright pathetic going up against those extragalactic beings—you’re so overpowered just with this gun it’s almost unfair.

You consider for a moment bringing other things—your treasure, your husktop, wizard souvenirs…you have quite a lot of stuff. But ultimately, you decide against it.

Most of this stuff you attained FLARPing with Vriska, and you don’t want anything you own here on out to be associated with her. You’ll earn your gold by _your_ own efforts. You won’t give her any reason to say she helped make you.

…Even if you know she probably doesn’t care anyway.

_ “NYEEEEEhehehehe!” _

Skyhorse neighs, as if getting impatient with you. You have half a mind to punish him, but decide you probably shouldn’t waste any more time.

Even if you quite literally have all the time in the world.

Once everything has been collected in a bag (because you’re _way_ too old to be using a fetch modus), you grab Skyhorse by the reins (not really caring about his comfort) and drag him out of your respiteblock, through the hall, and up the staircase of the ship to the doors. The salty ocean air and the bright pink lights in the distance greet you quite suddenly.

======>

As you stand outside for some time and watch the fuchsia lights glow in the distance, you can’t help but feel a little small at the abounding future that stands before you. Toward those lights, there is an entire galaxy, controlled by an empire that has tirelessly served people _exactly_ like you. They have thousands of trolls—some even willing and competent—who are ready to act upon your beckoning hand if you choose to use it. If it is true that the galactic empire is nothing but a pearl, then you have your first clenched tightly around it. It’s because you _know_ you’re small compared to the endless vastness that you know to clench as tight as you can.

Whoever came up with the phrase “hold onto love, but hold loosely” clearly didn’t know how society was meant to function, which is like this—life is harsh and cruel, and the people within it are just the same. If you sit around simply hoping and wishing for things to be different, they never _will_ be.

You _have_ to hold tightly to the things you have—and you have the empire. You'll keep clutching on to the that pearl, no matter what the cost. It's your source of survival, no matter how much your moirail loathes it. Even if you end up crushing the thing you're holding, it’s better to destroy it yourself than have it taken from you…or even worse, have it _leave_ you.

This was something you learned long ago, but it was only when your moirail almost left you that you really took it to heart. You have to do everything you can to hold on to what you have, even if it means destruction of yourself or others.

And in that sense, it is for the best that you leave everything in your hive. Vriska was never something you could hold onto anyway. She always had _you_ in her grip.

And now…well, now she doesn’t.

=====>

Steadying Skyhorse, you mount him with ease, and with a kick to his side he begins flying.

As you fly away from the past and head to your future, you’re suddenly reminded of the person you intended to talk to before you left. Just to schedule a drop-off of sorts.

While you straighten Skyhorse out on the path, you rustle through your bag and grab the glasses you need to message the person you need to speak with.

* * *

debonairCorsair [DC] began trolling  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

DC: gree7ings.  
CG: ???  
CG: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?  
DC: 7ha7’s no7 impor7an7.  
DC: wha7 IS impor7an7 is wha7 i’m going 7o do.  
DC: head 7o 7he empress’s square in 7he imperial landing, and look for 7he guy wi7h purple glasses and a 7op ha7.  
CG: THAT IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I HAVE EVER BEEN ASKED TO DO.  
CG: PLEASE GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON TO DROP EVERYTHING I'M DOING TO DO THE BIDDING OF AN INSANE FUCKING LUNATIC LIKE YOU.  
DC: i have some7hing impor7an7 7o give 7o you on behalf of a sea dweller you know.  
CG: !?  
CG: YOU KNOW ERIDAN!?  
DC: jus7 be 7here by sunrise, or else some7hing awful will happen.  
CG: NO, DON’T AVOID MY FUCKING QUESTION.  
CG: TELL ME WHAT HE’S TRYING TO DO  
DC: you’ll see soon enough.  
CG: OH MY GOD  
CG: DID  
CG: DID HE SEND YOU TO *KILL* ME!?  
DC: i’m going 7o repea7 myself ONE MORE 7IME.  
DC: imperial landing.  
DC: guy in a 7op ha7.  
DC: be 7here by sunrise, OR ELSE.

debonairCorsair [DC] has blocked  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how to put into words a horse’s sound, other than "neigh." It eludes me entirely.


	12. cuttlefishCuller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> )(ow -----EXCITING!!! 38D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2X S-EA DWW-ELL-ER COBMO CONTINEWS
> 
> [IT KEEPS HAPENING](http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh144/Fantasy-Lied/sweetdanandhellafefcomic1_zps2a86a7ef.png) :o
> 
> Also, **trigger warning for use of slurs against neurodivergent people**.

Your name is Feferi Peixes.

…And today is going to be the **_BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE_**.

======>

You are swimming around in your undersea hive palace, admiring as the cuttlefish that live with you rush past.  You cannot stop the giggles that come out when cuttlefish brush past your feet and stomache, they being ticklish regions on your person.  Occasionally, you’ll be interrupted by constant dinging on your husktop, and will be forced to stop the playtime you are having with the residents you caught on your own.  Otherwise, though, the day seems to be unfolding slowly and uneventfully…for now.

======>

For convenient reference, you _love_ cuttlefish.  _Love them_.  You catch them quite often and leave them in cages in your hive.  Cages that are often quite pointless and are easy for them to swim out of.  Really, you just let them do whatever—you like catching them more than anything else.

But that’s unimportant right now.  The point is everything is awesome and wonderful and you are just _so glubbing –EXCIT–ED._

======>

Being that you are always _happy_ and _excited_ about something, it shouldn’t be too difficult for anyone to think that you would consider today to be the best day of your life, even considering what the day is meant to bring.    Honestly, it’s quite like you to call a day like this the best day of your life, as you consider most every passing day the best day of your life.  Still, today is just a great day in and of itself.  For eight sweeps you have both been anxious and excited for this day to come, and now it’s finally _here_!

Just. _Wow_.

======>

As was previously stated, your name is Feferi Peixes, and you are about 8 sweeps old.  Being 8 now is a momentous occasion for you on this day, for this day is the Great Gat)(ering.

Oh, yes.  A day that bears both good tidings and bad omens, depending on what color blood you were born with.  In a sense, it’s somewhat uplifting to watch the ships float or fly above you, or the many lusii splashing or swimming above.  Many trolls are heading off to new and exciting places you yourself would love to go to.  At the same time, you can’t help but wonder how many of those trolls are heading off into slavery.

Of course, none of that really applies to you.  You don’t really get an option of leaving.

======>

While many trolls have plenty of reason to either loathe or love this Day of Gat)(ering, you have a very particular reason why this day gives you such mixed feelings and emotions (though you will _always_ say excitement outweighs any trepidation you feel).  Unlike others, the Great Gat)(ering is both a foreign and personal event for you—on one fin, you feel for both those who welcome this day and those who dread it.  At the same time, you will never know the sensation of being placed into either slavery or another profession.

That’s because your destiny was determined long ago, and without your say in it.

======>

You, Feferi Peixes, are the )(eiress.

––––––E

Upon saying that you’re an )(eiress, a fictional species called Homo sapiens might say that being as such just means you’re spoiled rotten.  To this very specifically named Homo sapien species, you would say that truth behind that assertion is fuzzy.  In one sense, you have access to all the riches left behind by )(er Imperious Condescension when she ascended the throne.  These riches entail countless treasure of incalculable worth, an underwater hive of incredible size, and the utmost most private of living situations many trolls would _love_ to have.  Likewise, you do have certain perks—for instance, you have the chance of making you immune to culling no matter what you do.  This immunity to culling is effective even against the Condesce )(erself.

At the same time, however, this comes at a tremendous cost.  As the only one currently who shares the tyrian blood held by )(er Imperiousness, you have essentially committed the worst crime of all in the eyes of the –Empire. 

It marks you for death from the get-go.  Literally, as in the –Empress will stop at _nothing_ to kill you.

======>

You’ve understood yourself to be the )(eiress since you were very young.  It took a while after pupation for the fact to really sink in—as well as for you to understand not only what it meant for _you_ , but also what it meant to others.  Due to propaganda and scare tactics, an )(eir or )(eiress to the Imperial T)(rone is viewed as a traitor to some, and a murderer to others.  Beyond the Imperial die-hards that would want to kill you in the name of )(er Imperious Condescension _anyway_ , even those who would have every reason to want to go against the Condesce would still refuse to associate with you.  On one hand, willingly spending time with you is a death sentence.  People can be culled for showing kindness to you even if they don’t know you’re the )(eiress.  Aside from how dangerous sea dwellers generally are to both races, the off-chance that a sea dweller may be the )(eiress is a big reason why most people refuse to associate with sea dwellers in general.

On the other hand—and this is something you cannot fault others for—you have your Royal Obligation to attend to.

Feferi: Think about your Royal Obligation.

The only way to obtain the perk of never being culled _ever_ is to perform the obligation of feeding the Vast Emissary of the Horrorterrors—or “Gl’bgolyb,” its proper name that most are too terrified to utter.  She is your “lusus,” and like all lusii, it is both an honor and a stress to have her.  Over the sweeps, she has whispered so many useful things to you—prophecies, advice, stories…things that over time she has whispered less of, but still remain in your heart to this day.  However, having such a lusus comes at a cost that most )(eirs and )(eiresses aren’t prepared to pay.

It is the duty of any who would inherit the throne to feed this large creature—which is larger than a developed city, you might add!—it’s food of choice, which is the lusii of orphaned trolls.  It is _awful_.  You have _never_ enjoyed killing the lusii of trolls.  But if you did not, your lusus’s protection would cease.

…That, and the troll population will go extinct from its Vast Glub.  Of course, that is quite likely not to happen.  More likely, an imperial goon would probably feed your lusus in the name of )(er Imperiousness and leave you vulnerable to attack.

Still, even _this_ situation isn’t too awful.  Only the Condesce has the right to kill or attack you—she would _never_ let anyone else have that privilege.

======>

In spite of all that may be conspired against your survival, you have managed to perform the Royal Obligation for 8 sweeps, and are thusly _still_ safe from culling.  Hell, you’ve even managed to survive the supposed prophecies of your lusus!  She has whispered to you that the world would end and she would unleash the Vast Glub, but this was meant to have happened _sweeps_ ago.  This she said while also prophesizing that you were fated to be a kind and benevolent –Empress.  She’s so strange sometimes!

Ah, well.  You suppose not all prophecies can come true.

======>

Of course, you can’t go on and compliment your own fortune in surviving without showing gratitude to those who have helped you!  You have made _many_ friends over the sweeps, in spite of everything, and they have all been supportive of you in so many ways!

One in particular you will admit has helped you _tremendously_ , but you try not to show _too_ much gratitude to him.  The _last_ thing he needs is a larger ego.

Feferi: Talk to Eridan.

Uhhhhh…  You don’t think you will.  He’s been messaging you non-stop today, and honestly?  It’s been kind of _annoying_.  He’s your moirail, but _fuck_ , can’t a guy take a hint that you’re not in the mood?

Constant messaging isn’t going to make a girl any more willing to talk.

Feferi: _Talk to Eridan_.

But talking to him is so _tiring_!  What with his _theatrics_ and _drama_ and _prying_ and _whining_ and _CARPING_ , **_UGH_**.

Sometimes you think the only reason the moirallegiance has lasted so long is because he seems to _need_ you to be there.  You have this strange ominous feeling that if you left, he would do something _awful_.  Of course, that’s basically the whole reason you became his moirail in the first place, but after sweeps of it, it’s become more of an obligation than the actual Royal Obligation!

You care for him, obviously, but sometimes you can’t help but wonder what would have happened if you had left him like you intended to a couple sweeps ago.  _Would_ he have done something awful?  Would it have even _mattered_ to you?  Probably.  You’re not sure, though.

…That was a ding, wasn’t it?

You swim over to your husktop, and _of course_ you see his username on there.  Sighing, you decide to engage in more of his emotional theatrics.

After all, it may be the last time you’re able to do so for a while.

Feferi: Answer moirail.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling  cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CA: are you gonna tell me or not  
CC: O)( my God, -Eridan, I told you a T)(OUSAND TIM-ES.  
CC: I AM NOT PLANNING ANYT)(ING!!!  
CC: 3>8(  
CA: thats bullshit and wwe both knoww it peixes  
CA: you got somethin planned an evveryone in the deep ocean side of alternia knowws it  
CA: im your fuckin MORAYEEL arent wwe supposed to glub aboat these fins together  
CC: Oooooo)(, t)(ose puns were GOOD. 38D  
CA: thanks  
CC: And yes, we are dolp)(inately supposed to glub aboat t)(ese fins.  
CC: Of course, if you recall w)(at I )(ave said R-EP-EAT-EDLY not only TODAY but t)(e past few W-E-EKS, I DO NOT )(AV-E ANYT)(ING TO TALK ABOUT.  
CC: W)(y can’t you just TRUST M-E on t)(is? 38o  
CA: the answwer to that question is so fucking OBVVIOUS im almost ashamed a you for askin it  
CA: its because youre LYING  
CC: I am not LYING!!!  
CC: GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB!!!!  
CC: 3>8(  
CA: DONT YOU GLUB AT ME LIKE THAT  
CA: AND STOP AVVOIDING THE QUESTION  
CC: I am not avoiding t)(e question, YOU just don’t want to accept t)(e CLAMSW-ER!!!  
CA: more like you keep LYING  
CC: UG)()()()()()(!!! You are so DIFFICULT sometides!  
CC: Look, -Erifin, )(ave I -EV-ER )(id t)(ings from you in t)(e past?  
CA: first of all dont call me erifin it wwas a stupid nickname then and its stupid noww  
CC: MAYB-E YOU AR-E STUPID AND DUMB, DID YOU -EV-ER T)(INK OF T)(AT???  
CC: 38D  
CA: okay ignoring wwhat you just said to make my second point wwhich is for all i knoww you could of hid a SHIT ton a stuff from me and i wwould be none the wwiser  
CA: so naturally my question to you wwould havve to be this  
CA: HAVVE you hid anything from me in the past  
CC: O)(  
CC: My  
CC: COD!!!  
CC: -Eridan, you are a fucking R-ETARD!!!  
CA: wwell EXCUSE ME for being fuckin wworried about you bein alone on alternia wwithout me to help you or protect you fef  
CC: ...  
CC: -Eridan...  
CC: Has t)(at been t)(e issue t)(is w)(ole time?  
CA: ...  
CA: no  
CC: DON’T LI-E TO M-E, -ERIDAN!!! 3>8(  
CC: I am your moirail, and like you said, we )(AV-E to talk about t)(ese t)(ings!  
CA: FINE  
CA: since im so clearly PALE AS FUCKIN PEARLS FOR YOU  
CA: ill come clean  
CA: maybe im a little wworried  
CA: hell maybe im straight up terrified that things are gonna be different betwween us  
CA: maybe im scared at the thought a you doing something wwithout telling me wwhat it is youre thinking about doing beforehand an then gettin yourself hurt  
CA: and maybe that same part a me thinks im choosing betwween you and the empire in leavvin the planet  
CC: -Eridan...  
CC: 38(  
CA: and knowwin all a this  
CA: maybe  
CA: just  
CA: MAYBE  
CA: I KNOWW YOURE FUCKIN LYING  
CC: CODDAMMIT, -ERIDAN!!!  
CC: 3>XO  
CA: i knoww a schemer wwhen i see one fef  
CA: you forget ivve flarped wwith the likes a mindfang and she wwas so manipulativve and secretivve you wwouldnt evven BELIEVVE  
CA: so i knoww wwhen someones got something to hide  
CA: and you  
CA: you are CLEARLY hiding something its so obvvious evven KAN picked up on your ruse  
CC: 38o  
CC: Kanaya said s)(e t)(ought I was )(iding somet)(ing?  
CA: yeah and she aint the only one  
CA: hell EVVERYONES expecting you to do something today fef its hardly evven a secret  
CA: evven our goddamn empress is here to see wwhat youre gonna do  
CA: so wwhy dont you take your owwn fucking advvice and stop deceivvin me  
CC: ...  
CC: Sig)(.  
CC: -Eridan...it is not t)(at simple. -Even YOU must know t)(at.  
CC: T)(is is not just about M-E, or even just YOU.  
CC: Anyone w)(o is known to associate wit)( me can be CULL-ED, and not in t)(e way I define culling.  
CC: If I was really planning somet)(ing like you t)(ink I am, it would be in t)(e best interest for -EV-ERYON-E to knot know w)(at it is, and to stay AWAY from me.  
CC: T)(at is the last thing I am going to say aboat t)(is. 38/  
CA: ...  
CA: fef  
CA: i knoww ivve said a lotta stuff about sea dwwellers being better than land dwwellers and really just about sea dwweller supremacy in general  
CA: but  
CC: -Enoug)(.  
CC: It’s okay, -Eridan. None of t)(at matters rig)(t now.  
CC: I promise everyt)(ing will end up FIN-E today.  
CC: And )(ey, like I said, maybe I mig)(t sea you off!  
CC: But if I don’t, just know t)(at I am R-E-ELY happy for you, and t)(at no matter w)(at, I will ALWAV-ES be your moirail. 38)  
CA: ...  
CA: alright  
CA: but promise me this  
CA: if you need help youll tell me  
CC: W)(AT-EV-ERRRRR.  
CA: im searious fef  
CA: so searious im makin fish puns right boww  
CC: “Bow” in place of “now” is T-ERRIBUBBL-E.  
CA: not as terrible as TERRIBUBBLE  
CC: )(-E-E )(-E-E, I guess not.  
CC: 38)  
CC: But okay, I promise.  
CA: good  
CA: i guess then ill see you soon  
CA: or maybe not wwho knowws  
CA: ill see you wwhenevver then  
CC: W)(enever is a better time t)(an N-EV-ER.  
CC: 38)  
CA: ...  
CC: W)(at?  
CA: nothin  
CA: im just  
CA: gonna miss you is all

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling  cuttlefishCuller [CC]

Feferi: Ponder discussion you just had with your overbearing moirail.

Oh, now you feel just _awful_.  Here he’s been having his own issues he’s been keeping from you, and you keep acting _distant_.  No wonder he thinks you’re hiding something!

It just makes the fact that you really _are_ hiding something from him feel that much worse to you.

It _was_ a bit hypocritical of you to attack him for lying when you’re keeping a big secret from him, you will admit, but honestly, he keeps secrets because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s _weak_ or _vulnerable_.  You’re keeping _your_ secret because you know telling people would just get them in trouble.  _Especially_ Eridan—he has the most to lose out of all of this, if only for the fact that he’s benefited so much from the -Empire.

You hate to be this way…but hopefully he’ll understand someday.

======>

Hello?

You hear a rather _loud_ whisper from the distance, and you know straight away it’s your lusus.  With so many trolls around this area (either above water or not), you’re sure a few just got some headaches.  You also know scolding your lusus will do no good.

She’s clearly hungry.

Sighing, you resign yourself to leaving your hive to go find her.  Since it’s underwater, there’s no issue with you leaving through the window, and so you do.

You swim a little while until her sight comes into view.  The white, expansive sea monster that is your dear lusus.

If it were anyone else but you, you know they wouldn’t have recognized her happy expression as you showed up.

Hello, my sweet, sweet child.

“Hi, Glubby!” you respond back cheerfully.  “Glubby” was an affectionate nickname you gave her back when you were too young to properly form the word “Gl’bgolyb.”

Pray tell… have you been able to find me  FOOD?

You swallow hard at the question.  This was bound to be a conversation you two were going to have at some point, but you were hoping it wouldn’t be when she was already hungry.

“…No,” you admit.  “I’m not going to be able to get you food for a while.”

That is a pity… I am so very  HUNGRY.

“I know,” you sympathize.  “But I have other things to take care of right now!  I promise you will get your food soon.”

You’re careful not to make the claim that _you_ will be the one getting it, for reasons you cannot divulge to her nor anyone else.

You’re expecting more complaining, but her answer surprises you.

I know, darling.  I trust you will get me food soon enough.  You always have…

You don’t know if she just has faith in you, or if she knows something you don’t.  Either way, you’re utterly perplexed at how calm and patient she’s being.

======>

Run along, child.  You have someone trying to contact you.

Well, _glub_.  After all that shit you just talked about with Eridan and he’s _still_ trying to bother you.

You’re certain it’s Eridan trying to contact you and no one else.

You take a last look at your lusus before you swim back to your hive.  Once there, you swim back in through the window you originally left out of and go back to your husktop.

You come to the screen expecting more of Eridan’s purple text.  However, you’re surprised to see something else entirely.

Feferi: Read messages.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CG: OKAY  
CG: O-FUCKING- _KAY_  
CG: I’VE DONE LITERALLY EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO AVOID TALKING TO YOU  
CG: A, BECAUSE YOU’RE ANNOYINGLY CHIPPER AND HAPPY ABOUT EVERYTHING AND AT EVERY WAKING SECOND  
CG: AND B, BECAUSE I *ALREADY* HAVE ENOUGH GOING AGAINST ME RIGHT NOW AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS TO BE CAUGHT ASSOCIATING WITH THE HEIRESS  
CG: BUT SINCE I’M PROBABLY GOING TO DIE ANYWAY, I MAY AS WELL USE MY LAST HOURS OF LIFE TO TROLL YOU  
CG: AT LEAST BEFORE I LEAVE TO MEET WHAT I’M ASSUMING IS MY PERSONAL ASSASIN AT THE IMPERIAL LANDING  
CG: IF YOU SEE THIS, *MAKE YOUR MOIRAIL TALK TO ME*  
CG: I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK HOW YOU DO IT, JUST FUCKING *DO IT.*  
CG: BECAUSE IF I’M GOING TO DIE, I’M SURE AS HELL NOT DYING ALONE, YOU GOT THAT?

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  cuttlefishCuller [CC]

======>

…Well, _that_ was strange.  What was that even about?  Did he and Eridan make some sort of deal or something?  And why was he trying to threaten him?

Whatever, you’re not that worried about it.  Karkat’s usually pretty dramatic anyway, and even if it did come down to a brawl, Eridan can take care of himself just fine.  You also know Eridan would never do anything to hurt Karkat. At least, you _think_ he wouldn’t. Whatever it is that’s going on between them, they’ll work it out.

Darling…

Again, you hear the whisper of your lusus, and this time you _do_ feel like scolding her because _you just told her you can’t feed her_.  However, before you can even think of leaving, you hear her again.

You should leave now, and bring your trident.

…Well.  That shows she DOES know what you’re going to do.  You shouldn’t be so surprised—she’s the one that has whispered visions of your future—some of which gave you nightmares on how terrifying they were—so of course she would know what you’re about to do.

You already have your trident equipped in your strife specibus, so bringing it is not an issue.  Still, you were hoping to bring other things with you…though you guess it doesn’t matter.

As you swim out the window, leaving it open to let your oceanic fauna leave and be free as they should be, you’re actually somewhat amazed that even now, you feel excited—proud of yourself, even.

…Or perhaps that’s what you _want_ to feel, in spite of your shaking.

Darling?

You hear your lusus whisper again as you continue to swim up to the surface, noticing how some of the lusii and even trolls struggle at such close proximity to her and her voice.

She continues.

I would like to ask of you a favor…

You’re not sure what it could be.  Food?  Trinkets?  Something _else_ you’ll never be able to bring her?

It’s only when you’re about to throw your head out above the water that you hear her say it.

If you can… please tell her I said hello.


	13. Blue Sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day ends as the sun rises in a portrait of blue, the green moon hanging as an orb alongside it.
> 
> Six children disregard the troubles of the past and future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things to get out of the way before we get started.
> 
> For the next two chapters, things are going to be written in second person past tense. It’s kind of an obvious decision for me, since I’ve been saying repeatedly that these two chapters will be backstory and thus will take place _before_ the story starts, but I figured I’d let y’all know. ‘Kay, we’re all good on that part I hope.
> 
> Another thing to say is that this chapter is long. _Very_ long. As will be the next one. I thought I’d warn you ahead of time.
> 
> Third thing. From here on out, the format’s going to be a lot different. No more awesome color-coordinated arrows and commands. I know, it was probably the only reason you even read this story. Now you’re probably going to go on your blog or Twitter or Facebook account or whatever and bitch about terrible fanfiction writers and how they make stupid story decisions. But I always intended it to be just an intro thing for the story’s main characters (the A2 trolls in this instance), and not really a general style to define it, soooo…there’s that for you to consider.
> 
> Another style change is going to be the chapter's character perspective. For the first twelve chapters, I made the character perspectives incredibly obvious with the chapter titles. Now things are going to be a bit more different—as in, chapter titles will not always define which character’s perspective will be in it. In fact, many chapters are going to feature a lot of different character’s perspectives, sometimes jumping from one person to the next after a handful of paragraphs.
> 
> “But author!” you might protest. “Won’t that get ridiculously confusing and impossible to read!?”
> 
> To which I would say “ _Don’t worry, man, I got it under control_.” To which you might get offended because you might not be a man, and you’d be like “What gives?” And then I’d be like, “Shit, sorry.” 
> 
> Moving on. While I may be getting rid of the arrows, I will still have a color-coordinated system of sorts to suggest which character’s perspective we’re telling it from at any given moment. This will come in the form of the abbreviations of the troll’s trollhandles (“CG” for carcinoGeneticist, “CC” for cuttlefishCuller, etc.). Basically, the abbreviation of a given troll’s handle will appear above any block of text to signify which troll’s perspective that block of text is coming from. For instance, say I was writing a chapter that featured both Aradia’s and Tavros’s perspectives. I would write it like _this_ :
> 
> AA
> 
> Blah blah story stuff.
> 
>    
> AT
> 
> Blah blah story stuff in a different perspective. 
> 
> And of course, the abbreviations will be the same color as the given troll’s text color. In using this style, I’m hoping to make it so people know which perspective they’re reading from in a very simple and straightforward way that also, in my view at least, looks pretty neat. I don’t intend to be doing a lot of hopping around in chapters, except maybe ones with a lot of action-y sequences or backstory ones. HEY, WE’RE DOING ONE OF THOSE NOW. Oh, joy! But yeah, most chapters will feature only one or two characters at a time, so hopefully it won’t get too confusing.
> 
> If for some reason this style _is_ confusing as all hell to you, consider doing this: _go fuck yourself._
> 
> No, I’m kidding, I’m _always_ open to suggestions, critiques, and comments, so please let me know if it still doesn’t make sense. :)
> 
> And finally, there are blank parts in the chapter where white text is present and highlighting is needed. Just thought I’d let you know.
> 
> With that long ass spiel out of the way, LET’S GET THIS BACKSTORY SHIT STARTED.

-Four Sweeps Before GREAT GATHERING-

 

AT

You were in your boy skylark uniform about to play in a FLARPing campaign you had eagerly been anticipating.  You and your friend Aradia—proudly standing as Team Charge—were going to challenge Vriska and your friend Terezi—the opponents as Team Scourge.  You had your dagger lance ready in your strife specibus and the items you were sure you would need in your modus.

But you couldn’t start right away.  You had to wait for the game grub to lay its eggs first.

The black grub was wriggling before you, though still not quite prepared to lay the game campaign data for you.  You knew it could lay whenever it wanted, but it was choosing not to.  Even though your species uses them for practically everything—from birthing more of your species to creating games to making food—they still never seemed to enjoy being used so promiscuously.

However, as you considered the reproductive capabilities of grubs, it suddenly let out a low “haaaaa” and began laying the silver, metallic-looking orbs you would need to hatch your campaign.  Smiling, you took out your portatelecommunicative device (known in more noble circles as a “cellphone”) to message your partner.

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

AT: aRADIA,  
AT: mY GRUB IS LAYING NOW, sO  
AT: i’LL BE READY SOON,  
AA: c00l!  
AA: mine t00  
AA: terezi said hers are hatching as well  
AA: s0 well be evenly matched!  
AT: oKAY, tHAT’S GOOD,  
AT: i WOULDN’T WANT TO HAVE AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE OVER HER,  
AT: }:)  
AA: n0t that y0u w0uld need it!  
AA: were g0ing t0 beat team sc0urge n0 matter what  
AA: but i have t0 ask  
AA: why did y0u pick such a difficult class 0_0  
AA: n0ne 0f the really useful c0mbat abilities c0me int0 play until y0u reach a very high level  
AA: it will be very rewarding when y0u reach that level im sure  
AA: but it still takes quite a while t0 get there  
AT: yEAH, yOU’RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT, bUT,  
AT: iT’S THE CLASS i THINK IS THE MOST FUN, aND, bATTLE SKILL IS NOT ALL THERE IS,  
AT: tO BEING A GREAT ADVENTURER,  
AA: i was h0ping f0r that s0rt 0f answer  
AA: y0u might be the 0nly flarper in the w0rld wh0 really understands the true spirit 0f the game  
AA: every0ne else is s0 aggressive and treasure hungry!  
AA: but thats what makes beating them all the m0re satisfying  
AT: yEAH, jUST LIKE, hOW SATISFYING IT WILL FEEL,  
AT: wHEN WE BEAT tEAM sCOURGE!  
AT: }:D  
AA: yes!  
AA: 0kay terezis ab0ut t0 start  
AA: just remember y0ur cl0uder isnt g0ing to pull any punches t0night  
AA: d0nt fall f0r any 0f her mind games!  
AA: and if y0u need any help d0nt hesitate to ask  
AT: oKAY, i WON’T,

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling  adiosToreador [AT]

You didn’t want to waste any more time getting prepared, so immediately you began hatching your campaign.  One by one the gaming flapstractions hatched and flew off around the area surrounding your hive, guided not only by its preprogrammed data, but by live instructions that were coming from your clouder.  When they were all gone, you knew it was time for you to head out as well.

As you headed out the door, you heard the fluttering of Tinkerbull’s wings behind you.  At first, you thought you would let him come along for the ride.  He enjoyed games just as much as you, and you felt it’d be nice to have him there in case anything bad happened.

But as you looked out into the starry sky, with the sun so close to rising, you felt a sense of peace and ease.  Somehow…you doubted anything bad could happen.

“Uh,” you started, “maybe you should stay, Tinkerbull.”

Tinkerbull looked confused at first.  He looked at you stepping out the door, then back in the hive, then you again.  After deliberating, he seemed to decide to trust your judgment, and went over to his cushion to lay down.

After he did, you finally stepped fully outside, prepared for your adventure.  In a matter of moments your stat bat flew over and bonded with you, displaying your stats and progress in the game.

As you looked out across the field, you couldn’t help but feel certain in your judgment that nothing bad could happen tonight.

 

AG

AG: Are you ready to hatch our plan?  
I NEVER AGREED TO ANY PLAN.  
AG: Yes you did!  
AG: You said you would help me with Tavros tonight.  
I SAID I WOULD CONSIDER IT.  
AG: Ugh, same thiiiiiiiing.  
I DO NOT SEE WHY YOU FEEL THE NEED TO DEPEND ON ME.  
I HAVE TOLD YOU MANY TIMES THAT I AM NOT HERE TO SERVE YOU, BUT THE PROCESSION OF FATE.  
AG: Yeah, 8ut you ALSO like to play games and mess with people.  
AG: At least you sure seem like you do, since you 8other ME all the time.  
I PLAY GAMES ONLY WHEN FATE DICTATES I SHOULD.  
AND FATE OFTEN DICTATES THAT I SHOULD WIN.  
IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU PLAY GAMES EVEN WHEN YOUR FAILURE IS ALL BUT GUARANTEED.  
ESPECIALLY SINCE I TELL YOU FROM THE BEGINNING THAT YOU WILL ASSUREDLY LOSE.  
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, why are you mentioning these things????????  
AG: I wasn’t even going to 8ring it up!!!!!!!! >::::(  
AG: Look, all I need you to do is to m8ke sure Aradia and Terezi are distracted while I cloud Tavros.  
AG: I just know Tavros will try and ask for their help right away.  
AG: And I also know that they don’t care about Tavros learning to 8e strong for himself, so they’ll go right ahead and help him!  
AG: 8ut that CAN’T HAPPEN.  
AG: Tavros is going to have to face his challenges head on, whether he likes it or not!  
YOU EQUATE PUTTING SOMEONE IN A SITUATION THAT ALMOST GUARANTEES THEIR DEMISE AS “MAKING THEM STRONGER.”  
HOW QUAINT.  
AG: Hmph. I don’t need you to understand.  
AG: I just need you to do what I said.  
AND IT WILL HAPPEN.  
AG: Yessssssss! ::::D  
BUT I WILL NOT BE DOING IT BECAUSE YOU ASKED ME TO DO IT.  
AG: Yeah, yeah, “YOU ARE THE CONDUCTOR OF YOUR OWN F8,” I get it.  
AG: Has anyone ever told you that you have a God complex?  
I COULD SAY THE SAME ABOUT YOU.

arachnidsGrip [AG] is blocked from responding

You were floating in your rocket shoes above Tavros’s field when you were forced to put your cellphone away, somewhat frustrated by the fact that the white-text man blocked you.  He did it every time when the conversation came to an end (which was basically whenever he felt like it should), but it still stabbed at your ego.

But you let it go.  After all, he said he would follow through with your plan.  That was good enough for you.

Well…not _entirely_.  It never hurt to be _too_ certain.

That was the logic you used as you pulled out your magic cue ball from your 8-ball modus, with it still being enclosed in its 8-ball.  The magic cue ball was a “gift”—if it could even be called that—from the nameless white-texted man in one of his games, in order to “EVEN THE PLAYING FIELD,” in his own words.  At first, you considered the gesture to be too great an insult against you to even use it.  But soon, the promise of knowing what fate had in store for you with an unrivaled specificity was a temptation you could not steer away from.

You considered asking the 8-ball to open for you.  However, 8-balls could be fickle and often times you would have to wait hours for the request to be filled.  With the game fast approaching, you thought your luck would be alright if you just broke the 8-ball open—just this once!

Cautiously, you dropped the 8-ball from your height a few feet off the ground.  A sinking feeling in your gut arose as you saw the 8-ball shatter and the magic cue ball emerge, covered in a mysterious liquid.  However, you ignored that feeling as you flew downward to land on the ground, grabbed the cue ball, and asked it your question.

“Will the white-texted man follow through with the distraction?”

You were then about to use your vision eightfold, coupled with the pair of glasses you were wearing to enhance that vision, to look through the opaque cue ball to see the prediction.  However, before you could peer through it to see its answer, you saw that the gaming flapstractions were already hatched.

Arrogant in your certainty and ultimately deciding the prediction was unimportant, you put the cue ball back in your modus, while also somewhat lamenting the fact that you broke an 8-ball only to put it back in.

You reasoned, though, that it probably didn’t matter.  What could one broken 8-ball do?

Pulling out your cellphone—from your pocket, not your modus!—you opened up the FLARPing grubware on it.  You downloaded this a while ago to save you the trouble of carrying grubs to and fro, as well as to save the hassle of waiting for them to hatch. Using it was considered cheating in some FLARPing circles, and you were sure your teammate would say it was unfair as well. But hey. No one said anything beforehand.

With the grubware, you synced your own data with the gaming flapstractions fluttering around and quickly took a look at the pre-programmed environment data inside of them.

The environment, of course, was at its basic beginner level.  The monsters may as well have been unpupated wigglers for what good fighting experience they provided.

There was no way you were going to let that slide.  If Tavros was going to try to play hero, he was going to earn the title!

You hiked up the levels of the monsters in the data and scattered them in every area you knew Tavros would try to hide.  You also loaded hordes of them in places you weren’t sure if he would hide in or not, but thought you would put them there just in case he tried.

That seemed challenging enough to you.  Make sure he had to face his battles instead of run from them.

Just then, your cellphone dinged with a FLARPing notification, stating that Tavros had bonded with his stat bat and had officially started his journey.  You could even see his figure on your screen, dressed in a plucky green “Pupa Pan” outfit.

You smirked.  Perfect timing.

With his image still on your cellphone screen, you pulled up Trollian and selected his name to begin messaging him.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  adiosToreador [AT]

AG: Taaaaaaaavroooooooos.  
AG: ::::)  
AG: Ready to get your ass handed to you?  
AG: You 8etter 8e. Team Scourge doesn’t play around!  
AG: We are simply the 8est there is at FLARPing.  
AT: uHH,  
AT: wELL,  
AT: i SUPPOSE WE WILL JUST HAVE TO SEE,  
AT: aBOUT THAT,

 

AT

A while after you began, you were struggling.

The monsters generated were not fit for someone at your level.  You were only a level one, and these guys were meant for those at level 20 and beyond!  You were barely managing to stay alive and abscond.

Now you were cornered on the cliff side, and could not even abscond.  It was an option of either certain death or certain death.  Suddenly, you really wished you _had_ brought Tinkerbull along, even if it would’ve only been to comfort you.

Your portatelecommunicative device dinged with a new message on Trollian.  You pulled it out of your pocket to see the cerulean blue text lighting your screen.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  adiosToreador [AT]

AG: Wellllllll?  
AT: uHH,  
AG: Hey 8oy-Skytard, are you going to just stand there all night?  
AG: Make your move, make your move, make your move!  
AT: i JUST THINK,  
AT: tHESE MONSTERS ARE TOO STRONG,  
AT: sORRY, bUT, tHEY DON’T SEEM APPROPRIATE FOR THIS CAMPAIGN,  
AG: Weak! Weaky weaky weak.  
AT: uHH,  
AT: wEAKY, iS THAT A REAL,  
AT: tHING TO SAY,  
AG: Yes. Your 8l8tant excuse making is the weakiest lame that ever shit the coward 8ed.  
AG: Roll your dice. Make your move.  
AG: Advance or a8scond!  
AT: i CAN’T ABSCOND,  
AT: tHERE’S NO,  
AT: uHH, aBSCONDING PLACE,  
AG: 8ut a8sconding is what you do 8est!  
AG: I 8n’t managed to cloud a scenario yet you couldn’t squawk out of in a 8lazing trail of cluck8east feathers.  
AG: You cannot hope to 8eat Tavros in an a8scond-off.  
AG: He is simply the 8est there is!  
AT: uHH, tHAT SOUNDS FLATTERING, tHEORETICALLY,  
AT: bUT, i DON’T THINK,  
AG: Hey pipe down!  
AG: Make your move!  
AG: Advance or a8scond, advance or a8scond!  
AG: Roll, Tavros! Roll!!!!!!!!

This was getting you nowhere.  The monsters were advancing on you, too, and the cliff side slope could only get closer the more you moved back.

You felt you had no choice but to ask for help.

AT: oKAY,  
AT: hOLD ON, fOR ONE MOMENT,

After you told Vriska to hold on, you went back to your main Trollian menu and clicked on Aradia’s name to troll her.

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

AT: aRADIA,  
AT: hEY,  
AT: aRE YOU THERE,

No response.

AT: uHHH,  
AT: hMM,

You weren’t entirely sure if Terezi would help you, but you thought you should try.  Seeing that Aradia was otherwise indisposed, you went back to your main Trollian screen and began trolling Terezi.

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling  gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AT: hEY,  
AT: tEREZI,  
AT: i HAVE A PROBLEM,

And still nothing.

AT: uHHHHHHH,

Then Vriska began trolling you again.

AG: No one can help you, Taaaaaaaavros.  
AG: ::::)  
AT: oKAY,  
AG: Time to decide!  
AT: wHERE IS EVERYBODY,  
AG: What does that have to do with your present cowardice?  
AT: i DON’T KNOW,  
AT: pROBABLY NOTHING,

With no one there to help, and being forced against monsters way above your level, you weren’t sure there was a good way out of the situation, game-wise.  You took a moment to consider all the rolls you could get, and the numbers…and it didn’t add up.  Even if you got the best roll possible, there was no way you were getting out of this unscathed.

Or maybe you _were_ just a coward.

Vriska interrupted with another ding again.

AG: Are you going to roll?  
AT: hMM,  
AT: nO, i CAN’T,  
AG: Why not?  
AT: bECAUSE, i WAS THINKING ABOUT THE NUMBERS, aND,  
AT: iT’S IMPOSSIBLE FOR THERE TO BE A FAVORABLE OUTCOME,  
AT: nO MATTER WHAT THE DICE DO,  
AG: So, you give up?

You gulped, hesitant to type the next words.  You were certain that you were just a coward.

You finally brought yourself to respond.

AT: yEAH,  
AT: mAYBE,  
AG: What the????????  
AT: ?  
AG: WH8T TH8 F8CK IS THIS!?  
AG: N8, L8AVE ME 8LONE!!!!!!!!  
AT: wHAT?  
AT: wHAT’S GOING ON????  
AG: _NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!_

Suddenly, Vriska flew down from the sky in her rocket boots, being chased by what appeared to be phantoms.  Through the blurry movements and screams, you could barely make out her glasses being stolen somehow.

Your Trollian dinged, breaking your view from the flying girl to your portatelecommunicative device.  You were shocked upon looking at your device to see Terezi’s teal text come up.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling  adiosToreador [AT]

GC: T4VROS 4R3 YOU TH3R3  
AT: uHHH,  
GC: OH TH4NK GOD!!!!  
GC: DONT WORRY 3V3RYTH1NGS UND3R CONTROL NOW  
GC: >:]  
AT: uHHHHHHHHHH,

 

GC

You were FLARPing under the clouding supervision of Aradia Megido, you being somewhat surprised at how difficult the tasks were.  Not just in the sense that the monsters were challenging, but also the route Aradia had laid before you proved a difficult one to navigate, even though you knew this forest like the back of your hand.

You clearly underestimated your clouder’s ability.

As your blade sliced through one of the last monsters in the area—barely managing to secure victory—your cellphone dinged.  As the monster flashed away into the data it came from, you pulled out your cellphone from your pocket to see a Trollian message from none other than Aradia herself.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling  gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AA: im impressed y0uve made it this far  
AA: i was certain 0ne 0f my traps w0uld have st0pped y0u by n0w  
GC: PL333334S3  
GC: 1M JUST G3TT1NG ST4RT3D! >:]  
GC: T34M SCOURG3 WONT GO DOWN SO 34S1LY  
AA: but y0u will be defeated eventually  
AA: as a member 0f team charge im g0ing to thr0w at y0u everything i have  
AA: i w0uld be prepared if i were y0u! 0_0  
AA: (truth be t0ld i really am impressed with y0ur abilities)  
GC: BR1NG 1T ON 44!!!!  
GC: (4ND TH4NKS >:])  
GC: (BY TH3 W4Y YOU S3T UP 4 R34LLY GOOD PL4Y1NG F13LD)  
AA: (thanks!)

After reading what you assumed would be the last message, you were about to move on and go on to the next area and see what awaited you.  Before you could take another step, however, your cellphone dinged again, alerting you to another message.  At first, you assumed it was another message from Aradia or perhaps an update from Vriska, but when you looked back at your cellphone, you were confused to be confronted by barely readable white text that you had to highlight.

GREETINGS, TROLL.  
GC: UM  
GC: WHO 4R3 YOU?  
IT MATTERS NOT WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO CALL ME.  
I AM SIMPLY MESSAGING YOU AND YOUR COMPANION FOR THE TIME BEING.  
GC: W41T, 1 KNOW WHO YOU 4R3!  
GC: YOUR3 VR1SK4S W31RD FR13ND TH4T C4N T3LL TH3 FUTUR3 R1GHT? W1TH TH3 WH1T3 T3XT?  
THAT IS A SIMPLISTIC WAY TO LOOK AT IT.  
BUT LIKE I ALREADY SAID, IT MATTERS NOT HOW YOU CHOOSE TO SEE ME.  
GC: SO YOUR3 TROLL1NG M3 4ND VR1SK4 R1GHT NOW  
NOT VRISKA. JUST YOU AND YOUR FRIEND WITH THE MAROON TEXT. THE ONE YOU WERE CONVERSING WITH BEFORE OUR OWN CONVERSATION BEGAN.

He somehow knew you were talking to Aradia.  Strange.  But you supposed it wasn’t _too_ much of a stretch to assume his future predicting powers could extend that far.

And anyway, Vriska always told you he said and did weird things.  So even if the whole thing felt strange to you, you knew that if Vriska could handle him, you definitely could.

GC: 4R3 YOU CONT4CT1NG US B3C4US3 VR1SK4 4SK3D YOU TO?  
ABSOLUTELY NOT.  
SHE ASKED ME TO CONTACT YOU TWO, YES, BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT DRIVES MY MOTIVES.  
RATHER, IT IS A DESIRE TO EXPLAIN MY MOTIVES THAT I FEEL I MUST COMMUNICATE WITH YOU.  
GC: 1S TH1S L1K3 SOM3 W31RD CONF3SS1ON OF GU1LT  
GC: B3C4US3 1 LOV3 GU1LT CONF3SS1ONS >:]  
I HOLD NO GUILT.  
I AM SIMPLY CONTINUING THE PROCESSION OF FATE.  
GC: 1 DONT TH1NK 1 UND3RST4ND WH4T YOU M34N BUT OK4Y  
GC: YOU DONT S33M P4RT1CUL4RLY D4NG3ROUS OR 4NYTH1NG  
GC: JUST K1ND OF W31RD >:/  
AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE CHOSEN TO SPEAK WITH YOU.  
YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO WILL NOT UNDERSTAND, BUT WILL LISTEN ALL THE SAME.  
FOR I MUST TELL YOU NOW, THIS IS NOT THE WAY THINGS WERE MEANT TO OCCUR.  
GC: HUH?  
MY FATE AND EXISTENCE ARE NOT WHAT WAS ORIGINALLY ORDAINED FOR THIS UNIVERSE.  
IT IS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED QUITE BY ACCIDENT.  
ONE MIGHT TRY TO SAY IT IS AN OFFSHOOT TIMELINE, BUT IT IS MUCH GRAVER THAN THAT, I AM AFRAID.  
RATHER, IT IS AN OFFSHOOT VERSION OF PARADOX SPACE ITSELF.  
AND WHILE I AM FOLLOWING THE PROCESSION OF FATE AS IT HAS FORMED IN THIS PARTICULAR DOOMED INSTANCE, I MUST ADMIT THAT I DO IT KNOWING MY EXISTENCE DOES NOT SERVE THE GREATER PURPOSE THIS UNIVERSE IS MEANT TO SERVE.  
GC: 1 KNOW YOU S41D YOUR3 NOT GU1LTY OF 4NYTH1NG BUT TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG HON3STLY SOUNDS L1K3 SOM3 STR4NG3 CONF3SS1ON  
THAT IS WHERE YOU MISUNDERSTAND ME.  
WHILE I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE CORRECT FATE THAT WAS MEANT TO BE IN STORE FOR THE UNIVERSE...  
I DO NOT CARE.  
THIS IS THE UNIVERSE I CAME TO EXIST WITHIN, AND I WILL DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO ENSURE IT CONTINUES TO EXIST.  
EVEN IF I WILL SOON LOSE MY SANITY.  
GC: >:?  
I AM THE FIRST GUARDIAN OF YOUR PLANET.  
IT IS MY DUTY TO ENSURE THAT I COME INTO EXISTENCE—NOTHING MORE.  
I HAVE ALREADY DONE THIS. BUT I DO NOT WANT IT TO END JUST YET.  
EVEN IF MY EXISTENCE IS A FAULTY ONE, I AM NOT PREPARED TO LET GO OF IT.  
AND IF IT MEANS BRINGING TO LIFE A CROOKED AND INCORRECT INSTANCE OF TIME AND SPACE, THEN SO BE IT.  
GC: 1M R34LLY NOT UND3RST4ND1NG 4NY OF TH1S  
AND I ALREADY STATED THAT YOUR UNDERSTANDING IS NOT NECESSARY.  
YOU WILL IGNORE THE MESSAGES FROM YOUR FRIEND.  
GC: WH4T M3SS4G3S?

Just then, your phone dinged with messages from Tavros.  Even stranger, but still not completely far-fetched.

You went back to messaging the white-texted guy.

GC: WH4T 1F 1 _D1D_ R3SPOND TO H1M?  
BUT YOU WILL NOT.  
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU COULD SH4P3 YOUR F4T3 INTO WH4T3V3R YOU W4NT 1T TO B3  
YOU CAN.  
GC: SO WHY C4NT 1 SH4P3 MY F4T3 TO B3 ON3 WH3R3 1 CH3CK H1S M3SS4G3S?  
YOU CAN.  
BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL.  
SIMPLY KNOWING THAT REALITY IS SOMETHING YOU INTENTIONALLY SHAPE DOES NOT ALWAYS CHANGE YOUR REACTIONS TO THE CONSEQUENCES OF IT.  
FOR INSTANCE, I HAVE DESIGNED MY FATE.  
BUT THAT DOES NOT CHANGE WHAT WILL ULTIMATELY HAPPEN TO ME AND HOW I WILL REACT.  
GC: WHY WONT 1 CH3CK TO S33 WH4T H3 S41D?  
GC: 1S 1T NOT 1MPORT4NT?  
OH, NO. IT IS QUITE IMPORTANT.  
IT SIMPLY WAS NOT IMPORTANT _THEN_.  
BUT IT IS NOW, AND I WILL TELL YOU WHAT IT SAYS.  
EVEN THOUGH IT IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE DOES NOT WANT ME TO DO.  
GC: “SH3”????  
VRISKA.  
RIGHT NOW, SHE IS ABOUT TO JEOPARDIZE THE LIFE OF YOUR FRIEND TAVROS.  
TAVROS IS MESSAGING YOU FOR HELP.  
GC: WH4T!!?  
BUT WORRY NOT. YOU WILL END UP SAVING HIM THIS TIME.  
GC: WH4T 1S _TH4T_ SUPPOS3D TO M34N!!!?  >:O  
ARADIA WILL CONTACT YOU, AND TELL YOU ABOUT A STRANGE CONVERSATION SHE HAS HAD WITH ME.

Just then, your cellphone dinged with a new message—this time from Aradia.  Before you could open it, however, the white texted guy sent another message.

YOU WILL TELL HER WHAT IS HAPPENING TO TAVROS, AND ASK HER TO USE HER POWERS TO HELP HIM.  
THAT IS HOW THIS DAY WILL END, AS THE SUN RISES ON A BLUE HORIZON.  
GC: ??????  
GC: YOU DONT M4K3 4NY S3NS3  
GC: 4ND YOUR3 K33P1NG M3 FROM S4V1NG MY FR13ND!  
GC: 1M L34V1NG  
AS YOU MUST.

The last message was as confusing as the entire conversation, but you didn’t linger on it.  You closed immediately out of the window to look at Aradia’s messages.

AA: terezi s0mething weird happened  
AA: a strange pers0n with white text just messaged me and they said they were messaging y0u t00!  
AA: wh0 was that pers0n  
AA: d0 y0u kn0w 0_0  
GC: 44 TH4TS NOT 1MPORT4NT R1GHT NOW  
GC: T4VROS 1S 1N TROUBL3! >:O  
AA: 0_0!  
AA: 0h n0  
AA: i c0mpletely f0rg0t he messaged me during the c0nversati0n  
AA: 0h n0 he said vriska is giving him pr0blems!  
AA: what sh0uld we d0  
GC: SUMMON YOUR GHOSTS  
AA: 0_0!!!  
GC: 1 KNOW YOU DONT L1K3 TO US3 TH3M L1K3 TH1S BUT TH1S 1S S3R1OUS!!!  
GC: SOM3TH1NG B4D C4N H4PP3N >:[  
AA: ...  
AA: 0kay  
AA: im summ0ning them n0w

_Good_ , you thought to yourself.  Even if it meant using the tactic the weird white text guy offered, you still were happy to know Vriska had been stopped.

To make sure Tavros was alright, you opened up a messaging window with him.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling  adiosToreador [AT]

GC: T4VROS 4R3 YOU TH3R3  
AT: uHHH,  
GC: OH TH4NK GOD!!!!  
GC: DONT WORRY 3V3RYTH1NGS UND3R CONTROL NOW  
GC: >:]  
AT: uHHHHHHHHHH,

 

AG

AG: I thought you were g8ing to distr8ct th8m!!!!!!!!  
AG: WHERE TH8 F8CK WERE Y8U!!!!!!!!????????  
...........  
AG: HELLOOOOOOOO????????  
AG: Don’t pl8y your stup8d sil8nt g8mes with me, fuck8ng 8NSWER M8!!!!!!!!  
...........hoo  
AG: Wh8t!?  
 _hee  
HAA  
HOO HOO HOO  
HEE HEE HEE  
HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

GC

AT: tHANKS, tEREZI, fOR HELPING aRADIA,  
AT: aND, uHH, bY EXTENSION, mE  
GC: NO PROBL3M!  
GC: 1M JUST GL4D SOM3TH1NG 4WFUL D1DNT H4PP3N >:[  
GC: 4ND TO TH1NK 1 W4S 4LMOST TOO D1STR4CT3D BY SOM3ON3 3LS3 TO DO 4NYTH1NG!!!  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: sOMEONE ELSE?  
GC: SOM3 GUY ST4RT3D T4LK1NG TO US 4ROUND TH3 S4M3 T1M3 VR1SK4 H4D CORN3R3D YOU  
GC: H3 S41D 4 LOT OF W31RD TH1NGS 4ND TH3N SUDD3NLY TOLD M3 WH4T W4S H4PP3N1NG TO YOU  
GC: BUT 1 DONT KNOW WHY H3 WOULDNT JUST L3T M3 R34D YOUR M3SS4G3 4ND H3LP YOU OR1G1N4LLY  
GC: TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG DO3SNT M4K3 S3NS3 >:/  
AT: uH,  
AT: wHO WAS THIS PERSON, aND,  
AT: hOW DID HE KNOW i WAS IN TROUBLE?  
GC: 1T W4S VR1SK4S FR13ND, 4ND 4PP4R3NTLY H3 H4S SOM3 MUT4NT 4B1L1TY TO T3LL TH3 FUTUR3? 1 DONT KNOW  
GC: SH3 H4NGS OUT W1TH 4 LOT OF STR4NG3 P3OPL3  
AT: uMM,  
AT: i DON’T WANT TO, hURT YOUR FEELINGS,  
AT: oR INSULT YOU,  
AT: bUT, i DON’T THINK THAT i WANT TO FLARP WITH vRISKA  
AT: eVER AGAIN,  
GC: 1 UND3RST4ND  
GC: HON3STLY, 1M ST4RT1NG TO F33L TH3 S4M3 W4Y MYS3LF >:/

\---

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AG: Give me 8ack my glasses you thieving piece of shit!

It was a strange message to be greeted with.  Two weeks after the event, and you hadn’t even bothered to message Vriska again.  Not that you didn’t think it would happen eventually, nor did you think she wouldn’t have cursed you out in the first messaging line.

You just didn’t think it’d be about…her _glasses_?

GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT >:/  
AG: You know exactly what I’m talking a8out, Pyrope.  
AG: My glasses!  
AG: The glasses I use to help me see in my magic cue 8all!  
AG: You have them!!!!!!!!  
GC: NO 1 DONT  
GC: 1 D1DNT 3V3N KNOW YOU LOST TH3M  
AG: 8ull fucking SHIT!!!!!!!!  
GC: 1TS TH3 TRUTH!  
GC: 1F 1 H4D THOS3 GL4SS3S, DONT YOU TH1NK 1 WOULD GLO4T 4BOUT 1T?  
AG: No, actually, I don’t.  
AG: May8e 8ack when I thought you were trustworthy.  
AG: 8ut now that I know that you’re a good-for-nothing 8acksta88ing TR8TOR who leaves her friends out to dry, I wouldn’t put it past you to keep playing innocent a8out a crime you know for a FACT you committed!  
GC: 1M NOT TH3 ON3 WHO 4LMOST K1LL3D 4 FR13ND TO W1N 4 G4M3 >:[  
GC: OR TO TRY TO M4K3 H1M SOM3TH1NG H3S NOT  
AG: Excuse me for trying to m8ke someone stronger!  
GC: TH3R3S NO PO1NT TRY1NG TO M4K3 SOM3ON3 STRONG3R 1F TH3Y D13 FROM F4LL1NG OFF 4 CL1FF OR B31NG K1LL3D BY MONST3RS  
GC: KNOW1NG YOU, YOU WOULD H4V3 PROB4BLY FORC3D H1M TO JUMP OFF THE CL1FF  
AG: Whateeeeeeeeverrrrrrrr, I would never do that.  
AG: And even if I did, it would have 8een for his own good!  
AG: He pro8a8ly would have just ended up crippled or something!  
AG: Or who knows? May8e Tavros would have learned to fly, just like Pupa Pan himself!

gallowsCalibrator [GC] has blocked  arachnidsGrip [AG]

You had had enough of that.  It was bad enough she had almost killed your friend, but there she was trying to _joke_ about it.  Though what else did you expect from her?

You didn’t know.  Truth be told, you were kind of hoping she would have apologized.  Or maybe gave some indication of remorse.  Really, any reason for you to see her as somewhat forgivable.

But ultimately you knew she would act like this.

Before you could dwell on what you were sure would be a lost friendship and partnership, a ding sounded from your husktop, indicating a new message.  You thought at first it might be Vriska, being belligerent about the issue of her missing glasses, when you’re surprised to see Aradia’s familiar text on the screen.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling  gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AA: hell0 terezi  
GC: H3Y 4R4D14 >:]  
AA: h0w are things with y0u  
GC: TH3YR3 GR34T!  
GC: 1TS B33N PR3TTY QU13T 4FT3R 3V3RYTH1NG TH4TS H4PP3N3D, THOUGH >:/  
AA: i cant express en0ugh h0w grateful i am f0r y0ur help  
GC: PL33334S3, YOU C4N STOP TH4NK1NG M3 SO MUCH  
GC: B3S1D3S, 1T W4S ULT1M4T3LY YOU WHO S3NT TH3 GHOSTS 4FT3R H3R  
GC: PR3TTY GR1M TOUCH TO M4K3 TH3 GHOSTS OF TH3 TROLLS WHO K1LL3D H3R H4UNT H3R, BY TH3 W4Y  
AA: theyre still haunting her t0 be h0nest  
AA: a few times already shes tried to harass tavr0s and i decided that until she learns t0 leave him al0ne entirely they w0uld be permanent fixtures 0f her hive 0_0  
GC: WOW! 1 L1K3 TH3 W4Y YOU TH1NK, M3G1DO >:]  
AA: i just h0pe shell eventually st0p  
AA: i d0nt like to use the dead f0r s0mething s0 petty  
AA: but g0ing to my main p0int  
AA: i w0uld never have even summoned them if y0u hadnt instructed me t0  
AA: n0t t0 menti0n y0u and her were friends bef0re all 0f this happened  
AA: it must have been hard f0r y0u t0 act against her like that  
GC: >:[  
GC: Y34H, BUT S4V1NG 4 FR13ND 1S MOR3 1MPORT4NT  
AA: even th0ugh i br0ught the gh0sts y0u ultimately had the wherewithal t0 d0 and say s0mething  
AA: s0 0nce again  
AA: thank y0u  
GC: >:]  
AA: by the way  
AA: in my 0riginal haunting i supp0se the spirits happened t0 take s0mething fr0m vriska                
GC: R34LLY? >:o  
AA: yes  
AA: it seems t0 be a pair of strange glasses 0_0

So that’s where her glasses went.  Technically, Aradia took them then.  But of course, Vriska, being angrier at you about “betraying a fellow teammate” and accuse you first.

Aradia continued to send messages.

AA: i d0nt really want t0 have anything that reminds me 0f vriska here  
AA: s0 i was w0ndering if y0u wanted them  
GC: >:O  
GC: R34LLY?????  
AA: yes!  
AA: i c0uld even talk s0llux int0 cust0mizing them if y0u wanted  
GC: TH4T WOULD B3 3V3N COOL3R!!! >:D  
AA: great!  
AA: ill send them t0 s0llux s0 he can send them t0 y0u  
GC: TH4NKS 4R4D14! >:]  
AA: d0nt menti0n it  
AA: its n0t like y0u didnt earn them  
AA: i sh0uld get g0ing t0 see s0llux n0w  
GC: S33 YOU L4T3R!  
AA: bye!

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling  gallowsCalibrator [GC]

Talking with Aradia made you feel a hundred times better, doing what you did.  Vriska may have been your friend, but you were right—saving Tavros was more important than your friendship with Vriska.  And if she was so shallow that she couldn’t see how much she almost hurt Tavros, then you didn’t need to acknowledge her.

…Though, you _could_ gloat a little.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling  arachnidsGrip [AG]

GC: H3Y  
GC: JUST SO YOU KNOW  
GC: THOS3 GL4SS3S YOU 4CCUS3D M3 OF ST34L1NG?  
GC: 4R4D14 H4D TH3M, 4ND SH3S G1V1NG TH3M TO M3!  
GC: SO NOW 1 _DO_ H4V3 TH3M  
GC: WH1CH M34NS 1M FR33 TO GLO4T 4BOUT 1T  
GC: >;]  
AG: Y8U 8ITCH!!!!!!!!  
GC: WH4T3V3R, YOU C4N G3T SOM3 CONT4CTS OR SOM3TH1NG

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

 

 

* * *

 

 

-Three Sweeps Before GREAT GATHERING-

 

GA

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling  arachnidsGrip [AG]

GA: Vriska We Need To Talk  
AG: Siiiiiiiigh.  
AG: What is it THIS time, Meddlef8ngs?  
GA: You Know Full Well What Im Contacting You For  
GA: Why Did You Do That To Them  
AG: Oh.  
AG: Right.  
AG: I should have known you’d 8e 8ugging me a8out that!  
GA: Vriska This Is Serious!  
AG: Relaaaaaaaax, Maryam.  
GA: No!  
GA: Dont You DARE Relaaaaaaaax Maryam Me!!!  
GA: You Had No Right To Do That To Sollux And Aradia!  
GA: I Cant Believe Youre Being So Calm About This!!!  
AG: Man, you think you’d 8e happy that I was calm now.  
AG: It’s kind of your jo8, isn’t it?  
GA: My Job Is To Keep You PACIFIED!  
GA: They Are Two Different Things!  
GA: And Being Calm After Hurting Two People Like That Is Not Something That Suggests Being Pacified!  
AG: Oh my God, it’s not like they didn’t have it coming!  
AG: Do you realize what Megido did to me?  
AG: Or do you care at all?  
AG: This is the first time in a SWEEP since I haven’t had ghosts around me!  
AG: And y8u’re still g8ing to t8ke THE8R s8de????????  
GA: Do You Forget That The Provocation Behind Those Ghosts Was To Stop You From Harming Tavros Ever Again!  
GA: You Could Have KILLED Him And Yet YOU Still Try To Play The Victim!!!  
AG: I WAS M8KING H8M STR8NG8ER!!!!!!!!  
GA: YOU WERE GOING TO HARM HIM FOR YOUR OWN SELFISH PURPOSES!!!  
AG: I don’t need you to understand!  
AG: It’s not like you ever cared a8out me or t88k m8 s8de in 8NYTH8NG!!!!!!!!  
GA: Thats Because I DO Understand Vriska  
GA: I Understand You Think Awful Things Happen To You Not Because Of Your Own Actions But Because Of A Bad Turn Of Luck As You Would Say  
GA: And I Also Know How Dangerous It Is For You To Think Like That!  
AG: FINE!  
AG: If I’m so 8wful, th8n why do you even 8oth8r t8lking to me????????  
AG: WHY D8N’T Y8U J8ST L8AVE M8 8L8NE????????  
GA: BECAUSE YOU NEED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AG: _N8 I D8N’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

arachnidsGrip [AG] has blocked  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

\---

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

AG: _88888888UGH!!!!!!!!_  
GA: ?  
AG: _MY F8CK8NG 8Y8S 8H MY G8D!!!!!!!!_  
GA: Vriska Whats Going On  
AG: _C88 88LL!!!!!!!!_  
GA: Vriska You Are Typing Too Many 8s I Cant Understand You  
GA: What Happened  
AG: THE FUCK8NG C8E 8ALL!!!!!!!!  
GA: What  
GA: Cue Ball  
GA: What Are You Talking About  
AG: THE CUE 8ALL M8LTED MY CONT8CT LENS!!!!!!!!  
AG: I ASKED IT FOR THE 8EST W8Y TO GET TER8ZI 88CK 8ND N8W I C8N’T SEE!!!!!!!!  
GA: Vriska If You Cant See Then How Are You Typing With Your Quirk  
AG: _I C8N SEE 8UT OF MY R8GHT EYE, D8M8ASS!!!!!!!!_  
GA: Vriska Calm Down  
AG: IT H8RTS, KANAY8!!!!!!!!  
AG: IT H88888888RTS!!!!!!!!  
GA: Okay Vriska Ill Be Over There Soon  
AG: _NO!!!!!!!!_  
GA: No?  
AG: You’ll just fucking Y8LL at me like you alw8ys do!  
AG: You’ll t8ll m8 I’m awf8l and th8t I des8rve th8s and th8t everyth8ng I do is my own fucking F8ULT!!!!!!!!  
GA: VRISKA  
AG: It’s tr8e, isn’t it!?  
AG: Th8t’s EX8CTLY what you’re g8ing to do!!!!!!!!  
GA: ...  
GA: No Im Not  
GA: I Just Want To Help You  
GA: And If We Need To Talk About It We Can  
GA: But Right Now I Want To Make Sure More Permanent Damage Does Not Happen To You  
GA: Ill Have My Lusus Take Me  
GA: Is That Okay Vriska  
AG: ........  
AG: You promise you won’t yell at me?  
GA: I Promise  
AG: ........Okay.  
GA: Keep A Wet Cloth On Your Eye  
GA: Ill Be There Around Sunrise  


grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling  arachnidsGrip [AG]

 

 

* * *

 

 

-Two Sweeps Before GREAT GATHERING-

 

TC

It was a motherfucking wickedly beautiful day to be had, even if you had no idea why.

There you were on your beach side, six sweeps old, just fucking chilling at with your husktop.  You couldn’t believe the gorgeous site to be had.  You were sure it had to be almost fucking sun rising time, which was bodaciously beautiful to you.

Though truth be told, you had lost track of the time early on in the day.  Hell, you didn’t even remember when you woke up.

But you just _knew_ it had to be a good fucking day or night or _whatever_.  After all, _every_ day was a precious miracle offered up through the mirth of your Messiahs.

Just as you were sitting tight and relaxing out in the sand, you heard a sudden ding that nearly scared the _shit_ out of you.  Nearly.  But you were lucid enough then to understand the ding must have been coming from the husktop.

 _What a miracle_ , you thought, _that the Messiahs can give me enough know how to understand motherfucking things, but still have enough openness in my heart to just let the fucking things happen._

You pulled your husktop—just all fucking setting on your side—and put it in your lap, to be greeted by a message of words window from one of your good friends.  So, you all fucking started typing back at them with your own words.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling  terminallyCapricious [TC]

TA: GZ, there’2 been a change of plan2.  
TC: MoThErFuCkiN’ wOoOoOoOaH! :o0  
TC: i WaSn’T eVeN aWaRe Of AnY pLaNnInG tHaT wE wErE uP aNd MeAnT tO bE dOiNg!  
TA: uh...the game?  
TA: the game we’ve all been telliing you about?  
TA: 2grub?  
TC: WhAt AbOuT tWo GrUbS, mY mOtHeRfUcKiN’ sOl BrOtHeR?  
TA: SGRUB.  
TA: fuckiing 2eriiou2ly, ii have no iidea why KK bother2 talkiing two you.  
TC: oHhHhH hOlD tHe FuCk Up!  
TC: I rEmEmBeR kArKaT sPiTtIn’ SoMe NoIsE aBoUt A gAmE aLl HaPpEnInG sOoN!  
TC: sHiIiIt, WaS tHaT aLl SuPpOsEd To Be BeInG dOnE tOdAy?  
TA: ii am face palmiing 2O HARD riight now, and YE2, that wa2 twoday.  
TA: but now iit’2 not happeniing.  
TC: FoR ReAl, My BrO?  
TA: plea2e don’t call me your bro.  
TC: wElL mOtHeRfUcK, i GuEsS iT’s CoOl If We DoN’t PlAy ThIs GaMe.  
TC: No HaRd FeElInGs, MaN. :o)  
TA: ii wa2n’t a2kiing for your approval, but okay.  
TA: ii wa2 ju2t contactiing everyone two let them know.  
TA: you can go back two honkiing your horn2 or wor2hiippiing clown2 or whatever you were doiing.  
TC: aW, mAn, I wAs JuSt AlL rElAxInG uNtIl YoU aLl Up AnD sTaRtEd MoThErFuCkInG tAlKiNg At Me.  
TC: JuSt FuCkIn’ StArInG uP aT tHe SkY aNd ItS mIrAcUlOuS bEaUtY...  
TA: ii don’t care, 2top talkiing two me.

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling  terminallyCapricious [TC]

What a motherfucking strange experience that was!  Going from playing the thing to motherfucking not playing it.  Whatever that thing was.  Still, you were sure it probably meant nothing important.

There was an inkling of lucidity in your pan, however, that told you that it actually _was_ a big deal, for reasons you couldn’t begin to understand.  That somehow a great opportunity had been lost for you.  However, you just took that lucidity as a reason to stand all the fuck up and make more pie.

How could you be expected to appreciate the miracles when you were thinking so clearly?

 

GA

_Squilck!_

The sound of your arm reaching into your dead lusus’s opened digestinal region would have perhaps disgusted other trolls, but not you.  As you reached in, hands squirming to reach an object seemingly out of your arm length, the only thought that crossed your mind is how _glad_ you were to have the wherewithal to change into your work clothes before undertaking this task.

You pressed a little harder against your deceased lusus, trying to reach what was out of reach, until you finally felt your fingers fun along something spiky.

 _Ah_ , you thought.  _There you are._

You took a good hold of it and pulled away from the opening until the matriorb was out of its stomache and firmly in your grasp.

 _What now?_ you thought.  Well, the obvious thing to do would be to put it in your chastity modus.  No one would be able to harm or destroy it in there.  However your concern was just getting it _out_ of the thing.  Objects in the modus only came out when it was time for them to come out, not when you needed them most.

It usually ended up fine.  But with the game fast approaching…well, you decided it was a risk you weren’t willing to take.  So you simply held the matriorb in your hand.

Holding the matriorb and being covered in blood, a strange desire suddenly appeared, and you looked at your other arm not holding the matriorb curiously.  You thought of the romantic intrigue and adventure that came from your rainbow drinker novels, and suddenly had the sudden urge to… _taste_ it.  What harm could it do, anyway?

 _No!_ you reprimanded yourself.  _You shouldn’t partake in such childish desires.  You have a game to play, and a moirail to meddle with!_

Ah, yes.  You needed to meddle with Vriska before the day was through.  After all, you had agreed to be her server player.

Still holding the matriorb, you walked over to a shaded area and pulled out your portable husktop.  You sat before it and—very carefully—set the matriorb beside you.  Just as you pulled up Trollian and found your moirail’s familiar handle, a chat window suddenly popped up with a ding, interrupting your actions.

You were shocked to see your friend Sollux’s yellow text on the screen.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

TA: hey KN.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Hello Sollux  
TA: geez, what a niice way of greetiing me.  
TA: you 2ound liike you’d rather be talkiing two someone el2e.  
TA: what, am ii not entertaiiniing enough for you?  
GA: No Thats Not It  
GA: I Just Wasnt Expecting You To Message Me So Suddenly  
TA: well, two bad. ii’m me22agiing you now, 2o DEAL WIITH IIT.  
GA: I Guess I Have No Choice But To Do Just That  
GA: So  
GA: I Guess I Will Start By Asking Why My Opponent Has Decided To Message Me When The Game Is So Fast Approaching  
TA: iit’2 actually about the game.  
TA: 2omethiing’2 happened and now iit look2 liike we’re not goiing two be playiing iit anymore.

_What?_   The game wouldn’t be played!?  That seemed…absolutely _bizarre!_

TA: iit’2 not really runniing the way iit 2hould be.  
TA: 2orry for gettiing your hope2 up for nothiing.  
GA: I Will Type A Shocked Expression Because That Seems To Be The Only Way I Can Express My Reaction To This  
GA: :o  
GA: I Was So Certain We Would Be Playing This Game Today  
TA: well, ii don’t know what el2e two tell you.  
TA: ii thought we’d be playiing iit two.  
TA: the voice2 alway2 told me we would be anyway.  
TA: but look2 liik2 they were fuckiing wiith me YET AGAIIN.  
GA: You Arent The Only One Who Feels That Way  
GA: I Always Thought Wed Play This Game  
TA: really? how 2o?  
GA: My Clouds Always Told Me It Would Happen  
TA: your CLOUD2?  
GA: Oh  
GA: Oh Right You Wouldnt Know About Those  
TA: hehehe, and ii thought II wa2 crazy.  
GA: I Guess It Doesnt Really Matter  
GA: I Suppose I Wont Take My Place On The Red Team Alongside My Moirail  
TA: ?  
TA: the red team?  
TA: KN, you were on the BLUE team, remember?  
TA: you, VK, TZ, GZ, TV, and KK all were.  
GA: ...  
GA: Oh  
GA: Thats Right  
GA: I Dont Know Why I Said Red Team  
GA: My Apologies  
TA: iit’2 fiine.  
TA: you’re obviiou2ly kiind of iin 2hock about thii2 whole thiing, 2o ii gue22 ii’ll ju2t leave you alone.  
TA: hope you 2tart haviing a better day.

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

How strange.  You thought you _had_ to play that game, for reasons of great import.  And why did you suddenly think you were on the Red Team?  Not like it ultimately was meant to _matter_ , just…it seemed odd.

 _Oh well_ , you thought.  _I suppose that’s two things my clouds were wrong about._

Your thinkpan stopped at the thought of “two things.”  Yes, they were wrong about at least two things.  But what was the other thing that caused you to even think such a thing?

Then your pan stumbled upon the memory.  The dream of tentacleTherapist, and the “RL” server.  Though truth be told, you never checked to see if the vision was true or not.  You suppose you could now, but somehow you thought it would be a worthless venture at this point.  After all, the server seemed to be something that would only be important for the game.

Why didn’t you ever check the server, you wondered?  You couldn’t remember quite exactly.

Then the memory of Vriska’s inflamed red eye came into vision.  Of _course_.  That was the day you went to help treat after her left eye’s contact melted.

What strange events have come about to keep you from fulfilling the visions that your clouds foretold.  Suddenly, you began to consider the fact that perhaps these clouds were merely projections of a strange mental disorder residing somewhere in your thinkpan.  You told yourself you would consult your archaic psychological text once you got back to your hive.

But first thing was first.  You had to contact an imperial director about the matriorb in your possession.

 

CG

“ _HIYAAAAAAA!!!_ ”

You slashed at the imaginary foe before you, then rotated your body quickly to slash at the one behind.

“ _HA!!!_ ”

You wrenched upwards, as if to slice their face open, then swung your sickle down to the foe on your side.

“Now…TAKE _THIS!!!_ ”

From your kneeling position, you swung your sickle in an upward spinning motion, slicing all of the imaginary enemies around you.

“And _THAT’S_ why you don’t fuck with threshecutioners!”

“ _SKREEEEEEE!!!_ ”

Your lusus’s shriek made you yelp with fear and paranoia.  Until you regained your senses and told yourself _yes_ , your lusus was in the house, and _no_ , no one has just broke in to murder, your alertness phased almost immediately into frustration and anger.

“ _FOR FUCK’S SAKE_ ,” you hollered.  “ _KEEP IT THE FUCK **DOWN**!  CAN’T YOU HEAR THAT I’M **BUSY**!?_ ”

“ _SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”_

 _Goddammit_ , you thought.  _Can’t a guy train for the threshecutioning squads in_ peace _?_

Sighing, you put away your sickle in your strife specibus, and suddenly felt really silly about your sickle-play a few moments prior.  But what else could you do?  You had basically scheduled this day to be free of any conflict except for a game you were supposed to play.  That, of course, was until your stupid friend Sollux couldn’t get the game to play.  Seriously, why did your friends have to be so useless?

So with nothing to do, you decided a good way to pass time would be to practice with your sickle.  But upon reflection, you probably just looked like a doofus playing around in your respiteblock like that. 

 _God_ , you thought, _why did I ever think that would be a good idea?_   Sometimes, you really hated yourself.

_Ding!_

Before you could reflect further on your past stupidity, your husktop dinged with a notification of a new Trollian message.  You sighed again at having to be bothered by someone, but then reasoned that it might be Sollux telling you that he managed to get it working and the game was still on.  You went over to your hukstop desk and took a seat to read the message.

You were surprised to not see Sollux’s yellow, lispy text to greet you.  Or really a text quirk and color of anyone you knew.

When you looked at the sender to see who it could be, your heart nearly stopped.

THE EMPIRE is informing  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

THE EMPIRE: To the troll who may read this:

This is a reminder that your blood test will be scheduled soon.  This is a mandatory test for all trolls, and cannot be excused for any handicap, money amount, or royalty mention.

_***LONG LIVE ~HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION~***_

THE EMPIRE has informed carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

 

* * *

 

 

-One and a Half Sweeps Before GREAT GATHERING-

 

TC

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling  adiosToreador [AT]

TC: WoOoOoOaH, i’M sOrRy, BrO!  
AT: }:o  
AT: wHAT?  
TC: i AlL uP aNd MaDe ThE mIsTaKe Of SeNdInG yOu A MeSsAgE tHaT sHoUlD hAvE gOnE tO mY bEsT fUcKiNg FrIeNd KaRkAt!  
TC: My BaD. :o(  
AT: uHH,  
AT: nO YOU DIDN’T,  
AT: aT LEAST,  
AT: i’M PRETTY SURE NOT,  
AT: bECAUSE THIS IS THE ONLY MESSAGE i’VE RECEIVED FROM YOU TODAY,  
TC: fOr ReAl?  
TC: Aw, ThEn WhO tHe MoThErFuCk AlL dId I uP aNd SeNd It OuT tO?  
TC: oH...oH sHiT, i DiD sEnD iT tO hIm!  
TC: MaN, wHaT a MiRaClE iT iS tHaT tHiNgS hApPeN hOw ThEy OuGhT tO. :o)  
AT: oH, tHAT’S GOOD,  
AT: aND i GUESS, iN A WAY,  
AT: iT’S ALSO GOOD THAT YOU MESSAGED ME,  
AT: eVEN IF IT WAS UNEXPECTED,  
AT: bECAUSE i WAS THINKING OF MESSAGING YOU,  
AT: jUST BEFORE YOU SENT ME ANYTHING,  
TC: wOoOoOoOoOoAh!  
TC: ArE yOu SeRiOuS?  
TC: tHaT iS tHe GrEaTeSt MiRaClEsTaNcE iF i EvEr GoT tO bE hEaRiNg It! HoNk HoNk HoNk!  
AT: hAHA, i GUESS, tHAT IS ONE WAY TO SEE IT,  
TC: So WhAt ThE fUcK dId YoU wAnNa Be GeTtInG mY mOtHeRfUcKiN’ lIsTeN oN fOr, My LoNg-HoRnEd PaL?  
AT: uHH,  
AT: wELL,  
AT: yOU SEE,  
AT: i HAVE BEEN GETTING CERTAIN NOTIFICATIONS, rEALLY,  
AT: fOR A SCHEDULED BLOOD TEST,  
AT: aND SUCH,  
AT: lIKE ALL TROLLS HAVE TO DO, oF COURSE,  
TC: wOaH, mOtHeRfUcKiNg HoLd Up!  
TC: AlL oF uS mOtHeRfUcKeRs GoTtA bE gEtTiNg OuR tEsT oN fOr BlOoD?  
TC: sHiT, i DoN’t KnOw AnYtHiNg AbOuT tHaT bLoOd NoNsEnSe!  
TC: i’Ll PrObAbLy Up AnD fAiL iT, bRo. :o(  
AT: oH, uHH,  
AT: iT’S NOT THAT KIND OF TEST,  
AT: iT’S MORE JUST, fOR THE eMPIRE,  
AT: tO KNOW WHAT YOUR BLOOD COLOR IS,  
TC: ReAlLy, DoG?  
TC: oH wAaAaAiT! i AlReAdY fUcKiNg DiD tHaT tHiNg!  
AT: oH, rEALLY?  
TC: YeEeEaH, tHe MoThErFuCkErS cAmE tO mY hIvEbLoCk AnD mAdE mE aNsWeR aBoUt AlL tHe FuCkInG qUeStIoNs Of My BlOoD.  
AT: wELL,  
AT: iT’S GOOD THAT YOU GOT YOUR TESTS DONE, gAMZEE,  
TC: aWwWw, ThAnKs TaVbRo. :o)  
AT: }:)  
AT: bUT,  
AT: i HAVEN’T DONE MY TEST YET,  
AT: aND, i’M NOT SURE i WILL DO VERY WELL,  
AT: bECAUSE, tECHNICALLY,  
AT: i AM VERY LOW ON THE HEMOSPECTRUM,  
TC: sHiIiIiT, i NeVeR eVeN gOt To ReAlIzInG tHaT aBoUt YoU, mAn! :o0  
AT: yEAH,  
AT: aNYWAY,  
AT: i HAD THOUGHT THAT,  
AT: wELL,  
AT: sINCE YOU ARE PRETTY HIGH ON THE HEMOSPECTRUM,  
TC: I aM?  
AT: yES,  
TC: wOoOoOoOaH, tHaT’s MoThErFuCkIn’ NeWs To Me!  
AT: wELL, iT’S TRUE,  
AT: aND i THOUGHT, wITH YOU BEING SO HIGH ON THE HEMOSPECTRUM,  
AT: aND US BEING FRIENDS,  
AT: tHAT,  
AT: uHHH,  
AT: tHAT YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP ME,  
AT: wITH THE BLOOD TEST, tHAT IS,  
AT: aND POSSIBLY TO GET INTO THE CAVALREAPERS,  
AT: bUT IF YOU CAN’T, i UNDERSTAND,  
AT: aND,  
TC: Of CoUrSe I’lL uP aNd FuCkIn’ HeLp YoU, tAv My MaN!  
AT: wAIT,  
AT: rEALLY?  
AT: yOU WILL!?  
AT: }:o  
TC: hElL yEaH, bRoThEr!  
TC: ThAt’S wHaT mOtHeRfUcKiN’ bEiNg In FrIeNdS iS aLl AbOuT.  
AT: oH,  
AT: oH, wOW,  
AT: i DIDN’T THINK YOU WOULD SAY YES, bUT,  
AT: nOW THAT YOU DID,  
AT: i’M SO HAPPY, }:D  
TC: aWwW, i’M gLaD i GoT yOu To HaViNg A hApPy FeElInG, bRo. :oD

\---

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  terminallyCapricious [TC]

CG: FUCK MY LIFE.  
CG: FUCK MY LUSUS, FUCK MY HIVE, FUCK THIS GODFORSAKEN LAWNWRING, AND FUCK YOU.  
CG: FUCK *EVERYTHING*  
TC: WhAt’S uUuUuUuP mY kArKlIn’ BrOtHeR? :o)  
CG: WHAT’S UP?  
CG: WHAT’S *UP*?????  
CG: I’LL TELL YOU WHAT’S UP, GAMZEE.  
CG: MY NOOSE IS WHAT’S UP.  
CG: IT’S TEMPTING ME TO HANG MYSELF OFF THE BALCONY RIGHT NOW, TELLING ME MY HANGING CORPSE WILL BE A NICE DECORATIVE FIXTURE FOR PERIGEE’S EVE.  
TC: aW, mAn, WhY yOu GoTtA bE tHiNkInG iN yOuR pAn SuCh A tHiNg?  
CG: I...  
CG: FUCK, I DON’T KNOW.  
CG: I JUST GOT THIS MESSAGE ABOUT IMPERIAL OFFICIALS COMING TO MY LAWNRING TO TEST THE BLOOD OF THE TROLLS LIVING HERE, AND...I’M JUST FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW.  
TC: WoOoOaH!  
CG: WHAT?  
TC: i JuSt Up AnD tHoUgHt I pUt ThAt MeSsAgE eLsEwHeRe, BuT iT aLl LoOkS tO bE rIgHt WhErE iT oUgHt To Be.  
TC: MaAaAaN, wHaT a MiRaClE! hOnK hOnK hOnK! :o)  
CG: OH MY GOD, PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME RIGHT NOW.  
CG: I’M HAVING A HARD ENOUGH TIME RIGHT NOW WITHOUT YOUR STUPID MIRACLE BULLSHIT.  
TC: aW, kArBrO, dOn’T gEt AlL uPsEt AbOuT wHaTeVeR tHiNg Is BrInGiNg YoU aLl DoWn.  
TC: ‘CaUsE tHeRe’S aLwAyS a MiRaClE jUsT wAiTiNg To MoThErFuCkInG cOmE aRoUnD.  
TC: i CaN aLrEaDy FeEl A mIrAcLe CoMiNg FoR yOu. :o)  
CG: ...  
CG: WELL, IT’S CLEAR TO ME NOW.  
CG: YOU’RE NOT GOING TO HELP ME IN THE SLIGHTEST.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  terminallyCapricious [TC]

TC: :o(

 

CG

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

\---grimAuxiliatrix [GA] is offline and won’t see any new messages until the next time they log in---  
CG: KANAYA?  
CG: I KNOW YOU’RE OFFLINE, BUT I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU.  
CG: ABOUT VRISKA...I GUESS.  
CG: AND A POSSIBLE SITUATION WHERE SHE MIGHT BE ASKED TO HELP SOMEONE OUT.  
CG: ...  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET IT.  
CG: I DOUBT VRISKA WOULD WANT TO HELP ANYONE BUT HERSELF.  
CG: NO OFFENSE.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

\---

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  centuarsTesticle [CT]

CG: HEY, SWEAT BEHEMOTH.  
CG: I HAVE SOMETHING TO ASK YOU.  
CT: D --> How dare you disturb me  
CT: D --> And how dare you refer to me in such a manner  
CT: D --> I demand you cease referring to me as such  
CG: IT’S NOT MY FAULT YOU PUBLICLY ANNOUNCED YOUR SWEAT PROBLEM ON A GROUP TROLLIAN CHAT.  
CG: ANYWAY, I WANTED TO PROPOSE TO YOU A  
CG: UH  
CG: A HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO  
CT: D --> A hypothetical scenario?  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> Very well  
CT: D --> I will humor you  
CT: D --> What sort of hypothetical scenario do you wish for me to dissect  
CG: ...  
CG: NO. NEVERMIND.  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> You have already intrigued me  
CT: D --> You will tell me this hypothetical situation now

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  centuarsTesticle [CT]

CT: D --> I command it  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> You’re gone  
CT: D --> ...I need a towel

\---

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CG: HEY, TEREZI.  
GC: H3Y >:]  
GC: HOWS 1T GO1NG K4RKL3S >;] >;] >;]  
CG: UGH  
CG: COULD WE JUST  
CG: *NOT* DO THAT TODAY?  
GC: WH4TS WRONG  
GC: C4N YOU NOT H4NDL3 TH3 W1NKS >;]  
CG: TEREZI, I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU TYPE ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE STUPID SMILIES OF YOURS, I WILL BLOCK YOU FROM THIS CHAT WHILE FROTHING FROM THE MOUTH IN ANGUISH AND ANGER.  
GC: SH33SH, 1 W4S JUST TRY1NG TO H4V3 FUN  
GC: 4LL TH1S L3G1SL4C3R4TOR STUFF H4S B33N W34R1NG M3 OUT, W1TH 4LL TH3S3 P3OPL3 T3LL1NG M3 1LL N3V3R M4K3 1T 1NTO TH3 R4NKS B3C4US3 OF MY BLOOD COLOR, 4ND NOW YOUR3 RU1N1NG TH3 FUN 1 G3T FROM T4LK1NG W1TH YOU! >:[  
GC: WH4TS YOUR PROBL3M 4NYW4Y!?  
CG: ...  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, IT PROBABLY WOULDN’T MATTER.  
CG: I’M NOT SURE YOU COULD EVEN HELP ME.  
GC: WH4TS _TH4T_ SUPPOS3D TO M34N????

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  gallowsCalibrator [GC]

GC: H3Y!  
GC: UGH  
GC: WHY DO 1 4LW4YS DO TH1S TO MYS3LF >:[

\---

You had, in your mind, reasoned away every option.  Vriska would probably just make things worse on you.  Equius would either not care, or be the most likely to probably kill you out of some sense of superiority.  Terezi…she was technically a highblood, but still low enough that it didn’t really get her much—she had to work just to get in the legislacerating ranks.  Not to mention if anyone even _suspected_ suspicious activity that she would no doubt suffer the consequences, alongside you.  You weren’t willing to risk that—not when it came to her.

There was also Gamzee.  You considered him first, really.  But you were certain he’d mess things up worse than even _Vriska_ , and he wouldn’t even need to try to.

…That left only one other person.  And talking to him was so risky that at first you didn’t even consider it.

 _Eridan Ampora_.

As you sat and fidgeted nervously at your husktop, with so few options left, the explanations for why you hadn’t talked to him yet were wearing thin.

On one hand, he was a self-proclaimed genocidal maniac.  Pretty big fucking issue right there.  He had talked about “killing all land dwellers” so many times it almost stopped phasing you.

But on the other hand…

Well, on the other hand, he was probably one of the best friends you had.  Talking to him was easier than talking to most.  Hell, you would go so far as to say it was easier talking to him than even _Gamzee_ at times, which, even if you didn’t like to admit, was saying a lot.

And anyway, going back to the genocide issue, you had already heard plenty of convincing arguments from Kanaya _and_ his moirail that he most likely wasn’t genuine about it.  And even if he was, well…if you considered him your best friend, you had to believe the sentiment was mutual.  What kind of guy would willingly listen to your theories on quadrants for hours on end on Trollian if he didn’t somehow consider you your friend?  He _had_ to see you like that!  Right?

Right!  All those times you stood up late with him gossiping about your friends’ quadrants and talking about his issues _had_ to mean something to him!

…But then what if they didn’t?  What if it was all just a ruse to one day kill you in cold blood?  You knew land dweller royalty had some specific code of conduct when it came to lowblood dealings, but sea dwellers seemed to subscribe to the notion of “anything goes,” or else any notion of civility was so skewed, complex, or hard to understand that it was beyond your grasp.  Given, the only two sea dwellers you had ever even _spoken_ to were Mr. “Kill-All-Land-Dwellers” and the goddamn _Heiress_ , but still.

That’s when you realized.  The only thing that could make you turn to him.

The Heiress.  _Feferi Peixes_.

Eridan was a survivalist, through and through.  Every troll was, of course—you _had_ to be to live past pupation—but Eridan probably exemplified this more than anyone.  If given a choice between the ridiculously impossible and risking his own life, he would almost _always_ go for the former, even if it ended in his own failure, which—coming from Eridan—meant a lot, since he hated failure probably more than he hated everyone and himself combined.

And yet…

Feferi was the one thing he continuously risked his life for, day in and day out, and not just by feeding her gargantuan lusus.  If just _associating_ with her would be enough to get you on Her Imperious Condescension’s personal culling list, you couldn’t even imagine what sharing a fucking _quadrant_ with her would mean.  In all of his egotism, survivalism, and claims of genocide and supremacy, Feferi was always the great exception.

You could make the argument that he truly believed Feferi would overcome the Condesce and rule the Empire one day, but you were sure not even _Feferi_ believed that all the time.  And Eridan, who seemed to refuse to believe in _anything_ , had to be a harder sell.

It was in realizing all Eridan’s risked for her that brought you to double-click his name and begin typing.  After all, if someone on the top spot of the Condesce’s culling list could trust him…maybe you could, too.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]

CG: HEY.  
CA: hey  
CG: SO  
CG: UH  
CG: HOW’S IT GOING, MAN?  
CA: cut the crap kar you an i both knoww you started talkin to me for a reason

Your breathing literally stopped.  Could he have known before you said anything?  A horrifying thought appeared that Equius might have said something to Vriska, and that she might have reconciled with Eridan, and that she told him about the hypothetical scenario you offered her, and then he put two and two together…

You were practically paralyzed with fear when a new message appeared.

CA: i mean its not like ivve been on ALL FUCKIN DAY wwith you just ignorin me an not talking to me or anything  
CA: had to be something important enough for you to stop reading your trashy romantic novvels to start convversing wwith me like a decent troll

He was joking around.  You felt every nerve in your body relax and your breathing started again.

CG: I DIDN’T REALIZE YOU WERE SOMEHOW BEING TRAPPED IN SOLITARY CONFINEMENT BY SOME FETISHISTS WHO REFUSE TO WET YOUR GILLS IF YOU INITIATE A CONVERSATION YOURSELF.  
CG: BECAUSE THAT’S THE ONLY LOGICAL REASON I SEE FOR NOT DOING JUST THAT  
CG: REALLY, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU INITIATED A CONVERSATION WITH ME INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND?  
CA: kar evveryone wwhos anyone knowws royals dont initiate convversations wwith loww bloods unless they got somethin wwhat wwe need  
CA: wwe wwait for you grovvelin peasants to say somethin to us and wwe decide if its wworth our time to indulge in your pathetic chit chat or to shoot you in the head right then

“You grovvelin peasants” and “shoot you in the head” would have any other day prompted you to diffuse the joke into quadrants—specifically the black one—and the two of you would have probably had a good laugh.  But that day was not this day as you considered the very real distinctions between the two of you, and the very real possibility of his wanting to put a gun to your head in the following few minutes.

When you didn’t joke back, Eridan, in his usual way, plowed on.

CA: hahahaha but no really wwhy did you decide to talk to me all of a sudden  
CG: OH  
CG: WELL...

You knew you had to tell him in this chat.  If you waited for another one to come along, you would lose your nerve, or otherwise be too late to avoid the tests.

Taking a deep breath, you forced yourself onward.

CG: OKAY.  
CG: UM.  
CG: UH.  
CA: wwell  
CG: UH...  
CG: IT’S...  
CA: kar wwhen the fuck did you become tavv  
CA: and wwhen are you going to stop being him  
CA: cause ivve told you before theres a reason i dont talk to that guy  
CG: FUCK, FINE!  
CG: I JUST...  
CG: THIS IS DIFFICULT TO SAY, OKAY?  
CA: oh  
CA: i think i knoww what it is noww

Oh God.  The terrifying idea of Equius telling Vriska telling him what you said and him now putting two and two together came back and you were certain you wouldn’t ever be able to breathe again.

CA: im flattered kar but im just not red for you  
CA: you knoww howw i feel about fef i just cant feel that wway about you  
CA: no hard feelings

_Another fucking joke_.

You were suddenly beyond angry at him for making you terrified only to come out and make a joke on your behalf.  Even if you knew he probably didn’t mean to.

CG: LIKE I WOULD *EVER* GO RED FOR AN UGLY PIECE OF SHIT LIKE YOU!  
CA: wwoww youre going into some inky wwaters there  
CA: im getting some seriously mixed vvibes from you right noww kar  
CG: THIS ISN’T A BLACK INVITATION EITHER!  
CG: JUST  
CG: GODDAMMIT  
CA: wwell then wwhat quadrant are you trying to come at me wwith  
CA: pale  
CA: its pale isnt it  
CG: *NO!*  
CA: wwell wwhat about gray  
CA: i usually depend on kan for that since wwe both knoww howw she is but it might make things easier on her if you auspisticized twween me and vvris for her  
CA: she might evven be grateful  
CG: ***I AM NOT TRYING TO GET INTO A QUADRANT WITH YOU!!!***  
CA: then wwhy are you talking to me kar wwhat the fuck  
CG: _**** I’M A FUCKING MUTANT, ASSHOLE!!!!!!****_

There it was.  You said it.

The sensation was like a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders.  Peaceful, even.  Like now you’ll know what he’ll do, whether it’s let you live and help or track you down and murder you.

It was strange, being teetered on the edge of life and death.  Like nothing even mattered.

But the feeling of bliss came crashing down with his next comment.

CA: wwhat  
CA: you mean like fucking sol or something  
CA: do you hear vvoices  
CA: wwhy didnt you evver tell me this  
CG: NO, I DON’T FUCKING HEAR VOICES, ERIDAN!  
CA: wwell wwhat powwer then  
CA: i mean it doesnt bother me im just a little shocked is all  
CG: I MEAN I’M NOT A MUTANT LIKE *THAT*!!  
CA: wwhat the hell does that mean  
CA: howw else could you be a mutant  
CG: I MEAN

That was when your resolve started cracking.  When the idea of you teetering between the edges of life and death then seemed more like falling into a dark black pit and not knowing if it had a fluff cushions or spikes at the bottom.

But there was nothing to grab to try and climb back up.

CG: I MEAN...  
CG: MY BLOOD.  
CG: MY  
CG: MY FUCKING BLOOD ISN’T ON THE HEMOSPECTRUM, OKAY?  
CG: I HAVE THIS...DISGUSTING CANDY RED FLUID FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS.  
CG: SEE?

Seeing even one word in your sickish red, and you had to change back to gray.  Which only made you wonder how sick it made Eridan.

Oh, God, you were sure this was a bad idea.

Each second Eridan didn’t respond, the more you couldn’t help but wonder if he was in your lawnring now, ready to come to your hive and blow your brains out.

You almost jumped when you a saw a new message pop up, thinking if it wasn’t his actual rifle shooting you down, it would be a promise that it would.  But when you saw the message…you were shocked.

CA: wwoww really  
CA: hm  
CA: i figured you wwere loww but youre a straight up mutant huh  
CG: I  
CG: YEAH?  
CA: interesting  
CA: did you tell anyone but me

Was this happening?  Was he really being so casual about the thing, to the point that the most he has to say is “wwoww really” and “hm” and “interesting”?

You honestly weren’t sure if you were dreaming or not.

CG: I  
CG: I CONSIDERED IT  
CG: BUT I DECIDED NOT TO  
CA: so you didnt tell mindfang  
CG: ...WHAT?  
CA: vvris  
CA: this is fuckin important kar did you tell her or not  
CG: NO!  
CA: please tell me you didnt say anything to gam either  
CG: ABSOLUTELY *NOT*.  
CA: good  
CA: its good you didnt try to talk to any of em  
CA: though you should of came to me earlier

For him to just take this so…so _normally_ was bizarre.  The most biting remark he made was not at your blood color, but _frustration_ with you for not coming to him first (as if you had no reason to doubt him!).

Was this person actually _Eridan_?

CA: let me guess  
CA: the empire probably sent you your letter for the blood test dates  
CG: ...  
CG: YES.  
CG: YES, THAT’S EXACTLY IT.  
CG: BUT ERIDAN  
CA: dont wworry  
CA: ill get it handled

_What?_   He was going to help you…just like _that_?

…No.  This couldn’t be so easy.  Eridan was too self-involved and violent, and you had too much going against you.  There had to be a catch.

CG: HOLD UP  
CG: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU, ERIDAN AMPORA, THE GUY WHO TELLS ME AT LEAST ON A DAILY BASIS THAT HE WANTS TO KILL ALL THE LAND DWELLERS LIKE *ME*...  
CG: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU DON’T *CARE*?  
CG: YOU DON’T CARE THAT I’M BASICALLY SALIVA THAT WAS SPAT OUT BY GOD ON THE FACE OF THE HEMOSPECTRAL ORDER?  
CG: AND NOT ONLY THAT, BUT YOU’RE ACTUALLY GOING TO *HELP* ME???  
CA: uh  
CA: yeah  
CG: ...  
CG: OKAY THEN.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME  
CA: wwhat  
CG: YOU WANT TO HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF DROWNING ME YOURSELF WHEN YOU MANAGE TO FLUSH THE LAND DWELLERS OUT, DON’T YOU.  
CG: OR BETTER YET, YOU WANT MY LUSUS FOR THAT HIDEOUS SEA BEAST THAT YOUR GODFORSAKEN MOIRAIL INSISTS ON CALLING HER OWN LUSUS. HELL, YOU CAN EVEN TAKE ME WITH YOU TO SEE VRISKA, SO YOU CAN RECONCILE OVER HER SPIDER LUSUS GNAWING ON MY BONES!  
CG: WAIT...OH MY FUCKING GOD, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.  
CG: YOU WANT ME IN A *QUADRANT*!  
CG: YOU WANT ME TO TENDERLY MASSAGE THOSE SLIMY URCHIN-INFESTED GILLS OF YOURS OR AUTOASPHIXIATE YOU INTO GETTING OFF IN EITHER A RED OR BLACK DAZE RESPECTIVELY.  
CG: THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME, ISN’T IT, YOU DISGUSTING PERVERT!!?  
CA: WWHAT THE FUCK KAR  
CA: the hell kinda person do you take me for  
CA: wwhy cant a troll merely help out a friend wwithout them throwwin false accusations left and right fuckin SERIOUSLY

“Help out a friend.”  That was the reasoning he provided.  Could it seriously be that Eridan was only helping you because of that?

Could it be that that sentiment of “best friends” was felt even by him?

CG: YOU’RE...  
CG: YOU’RE NOT GOING TO KILL ME?  
CG: OR FORCE ME INTO DOING ANYTHING?  
CA: fuck no  
CA: i may be a lot of things but i wwouldnt go out a my wway to hurt those wwhovve help me  
CA: and youvve helped me a lot its the least i can do to try to help you as wwell

You weren’t sure what the feeling overwhelming you was—all you knew was that the weight that had originally lifted before had been pulled off again, and you found yourself enveloped in a soft sensation that you assumed were the cushions beneath that black pit.

It was nicer than anything you could have imagined.

CA: besides its not like you being a mutant changes anything betwween us youre STILL a fuckin assblood  
CA: practically evveryone is compared to me  
CA: noww i just knoww youre lowwer than i originally assumed  
CA: wwhich by the wway i lost a fuckin bet wwith vvris noww thanks a lot  
CG: WHAT!?  
CG: YOU’RE NOT GONNA TELL HER NOW, ARE YOU!!?  
CA: fuck kar calm dowwn its a joke  
CA: although wwe did make bets  
CA: she wwas guessin maroon but i thought it had to be green or possibly jade  
CA: since she guessed lowwer on the hemospectrum i guess she technically wwins  
CA: fuckin bitch  
CG: YOU TOOK BETS ON MY BLOOD COLOR.  
CG: UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE.

You acted angry, but in real life you were smiling so wide it actually _hurt_.  Eridan wasn’t going to kill you.  Eridan was going to _help_ you.

If you were in a more vulnerable frame of mind, you would probably be crying tears of joy.

CA: wwell wwhat the fuck do you THINK is gonna happen wwhen you type in some gray font all mysterious like youre basically askin for people to get curious  
CA: not that it wwasnt a good tactic growwin up and i see wwhy it wwas so necessary noww  
CA: but i wwasnt awware a that until a feww minutes prior cut me some slack  
CG: I WAS STILL YOUR FRIEND!  
CG: YOU COULD HAVE SHOWN A LITTLE BIT OF DECENCY AND RESPECT FOR MY PRIVATE AFFAIRS AND NOT GAMBLED GOLD AWAY ON SOMETHING SO PETTY!  
CA: please its not like it matters noww  
CA: for all vvris knowws i wwas closer to being right than her  
CA: in fact ill just tell her i wwas right all along and then she might get bothered by it enough to flippin TALK TO ME  
CG: ERIDAN?  
CA: wwhat  
CG: ...THANK YOU.  
CG: I REALLY MEAN THAT, OKAY?  
CG: THANK YOU.  
CA: ...  
CA: dont thank me yet  
CA: not until you get your imperial position  
CA: though youll likely be guaranteed any spot you wwant in the empire once im through

\---

The conversation continued like that late in the night until finally the sun was coming up.  At the end, you mostly tried to press for more details on what he would be doing, and he was being cryptic and simply told you not to worry before saying goodbye and signing off.

No worrying.  It was normally such a hard command.  But you were so desperate that even his vagueness didn’t make you suspicious enough to disregard it.

As you yawned and felt fatigue washing over you, you got up from your chair and got ready to crawl into your recupercoon.  Even through the drowsy haze, you realized the word for the feeling that overwhelmed you when you realized Eridan wasn’t going to hurt you—the feeling that stuck with you even now.

 _Relief_.  How welcoming it was, to feel like all the worries were gone.  Did other trolls who have never had to worry about culling on a daily basis feel this way on a regular basis?  Was this how they lived their lives?

And then the very thought of life reminded you that you now had a chance at one—a real one that didn’t end at 8 sweeps—and the smile that once hurt you was back and still hurting.

As you crawled up into the recupercoon with that smile on your face, and saw the sun rising through blue mist outside your window, you thought to yourself for once in your miserable life you might be able to get a good night’s rest.  And with that relief, drowsiness, and the joy you couldn’t even put words to clouded your mind with happy thoughts of imperial medals and the Condesce’s favors and Terezi’s kisses and whatever you could possibly dream up that even your desperate past self wouldn’t have _dared_ consider, it seemed your peaceful night was all but assured.

The last thing you saw before bowing down inside of the recupercoon was the glint of the green moon through the shroud of blue mist outside of your window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a side note, “my motherfuckin’ Sol brother” is the best play on words I’ve ever come up with, hands down.


	14. Red Sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night ends with the sun setting in a red blaze, the pink moon desperate to follow after it.
> 
> Six children fight against fatigue and worry while making life-altering decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know if this needs a trigger, but Sollux goes through a small bipolar manic episode here. So if that triggers something for you…well, here’s the warning.
> 
> And finally, text breaks that appear out of the ordinary are white text, and highlighting is needed.

-Five Sweeps Before GREAT GATHERING-

 

CC

Two sweeps after you pupated, and you could finally form coherent words to go with your thoughts, your lusus wrapped its expansive tentacles around you in affection and caring and whispered to you of the five prophecies surrounding your existence—things it urged that you remember, and remember well.

One: Your name was Feferi Peixes.  She said she knew this was your name because it was one you always had in every other instance of space.  You didn’t really understand that last part, but she told you that you didn’t have to, so long as you kept it in memory and knew your name as Feferi.

Two: You were fated to one day be an -Empress to rule over trollkind with benevolence and compassion.

You were shocked at this.  Really?  You, an _-Empress_?

The Gl’bgolyb—or Glubby as you named her, because the extra consonants were too hard for you to form when you had just pupated—told you yes, this was something that would happen.  When you asked when it would happen and why _you_ of all people would be Empress, she told you to hush, and to listen to the third prophecy.

Three: Your ancestor would try to cull you, and was in fact working toward that goal as she spoke.

At first, you didn’t fully understand the weight of what you had just been told.  Not that you didn’t understand what an ancestor was—you had heard tales of your ancestor, powerful and glorious, and had already come to be both intimidated and admiring of her, to the point of having even adopted using fish puns from her, borrowing from a wildly hilarious and cool book on fish puns you had read by her.  But your young thinkpan didn’t at first understand what “cull” meant—it was a newer term for you.  But as awareness slowly dawned and memory served of the definition of “culling,” your eyes suddenly widened in horror and you began crying.

But _why_?  Why would she want to cull you?  Why did she hate you, when she barely even knew you?

The only answer your lusus gave was that she wanted to maintain her “ultimate supremacy.”  When you asked what _that_ meant, she simply stated you would learn someday.

Then she went to her fourth vision.

Four: You would perform the Royal Obligation successfully.

You didn’t know what the Royal Obligation was.  You had seen the words somewhere before, but their meaning eluded you.  When you told her of your confusion, she then explained to you what the Royal Obligation was meant for.

The Royal Obligation, she explained, was the duty performed by Pisces’d symbol’d and fuchsia blooded trolls to ensure her voice stayed below a whisper.  When you asked why she could only whisper, she explained that if her voice raised any louder than that, trolls would begin to die, and she may have no choice but to invoke the Vast Glub.

You gulped.  You had read in countless books, and how it could cause the extinction of all trolls.  But somehow you hadn’t connected your lusus to those descriptions of fear and paranoia.

She, unphased by your own fear, continued.

)(eirs and )(eiresses, she stated, should try to undertake the duty from the Condesce, for their own protection and survival, for she offered it to those who fed her.  If they did not, the standing -Empress would come to cull you early on in wigglerhood.  Most )(eirs and )(eiresses failed to perform this Obligation, and end up being killed early on, and thus leaving said Obligation in the hands of the standing -Empress, for the most part.

But you still didn’t understand.  What was the Royal Obligation?

She brought you close to her beak and whispered loudly:

You will  FEED ME.

Really?  You just had to feed her?  That seemed like such a simple task.  You asked how so many )(eirs and )(eiresses could fail to do something so easy as that.

And that’s when she told you why, and the horror of the task you would have to perform became completely clear.

She fed off the fauna of the planet—but not just any fauna.  She ate the dead lusii of orphaned trolls.  And it would be your task to hunt and kill them.

As her words washed over you, you started crying again in full force, and she tried to hush you with her words.  She told you that even though it would guarantee that everyone hated you, you would do this, because you weren’t prepared to throw your life away in such a careless act of refusal.  She also told you of the Vast Glub.

If you fail to feed me, my voice may raise beyond a whisper and I will  KILL EVERYONE. You must not allow that to happen, precious Feferi…

And you stopped crying then, not because you were any less sad, but because you knew she was right.  Even if you hated the idea of killing—even if you wanted to cry just at the thought of a dead cuttlefish let alone a dead lusus and orphaned troll—you still didn’t want to die yourself, nor did you want the deaths of all trollkind on your hands.

Already, your shoulders felt heavy with burden, and you knew you would not rest easy that night.

Fighting back more tears, you questioned her on the fifth prophecy regarding your existence.

She grew silent for a moment, the suction cups in her tentacles puckering against you as she loosened her grip.  When she spoke, it was loud and clear:

YOU WILL PLAY A GAME THAT WILL DESTROY THE UNIVERSE.

\---

When you reached the age of three sweeps and were already killing for your lusus, you hadn’t forgotten what she told you.  And as time wore on, she told you even more information.

The fables of )(eirs and )(eiresses.  How they were condemned by everyone, out of fear of both them and above all the Condesce.  You learned that everything in the imperial machine was working against your survival.

Which you knew translated to eternal loneliness.

But you held your chin high, and bore the weight of it all.  You did it for your lusus, for yourself, and for the trolls that already despised you.  And as you did, you learned to make the most of the small victories.  Finding a particularly pretty shell.  Catching cuttlefish.  Being able to wash the blood off in the sea that clung to you on land.

You know.  The small things.

And if you ever felt lonely, you reasoned that you could always talk to your lusus, and if not her, the cuttlefish collection that surrounded you.  Even if you didn’t think she really understood you, she was the most companionship you would ever receive…or so you figured.

Until one fateful day, when everything changed for you.

It happened when you had decided—quite randomly—to comb a strange island you had found while swimming early in the night—just as the sun was rising.  It had a large shipwreck on top of it that ended up being too curious of a circumstance to _not_ check out.  When you had finally gotten to the sandy beach and had even found a few pretty shells on its coast line, you suddenly saw it.

Skyhorses themselves were pretty rare to find.  They spent so much time high in the clouds that seeing one on land was something of an oddity.  So when you saw the Skyhorse appear out behind some rock, looking as though it were looking for something important, you knew it meant one thing and one thing only: it was a lusus.

But where was the troll?  You didn’t question it for too long.  It was pretty late, and you doubted a troll would be running about with the sun rising.  And anyway, you never liked killing lusii in front of their trolls, and so you reveled in the opportunity to avoid just that.  It took only a second for you to pull out your double-sided trident and prepare for a charge…

Until you heard a shotgun cock behind you.

“Who the _fuck_ are you,” a voice spat, “and why the _fuck_ are you on my island?”

You were too eager at the sight of a troll-less lusus to be more aware of your surroundings.  How could a troll be out so late?  You supposed it didn’t really matter.  You were caught by them whether you liked it or not, and they just so happened to have a long-range weapon on them. Just your luck.

But you had fought against worse before.  And you weren’t about to let go of such a tasty meal for Glubby.  Mostly, you just cursed yourself for the future death by your hands that awaited this troll.

You spun sideways to barely avoid the shotgun blast aimed at your previous position, and jumped back to avoid the next shot while getting a glimpse of your shooter.  All you could make out was a tiny kid (tinier than you even), sea dweller fins, a flash of violet, an oversized shotgun rifle, and murderous eyes trained on you.

You realized then you didn’t have it in you to kill a kid—who seemed to look like a boy—who looked smaller than you.  You considered the possibility of being able to run for the lusus while he(?) tried to shoot.  It was risky, but it would avoid you needing to kill him.  You couldn’t imagine someone so small would be able to carry a gun that size while running—at least not without stumbling.

You ducked from another shot, and decided to take the risk.

You ran as you heard a few more shots being fired behind you, narrowly avoiding a sharp rock in your path.  You were surprised to hear sand being kicked up a distance behind you (was that shrimp _really_ trying to catch you?), but continued to run anyway, with your trident raised for the kill.  Just a few feet, and the lusus would be yours, you thought.  And then you could leave and never see the troll again.

But before you could reach the lusus, you saw it suddenly flying towards you.  In what you thought was a shocking display of aggressive defense, you halted, hesitating in your attack.  But once you got back your resolve, you realized the lusus was flying past you (odd).  You turned, hoping to be able to throw the trident at it from behind, only to once again stop in your tracks as you saw the reason why the lusus ignored you.

You were right in assuming the kid wouldn’t be able to run with the gun.  As the lusus flies toward the troll’s direction, you saw him on the ground writhing next to a rock you avoided before.

“ _My face!!!_ ” you heard the troll shriek as they wailed and sobbed.

The lusus nudged the boy, as if to try and help him, but the troll—with violet gushing from his face—pushed the lusus away.

“ _Get away from me!!!_ ” he screamed as he rejected the lusus’s offer for assistance.

You were immobilized by the sudden change of the situation.  For a brief moment, you simply stood there, mouth ajar, watching the kid holler in pain until he finally lifted his face up to you, showing you a clearer vision of the gash in his head and the glasses on his face.

“ _Why aren’t you helpin’ me!!?_ ” he cried.  “ _It’s **your** fault this happened!!!_ ”

You were almost paralyzed by how much the statement shocked you. Trolls didn’t help each other.  They killed each other.  If anything, he should have expected you to kill him.  The most gracious act he could have expected was for you to run away.

Or maybe…he was hoping you would show pity?  That you would take the bait, and he could kill you when you got too close?  Even with the blood running down his face, and the broken glasses (for which he no doubt used to see), he wouldn’t need to be really good with his aim to shoot you close range.  And quite honestly, he was pretty good at aiming when he could see clearly.  He obviously knew his way around guns.

“ ** _Well!!?_?** ”

He was near _sobbing_. If he was trying to fool you, he was a really good actor.  You considered maybe that the best thing you could do was leave, but you were stuck—you couldn’t figure out why.  You tried to tell yourself all the things you knew about trolls, and how everyone was only out to get you, and how you couldn’t trust anyone, when it suddenly dawned on you.

Yes, he could be trying to lure you into a trap.  But if he wasn’t…he was basically doing the one thing trolls shouldn’t do—trust a stranger.

You realized that the reason you couldn’t leave—the reason you didn’t want to leave—was because for once in your life, you wanted to believe a troll would do something they shouldn’t.  You wanted to be able to _help_ someone in the realest sense of the word, not hurt them with the idea that you’re ultimately helping them.

For the first time ever, you didn’t _want_ to contribute to the violence the -Empress expected from trolls.

You walked over to the troll, still cautious of a possible trick that became even more unlikely the closer you got to him.  When you were finally standing over him, it was obvious he had no intention to attack you.  You kneeled down, helped him get an arm over your shoulder, and helped him up.

“Walk me to your hive,” you said, “okay?”

He grumbled something you couldn’t understand, and pointed toward the shipwreck that drew you to the island in the first place.  Gingerly, you assisted him in walking toward the shipwreck, his lusus diligently following you and he every step of the way.

\---

At the hive, you wrapped the troll’s head in a makeshift kelp bandage you had used for your own wounds in the past.  The sun continued to soar through the sky as time seemed to pass without meaning.  As you were there, you were able to ask the boy some questions.

You learned it was correct of you to assume the troll was a boy, even if he seemed a bit androgynous.  You also noted how he spoke his v’s as w’s—a strange thing, but not one you made note of beyond beyond translating them in your mind. He didn’t talk much, save for answering your questions.  But you were in a blurry, excited daze all the same to have a conversational partner that _wasn’t_ your lusus for once, and so didn’t mind.  You could talk forever—even if he didn’t listen—so long as it meant you having a conversation that didn’t end with him crying as you took away his dead guardian.

In the middle of bandage wrapping, however, he finally managed a question for you.

“…Why’re you doin’ this?”

You were confused.  Wasn’t it obvious?

“You asked me to,” you replied.  “ _Duh_.”

“No I didn’t,” he said, like _that_ was the most obvious thing ever.

“Just how hard did you hit your head?” you asked with mock worry to your tone.  “You specifically said ‘aren’t you going to help me.’  So…here I am!  _Kelping_ you.”

You thought it was a smart pun—not only as a replacement for the word “helping,” but also as a nod to the fact that you were literally using kelp to wrap his head up.  He, however, didn’t appreciate the cleverness of it and simply groaned before responding.

“Okay, yeah, I said that, but…this isn’t what I meant.”

“What _else_ could you have meant?”

He went quiet after that, and for a second, you thought that was a cue to drop the subject completely.  But then he finally answered.

“…I thought you were gonna kill me.”

You stopped mid-wrap, frozen at the troll’s comments.

“I figured you were just gonna let me die from blood loss or go blind from the blood in my eyes or somethin’, so I was asking you to…I dunno.  Finish the job so I didn’t suffer no more.”

You weren’t sure how to process this confession.  So many thoughts were running through your thinkpan.  But after a moment, you finally stumbled on one you were able to voice.

“Who even _thinks_ like that!?”

He put his hands up in defense.  “I was bleedin’ a lot, okay!? I had no way o’ knowin’ if the wounds weren’t serious or not, an’ I figured even if they weren’t you’d probably do somethin’ to make them worse and make me suffer, so I just thought…maybe askin’ for you to help me go out would make you be quicker about it—”

“Oh my cod, you are _so weird_!” you exclaimed, interrupting his train of reasoning, and even dropping the wrap job completely.  Because really, who would ever assume asking someone to “help” them would mean “hey please kill me quick and easy and don’t leave me to suffer.”  What kind of guy _was_ this?

After that, things became quiet between the two of you, you not even resuming the wrapping job.  But as the chilly atmosphere seemed to warm up and your original excitement at having someone to talk to—even if it was someone like _him_ —bubbled up once more, you decided to try another topic.  Your eyes stopped on his shirt with his violet symbol.  They were just two squiggly lines, but you thought it was simple.  Neat, even.

“…I like your symbol,” you said quietly.

To your relief, his fins flared up in piqued interest, just before he shrugged his shoulders.  “It’s fine, I guess.”

“It looks like waves.”

“…It looks more like somethin’ jagged and broken to me,” he replied solemnly.

“Well, I like it anemone-way!” you offered cheerfully.  “It’s _wave_ cooler than my—”

You stopped in your tracks because _oh cod your symbol_.  Were you wearing it?  Did he know you were wearing it?  He put new glasses on, so surely he could see it if he wanted—

You looked down at your shirt, and felt relief wash over you when you saw you decided to opt for a symbol-less shirt that morning.  You also reached a hand to your head to see if you had your tiara, and thank God you didn’t.  The only thing you had that could even _suggest_ your blood color was your goggles, which really didn’t suggest anything at all.  Maybe you really loved the -Empress.  Maybe you just liked fuchsia.  How would _he_ know!

But as he scanned your shirt for a symbol that wasn’t there, he smiled.  “Well, I’m sure your symbol’s cool too.”

You hadn’t seen him smile since you met him, and _wow_ did it make him look so different.  The little scowling brat seemed to become an actual _person_.  You liked him smiling, and wanted to see him smile more—though you really couldn’t understand what that meant then.  All you knew was that even though you didn’t yet know his name, you had made a friend of him.  In spite of everything that said you would spend your life alone, you had done the impossible and found someone under the unlikeliest of circumstances.  And that was also when you promised yourself that no matter what happened, you would hold onto this boy—you would keep him in your life, and never let him go.

“…What’s your name?”

He asked this shyly, looking away as he said it and pushing his index fingers together.  It was probably the most adorable thing you’d ever seen.

“Feferi P-…”  You stopped yourself from saying your last name, for that surely would have given away too much.  “Feferi.  What a-boat yours?”

“Eridan,” he said.  “Eridan Ampora.”

“Whale, Eridan,” you said with a smile, “it’s very nice to meet you.”

He responded brightly—more brightly than you thought was even possible for a guy who scowled so much.  “It’s nice to meet you too!”

* * *

 

-Four and a Half Sweeps Before GREAT GATHERING-

 

AC

You were three sweeps going on four sweeps, and had just had an exciting day of hunting!  You were sure you would be smelling of fresh carcasses for weeks, which was awesome to you.  And who _knew_ you could salvage so much blood to paint your walls?

Overall, it was a pretty great day.  But you were out for so long you barely managed to get back before the sun rose to dangerous altitudes in the sky.  And even then?  You _still_ weren’t tired.

So when you came home with the fresh kill and your lusus going to sleep right away, you decided you would take your still very active pan and make the day (or you suppose night) even greater by roleplaying with some of your friends.

You curled up against your adorable lusus while she snoozed, opened up your husktablet, and got online to the newest of messaging technologies—Trollian.  It was so new that a lot of your friends didn’t even have it yet.  Some had even downright refused to install it because of its newness—not because they didn’t like new things, but because the last time a new messaging software had come out, it had led to several incidents of husktops spontaneously combusting.

Still, you knew a handful of people in Trollian, and that was enough.  In particular, you were hoping to roleplay with the sweetest guy you had ever accidentally met while going into online shipping chat rooms—Karkat!  And amazingly, he was actually on, even if it was really late.  As such, you clicked on his name and began trolling.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AC: :33 < *the purroud lioness wishes to ask mr karkat if he would like to play with her :33*  
CG: FUCK. NO.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

He wasn’t in the mood, of course.  Oh well.  You decided to leave him be.

You decided then to maybe open up another window with one of your oldest usernames, “gastroCat.”  It was a name you had used since you used to go on Trollcadia, and you had used it for a little bit when Trollian first came out, hoping people from Trollcadia would look you up and find you.  A few did, but not anyone you really enjoyed roleplaying with.

Upon opening the gastroCat Trollian window, you saw a contact request pop up from a handle you didn’t recognize.  You figured it was probably yet _another_ person from Trollcadia to come ask you to buy one of your characters, but when you opened the message that came with the request, you were pleasantly surprised.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] wants to share contact information with  gastroCat [GC]

GC: H3Y N3P3T4, TH1S 1S TR14LCORR3CT1ONS 4K4 T3R3Z1 FROM TROLLC4D14, M3SS4G3 M3 B4CK >:]

Oh, you loved Terezi!  Her avatar was a dragon, and she was always so much fun to roleplay with!  You messaged back right away, though you were not expecting a response so late.

GC: :33 < hi tc! :33  
GC: H1! >:D

Oh wow.  She was on too!  You suppose it was just a late night for _everyone_.

GC: :33 < wow im surprised youre on tc!  
GC: :33 < h33 h33 i guess youre actually gc now  
GC: :33 < wait...  
GC: OH SH1T  
GC: 1 FORGOT YOU US3D TH3 GC 1N1T14LS >:[  
GC: HOLD ON 1LL G3T 4 D1FF3R3NT H4NDL3 SO 1T DO3SNT G3T CONFUS1NG  
GC: :33 < no dont do that!  
GC: :33 < i dont really use this handle that much anyway ://  
GC: :33 < how about i add you on one of my diffurent handles?  
GC: YOU H4V3 OTH3R TROLL H4NDL3S 4LR34DY? BUT TROLL14N JUST C4M3 OUT >:O  
GC: :33 < all the more reason to get the good handles while you can! :33  
GC: :33 < lets s33  
GC: :33 < oh!  
GC: :33 < how about i add you on arseniccatnip?  
GC: OOOOOH 1 L1K3 TH4T ON3  
GC: :33 < i do too! :33  
GC: :33 < okay then ill add you on that one  
GC: COOL! >:]

You closed out of your gastroCat window and went back into your arsenicCatnip window.  There, you sent a contact request to gallowsCalibrator.

arsenicCatnip [AC] wants to share contact information with  gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AC: :33 < hi!  
GC: H3Y >:D  
AC: :33 < so  
AC: :33 < *the clefur hunteress asks her dragonyyyd friend if she would like to purrtake in funness with her :33*  
GC: UHHHH  
GC: NO OFF3NS3 N3P3T4 BUT 1M NOT R34LLY 1N TH3 MOOD FOR ROL3PL4Y1NG >:/  
AC: :33 < oh :((  
GC: M4YB3 SOM3 OTH3R T1M3 THOUGH  
GC: 1M R34LLY JUST TRY1NG TO F1ND P3OPL3 1 KNOW FROM TROLLC4D14 ON H3R3  
GC: BUT 1 H4V3NT FOUND 4NYON3 3LS3 >:/  
AC: :33 < yeah most of them havent come to trollian :// my contact list is pretty small  
AC: :33 < actually on this list all i have is you and one other purrson  
GC: 1 H4RDLY H4V3 4NY FR13NDS ON H3R3 3XC3PT 4G 4ND 4 COUPL3 OTH3R P3OPL3 FROM H3R L1ST  
AC: :33 < HISSSSS!!! DDX not ag!!!  
GC: H3Y DONT B3 M34N TO H3R!!!  
GC: SH3S NOT TH4T B4D 1F YOU G1V3 H3R 4 CH4NC3  
GC: BUT Y34H 4S1D3 FROM H3R, YOU, 4ND 4 F3W R4NDOM P3OPL3, MY CONT4CT L1ST 1S PR3TTY SM4LL TOO  
GC: SO 1 THOUGHT 1 WOULD CH4NG3 TH4T SOM3HOW BY 4DD1NG P3OPL3 FROM TROLLC4D14, S1NC3 1D R34LLY PR3F3R NOT TO H4V3 JUST 4GS FR13NDS ON MY L1ST  
GC: BUT 1 GU3SS TH4T W4S 4 M1ST4K3 >:[  
AC: :33 < hm  
AC: :33 < well the other guy on my list isnt from trollcadia, but i can give you his contact info if you want!  
GC: R34LLY? >:O  
GC: W3LL, 1 GU3SS SO LONG 4S H3 1SNT 4 CR33P OR SOM3TH1NG  
AC: :33 < noooo hes not a cr33p at all!  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < hes kind of grrrumpy and stuff but beyond that hes purretty nice :33  
AC: :33 < his handle is carcinogeneticist if you wanna talk to him!  
AC: :33 < if hell even let you talk to him ://  
GC: PL33334S3 1 C4N M4K3 H1M T4LK TO M3 1F 1 W4NT H1M TO >:]  
GC: BUT  
GC: HM  
AC: :33 < :??  
GC: 1 W4S JUST TH1NK1NG TH4T M4YB3 1 SHOULD R3TURN TH3 F4VOR 4ND SH4R3 4 CONT4CT, SO YOULL H4V3 SOM3ON3 3LS3 TO T4LK TO TOO  
AC: :33 < really???? :oo  
GC: Y34H BUT TH3 ONLY P3RSON 1 S33 ONL1N3 R1GHT NOW 1S  
GC: UH  
GC: VR1SK4S W31RD N31GHBOR >:/  
GC: 1 H4V3NT 3V3N R34LLY 3V3R T4LK3D TO H1M, H3S JUST SORT OF...  
GC: _TH3R3_  
AC: :33 < uhhhh  
AC: :33 < i know you say vriskas a good purrson d33p down but im not really sure i want to be confursing with her friends ://  
AC: :33 < does he like to roleplay at least?  
GC: B34TS M3  
GC: YOU C4N 4LW4YS JUST 4DD H1M 4ND D3C1D3 1F YOU W4NT TO T4LK TO H1M OR NOT  
GC: 4CCORD1NG TO VR1SK4 H3 DO3SNT R34LLY GO OUT OF H1S W4Y TO M3SS4G3 P3OPL3 UNL3SS H3 TH1NKS 1TS 1MPORT4NT, SO YOU DONT H4V3 TO WORRY 4BOUT H1M M3SS4G1NG YOU 1F YOU D3C1D3 YOU DONT L1K3 T4LK1NG TO H1M  
GC: H1S TROLL H4NDL3 1S  
GC: UH  
GC: C3NTU4RST3ST1CL3  
AC: :33 < ewwwwww!!! XPP  
GC: Y34H L1K3 1 S41D YOU C4N D3C1D3 WH3TH3R OR NOT TO M3SS4G3 H1M >:/  
GC: BUT 1 TH1NK 1LL GO 4H34D 4ND T4LK TO TH1S C4RC1NOG3T3C1ST GUY >:]  
AC: :33 < you should! :DD  
AC: :33 < his names karkat by the way  
AC: :33 < also tell him i said hi okay?  
GC: 4LR1GHT  
GC: L4T3R N3P3TA! >:]

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

You were happy that your friend Terezi was going to talk to Karkat.  Friends of yours being friends with other friends of yours?  What’s there NOT to like?  But this offer of talking the “C3NTU4RST3ST1CL3”…

You were thinking you were going to pass.  Not only was he a friend of Vriska’s, but he also seemed like a weirdo.

You opened up another Trollian window to sign on to a different handle, when suddenly a thought struck you.

Terezi was essentially trusting you when it came to Karkat’s goodness.  And even if she had never talked to this guy, she _did_ give you his information as an attempt to be nice.  Even if you only talked to him once, shouldn’t you at least give him a chance?  If only as a show of good faith to Terezi?

You went back to arsenicCatnip and went to search for different handles, typing in “centuarstesticle.”  After a few moments, only one result came back with a dark blue handle and a dot next to them that said they were online.

You considered it.  You just had to talk to him once.  And if Terezi was telling the truth—which she usually does, you thought—he would probably not bother you again if you decided you didn’t like him.

Well…why not?

You tapped his handle on the husktablet which pulled up a menu asking whether to block him or send a contact request to him.  You selected contact request and typed your message.

arsenicCatnip [AC] wants to share contact information with  centuarsTesticle [CT]

AC: :33 < *the stealthy lioness sneaks her way in to the pawfully mysterious trolls cave*  
CT: D --> What  
AC: :33 < *she hides in the shadows admiring the purrey she has stumbled upon and regards her next move with care*  
CT: D --> What is this  
CT: D --> Who are you  
AC: :33 < *ac remembers what her friend terezi said about the man and tells herself to use caution in her upcoming actions*  
CT: D --> Who and what is a “terezi”  
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> I recall my neighbor e%plaining the identity of a “Terezi” to me, and asking me to add her onto my contact list  
CT: D --> Did this “Terezi” give you my contact information  
CT: D --> I demand an answer for this  
AC: :33 < *ac disregards the curious trolls question so as not to give away her identity before...*  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> You will not be a100f in this matter  
CT: D --> Answer me  
AC: :33 < *BEFORE THE LIONESS ATTACKS!!!*  
CT: D --> WHAT  
AC: :33 < *she tackle pounces the mysterious troll sending him sliding on the ground!*  
CT: D --> No you didn’t  
CT: D --> I am abso100tly stationary in my desk right now  
CT: D --> This is ridic001ous  
AC: :33 < *ac is a bit disgruntled at the trolls lack of imagination but decides to contimew to try and play anyway with a rodent she sees in the corner of her eye*  
CT: D --> “Contimew”????  
CT: D --> That’s not even a word  
AC: :33 < *oh*  
AC: :33 < oh, sorry  
AC: :33 < thats a cat pun!  
AC: :33 < like continue but with mew  
AC: :33 < contimew! :33  
CT: D --> Among 100 instances of f001ish a%, that’s among the most f001ish I have ever witnessed  
AC: :33 < HEY!!!  
AC: :33 < that doesnt seem like a nice thing to say!!! >:((  
AC: :33 < at least if i knew what a% was supposed to mean ://  
CT: D --> It means “acts”  
CT: D --> Is it feasible for a troll to even be as e%ceptionally idiotic as you  
AC: :33 < G333333Z!!!!!!! DDX  
AC: :33 < youre the meanest guy ive ever met!!!! >:((  
CT: D --> And you’re the most nonsensical  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> What are you  
AC: :33 < im a girl  
CT: D --> You’re the most nonsensical girl I have ever seen  
AC: :33 < yeah well at least i dont have a gross troll handle like centuarstesticle!!!!  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> My handle’s not gross  
CT: D --> It is a dignified, prestigious symbol of the most noble of fauna our planet has to offer  
CT: D --> Or really that any planet has to offer  
AC: :33 < UGH!!!!  
AC: :33 < youre such a cr33p!!!  
CT: D --> I am not a creep  
AC: :33 < yes you are!  
CT: D --> No, I’m not  
AC: :33 < YES YOU ARE!!!  
CT: D --> No  
AC: :33 < YES!!!!  
CT: D --> NO  
AC: :33 < YES!!!!!!!!!!!  
CT: D --> This is stupid  
CT: D --> I behoove you to cease these anti% at once  
AC: :33 < ...  
CT: D --> What  
AC: :33 < pfffft  
CT: D --> WHAT  
AC: :33 < was that a hoofbeast pun??? XDD  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> It was  
CT: D --> It was noble dialect  
CT: D --> It’s quite common among circles of nobility  
CT: D --> I wouldn’t e%pect someone like you to understand, especially if your green font implies your b100d standing  
AC: :33 < that was totally a hoofbeast pun if i ever saw it!!!  
AC: :33 < so you DO like fun things!!!! :DD  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> I enjoy e%pressions of dignified nobility  
CT: D --> Do not lump me in with the likes of you  
AC: :33 < bullshit! it is soooo obvious you like games and fun!!!  
CT: D --> How DARE you use such profanity in my presence  
AC: :33 < what? bullshit?  
CT: D --> LANGUAGE  
AC: :33 < whats so bad about it?  
AC: :33 < efurryone i know says bullshit  
CT: D --> I wouldn’t doubt that, if it’s true that you hang out with the likes of Vriska and Terezi  
AC: :33 < wait  
AC: :33 < you dont like vwhiskers either?  
CT: D --> So you DO know them  
CT: D --> How dare they give out my troll handle so freely to people  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < it cant be that pawful if we both dont really like vriska  
AC: :33 < clearly we have SOMETHING in clawmmon!  
AC: :33 < maybe you arent so bad after all!!! :DD  
AC: :33 < by the way my names nepeta! nepeta leijon! :33  
CT: D --> I don’t care to know your name  
CT: D --> I don’t care to know anything about you  
CT: D --> You are 100% the most despicable person I have ever had the udder displeasure of speaking to  
CT: D --> You will leave now, and never speak to me again  
AC: :33 < g33z, FINE!!!!  
AC: :33 < i cant believe i was starting to think we could be furiends!!! >:((

arsenicCatnip [AC] has blocked  centuarsTesticle [CT]

What an asshole!!!  All you did was try to be nice to him, and he just kept being mean.  You were definitely going to tell Terezi what a jerk he was, and to avoid talking to him at all costs.

Just as you were about to close and log off arsenicCatnip (since looking at the guy’s name on your list was angering enough) a ding came up for a new message.  For a second you thought maybe Karkat had changed his pan about roleplaying, but when you saw who it was, you audibly hissed.

centuarsTesticle [CT] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

CT: D --> ...  
AC: :33 < what do you want now!!?  
AC: :33 < im leaving you alone, arent i!!!???  
CT: D --> ...It’s Equius  
AC: :33 < ...what?  
CT: D --> That’s my name  
CT: D --> Equius Zahhak  
CT: D --> And I  
CT: D --> Apologize for the way I acted  
AC: :33 < :oo

He was apologizing to you?  It didn’t really make sense—not even to you.  The guy seemed so darn cryptic.  But, you were happy all the same that he at least realized he had been mean to you and was saying sorry for it.

AC: :33 < its no purroblem  
AC: :33 < thank mew for apologizing though! :33  
CT: D --> Thank “mew”?  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < thank you i mean! :33  
CT: D --> Your e%cessive use of cat related puns is both confusing and e%hausting for me to interpret  
CT: D --> If we are to engage in the troll relation known as friendship, you will cease using them at once

You paused at his last message, for some reason kind of stuck at what he said. “Friendship.”  You know you had said you were trying to be his friend before, but you didn’t really think he would take it so literally.

Was… _that_ the real reason he messaged you?  You remembered Terezi saying he only messaged people when he thought it was important.  Was this really something so important to him?

You started to think.  You wondered if a guy like him even _had_ any friends.  Sure, he probably had a few people on his list—maybe even more than Terezi—but did he ever really talk to any of them?  Did they ever talk to _him_?

…Maybe he was just lonely.

You didn’t mind being friends with lonely people.  Even if their handles _were_ “centuarsTesticle.”  And anyway, talking to him just seemed… _right_ , for whatever reason.

AC: :33 < h33 h33  
AC: :33 < alright equius  
AC: :33 < we can be friends :33  
AC: :33 < but im not dropping the cat puns!  
CT: D --> Yes you will  
AC: :33 < no i wont!  
CT: D --> Yes  
AC: :33 < no!!!  
CT: D --> Yes  
AC: :33 < NO!!!!

* * *

 

-Four Sweeps Before GREAT GATHERING-

 

CT

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling  centuarsTesticle [CT]

AC: :33 < *the lioness waves hello to her moirail from a far corner in her cave hoping he notices her*  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> You will not turn this into another one of your silly roleplaying games  
CT: D --> I demand you stop now  
AC: :33 < sh33sh FIIIIIINE  
AC: :33 < i was just trying to say hi!  
CT: D --> Then say it like a normal troll would  
CT: D --> Like this  
CT: D --> Hi Nepeta  
AC: :33 < :PP  
CT: D --> In spite of your vacuous games, I will say I’m delighted to hear you call me your moirail  
CT: D --> I’m pleased that we have finally taken our relationship to the next level of moirallegiance, a dire%ion it had been moving toward for some time  
AC: :33 < yeah its still pretty weird to think of you as a moirail!  
AC: :33 < but im happy about it too :33  
CT: D --> It’s also a good thing you’re messaging me now  
CT: D --> Even if it’s so close to sunset and you should be in bed  
AC: :33 < pfffft whatefur  
CT: D --> I have begun to feel very confused and conflicting thoughts toward those that one of my b100d standing should perhaps...  
CT: D --> Not feel  
CT: D --> I was hoping that we could discuss it in hopes to alleviate these emotions  
AC: :33 < really? :oo  
AC: :33 < well, i actually wanted to talk about some thoughts and feelings i have right now too  
AC: :33 < so its good were on the same page! :DD  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Well, in an act of considerable generosity on my behoof, I’ll ask you to go first  
AC: :33 < no no no you go furst!  
AC: :33 < mine is pretty short anyway  
CT: D --> All the more reason for you to go first  
AC: :33 < no!  
AC: :33 < i insist!  
CT: D --> NEPETA, YOU WILL GO FIRST  
CT: D --> I command it  
AC: :33 < okay okay, g33z! ://  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < it has to do with terezi  
CT: D --> Ah, yes  
CT: D --> You and she are good friends, I remember  
CT: D --> Are...  
CT: D --> Are you beginning to feel the stirrups of emotions that run deeper than plain friendship  
AC: :33 < what? no!!!  
CT: D --> Oh thank heavens  
CT: D --> I wouldn’t approve of you casting your quadranted lot with the likes of her  
CT: D --> I have heard from Vriska the a% she’s capable of committing, and I very much want you to keep a safe distance relationship-wise from her  
AC: :33 < uhhhh okay  
AC: :33 < but no this doesnt have to do with my f33lings for anyone  
AC: :33 < i only bring her up beclaws  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < you know how she and tafurs and apawdia and vwhiskers are all going to be doing a flarp event soon  
AC: :33 < well she invited me to join and i just thought  
AC: :33 < um  
CT: D --> Nepeta, if you’re asking to partake in their games alone, then e%pressly I forbid it  
AC: :33 < well thats the thing!  
AC: :33 < s33 i wasnt thinking i would have to be alone  
AC: :33 < i thought since we were meowrails now  
AC: :33 < that we could sort of  
AC: :33 < i dunno  
AC: :33 < play together as a team :33  
CT: D --> Abso100tely not  
AC: :33 < why not!?  
AC: :33 < you said you like to play games sometimes!  
CT: D --> Only when they’re of great import  
CT: D --> A game featuring mindless b100d shed that furthers no cowses is not a game that could ever hope to meet that criteria  
AC: :33 < AGGGGHH!!!! DDX  
AC: :33 < i cant believe youre acting like you dont like games when youre using hoofbeast puns in the same sentence!!!! >:((  
CT: D --> Nepeta, we aren’t discussing this anymore  
CT: D --> I won’t play this game with you, and you won’t play it by yourself with those people  
CT: D --> That is final  
AC: :33 < GRRRRRRRR!!!!! DDX<  
AC: :33 < youre so LAME!!!  
AC: :33 < i just wanted to have a fun time with you and my friends and you have to go and ruin that!!!!  
CT: D --> Your behavior about this is souring my mood  
CT: D --> You know what, perhaps I will save my side of the conversation until next time  
AC: :33 < FINE!  
AC: :33 < i dont wanna talk to you right now anyway! >:((  
CT: D --> I hope next time you will stop acting like such a wiggler and be more reasonable about this

centuarsTesticle [CT] ceased trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

AC: :33 < HISSSSSSSSSS!!!! DD:<

\---

centuarsTesticle [CT] began trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

CT: D --> I demand you show me gratitude  
AC: :33 < *ac is intrigued by this confusing and cryptic message from her meowrail*  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> You will show me gratitude without engaging in your wigglerish nonsense  
AC: :33 < what are you talking about?  
CT: D --> If it weren’t for my refusal to allow you to engage in the roleplaying games between those miscreants, you would have no doubt gotten hurt  
CT: D --> Just as the low b100d they call Tavros Nitram almost did tonight  
CT: D --> And where would we be then?  
CT: D --> So I command you to thank me  
AC: :33 < :oo  
AC: :33 < tafurs got hurt???  
CT: D --> I said he almost did  
CT: D --> And that could very easily have been you, Nepeta  
CT: D --> It’s just good you have a moirail like me to stop you from ind001ging in such dangerous activities  
AC: :33 < what do you mean he ALMOST got hurt?  
CT: D --> The details are vague right now, but apparently he almost got e%pelled off a cliff  
CT: D --> And it very well could have happened, if Terezi and Aradia hadn’t intervened between he and Vriska  
AC: :33 < all that means is that you should have let me play ANYWAY!!!  
CT: D --> Excuse me!?  
AC: :33 < if something was about to happen to me, then aradia or terezi could have done something to help me  
AC: :33 < or even tavros!  
AC: :33 < or even YOU!!!  
AC: :33 < but nooooo, you dont LIKE to play games!!!!! >:((

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling  centuarsTesticle [CT]

CT: D --> NEPETA LEIJON, HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME IN SUCH A MANNER  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> You’re gone  
CT: D --> ...I need Aurthour

 

AA

TA: AA, iit’2 almo2t 2un2et.  
TA: you 2hould get 2ome 2leep.  
AA: i kn0w  
AA: but the wh0le thing is just s0 crazy  
AA: i still cant believe it happened  
TA: 2tayiing up and worryiing about iit ii2n’t goiing two change anythiing.  
AA: its n0t even just what happened t0 tavr0s  
AA: it was that pers0n with the white text t00  
AA: and the things he said  
AA: i have n0 idea what its all supp0sed t0 mean  
TA: ii know, but you can thiink about iit more twomorrow when you have more re2t.  
AA: ...  
AA: 0kay 0_0  
AA: ill g0 t0 sleep  
AA: but 0nly if y0u d0 the same  
TA: ii’ll try, but the fuckiing voiice2 are really loud twoniight.  
TA: maybe ii can try two tune them out.  
AA: 0h  
AA: 0h s0llux  
AA: and here ive been unl0ading my w0rries 0nt0 y0u while y0uve been dealing with your v0ices  
TA: hey, iit’2 no biig deal.  
TA: you’ve had a long niight.  
TA: ju2t get 2ome 2leep, okay?  
AA: 0kay  
TA: <3  
AA: <3

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling  twinArmageddons [TA]

You really wanted to go to sleep after that—you did.  But while Sollux was battling the demons of his thinkpan, you were trying to deal with the demons of the events that conspired when the sun rose.  Tavros and Terezi were okay, and had even been able to rest easy after the sun rose, but you on the other hand weren’t so fortunate.

First, you couldn’t stop thinking about Vriska.  What she was thinking—if she was planning anything.  You knew someone like her wouldn’t let this slide without attempting some sort of revenge.  But what form would that revenge even take?  You weren’t sure you wanted to know.

And even beyond Vriska, there was the issue of the white text guy…Terezi said it had been Vriska’s friend, and the two of you had been dubbing him “Snowflake.”  Both you and she had saved the conversations you had had with him, and compared them.  Terezi said together, they both looked like pieces of the same puzzle.  But then the question became what that puzzle was for.

Terezi said it probably didn’t really matter and went to sleep.  You, however, had been staying up all night trying to figure it out.

You knew Sollux was still online.  You know he would be for a while, to make sure you actually went to bed and your handle either became idle with inactivity or signed out completely.  You knew you should respect his wishes and obtain the sleep that he probably wouldn’t be able to get.

But you couldn’t help it.  You went to your saved conversations, and found the one titled SNOWFLAKE.txt.  You opened it, and the window with the saved conversation opened, making it almost as if you were having the conversation with him yet again

HELLO, MISS MEGIDO.  
AA: 0_0  
AA: h0w d0 y0u kn0w wh0 i am  
THAT IS UNIMPORTANT RIGHT NOW.  
WHAT _IS_ IMPORTANT IS THIS CONVERSATION, AND HOW YOU WILL REACT TO IT.  
AA: wh0 are y0u  
ALSO UNIMPORTANT.  
BUT I ALREADY EXPECTED YOU TO ASK SUCH IRRELEVANT QUESTIONS.  
IT IS THE FATE OF YOUR LOT TO INQUIRE ABOUT THESE THINGS, FOR IT IS ALSO THE FATE OF YOUR LOT TO MAKE LIFE-ALTERING CHOICES.  
AND IT IS THE FATE OF THE LOT PARALLEL TO YOURS TO ULTIMATELY ALLOW THE WHIMS OF FATE TO FALL WHERE THEY WILL, EVEN IF THEY DO ATTEMPT TO FIGHT THOSE WHIMS FROM TIME TO TIME.  
SUCH IS THEIR CURSE TO HAVE LITTLE SAY IN THEIR DESTINIES.  
AND SUCH IS IT YOURS TO HAVE FULL RESPONSIBILITY OVER YOUR OWN.  
AA: what are y0u even saying  
AA: why did y0u message me like this  
AA: why am i even listening t0 any 0f this  
IF WE ARE TO CONTINUE ON THE COURSE OF IRRELEVANT QUESTIONS, THEN WE MAY AS WELL ASK OURSELVES THE MOST IRRELEVANT QUESTION OF ALL: WHY DO WE EXIST.  
AA: what d0es that have t0 d0 with ANYTHING  
AA: are y0u trying t0 make fun 0f me with this  
NOT AT ALL.  
IN FACT, MY MESSAGING YOU IS DONE IN A SHOW OF GREAT RESPECT FOR THE THINGS YOU WILL ACCOMPLISH, AS WELL AS FOR THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME.  
THOUGH YOU MAY NOT FULLY REALIZE WHAT IT IS YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME.  
IT IS ALSO DONE BECAUSE WHILE OTHERS MAY NOT THINK TOO MUCH ON THESE THINGS, YOU WILL SPEND A GOOD AMOUNT OF YOUR TIME THINKING ABOUT THEM.  
UNTIL, OF COURSE, THE BURDEN OF THIS KNOWLEDGE IS PASSED ON TO SOMEONE ELSE.  
AA: i think  
AA: im just g0ing t0 ign0re y0u 0_0  
AA: that seems like the better 0pti0n  
BUT YOU ULTIMATELY WILL NOT.  
FOR YOUR PROBING MIND CANNOT HELP BUT WONDER ABOUT MY PURPOSES.  
WHICH BRINGS US BACK TO THE MOST POINTLESS OF QUESTIONS, WHICH IS THE REASON BEHIND OUR EXISTENCE.  
YOU SEE, IN THE GREAT COSMIC SCHEME OF THINGS, THIS UNIVERSE IS NOT ALONE.  
IN FACT, THERE ARE AT LEAST FOUR OTHER INSTANCES OF DIFFERENT UNIVERSES OCCURING IN A TIMELINE IN THE THROES OF PARADOX SPACE.  
YOU CAN IMAGINE, IF IT IS POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO, THAT THESE UNIVERSES EXIST ON A SCATTER PLOT, EACH ONE NEATLY LEADING INTO THE NEXT IN A STRAIGHTFORWARD FASHION.  
OR A BETTER WAY TO IMAGINE IT IS TO THINK OF YOUR TROLL DARWINIAN KNOWLEDGE OF EVOLUTION, BUT IMAGINE INSTEAD OF SPECIES EVOLVING, ENTIRE UNIVERSES EVOLVING.  
THERE OF COURSE WAS THE BASE UNIVERSE. THEN A SHIFT IN THE ENVIRONMENT OCCURRED TO MAKE THAT ORIGINAL UNIVERSE UNSUITABLE FOR TIME AND SPACE. SO ANOTHER UNIVERSE MUTATED AND CAME ABOUT THROUGH INSURMOUNTABLE ODDS TO CONTINUE TO SURVIVE BOTH SPACE AND TIME. AND SO THAT PROCESS IS MEANT TO CONTINUE UNTIL THE FINAL BATTLE FOR EXISTENCE IS WAGED.  
AA: what is any 0f this even supp0sed t0 mean  
I AM ABOUT TO GET TO THAT.  
THE EVOLUTIONARY LINE OF THESE UNIVERSES IS ALL BUT GUARANTEED. YOU COULD EVEN SAY THAT THE VERY FABRIC OF BOTH TIME AND SPACE WERE MEANT ALL ALONG TO HOLD INSTANCES OF THESE UNIVERSES.  
HOWEVER, EVOLUTION IS FICKLE, AND FAR FROM PERFECT. AS SUCH, IT IS POSSIBLE FOR BRANCHES OF THE EVOLUTIONARY TREE TO COME ABOUT WITH NO HOPE OF SERVING THE PURPOSES ITS DESIGNERS INTENDED FOR THEM.  
TO BRING BACK THE SCATTER PLOT NOTION, WE CAN CONSIDER THESE INSTANCES OUTLIERS—THINGS UNACCOUNTED FOR, AND ALMOST STANDING IN DIRECT CONTRADICTION TO THE STORY THE OTHER POINTS IN THE GRAPH ARE MEANT TO TELL.  
BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN WE WILL THROW OUT THE ENTIRE GRAPH—NOR DOES IT MEAN THE ENTIRE EVOLUTIONARY CHAIN IS DOOMED TO FAIL.  
THAT POINT IN THE GRAPH IS SIMPLY TURNED INTO AN ASTERISK—AN EXCEPTION, IF YOU WILL—TO THE GENERAL FINDINGS THE GRAPH SUGGESTS.  
AND FOR THE EVOLUTIONARY TREE, THAT OUTLIER BRANCH WILL SIMPLY BE DOOMED TO END ONCE ITS SHORT AND MEANINGLESS CYCLE IN THE WHIMS OF TIME AND SPACE IS COMPLETE.  
AND THAT, MISS MEGIDO, IS OUR PURPOSE—TO WHITHER AND DIE UNTIL WE BECOME ONE WITH THE VOID.  
IT IS SO AMUSING TO THINK THAT MANY OF YOU BELIEVE YOUR LIVES WILL EVER MEAN ANYTHING, WHEN YOUR PURPOSES HAVE ALREADY BEEN FULFILLED ELSEWHERE.  
AA: 0_0  
AA: n0ne 0f this makes sense  
AA: why are y0u even telling me any 0f this  
BECAUSE IT IS IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW, AT LEAST NOW.  
WHEREAS IT IS NOT SO IMPORTANT FOR YOUR FRIEND TEREZI TO KNOW, THOUGH I AM TELLING HER ROUGHLY THE SAME THINGS AS YOU—JUST IN A DIFFERENT WAY.  
AA: y0ure speaking t0 terezi t00  
YES.  
AND SO WILL YOU, RIGHT NOW.  
BECAUSE SHE HAS SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU.  
AA: why cant y0u tell me y0urself!  
BECAUSE IT IS NOT FOR ME TO SAY.  
I AM DONE WITH THIS CONVERSATION.  
ARRIVERDERCI, MEGIDO.

apocalypseArisen [AA] is blocked from responding

With Terezi’s conversation, it was easy to see how the two complemented each other.  But _why_ they fit together and what they ultimately meant eluded you completely.

And of course, was only one of the things keeping you from sleeping, even as the sun threatened to set on you.

GAME…

The voices.  Of course they would bother you when your pan was already so worn thin.  No matter what, the voices of the dead always spoke to you of this.  Always of this game.

You wanted to scream at them sometimes.  _What game?  Why does it matter?  What are you trying to say?_

It never made sense.  Their ramblings served only to worsen the migraine that you already had. 

As the voices spoke to you with their cryptic meanings you logged off of Trollian, if only to ease Sollux’s already tormented thinkpan.  But in between the voices and your racing thoughts, you knew you weren’t going to sleep any time soon.

* * *

 

-Three Sweeps Before GREAT GATHERING-

 

TA

It was a normal day, you thought.  At least, as normal as normal got for you.  Which apparently meant instead of being overly depressive or manically overjoyed, you were just neutral.  Even the voices didn’t seem too loud.

So even if you weren’t necessarily _happy_ , the day still had shaped out to be at least _okay_ , you thought.

You had downloaded a few games to some blank grubs, made a few codes (even sending some to Karkat to rub in his face), and had a really pleasant conversation with Aradia.  As you saw the sun begin to rise from outside of your window in the hivestem, you decided to call it a day and actually get some solid sleep for once.  You even thought you might be able to avoid the worst nightmares your pan often visualized in your sleep.

Just as you had let your husktop go idle for the night while a download occurred in the background, it started.

The screams.

You had dealt with the voices being loud before, but never was it so consistent and horrifying.  It was no screams in the current reality that plagued you, but screams in your mutated pan that could not be silenced with any begging or offers of assistance.  They seemed to all scream out in unison, all varying words and sounds and laughs and cries from who knew who.  They came from all directions, from all sources.

Why?  Why couldn’t it have been a mild instance of hearing the voices of the imminently deceased?  Why couldn’t it have been some instance of a troll doing something stupid that you could groan or laugh at, depending on your mood?

Why did every other sound have to be drowned out with this insistent wall of horrible noises?

You were unable to form even one coherent or complete thought from the sounds.  But through the haze, you stumbled upon a word that seemed to promise some form of relief.

 _Honey_.

You had been warned against eating it.  It was specifically made for your lusus.  Your lusus’s continued thrashing and screeching when you had tried to take it once, though you never found out why.  It seemed to calm your lusus down, at least—why couldn’t it do the same for you?

The rational part of your pan said no.  If even your crazed lusus wanted you to avoid it, you should avoid it.

But every sense was screaming for relief, in the same way the voices were screaming for God knows what.  You were so desperate for the end of the agony that you wanted something, _anything_ to just _make it stop_.

What you didn’t know was that someone was about to answer your desperation with their own goals in mind.  What you didn’t know was that you would end up getting exactly what you wanted.  What you didn’t know was that relief would ultimately come at a cost.

What you didn’t know was that you would find out the reason for the voices high-pitched fervor soon enough.

\---

The sun was bearing on your back when you suddenly came to.  As you regained your senses, you vaguely wondered why you felt the sunlight when the sun hadn’t come up yet—and more than anything, why you would dare risk the sunlight anyway.

Then other sensations came to you.  Like excruciating pain and the feeling of blood in your throat.

All over yourself you felt gashes and wounds mixed with what you thought could only be salt for how painful it was.  As your vision became clear from the sunny glare, you first made out your hands, covered in blood.  Much of it was yours, but the mixture of even more colors made your guts wrench and twist in terror as you began to tremble at the weight of its implication.

 _What did I do?_ you thought.  _Oh my God what did I **do**!?_

Soon your vision spanned beyond your hands to your feet, covered in soot and ash.  And then you got a better focus of the ground, also covered in dust.  When you forced yourself to look up, it didn’t take long for your vision to adjust to the gory scene.

You, standing on a pile of debris, bearing witness to what was once a lively hivestem, reduced to nothing but rubble.  Even from your vantage point, it was easy to make out bodies—hundreds? _thousands?_ —poking up in odd ways from the wreckage.  A head disconnected from its owner.  An arm suspended out from the ground like an Alternian poppy.  A face with shards of broken glass stuck in it.

A lusus whose body was crushed like an insect—and suddenly it became apparent that it was _your_ lusus.

As you stood in mute horror at the scene before you, you suddenly became aware of one final sensation to add to the horribleness of the night.  Your mouth, dry at first, but with the slightest hint of an aftertaste that made you realize exactly what happened.

Like honey.

 

AA

You were sleeping soundly until, in the middle of the night, with the sun high in the sky, the voices of the dead awoke you from your dreams with the gore-filled tales of their deaths.  You knew it could only mean one thing.

Somewhere, a large number had just died.

You had to curse at the rotten turn of fortune.  And here you had thought you would get a decent night’s rest for once!

With the voices being too loud for you to tune out and fall asleep, you begrudgingly decided to crawl out of your recupercoon and get cleaned up.  Might as well start the day, even if it was still technically night for you.

Just as you were about to grab a towel to clean off the green slime (since it was too difficult to get your plumbing to work most days), you suddenly realized your lusus—who usually slept right next to your recupercoon in the one-block hive—was not on her sleeping mat.  On the contrary, she was near your husktop, still up and running from last night, you having forgotten to turn it off.

You didn’t know why she was up—usually she was almost always sleeping.  But here she was, staring intently up at the husktop monitor, like it was communicating to her or something.

“Ram?”

She hardly ever responded to your voice.  This time was no exception.

Instead of expecting her to come to your side at some point, you decided to walk over to the husktop to see why she was so interested in it.  As you got closer, the reason behind her fixation became obvious with the blinking messages from Trollian on your screen.

At first, you thought it might have been Kanaya, since she was always awake during the sun hours.  But then you realized she lived on the other side of the planet, and her sun hours happened at the same time your dark hours occurred.  She would have no reason to be messaging you so late.

When you finally managed to get a closer look of the screen to see the sender, your heart stopped.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

AG: Araaaaaaaadiaaaaaaaa.  
AG: ::::)  
AG: You pro8a8ly won’t see this until MUCH l8r, 8ut I think it’s important for me to let you know ahead of time.  
AG: Especially since I’m sure you’ll try to act like I’m the 8ad guy here.  
AG: I just want to remind you that all of this is YOUR FAULT.  
AG: So don’t come crying to me just ‘cause you can’t hang with the consequences of your actions!

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

A sinking feeling came in your protein chute.  What could she have meant by that?

All you knew was that it couldn’t be good.

You hastily typed in a new response to her, even though you felt she probably wouldn’t be online anymore.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling  arachnidsGrip [AG]

AA: what is that supp0sed t0 mean vriska  
AA: what did y0u d0! 0_0  
AG: ::::o

You were shocked to see her smilie come up so quickly in response.

AG: Woooooooow, Megido, I didn’t expect you to 8e up so l8!  
AG: 8ut I guess that’s not important.  
AG: What IS important is that you finally got what was coming to you since last sweep.  
AA: what was c0ming t0 me  
AA: are y0u talking ab0ut the flarp incident  
AA: i was just trying t0 st0p y0u fr0m hurting tavr0s!  
AA: h0w c0uld y0u still blame me when it was clearly y0ur fault!  
AG: Of course you would try to pin this on me.  
AG: Typical Megido.  
AG: 8ut it doesn’t matter if you can’t own up to things you did!  
AG: I already m8de you p8y 8ack what was due to me.  
AG: And honestly? You should 8e happy I didn’t make it worse. ::::)  
AA: what!!!  
AG: Let me put it nice and sweet for ya, Aradia.  
AG: I could have done you in.  
AG: I could have done you in _reeeeeeeeal_ 8ad.  
AG: And I actually considered some really fucked up ways to do it!  
AG: For instance, I could have sent your lover 8oy over to kill you personally.  
AA: 0_0  
AG: 8ut I thought to myself, naaaaaaaah. I’ll 8e a 8it nicer to her.  
AG: After all, she clearly just has no idea how the real world works and what her pl8ce is.  
AG: All she needs to do is realize who’s on top here!  
AG: And I’ll tell you who’s on top, Aradia.  
AG: It’s _me_.  
AG: :::;)  
AA: what are y0u saying  
AA: why w0nt you tell me what y0u did!  
AG: So since I decided to scrap my plan to have your 8oyfriend kill you, I started to think a8out what else I could to teach you a lesson you wouldn’t forget.  
AG: And I realized that aside from killing you, you pro8a8ly wouldn’t care about anything I did to you.  
AG: But SOLLUX on the other hand........  
AG: Well, you might 8e more likely to t8ke the lesson to heart if something happened to him.  
AA: n0  
AA: n0 y0u didnt  
AA: please d0nt tell me hes  
AA: 0h my g0d if y0u did ANYTHING T0 HURT HIM!!!  
AG: Relaaaaaaaax.  
AG: I spared his life _this_ time.  
AG: At least...last I checked he was still alive. :::;)  
AA: !!!!!  
AG: And if he IS alive, trust me when I say this, Aradia: you can rest assured that if y8u EV8R try to p8ll y8ur bullsh8t on m8 ag8in, y8u’ll 8e 88GGING me to kill you!  
AG: Al8ng w8th h8m!!!!!!!!  
AG: 8NDERST8ND!!!!!!!!????????

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

You thought an imperial fleet ship was lodged in your throat for how tight it felt, with tears threatening to burst.  Your heart was beating so fast that you could hardly acknowledge it, save for how quickly blood seemed to flow in your veins down your body as your shaking reflex came into full gear.

You didn’t know what to do.  No…you did.  You knew the question of Sollux’s survival could be as easy as listening closely to the voices still whispering to you.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to do that.  Instead, you opened up a new window and—already knowing it would be futile—began typing a message.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling  twinArmageddons [TA]

AA: s0llux  
AA: s0llux when y0u get 0nline  
AA: if y0u get 0nline  
AA: please resp0nd to me asap!  
AA: i need t0 kn0w y0ure 0kay!!!  
AA: PLEASE!!!!! 0_0

After the final message, you wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to hug away the feelings of doom and pointlessness that were invading your thoughts, along with the images of Sollux and you, playing on repeat.

You thought of the first time you met him—playing a game on a whim.  The game, who’s title starts as “The game wherein two teams—one red, one blue—battle against each other to claim a fortress by capturing a flag/checkpoint in their teams favor” and so on, was a wildly popular series at the time, and one of the few games offered for free in the Empire.  You were itching to play the newest installment, and originally, Tavros agreed to play it with you.  But last minute, he ended up not being able to make it.  You considered dropping the plan to play all together, but ultimately decided you would at least _try_ it; however, being that this installment of the series was meant to be played co-op, it meant you getting assigned to a random player you didn’t know.

That player ended up being Sollux.

He was so good at the game that you ended up asking him to play the game again at some point.  He, apparently having been impressed with your own skills, agreed to it.  Soon it became a regular thing—loading the game, picking him as your co-op member, going on and claiming checkpoints and flags in the name of the red team.  At first, he was just a game partner, but slowly, you and he started to consider each other friends.

You soon learned about his voices.  You soon told him about your own.  He told you of the prophecies that were whispered to him, and you both were able to align which things were said to whom and be able to guess what they may have meant.  And over time…that friendship and trust became something much more.

And after that…you both were as happy as you were able to be.

But that was before Vriska decided to take revenge on you by using Sollux.  And with Sollux’s status uncertain…

You just couldn’t believe it could end so awfully.

You jumped when your husktop dinged, afraid that it may be Vriska coming back to torment you confirm his death.

When you saw the yellow text light up your screen, your heart soard.

TA: AA?  
AA: s0llux!!!! 0_0  
AA: 0h my g0d s0llux y0ure alright!!!!  
TA: oh god AA, ii’m freakiing out 2o much.  
TA: ii diid 2omethiing fuckiing awful, and ii can’t handle iit.  
TA: and ii had two fiind a husktop and ii diid but  
TA: fuckiing  
TA: the entiire hiive2tem  
TA: my lu2u2  
TA: ii know ii never really liiked hiim, but ii never wanted hiim dead  
AA: s0llux...  
TA: oh god and all tho2e people AA  
TA: oh my god they’re all gone  
TA: ii de2troyed the hiive2tem and kiilled them all!  
TA: iit’2 all my fault!!  
TA: ii’m a MURDERER!!!!  
AA: s0llux its 0kay  
TA: no iit’s not!!!  
TA: thii2 ii2 FAR from okay!!!  
TA: II KIILLED THOU2AND2 OF PEOPLE!!!!!!  
AA: s0llux its n0t y0ur fault  
TA: YE2 IIT II2!!!!!  
TA: ii kiilled them all becau2e ii couldn’t 2top my2elf from eatiing the miind honey but  
TA: god the voiice2 were 2o loud, ii couldn’t help my2elf!  
TA: ii ju2t wanted them two 2TOP!!!!  
TA: ii never meant for thii2 two happen!!!!!!!  
AA: s0llux  
AA: it was vriska  
AA: she manipulated y0u  
TA: what!?  
TA: ii...  
TA: what?  
AA: she just g0t thr0ugh talking t0 me saying she did s0mething t0 y0u  
AA: n0w its clear t0 me what that was  
AA: she made y0u kill all 0f th0se pe0ple  
AA: and y0ur lusus  
AA: s0llux i pr0mise you its n0t y0ur fault  
TA: but...  
TA: but why diid ii let her do that two me?  
TA: why wa2n’t ii able two fiight her off!?  
AA: s0llux  
AA: there was n0 way any 0f us c0uld have predicted she w0uld d0 s0mething like this  
AA: please d0nt blame y0urself f0r this  
TA: where...where am ii goiing two go, AA?  
TA: ii can’t go back there.  
TA: ii have no lu2u2.  
TA: no one ii know can take me iin.  
AA: ...s0me0ne can  
TA: oh REALLY? liike fuckiing WHO!?  
TA: plea2e, AA, fuckiing tell me who we know who would let me 2tay wiith them!!!  
AA: ...me 0_0  
TA: ...  
TA: AA, no.  
TA: your hiive ii2 BARELY biig enough for you and your lu2u2, you can’t have me liive there two liike 2ome freeloader.  
AA: y0u w0uldnt be a freel0ader  
AA: y0u w0uld be my matesprit  
AA: living in the same hive as me  
TA: god, when doe2 that even HAPPEN?  
AA: it can happen n0w  
AA: there may n0t be an instance 0f it bef0re  
AA: but why cant it happen anyway 0_0  
TA: ...  
AA: y0u need a place t0 stay s0llux  
AA: and i w0uld rest easier kn0wing exactly where the place is  
AA: and ill be even happier kn0wing that place is with me  
AA: d0 this f0r y0urself and f0r me  
AA: please  
TA: ...okay.  
AA: thank y0u 0_0  
TA: ii’ll be there by 2un2et.  
TA: ...ii love you.  
AA: i l0ve y0u t00

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

At the end of the conversation, you felt relief flood over you.  You didn’t know how you would navigate this unique living situation with Sollux in the one-block hive, or if it would even end up working out, but you knew one thing.

Even though your and his troubles were far from over, you were happy.  Happy that. in spite of the dread the future held, he was still _alive_.

* * *

 

-Two Sweeps Before GREAT GATHERING-

 

AC

AC: :33 < what does gr33n blood even mean! it doesnt mean anything to me and it shouldnt mean anything to anyone else!   
CT: D --> Well, green b100d is okay, but it’s not great   
CT: D --> But that’s why you’re lucky to have me to 100k out for you   
CT: D --> Because you don’t know better, and you can’t fight the role the mother had in store for you

Equius was being a lame-o butthead again, and you weren’t having any of it.  God, how could he even BE this way!?  How could he act like he’s so high and mighty just because of his blood color!?

AC: :33 < rawrgh, you are such a hypurrcrite!   
AC: :33 < you pretend to be so high and mighty but i know youre not and i know you like games   
AC: :33 < look at that silly little bow and arrow you always type!   
AC: :33 < its always there, you never furget   
AC: :33 < why would you do that if it wasnt a playful fun thing, i am so on to you!  
CT: D --> My bow and arrow are highly dignified symbols   
AC: :33 < lol! bs!!!   
CT: D --> Archery is among the highest and most e%ceptional crafts, held in tremendous regard by the most a100f classes for centuries   
AC: :33 < you suck at archery   
CT: D --> No   
AC: :33 < yes   
CT: D --> No   
AC: :33 < yes   
CT: D --> No I don’t   
AC: :33 < yessssss yes yes yes   
AC: :33 < have you ever even successfully fired an arrow?   
AC: :33 < like actually got one to leave the bow??   
CT: D --> I think   
CT: D --> We need to stop talking about archery   
AC: :33 < nuh uh   
CT: D --> Yes   
AC: :33 < no   
CT: D --> We will stop talking about archery   
CT: D --> The topic is making me   
CT: D --> Sweat   
AC: :33 < eww   
AC: :33 < youre so gross  
CT: D --> No, you’re the one who e%ercises distasteful practices

With his sweat, refusal to have fun, and his large ego, you honestly sometimes wondered why you even stayed with him for so long.

But then you remember.

AC: :33 < nooo, thats you   
AC: :33 < everyone knows youre a weirdo and a cr33p!   
AC: :33 < thats why youre lucky to have me to k33p an eye on you   
AC: :33 < no one else can stand you!   
CT: D --> You e%terminate beautiful, innocent creatures by the hundreds   
CT: D --> I can’t condone such wretched behavior   
CT: D --> Beasts are meant to be 100ked upon with adoration   
AC: :33 < but   
AC: :33 < i eat them!   
AC: :33 < i dont kill anything i dont eat, that would be mean   
CT: D --> I guess that’s basically acceptable in principle, but I still find it a bit unsavory   
AC: :33 < well i think YOUR habits are unsavory!   
CT: D --> No they’re not   
AC: :33 < yuh HUH   
CT: D --> You're wrong about me, Nepeta   
CT: D --> I do like to play games   
CT: D --> But they must be e%tremely important games with very high stakes   
CT: D --> Not the kind played by trans100cent green wigglers who let 100se an e%cremental surge hard in their wiggler-bottom diaperstubs   
CT: D --> Just like the game we are playing tonight   
CT: D --> With you and I on the much more superior red team

Oh.  That reminded you.  Arguing aside, you actually started trolling him for a reason.

AC: :33 < yeah, equius, about that  
AC: :33 < i actually got invited to play on the blue team with karcat and terezi!  
AC: :33 < they really didnt wanna play with vwhiskers, and so she and i will be switching sides  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> That will not happen  
AC: :33 < yes it will!!  
AC: :33 < im going to play with karkat and terezi and thats final!!!!  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> You are going to play with me, and THAT’S final  
AC: :33 < i dont want to play on the red team though!  
AC: :33 < the only people i really know is you, and efurryone else i know just barely!  
AC: :33 < i mean arawrdia s33ms nice, and pawllux i guess is okay, and sos fefurry  
AC: :33 < but then theres AMPURRA, and i cant stand him!!!  
AC: :33 < i know the people on the blue team WAY better, so why cant i play with them!?  
CT: D --> Nepeta, now you are acting ridic001ous  
CT: D --> We settled on these teams weeks ago, and to attempt to e%tract yourself from the plan or otherwise change is una%eptable  
AC: :33 < GRRRARGH, VRISKA DOESNT EVEN WANT TO BE ON THE BLUE TEAM THOUGH!!!!

Before you could finish yelling at him via Trollian, a ding and a message pop-up from someone else stopped you from typing your next message.  You were surprised to see the sender, and his characteristic yellow text.

Even though your husktop dinged further with more messages from Equius, you chose to ignore them to talk to Sollux.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

TA: hey NP.  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < hey pawllux! :33  
TA: wow, really enthu2iia2tiic greetiing there.  
AC: :33 < hey, i thought it was nice!  
AC: :33 < i used my smilie and efurrything!  
TA: whatever, whether or not you’re exciited two 2ee me ii2n’t iimportant.  
TA: ii’m ju2t contactiing you two let you know we’re not playiing the game anymore.  
AC: :33 < really? :oo  
TA: yeah.  
TA: long 2tory 2hort, the game ii2n’t playable, and ii can’t fiigure out how two fiix iit.  
AC: :33 < awww, thats too bad. :((  
AC: :33 < i was getting really excited to play it too!  
TA: well, 2orry for dii2appoiintiing you.  
TA: look2 liike you and ii won’t be playiing on the blue team twogether.  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < you mean you had switched teams too? :oo  
TA: waiit, what??  
AC: :33 < i mean, i was talking to karkitty and purrezi about switching teams and having vriska take my place on the red team  
AC: :33 < i didnt know you were going to switch to the blue team as well! :oo  
TA: waiit...  
TA: no, you’re riight, ii wa2 on the red team.  
TA: why diid ii 2ay blue team?  
TA: ii ju2t corrected KN on that two, why diid ii get miixed up liike that?  
AC: :33 < ://  
TA: whatever, ii’m gettiing a headache ju2t thiinkiing about iit.  
TA: ii gue22 ii’ll go ahead and tell EQ now two.  
AC: :33 < oh, you dont have to do that!  
AC: :33 < ill tell him myself :33  
TA: work2 for me.  
TA: no offen2e, but ii kiinda don’t wanna talk two hiim anyway.  
TA: how YOU manage two do iit ii2 beyond me.  
AC: :33 < well...hes not all THAT bad  
TA: whatever you 2ay, NP.

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling  arsenicCatnip [AC]

Somehow, what Sollux said had rubbed you the wrong way.  It wasn’t like there was any doubt about how other people viewed your moirail.  He _was_ creepy, after all.  And even though you didn’t know Sollux that well, you knew him well enough to know he basically said grumpy and kind of mean things to and about _everyone_.

But you didn’t like the implication that somehow being friends with Equius was more of a chore—like something you had to “manage” or brace yourself for.  Sure, talking to him could be difficult sometimes, and a lot of the time he scared the living moonlight out of you, but you would never say it was something you had to force yourself to do.

As you tried to get over what Sollux said to you—which you were was just Sollux being Sollux—you became aware of your husktop dinging over and over.  You saw the message window you had with Equius swarmed with “D --> Answer me” and “D --> How dare you ignore me” and “D --> I am STRONGLY inclined” blah blah blah.  But then you saw another message opened with the new memo function that Trollian added.  You and your friends were planning to use it for the game, even though it acted glitchy and had errors to it (not to mention it had promised to allow people from different time points to interact with each other, even though that seemed impossible to you, and also because it ended up not delivering on that promise anyway).  At first, you had assumed he must have sent messages on the memo you and he had started together to track each other’s progress in the game.

But then why was the memo called TEAM ADORABLOOD—…oh no.

? centuarsTesticle [CT] ??:?? HOURS AGO responded to memo. _[glitch]_  
?CT: D -- > NEPETA LEIJON, YOU WILL ANSWER MY MESSAGES THIS INSTANT  
?CT: D --> I HAVE ALREADY SOILED DOZENS OF TOWELS FROM YOUR LACK OF RESPONSE, AND I DEMAND YOU ANSWER ME TO CEASE MY E%CESSIVE SWEATING  
?AC: :33 < :oo  
?AC: :33 < ummm  
?AC: :33 < equius?  
?AC: :33 < why did you send these messages over the public memos?  
?AC: :33 < and NOT on our purrsonal memos?  
?CT: D --> ...  
?CT: D --> Oh dear  
?CG: OH MY GOD.  
?TA: hehehehe  
?GC: >:/  
?AG: Woooooooow.  
?AT: uHHHHHH,  
?AA: 0_0  
?GA: Oh  
?CA: fuckin god eq control yourself  
?CC: 38o  
?TC: wOoOoOaH, wHaT tHe MoThErFuCk Is AlL eVeN hApPeNiNg. :o0

 

TA

The game wasn’t working.

The game wasn’t fucking working.

_Why wasn’t the game fucking **working**?_

game game game game game game game game game game game game

“Goddammit, I’m _trying_ to get it to work, okay!?”

“ _Sollux?_ ”

AA called to you from outside, no doubt concerned with your sudden outburst.  But God fucking dammit, it wasn’t _directed_ toward her, why the fuck didn’t she understand that!?

“It’s fucking FINE, AA!” you shouted back.  “Just fucking **_PEACHY_**!!!”

Thankfully, she didn’t respond after that.  Probably going off picking Alternian poppies or something else equally as pointless, you thought.

So you went back to the game.

You tried everything with this fucking game.  _Everything_.  Not a single thing was left untried.  But no matter what, every time you attempted to load the game to your husktop—or even send it to your friends—it came up with the same fucking error message.

As if you couldn’t be more irritated at this supposedly “fate-changing game” you were supposed to play, the fucking voices just _wouldn’t let up_.

Game game game GaMe GAMEgameGAME _game_ **game** GAMEg AME _GAME_

“Goddammit **_SHUT UP!!!_** ”

In your rage you threw the game across the block, thinking maybe if you broke something, the voices would let up.  Be too shocked to fucking talk.  Maybe offer you a formal apology, you didn’t know.

But when it broke in half, you suddenly realized with horror what you just did.

“Oh God,” you mumbled, half in fear, and half in apology to the game and voices and…what else?  You didn’t know.  “Oh God oh God oh God _oh God_.”

You ran to the other side of the block, desperate to grab the game pieces before anymore damage could be done to them (even though it seemed relatively impossible for anything to happen while they were lying stationary? whatever, you weren’t taking any chances).  You clutched them together, thinking maybe if you held them close enough, they would come together out of sheer belief in the ability.

…But no, that was a stupid thought.  Why would you think something so stupid?  Clearly hugging them wasn’t going to fix their booboos.

You had to get _duct tape_.

You went to the cupboards on another side of the block, where AA kept all of the essentials, and started pulling things out of them, thinking maybe you would finally pull out a roll of duct tape.  But _no_ , all you kept finding was fucking eating utensils and plates and _God_ why did she feel the need to _eat_ so much!?

“Sollux!?”

Her shocked voice came behind you, and you jumped, turning around, afraid that maybe she heard your thoughts out loud (did she have that power? oh God she had that power didn’t she?).  But when you saw her wide-eyed expression and her mouth agape, you realized that what she was seeing wasn’t someone who had just had a thought about all the food she ate.

It was a guy with a crazed look in his eye, clutching on to two broken halves of a game, clawing and throwing things out of her cupboard like he was fucking insane.

“I…” you tried feebly, the dryness in your throat stopping you before you had a chance to swallow some moisture.  “I was…looking for duct tape…”

Her expression then shifted from bewilderment to one of sadness and concern.

“Sollux…”

Oh God.  Oh God you were about to cry.  A lone yellow tear drop started to fall down your cheek, but you wiped it away and turned from her before her expression could make more follow.

“I’m sorry, okay!?” you snapped.  But immediately when the words came out, you felt bad about how you said them, and wished you could take the tone behind them back.

Before you realized it, AA had walked behind you and put her hand on your shoulder, and you knew what it meant immediately.  It meant “it’s okay Sollux” and “it’s not your fault Sollux” and “you can’t control these things Sollux” and “I’ll clean up the mess for you like I always fucking do Sollux.”  It was so aggravating, and you hated her and yourself for the fact that she felt like she had to do that sort of thing for you.  You could take care of yourself _just fine_.

“Did you tell everyone about the game yet?”

What?  Oh.  She changed the subject.  Or was there even a subject that had existed outside of your pan?

“Uh…no,” you responded, suddenly feeling your muscles untense with the logical question being asked.  “No, I still have to tell FF.  And…ugh, _ED_.”

She giggled at how you said ED’s name, though you didn’t see why.  What was there to laugh at when it came to talking to a guy whose last word in common sense was literally “destroy all land dwellers”?  You were already regretting the conversation you were going to have with him.

“Well,” AA began, “you could probably tell Feferi, and she’ll pass the news onto Eridan.  Assuming you want to avoid talking to him.”

That…actually made a lot of sense.  Genuinely.  Why didn’t you think of that?

With that, her hand dropped from your shoulder, and she walked around you.

“You go tell Feferi the status of the game,” she said, “and I’ll clean up.”

And suddenly you weren’t that upset that she was cleaning up the mess because _really_ , it was a nice thing for her to offer.  And it _was_ just an offer, the way she said it.  You could have said, “No, it’s fine, I’ll clean up, but thank you anyway,” and she would have probably gone back outside or something.  It wasn’t her thinking you were incapable of taking care of yourself, like you had thought it would mean a few seconds before.

See, that was the thing about AA.  She didn’t always know what to do in your either your manic or depressive states (because seriously, how could she be expected to know when you yourself hardly knew half the time?), but sometimes she could say the right thing—and not just that, but could say it at the right time.

She wasn’t perfect, of course, but neither were you.  And sometimes that was good enough.

You went back over to your husktop, opened your Trollian window and clicked on the last handle you had yet to inform.  As you did, you couldn’t figure out why you had been so upset about the game before.  It had already happened.  It had happened long before you broke it in half.  Hell, you had already told most everyone the game wouldn’t be played.

Why did it bother you so much before?  It was just a game, right?

With the sudden clarity that came with this realization, you began typing a message to FF.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling  cuttlefishCuller [CC]

TA: hey FF.  
CC: O)(...  
CC: )(ey Sollux.  
TA: goddammiit, what ii2 WIITH people greetiing me liike they don’t want two talk two me?  
TA: liike oh no, here’2 2ollux YET AGAIIN, better get ready for THII2 bull2hiit!  
CC: )(ee )(ee, sorry!  
CC: I )(ave just been having a roug)( day. 38/  
TA: fuck, you can 2ay THAT agaiin.  
TA: ii haven’t even left my hiive twoday, and hone2tly ii feel 2o exhau2ted riight now.  
CC: RIG)(T???  
CC: But anywave...w)(at’s up?  
TA: iit’2 about the game. we’re not goiing two be playing iit anymore.  
CC: 38o  
TA: yeah, ii know, your weiird goliiath mon2ter lu2u2 2aiid iit would be happeniing, and wow now iit’2 not, 2o 2hockiing.  
CC: Acs)(oally, trut)( be told...I am not t)(at surprised. 38/  
TA: waiit.  
TA: really?  
CC: Yea)(. W-EIRD, rig)(t?  
CC: I don’t know, I )(ave been starting to t)(ink t)(at maybe my lusus has been wrong about some t)(ings.  
CC: Well.  
CC: About a LOT of t)(ings, really.  
CC: So I guess I am not too s)(ocked about not getting to play t)(is game!  
TA: that’2 kiind of weiird, but okay, not that biig of a deal.  
TA: al2o, another thiing, could you pa22 the me22age two ED for me?  
TA: no offen2e, but ii’d rather not talk two hiim.  
CC: Ummm...  
CC: Actually, me and -Eridan are kind of in rocky waters, so to speak.  
CC: We just got into a R-E-ELY big fig)(t! 38(  
CC: I am not sure t)(at I can pass t)(e message to )(im for you.  
TA: geez, are you fuckiing kiiddiing me?  
TA: and here ii thought ii’d ACTUALLY get to avoiid talkiing two that a22hole.  
CC: I’m really sorry, Sollux! But I just...  
CC: ...  
CC: Wait.  
CC: I t)(ink somet)(ing knocked on my door.  
CC: I )(ear w)(atever it is making noises...  
CC: O)( MY GLUB, IT’S FUCKING -ERIDAN!  
CC: Codclammit!!!! 3>8(  
CC: I’m sorry, Sollux, I’ll glub at you later.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling  twinArmageddons [TA]

TA: uh  
TA: okay?

Well, that saved you some hassle.  You assumed that you might be able to avoid telling ED after all.

You thought that maybe you could go through the rest of the day just relaxing, help AA pick up your mess, maybe make some dinner for her with what little food you had (why did you think she had so much before?), and then—

_**GAME GAMEGAMEGAMEGAMEGAMEGAMEGAMEGAMEGAMEGAMEGAME** _

“SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP **_SHUT UP!!!_** ”

You clamped your hands over your ears, even though you knew it wouldn’t stop the noise from coming.  In a matter of seconds, you felt AA kneel by your side without a word.

“Why!?” you cried, mostly to nothing, but also to her.  “Why the _fuck_ can’t I have one decent day in the shithive existence called my fucking _life_!?”

When she didn’t respond right away, you somehow knew the universe didn’t have an answer either.  All she could manage was, “I don’t know.”

It was a shitty answer.  No, it wasn’t _even_ an answer.  But you let her stay there next to you anyway, silent and unmoving, because the answers weren’t always going to be there, AA wasn’t always going to say the right thing at the right time, and the voices weren’t ever going to let up, and you would just have to deal with it.

* * *

 

-One and a Half Sweeps Before GREAT GATHERING-

 

CT

“We will just need a pinprick from you, sire.  Just to confirm.  Would you hold out your finger for me?”

You nodded your assent, holding out your finger to the uniform clad official in your hive.  From the color of her uniform, you could guess she was a brown blood.  Although it bothered you that someone so low on the hemospectrum was the one who was administering your blood test (how did she become so important to do such a task _anyway_?), you could not deny the courtesy she had been showing you.  She knew how to treat those obviously superior to her, even if she _did_ work closely with the EMPIRE.

In a brief second, she took a needled vial out of her briefcase and extracted a sampling of your blood from your finger.  After she had gotten what she asked for (a pinprick, true to her word), she examined closely the blue blooded sampling.

“Ah…” she said with a tone of admiration.  “Such a rich and noble shade of blue.”

 _Good_ , you thought.  _She recognizes my noble blood lineage_.

Thankfully, before your thoughts could drift further than that to ones more _lewd_ and _disgusting_ , she put the vial away in her briefcase, distracting you from the “what if she bossed _me_ around” questions threatening to pop up.  She closed the briefcase and turned back to you.

“Now,” she said, “it is by my Imperially mandated duty to give you a brief questionnaire about what you want to do to best serve our Empire.  Would it be alright with you if we began now?”

Oh, and she even was asking for your permission.  Wow.

You were surprised you hadn’t already started sweating.

“Absolutely,” you said, motioning her to a chair near a broken robot pile.

You felt at first a little embarrassed about how messy your hive was and how disgraceful it must have seemed to an IMPERIAL OFFICIAL, but you reminded yourself that she was a brown blood, and that if anything she should consider it the highest HONOR to be in the presence of someone so high as yourself.  If anything, a person in her place would be more likely to be required to clean the place herself than judge it for its appearance.

But then your thoughts had turned to “what if she used her IMPERIAL power to make me clean it up myself” and almost caused you to sweat profusely, and so you tried not to think about the subject any longer.

When she sat down, you took a seat right across from her, signifying your readiness to begin the interview.

“First,” the OFFICIAL began, “I should ask if you know what you would like to do for our Empire.”

“Yes,” you responded.

“And what would that be, sire?” she asked.

“I am hoping to join among the most elite ranks of the Archeradicators.”

She cocked her head at this statement, as if…was she _daring_ to question your choice?  You didn’t even need to hear her say it—you just knew what she was thinking.

_Wouldn’t you be more fitting for the Ruffianhilators?_

“I have studied extensively on the exquisite art of archery,” you said before she could put words to the thoughts.  “I am _more_ than fluent in the history of the profession itself.  I cannot stress to you how fitted I am to be one of their number.”

She put a finger thoughtfully on her mouth, silent for a moment, as if thinking about what you just said.  Then, as if she had just obtained an excellent idea, she raised her finger in the air.

“Would you be willing, sire,” she said, “to shoot an arrow in my presence?”

…Oh.

 _Oh no_.

“Er-erm,” you replied falteringly.  “Well…the circumstance behind _that_ is…”

You trailed off, having no answer for her.  You were hoping that at this point you would have been able to learn to control your strength enough to shoot an arrow, but _of course_ that hadn’t happened.  No matter how many times you tried to focus, or calm yourself, or restrain yourself, the bow always broke, and it left you so angry that you had to punch and break another robot.

Suffice to say, you could not shoot an arrow for her.

Not waiting for you to say anything more, she let out a sigh.  “I’m afraid to inform you, sire, that I will have no choice but to assign you to the I-T-A-T-C-B-B.”

Just _listening_ to the lascivious acronym made you wince.

“But!” she added.  “It will be scheduled at least a sweep from now, meaning you will have plenty of time to do…whatever is needed to train you for the Archeradicators.”

After that, she asked for your permission to leave the premises (which you mumbled your assent to), and she left with her briefcase of blood vials.  Even after she was gone, you were left with the full weight of the notion that you would be needing to prove yourself worthy for the Archeradicators.

You knew everything about the Archeradicators, but you it wasn’t enough.  You would still need more…

More work.  More training.  More fighting.

But of course, such was the struggle of a high blood, and you knew you would never escape it.

 

CA

CG: I MEAN...  
CG: MY BLOOD.  
CG: MY  
CG: MY FUCKING BLOOD ISN’T ON THE HEMOSPECTRUM, OKAY?  
CG: I HAVE THIS...DISGUSTING CANDY RED FLUID FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS.  
CG: SEE?

You were six sweeps going on seven sweeps, and oh my God you had just found out something so unbearably awful you wanted to puke.

A blood mutant!?  A fucking _blood mutant!?_   Just…no.  No no no no no no.

Kar couldn’t be a blood mutant.  He was yanking your fucking hook with no intention of actually taking the bait, right?

But as another moment passed, you realized he was being serious about this.  You realized that your friend, your confidant, your…you didn’t even want to say _what_ …Karkat Vantas was a blood mutant.

Okay, yeah, you had always figured he might be pretty low.  I mean, anyone who felt the need to hide their blood color had to have a good reason for it, and what better reason could there be than someone being a low blood?

But being low was a whole different fucking expedition when compared to being a _goddamn **mutant**._

You pulled your glasses above your head and put your face in your hands, just trying to process this new piece of information.

So Karkat Vantas was a mutant.  Does that mean you should kill him?

Well…it was the more obvious option, really.  And if he had been stupid enough to divulge the information to you before you had become his friend, you wouldn’t have even hesitated.  But unfortunately for you, Karkat Vantas was _far_ from stupid, and now you had to be stuck dealing with all these feelings.

Because truth be told, you _did_ have feelings.  You didn’t want to admit it because even before this bombshell Kar didn’t always seem to fit neatly in the grand scheme of things—especially since you had basically surrendered yourself to the idea that you would _always_ be pale with Fef, no matter what.  But that didn’t stop the feelings from existing all the same, whereas the magic to undo those feelings unfortunately did not.

God, why did you do these things to yourself?  Get these feelings for people who had no hope to survive in the empire?

…But you knew you had to deal with it, whether you wanted to or not.  And even though every impulse was screaming at you to do one thing, you knew as you typed your response that you were going to do the other.

CA: wwoww really  
CA: hm  
CA: i figured you wwere loww but youre a straight up mutant huh

Wow, so casual.  It was almost like you hadn’t almost retched upon hearing the news earlier.

CG: I  
CG: YEAH?  
CA: interesting  
CA: did you tell anyone but me  
CG: I  
CG: I CONSIDERED IT  
CG: BUT I DECIDED NOT TO  
CA: so you didnt tell mindfang  
CG: ...WHAT?  
CA: vvris  
CA: this is fuckin important kar did you tell her or not  
CG: NO!  
CA: please tell me you didnt say anything to gam either  
CG: ABSOLUTELY *NOT*.

So he definitely wasn’t stupid.  But of course, you already knew that.

A tempting thought came up—how the fact that he hadn’t told anyone basically opened him up for easy killing but _oh my God how could you think that???_

CA: good  
CA: its good you didnt try to talk to any of em  
CA: though you should of came to me earlier

That was a fucking laugh.  You had just considered killing him a second earlier.  Hell, you were _still_ considering it.

CA: let me guess  
CA: the empire probably sent you your letter for the blood test dates  
CG: ...  
CG: YES.  
CG: YES, THAT’S EXACTLY IT.  
CG: BUT ERIDAN  
CA: dont wworry  
CA: ill get it handled

And you knew when you typed that you would, one way or the other.  No matter which feeling ultimately won out, business would get taken care of.

CG: HOLD UP

What?

CG: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU, ERIDAN AMPORA, THE GUY WHO TELLS ME AT LEAST ON A DAILY BASIS THAT HE WANTS TO KILL ALL THE LAND DWELLERS LIKE *ME*...  
CG: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU DON’T *CARE*?  
CG: YOU DON’T CARE THAT I’M BASICALLY SALIVA THAT WAS SPAT OUT BY GOD ON THE FACE OF THE HEMOSPECTRAL ORDER?  
CG: AND NOT ONLY THAT, BUT YOU’RE ACTUALLY GOING TO *HELP* ME???  
CA: uh  
CA: yeah

At least you _thought_ you were?  God, you were so torn.

CG: ...  
CG: OKAY THEN.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME  
CA: wwhat

_What!?_

CG: YOU WANT TO HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF DROWNING ME YOURSELF WHEN YOU MANAGE TO FLUSH THE LAND DWELLERS OUT, DON’T YOU.  
CG: OR BETTER YET, YOU WANT MY LUSUS FOR THAT HIDEOUS SEA BEAST THAT YOUR GODFORSAKEN MOIRAIL INSISTS ON CALLING HER OWN LUSUS. HELL, YOU CAN EVEN TAKE ME WITH YOU TO SEE VRISKA, SO YOU CAN RECONCILE OVER HER SPIDER LUSUS GNAWING ON MY BONES!  
CG: WAIT...OH MY FUCKING GOD, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.  
CG: YOU WANT ME IN A *QUADRANT*!  
CG: YOU WANT ME TO TENDERLY MASSAGE THOSE SLIMY URCHIN-INFESTED GILLS OF YOURS OR AUTOASPHIXIATE YOU INTO GETTING OFF IN EITHER A RED OR BLACK DAZE RESPECTIVELY.  
CG: THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME, ISN’T IT, YOU DISGUSTING PERVERT!!?  
CA: WWHAT THE FUCK KAR

How could he be _saying_ these things to you!?  You get you’re fucking desperate, but _really_ , how could he assume you would want _anything_ from him but to be _so fucking pa_ —…palsy with him?

CA: the hell kinda person do you take me for  
CA: wwhy cant a troll merely help out a friend wwithout them throwwin false accusations left and right fuckin SERIOUSLY  
CG: YOU’RE...  
CG: YOU’RE NOT GOING TO KILL ME?  
CG: OR FORCE ME INTO DOING ANYTHING?  
CA: fuck no  
CA: i may be a lot of things but i wwouldnt go out a my wway to hurt those wwhovve help me  
CA: and youvve helped me a lot its the least i can do to try to help you as wwell

Right?  That was how you should go about it.  Kar was still your friend.  Him being a blood mutant didn’t change anything.

It just completely stabbed at everything you believed in.

The former route would have been better to take, though, and you realized that.

CA: besides its not like you being a mutant changes anything betwween us youre STILL a fuckin assblood  
CA: practically evveryone is compared to me  
CA: noww i just knoww youre lowwer than i originally assumed  
CA: wwhich by the wway i lost a fuckin bet wwith vvris noww thanks a lot  
CG: WHAT!?  
CG: YOU’RE NOT GONNA TELL HER NOW, ARE YOU!!?  
CA: fuck kar calm dowwn its a joke  
CA: although wwe did make bets  
CA: she wwas guessin maroon but i thought it had to be green or possibly jade  
CA: since she guessed lowwer on the hemospectrum i guess she technically wwins  
CA: fuckin bitch

The bet was a real thing.  You and Vris really had made a wager regarding his blood color.  You two had even tried to get Kan to find out his blood color for the two of you (which she ultimately refused).

What you didn’t tell him was that the only reason you had guessed green or jade was because you had a hard time dealing with the notion that you might feel _anything_ for someone below those levels.

CG: YOU TOOK BETS ON MY BLOOD COLOR.  
CG: UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE.

Un-fucking-believable indeed.

CA: wwell wwhat the fuck do you THINK is gonna happen wwhen you type in some gray font all mysterious like youre basically askin for people to get curious  
CA: not that it wwasnt a good tactic growwin up and i see wwhy it wwas so necessary noww  
CA: but i wwasnt awware a that until a feww minutes prior cut me some slack  
CG: I WAS STILL YOUR FRIEND!  
CG: YOU COULD HAVE SHOWN A LITTLE BIT OF DECENCY AND RESPECT FOR MY PRIVATE AFFAIRS AND NOT GAMBLED GOLD AWAY ON SOMETHING SO PETTY!  
CA: please its not like it matters noww  
CA: for all vvris knowws i wwas closer to being right than her  
CA: in fact ill just tell her i wwas right all along and then she might get bothered by it enough to flippin TALK TO ME  
CG: ERIDAN?  
CA: wwhat  
CG: ...THANK YOU.  
CG: I REALLY MEAN THAT, OKAY?  
CG: THANK YOU.

You knew he was being sincere, and it was enough to send a jab of pain through your collapsing and expanding bladder based aquatic vascular system.  Here you were seriously trying to figure out if you _really_ wanted to kill him, and he was putting all of his trust into you.

How could you go against him?

CA: ...  
CA: dont thank me yet  
CA: not until you get your imperial position

You say it mostly as a warning to him.  Because no matter how you might have felt, you still didn’t know what you were going to do.  Could you really go against everything you believe and help him do the impossible?  You honestly didn’t know.  But as a show of good faith—even if that faith was rocky and could be broken at any second—you typed a follow-up.

CA: though youll likely be guaranteed any spot you wwant in the empire once im through

\---

The conversation went on with you making miscellaneous reassurances to Kar, though you were sure to be as cryptic as possible.  Soon, you had to force yourself to log off because you were _too exhausted_ to deal with it anymore.

You needed to rest.

You took off your clothes and climbed into your recupercoon, hoping that once you closed your eyes away from the hazy blue sunrise that sleep would come…

But it didn’t.

Your eyes remained wide opened, no matter how much your body begged for sleep.  You tossed and turned, hoping new positions would offer what you craved the most, but it only left you scowling with the reprieve they didn’t have.  Soon, you gave up completely, as you watched as much of the sunrise you could see without blinding yourself, turning away when it finally reached that luminosity.

Instead of trying to find sleep, you decided to let your thoughts race about Kar.  About what he thought you were going to do.  How you weren’t sure if you were even going to do it.

If you and Kar were as good of friends as you wanted to be, he was smart in asking you to help him.  Even if it meant more of a struggle for you, there’s no one out there better than a sea dweller when it came to pulling one over the empire.

But if your desires for sea dweller glory were ultimately going to be the driving force behind your actions…well, Karkat Vantas had just committed a serious, though uncharacteristic, act of idiocy.

Which one would it be?  You knew it was ultimately up to you, though it was the last thing you ever wanted or needed.  More feelings.  More confusion.  More responsibilities.

The sane part of your pan asked the most reasonable, if gut-wrenching question of all: Could you do it?  Could you really forget about everything you’ve ever believed in to help him?

You honestly weren’t sure, but felt that somehow you were always fated to ask this question of yourself…and you were always fated to find the answer, one way or another.

* * *

 

-One Sweep Before GREAT GATHERING-

 

CC

In the depths of the ocean, the times of day had very little meaning.  It didn’t matter if the sun was up or down on the horizon.  You tried to avoid the sunlight while on land because, royal or not, sunlight still had a dangerous effect on trolls if they lingered too long.  So when you planned on being on land to either help Eridan hunt or just to spend time with him, you would schedule your sleeping routine so as to avoid the sun.

But today, Eridan told you to take the day off and relax.  He would hunt and feed your lusus on his own.  Since Eridan had been making a big effort to be nicer to you—especially since the last big fight you guys had a sweep ago (had it been a sweep already?)—you let him do it, and allowed yourself to sleep as much as you wanted.

When you had yawned awake and swam out from your water-resistant recupercoon, you felt so _refreshed_.  Sometimes you forgot just how much the Royal Obligation took out of you until you had a chance to just _relax_.  Now you were more than ready to take on the challenges of the day.

Living underwater meant no excess slime residue on your clothing or body, so you got in your clothes without cleaning.  Once you did, you decided you would check your husktop to see what time it was and if anyone was on Trollian.  Even if it was late, you were still sometimes able to check up on Kanaya, or occasionally find other people up late.  You sometimes even got a chance to talk to Sollux, which you _always_ enjoyed…probably more than you should.

You went to your husktop and saw just how late—or early—it was.  The sun was probably still up, but it was right around sunset.  So early morning or late night, however a troll wanted to interpret it.

You opened up Trollian, and weren’t surprised to see so many people offline; however, someone was—Eridan.

Why was he up so late?  Did something happen to him?

Before you could try to message him, a window popped up.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling  cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CA: fef youre on  
CC: Yes! And so are you, apparently! 38o  
CC: W)(y are you up so late?  
CA: fef can wwe talk

???  Two seconds into the day, and Eridan was _already_ acting cryptic.  And he had been doing so well!

Your gut reaction was to assume either he was back into his old habits, or…something worse.

CC: U)(, s)(ore?  
CC: Are you okay, -Eridan?  
CA: i  
CA: i dont knoww  
CA: probably not  
CC: You’re acting really W-EIRD. 38/  
CC: W)(at is going on?  
CC: Did somet)(ing )(appen to you w)(ile you were )(unting?  
CA: no  
CA: at least not to me personally

Oh geez, he really WAS going to make you force it out of him!  Typical!  And you had thought he actually CHANGED!

But as you began typing an angry response, he beat you to the punch.

CA: i killed someone

You froze, immediately backtracking your idea to yell at him for being so vague.  Before you could even think of something to say to it, he poured everything out.

CA: i wwas tryin to get his lusus to feed to the emissary an i ended up havving to kill him  
CA: i mean it aint like its the first time ivve gotten my hands dirty but  
CA: i dont knoww  
CA: he wwas a sea dwweller  
CA: and im just really freakin out an if you cant talk right noww thats fine but can wwe at least talk at some point

You were speechless.  Not because Eridan had just killed someone (which you felt really bad about), but that he wasn't being reticent with it for it.  He was actually being completely _open_ with you.

Even though a part of you wanted to scold and question him on how it got so bad that he had to _kill_ someone, a much larger part of you was happy— _so happy_ —that he even wanted to _talk_ to you about it.

CC: -Eridan, I’m so sorry t)(at )(appened.  
CC: But I am R-E-ELY )(appy you came to me. 38)  
CA: i dont knoww howw to feel about it i mean  
CA: he looked so much like me  
CA: wwhat if he WWAS me  
CA: wwhat if he wwas the one helpin you perform the royal duty  
CC: Royal Obligation.  
CA: wwhatevver  
CA: wwhat if he met you four swweeps ago an i wwas just some poor schmuck wwho got in his wway  
CC: But )(e WASN’T, -Eridan.  
CC: YOU were.  
CC: And anyway, most people would )(ave tried to run away from me if I made it obvious I was t)(e )(eiress!  
CC: Only YOU would )(ave ever stayed.  
CC: 38)  
CA: ...  
CC: W)(ere are you now?  
CA: i dunno  
CA: outside on some island somewwhere  
CC: In t)(e SUNLIG)(T!? 38O  
CA: wwell im not vvery wwell starin directly at the sun fef  
CA: wwhat do you take me as some wwiggler  
CC: It is still dangerous!  
CC: )(ave you fed Glubby at least?  
CA: yeah thats done wwith  
CC: You s)(ould sail back )(ome t)(en.  
CC: We can talk about t)(is moar tomorrow after you get some R-EST. 38)  
CA: ...alright  
CA: ill go noww  
CA: an fef  
CC: ?  
CA: thanks

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling  cuttlefishCuller [CC]

When he signed off, you felt happier than ever.  Not only had he openly _talked_ about something with you, he even _thanked_ you!

Talking with Eridan wasn’t always easy, and you were sure even then another conflict between the two of you was sure to arise at sooner or later.  But you couldn’t help but feel so _grateful_ that you didn’t dump him a sweep prior, like you originally wanted to.

 

CA

You didn’t need to be a medical drone to know he was dead.  The hole Ahab’s Crosshairs had blasted out of him made it apparent enough.

You saw his lifeless corpse before you, and thought with horror how he looked so much like you.  His fins, his eyes…even his blood, so similar to yours…

…his blood…

… _oh God **his BLOOD**_!!!

In mere seconds, you took the sharp end of Crosshairs and slashed it across your palm.  You let the blood flow freely from the wound as you kneeled down and with shaking arms compared both your blood and his.

And then relief.  You sighed, seeing that your shade of violet was _clearly_ a richer shade than his.  Even if someone found out about this, you could win the case against the Grand Tyranny.

Assured in your convictions, you allowed yourself to sit next to the body.  You pulled from your modus the glasses you had attained from him.  They were tacky—even Kan would agree with you on that—but you weren’t ever planning on wearing them as a fashion accessory.

If anything, you just needed them for their Trollian capabilities.

Even though you knew in the eyes of the empire that you had every right to kill him, you still wanted someone to talk to.  You needed someone to help make your thoughts stop racing and your blood from ringing in your ears.

When you saw that Fef was on, you immediately felt more relief.  Even though you didn’t really want her to be your moirail, at that moment you would take anything you could get.

As you felt more than ever the heat of the sun setting behind you in the red tinted skies, you commanded the glasses to open up a chat window with her, and began talking.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling  cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CA: fef youre on  
CC: Yes! And so are you, apparently! 38o  
CC: W)(y are you up so late?  
CA: fef can wwe talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d like it to be known that what Sollux is experiencing should not be seen as romantic and “oh such a beautifully tragic bipolar kid.” It’s not, and should not be viewed that way. If for some reason you think it IS portrayed problematically or overly romantic (which I sincerely hope not), let me know, and I can try and change it.
> 
> Just a note—Trollcadia is based on the program Furcadia. If you were able to deduce that (or even recognize the name), congratulations, you’ve proven to everyone that you’re a gigantic furry, and you should keep your furry germs the fuck away from me*.
> 
> * _The author should note that she doesn’t think enjoying the program Furcadia automatically means you’re a furry, nor does she actually care if you're a furry or not. It's your deal, man._


	15. The Imperial Landing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparations are made for a great event to mark the end of the Great Gathering.
> 
> Plans are forced to change.

AG

“Did you hear?”

“Hear what?”

As you walk through the throngs of people in the Imperial Landing, you hear two people passing by you conversing.  They’re trolls like any other, and would normally be barely worth noting for you; however, their excited, barely hushed voices are dripping with the temptations of news or secrets, and you can’t help but eavesdrop.

“ _Her Imperious Condescension is going to give a speech!_ ” the initiator of the conversation reveals in an excited voice.  “I heard some guards talking about it!”

“ _What!?_ ” the other exclaims, clearly more shocked than you are at the news as you immediately tune them out for such a ridiculous excuse for gossip.

And here you thought something _really_ big had happened, like someone important dying!

You suppose the idea of a speech is _kind_ of interesting, if only because the Condesce has never addressed the public.  Like ever.  She takes a more “behind closed doors” approach to ruling, letting people prostrate themselves before golden idles of her likeness, and only occasionally issuing some official declaration via some poor schmuck dressed in formal imperial attire.

You briefly consider watching the speech for shits and giggles, but almost immediately decide against it.  You’ve got more important things to do than watch some dumb speech.

So you continue to walk in the opposite direction the troll were going, passing more chit-chatty people confirming the speech to be a real thing happening soon.  You also overhear some guards talking about how they haven’t had a need to use the monitor screens scattered across the Landing in _sweeps_ , and how they’re not sure they’ll have it running in time.  One of them says that they better, or the Condesce will cull every last one of them.  But aside with pissing their diaper-stubs with worry, they offer nothing of interest.

Aside from pointless background noise, you notice floating, seated platforms being spit out like silent projectile missiles from some of the fleet ships, no doubt to hold some more prestigious members of troll royalty and nobility for when the Empress talks.  They form a circle before a smaller platform is finally spewed out, and takes a central position among the floating platforms.  This platform you assume will hold the Empress herself.

With nothing more interesting than floating platforms, and your already limited senses being dulled with commotion about the speech, you decide to take a beeline away from the crowds toward an unpopulated alleyway.  As you near its entrance, a flash of two people dart in front of you as one is slammed against a wall, stopping you in your tracks.

“ _Give it to me!_ ”

“ _No!_ ”

No one else notices them, leaving you alone to take in the situation, which seems to be that of a cloaked person holding up a guard by their collar against the wall (quite a feat, considering the cloaked person’s height in comparison to the guard).  For what reason it’s happening, you’re unsure, except to say the guard has something the other wants.  Maybe it’s a mugging attempt?

The temptation to snoop is there again, and you don’t fight it.  You stay where you are, only turning to look away from the two people to act as though you do not notice anything that’s happening.  However, through the peripheral of your one good eye, you can make them out, and you train your hearing to listen to the words they speak.

“ _Let me make this_ clear _for you_ ,” the cloaked person’s voice whispers coarsely.  _“If you don’t do what I say, I will make your life a living_ hell. _**Now give me your microphone**!!!_ ”

“ _You think I’ll listen to someone like_ you _!?_ ” the guard says in defiance.  “ _And risk getting CULLED!?_ ”

“ _You have no choice!_ ” the figure whispers harshly.  “ _You will be culled anyway if the Condesce gets wind of you talking to me—which I promise you she_ will _if you don’t do this_. _And if by some miracle she_ doesn’t _?  I’ll kill you myself!!!_ ”

“ _You’re bluffing!!!_ ”

At this moment, you see from your peripheral the cloaked figure turn to look around, perhaps afraid someone might have found them.  Not wanting to risk getting caught snooping, you start to walk away, as if you didn’t hear anything.  You don’t know for sure, but you _think_ you hear the figure audibly gasp when they see you. 

You guess it’s because they think you might have heard—which you did.  But as interesting as their matter with the empress may be, it’s not interesting enough for you to change your current course.  You’ve got your own irons to deal with.

As you resign yourself to the crowds and walk away from the strange confrontation/potential sabotage plot, you suddenly notice how the lights around you have slowly shifted and changed.  The bright fuchsia lights of the imperial fleet are now being rivaled by the dim blue light of twilight.

You know what this means.  The sun will be rising soon to scare away the peasants and the royalty alike.  You think about how you are scheduled by the empire to be leaving soon as well, to an unexciting future of being a fleet captain.  And soon after all of that…this long day known as the Great Gathering would be over.

You shrug it off, and continue to walk.

 

CT

Things ended up going exceptionally well for you in the long run.

After you had bid your 100,000 credits, you were unfortunately outbid by the cerulean slave master by double the amount.  At first, you thought you would have no choice but to accept that you owning Aradia and her lusus was something that would simply never be.  But just as the transaction was being made for Aradia and her lusus, Aurthour (oh, _wonderful_ Aurthour) made you aware of a comment by one of the bidder’s slaves to another of his slaves, claiming that the only reason the cerulean blood even _had_ so much currency to spend on slaves was because he had stolen from the gold reserves of the Empress herself.  Out of civic duty, you immediately informed the auctioneer of this information.  She almost didn’t believe you due to it being only the word of a slave against their master.  However, luck would have it that the cerulean blood would make himself look suspicious for beating the offending slave an excessive amount.  (For spreading slander against their master, you could argue three or four kicks or hits while the slave is on the ground, and maybe just breaking one of their bones, but _twelve_ kicks, and all of their ribs?)  The auctioneer thus felt compelled to order an investigation of his financial records, and after only a brief analysis of them, it became clear that the slave was telling the truth.  He was dragged away, along with his slaves, for immediate culling.

To reward you for your excellent work in turning in the thief, you were reserved seats for yourself, a quadrant mate, and one other on a floating platform to watch the Condesce’s speech.  You didn’t even know Her Imperiousness was going to _make_ a speech, so the thought you would be guaranteed a good spot near her was doubly titillating.  You couldn’t help but sweat at the prospect.

But that wasn’t even the best part.  The _best_ part was that you were awarded the slave—Aradia Megido—and her lusus for a discounted price from your last bid.  Instead of paying 100,000 credits for her, you would only have to pay 99,999 credits!  You couldn’t have been more overjoyed.

Which brings you to the present, where you are walking alongside an imperial guard, two lusii, and your new slave (Aradia Megido, of all people!), _all with one credit on you!_   It’s more than you could have ever expected, and you would be lying if you said you _weren’t_ perspiring at this moment.

“We are heading toward my designated platform,” you ask the guard, “correct?”

“Yes,” the guard responds.  “And just to confirm, you have requested your moirail Nepeta Leijon to be taken from her boarding station to the platform, is that right?”

“Yes,” you confirm.  “Will she be there when I arrive?”

“She should be,” the guard tells you.  “I can’t see why she wouldn’t.”

You can’t help but feel some unease at the flimsy guarantee offered by the guard for her presence, but you allow yourself to believe that the feeling must come from the slave business that occurred earlier in the day, rather than any source of logic.  You convince yourself that everything will be fine, and allow your mind to drift to the more immediately pressing matter at hand—the fact that you haven’t even _spoken_ to Aradia.

Only a short amount of time being a slave and she’s already so well-behaved.  She has not once strayed from your side, nor has she tried to speak without being spoken.  You can’t help but admire her class and restraint, and also can’t help but think what a shame it is that she had to be born in such a low caste.  But you try to stop yourself from thinking of such foolish (and _scandalous_ ) possibilities.  After all, if she had _not_ been a maroon blood, you would never have been able to buy her as your own slave.  And she in turn should be grateful to have been afforded the good graces of your ownership.

And yet…she has not looked at you.  Not once since you bought her.  But why?  You don’t know.

Steeling your nerves, you tentatively strike up a ~~conversation~~ set of orders to get her attention.

“Miss…Megido?”

She _finally_ looks your way, her eyes still filled with…sorrow?  Why sorrow?  Shouldn’t she be happy that a man of your standing should look upon her so favorably?  You cannot make sense of her sadness, but you decide to ignore it for the time being.

“I understand that this may seem odd for you,” you say, “being that we have had correspondence prior to my purchasing you as a slave.  It may also seem strange for you personally, being that this correspondence between us as children has always been rife with…uh… _difficulties_.”

She doesn’t even look confused at your remarks.  She still looks so…unbearably _sad_.

“However,” you press on, “it’s my _STRONG_ wish that we can continue on this new working relationship and form a mutual respect for one another.  After all, you will most likely be in my possession for the rest of your life, and I udder to think what may happen if I fail to provide a sense of comfort for you, nor do I want to think of what may happen if you… _fail to perform_.”

You haven’t really thought about it until now—what would happen if she didn’t perform her duties.  Punishing Aradia?  It’s of course fitting for a master to punish their slave, but…oh God, what if you _couldn’t_?  What if she took your inability to punish her as an opening for her to deliberately disobey you?

What…what if _she_ punished _you_ for being so easily manipulated?

You can’t stop your sweating.  And even worse she continues to look at you with that same despaired look.  It only serves to sour your mood, to the point that you can’t help but clench your fists and growl.

“ _As a first order_ ,” you say through grit teeth, “ _I_ demand _that you stop frowning this instant and_ smile _.  It’s_ **ruining** _my disposition_.”

The sadness stays, with some glimpse of shock.  She is testing your authority now, you just _know it_ , and yet…

“ ** _Aradia Megido I COMMAND YOU TO SMILE AT ONCE!_** ” you yell at her, raising a fist with no intention to use it…

…but it does the trick.  Horror replaces her despair as she gasps, before a wide, forced smile appears across her face to alleviate your rage.  Yes…yes, you have power here.  You are the master.

This is normal.

“…Thank you,” you eventually respond with.  “It makes me exceptionally pleased to see you be obedient.  You would do well to _continue_ to be obedient, Miss Megido.”

Aradia continues smiling while mumbling a “yes master” under her breath.  You don’t sweat nearly as much as you expect to upon hearing the word “master” come from her mouth.

The rest of the walk is quiet between she and you, nor does the guard think to interrupt the silence.  It’s all the same to you, since it takes only a few more minutes to get to your desired location.  When you and everyone else are standing before the minicarrier meant to fly you up toward the floating platform, the guard gives you information about the platform and carrier.

“You, your moirail, your slave, and all of your lusii will be flown up to platform number ten with this minicarrier,” they explain to you.  “The minicarrier will remain afloat, in case the platform should malfunction.  Just as a safety measure.”

“Safety measure”?  Even Aradia seems genuinely shocked at such a concept, despite her smiling. 

“As for your lusii,” the guard continues, “we will be leaving them in a large cage at the back of the carrier with twenty-five other lusii.  I only hope that your lusii are able to defend themselves against the larger, more aggressive ones.” 

Now that sounds more like the EMPIRE you know.  You’re not too worried about Aurthour—he may not handle himself well against someone as ridiculously STRONG as you, but as a musclebeast, he can manage himself against other foes.  He can also probably protect Aradia’s smaller lusus, and you count yourself fortunate to have your moirail’s lusus, who—despite how unsavory and disgusting you find the act—is a well-trained huntress who could defend herself.

Wait…where is your moirail, anyway…?

You look around, suddenly conscious of her continued absence, and when you realize she is in fact _not_ in your general vicinity, you look to the guard for answers.  “Where is my moirail?  Shouldn’t she be here by now?”

“Hm?” the guard responds before their eyes widen with realization of your meaning.  “Oh, that’s right!  I wonder why she isn’t…oh!  Oh, _there_ she is!”

The guard motions for you to look a few yards off to the side of the minicarrier.  At first, all you see is two guards, and then…oh no.

You drop everything and run toward the distant point in horror, neither listening nor caring about the guard’s outbursts of confusion and shock, because you know that blue hat, designed that blue robotic tail swishing back and forth, understand the guttural growling and hissing coming from the meowbeast, and can only think that this is _not_ okay, that it is _not_ alright, that your bargain should have ensured this not to happen, that the only thing you can be bothered to care about is the fact that your moirail has been brought to you _in chains_.

 

AC

“ ** _LET GO OF HER!!!_** ”

You could have heard your moirail shouting from a mile away, but it’s when you actually see him charging toward you and the guards who have shackled you that you feel relief—so much so that you even stop trying to fight against the guard who is dragging you by a shackle around your waist.

Your guard doesn’t see him first, however.  The female guard that’s dragging your lusus by a shackle around her neck does. 

“What are you—”

She never finishes her statement.  Your moirail in his stampeding is already face-to-face with your own guard and, in one fell swoop, yanks his collar to hold him in midair.  You can’t help but smirk with satisfaction at the guard’s terrified expression, like a prey before the kill.

“What is _THIS!?_ ” Equius rages, gesturing to you and your lusus in chains.

“Sir—” the guard holding your lusus tries to start, but thankfully, your moirail’s not having any of it.

“This is my _moirail!_ ” he exclaims.  “She is my **_MOIRAIL_** , and she should _not_ be in chains, gosh dammit!”  Then, as if realizing he just swore, he quickly added, “Excuse my language!”

“ _S-sire_ ,” your guard begins, “sh-she was being uncooperative, and questioning our authority.  We had no choice!”

 _What!?_ you think.  _Is_ that _what they’re calling it!?_

Thankfully, your moirail doesn’t seem to buy it and answers the guard’s accusation with continued glaring through his cracked sunglasses.

“It’s true,” your lusus’s guard speaks against your favor.  “She would not even confirm her identity, _and_ she allowed her lusus to attack us.”

“Where is your _proof!?_ ” Equius commands.

The guard he still has elevated flailingly rolls up his uniform’s sleeves to show him a bite mark—one that even without close inspection was clearly left by your lusus.

You don’t know why you’re surprised when Equius shoots you a scolding look.

“No, you don’t understand!” you try to say.  “She just… _I_ just…they _didn’t_ …”

The words fail you, in spite of yourself.  In your head, what happened is all too clear.  You were sitting at your boarding station, waiting for Equius to show, when the two guards approached you.  They asked you if you were “green blood _some random set of numbers_ ” that, at the time, you weren’t aware was your serial code.  You were confused—they could _see_ you were confused, too.  But instead of calling you by a name to simplify things, they pinned you down and tried to extract a blood sample.  That’s when your lusus attacked—to protect you!  And then they put you in shackles and dragged you here.

But you can’t explain this to Equius.  As such, he only sighs in aggravation while gently setting down the guard he was holding.

“I’m sorry my moirail has given you so much trouble,” he says to him.  “You see, Miss Leijon has lived away from the rest of civilized society for her entire life, and as such is unaware of normal troll customs.”

 “I’ll say!” the guard he was just holding remarks.  “She’s practically _feral!_ ”

Inside, you’re fuming.  Not only have they been treating like less than a person, but now they’re actually insinuating you are.

It takes every ounce of willpower to _not_ scratch the guards with your claws as they go about unshackling you and your lusus.  When they finish, you expect Equius to begin berating you.  And here you thought you might get questions answered—why you were brought here, what happened to make you not be a slave anymore, and others.  But surprisingly he simply gestures for you to follow him, and as you do, he answers one of those questions before you even need to ask.

“We’re going to watch the empress’s speech,” he explains.  “We’ll be taken to one of these floating platforms by that minicarrier,” he points to a ship a few yards away, “and be seated for the event.”

You had no knowledge of any speech happening before, nor can you guess why Equius wants to watch it with you.  But before you can question him about this, you suddenly see where he pointed something way more interesting than a ship.

Someone you recognize.  Someone for all intents and purposes should _not_ be there.

 “ _Purr-rawr-dia!?_ ” you exclaim in shock when you make out her form.  “Purr-rawr-dia, is that _you!?_ ”

“ _Nepeta!_ ” Equius tries to quiet you, but you don’t care.  You’re fixed on the girl who says nothing/

All she does is smile and give the ever faintest of waves and you’re bounding to her.

“It really _is_ you!” you cry happily.

“ _NEPETA!_ ” Equius scolds again, though he’s unable to stop you—he can only follow as you run over to her spot and wrap her in a friendly embrace that she doesn’t return.   When you pull her away, she’s still smiling, but something about it seems…off.

You decide not to focus on it, though.  If she’s smiling, you should try to be happy back.

“How’d you get here?” you ask her.  “I thought you were gonna be a…”

The words hang there, but the way her smile breaks for a brief moment is enough to tell you she knows what you were going to say.  The way her eyes widen with an indescribable fear is enough to tell you that you probably shouldn’t say anything more.  After what happened to you this morning, you suddenly understand Aradia way more than you ever did before.

“Nepeta, _please_ …”

Aradia’s smile is back almost instantly at Equius’s voice behind you.  You notice her flit her eyes up to him and then to you, as if trying to tell you something.

You don’t get the message, though.  Not until Equius speaks.

“First you make a scene by _questioning authority_ ,” he says, “and _now_ you’re being inappropriate with my _property_.  This will simply not do.”

The words “my property” stab at you like a blade through the heart, and suddenly the horror that was in Aradia’s a few seconds prior is in yours.

His _property_.

 _Aradia was his “property_.”

“I demand that you begin behaving in a more respectful manner,” Equius says as he puts his hand on your shoulder, “ _and_ —”

“ _How **COULD** you!?_ ”

You slap away his hand as you turn to face him, baring your teeth in anger.  He retracts, shocked by your outburst.  You can actually _hear_ the guards pulling out their chains, in case you need to be restrained again, but you don’t care.  All you care about is the unspeakable crime Equius just committed.

“Nepeta!” he scolds yet again.  “What has gotten _in_ to you—”

“How _could_ you?” you ask again more quietly, your voice trembling.  “After what happened to me today?  You were angry, weren’t you? And yet you…”

You recognize Equius’s sharp intake of breath before he has a chance to control himself and his breathing, and you know he knows your meaning.  That he _knows_ better than this, that he could _be_ better than this…but with the disappointing reality that he isn’t.

“Nepeta…” he begins with pain in his voice, before steeling himself and beginning more matter of factly.  “That’s different.  You’re not…one anymore.  And you’re my moirail, of _course_ I’d—”

“And _she’s_ someone else’s matesprit!” you counter.

You know this hurts him.  As his moirail, you’ve been able to guess and dig up a lot about him.  And you know why he would purchase Aradia.

You can see a red crush a mile away.

“Nepeta, please listen to reason,” Equius begins, and you can’t _believe_ he’s going to try and scold you right now.  You honestly can’t, even though you know exactly what he’s like.  “You’re acting like a wiggler about this—”

“ _Don’t talk to me._ ”

It’s a simple, direct order—something you rarely ever give out.  But you really think if Equius tries to continue trying to convince you what he’s done is in anyway _okay_ , you might take out the claws again.

You turn to look away from him, knowing you probably never will be able to look at him again after all this, but you can hear his dissatisfaction when he responds.

“Fine.  If you _refuse_ to act civilly about this, then I don’t wish to speak to you either.”

He walks away from you.  From both of you.  Aradia, you finally notice, is still smiling awkwardly, as if unsure to make of the situation.

You think of saying something to her, like “I’m sorry about this,” “is Paw-lux okay,” or even “you have to believe me when I tell you Equius isn’t that bad.”  But she turns before you can finish the thought—perhaps for the better, for you’re sure the first thought would mean nothing to her, the second would hurt more than help, and the third…you’re not really sure you believe the third anymore.

After that, you’re quiet.  You don’t acknowledge Equius when he tries to explain away your behavior as “uncivilized” and “ignorant” as a way to get a rise out of you.  You don’t yell at the guards when they start prodding you and your lusus through the minicarrier door.  You don’t voice your opinion on the stupidity of a minicarrier that can only carry twelve people and a little less than thirty lusii in a dirty cage to safety should something bad occur.  You also don’t question the ridiculousness of not simply taking the lusii out to let people take their place.  You don’t even complain when you’re told that smelly cage is where your, Equius’s, and Aradia’s lusii will be staying for the speech.  You don’t want to give any of the guards the benefit of that anger, nor Equius.

As the minicarrier stops and the guard pilot informs you that it’s okay to go out to your seats, you take in one last smell of the animals.  You think of hunting, and of blood coating your walls.  You think of Equius, who once told you you were a savage for partaking in such a practice.  You then think of how his walls were decorated with creepy and gross centuars, and how he just purchased your friend as his own piece of property.  You think how he calls that noble and civilized.

And you think it’s all bullshit.  They may call you feral and savage, but at least you’re not a monster that enslaves its own kind.

As you start to walk out of the minicarrier, the feeling of Aradia’s hand grabbing yours stops you.  She only holds it for a second, giving it a small squeeze, and then she walks ahead of to be beside your moirail, still wearing her fake smile.

It says more to you than any words these “nobles” could try to say.

 

CG

You know exactly what you’re going to do.

You wear an all black, signless wardrobe as you make your way through the crowds, wielding your sickle out in the open, as if ready to attack at a moment’s notice.  Your lusus is also strangely silent beside you, not even uttering a low “skree.”  People pay the two of you very little mind, even with your weapon drawn—probably assuming you’re just trying to show off.

A sea dweller.  Purple glasses.  A top hat.  Those are the markers you need to keep your eyes peeled for.  You scan through the crowd, making not of any distinguishing feature that may match the description of the person you’re looking for.  You search and search and search, and think for a moment you won’t find this person, that it was all a ruse, or at the very least that you’ll _never_ find them in such a thriving metropolis.

And then you see it.

The figure is a few yards away from you, leaning near the entrance of a dark alleyway—typical place for shady business.  You surprisingly don’t notice their tophat first (even though it sticks out like a sore thumb and effectively hides their horns and much of their hair), but the way their glasses glint, then move down to see the nice violet coat that covers their symbol, a brown satchel, and the sleek black dress pants and shoes that complete the image of douchebag nautical aristocracy.  Nothing on them suggests a symbol—you almost think it’s fitting.

They don’t spot you from afar, seeming too preoccupied with their own thoughts.

Your grip tightens on your sickle.  You hear your lusus growl.

“Hey fin-face!”

They don’t recognize “fin-face” as being a statement for them, nor make note of your voice.  It’s not until you’re charging at them full speed with lusus in tow that they look up, mouth gaping, and only managing to _narrowly_ dodge your sickle aimed at their head.

“ _What the_ —”

The person—man, from the way they sound—is missed by your sickle swiping at the air as your lusus begins screeching at the troll from behind you.  If he waited a second too soon, you would have slit your throat.

So you decide to fix that mistake and charge at him, slashing at his torso.

“ _HAH!!?_ ” he cries again as he once again dodges your blade.  “The hell is your _PROBLEM_ , assho—”

He stops for a second, seeming to squint for a second through his glasses to get a good look at you.  And then, his eyebrow raises.

“ _Kar…kat?_ ”

“Oh, so you recognize who I am!” you spit at him.  “I guess Eridan didn’t try to spare on any of the detail of my personal life!”

You can’t see the expression of his eyes behind his glasses, but you see his eyebrows raise.  “Where the hell is your symbol?  I guess it’s not technically important, but—”

“But what!?” you yell.  “Were you hoping to have some souvenir to bring back!?”

“Woah…Karkat, I don’t think you— _GAH!_ ”

You swipe at his face again, and he backs away before you can hit him.

“Did Eridan in telling you about me _also_ tell you that he promised he would _help_ me?” you ask him.  “Did he tell you exactly how he was planning to screw me over?”

“Karkat, _please!_ ” he starts to say.  It’s strange, but you think you recognize his voice.  Have you met him before?  You don’t know—you just know your blood is on fire and pounding in your ears, making all of your lusus’s shrieking quiet in comparison.  But you still hear the other troll as he raises his hands in what you’re sure is mock surrender.  “I honestly don’t think that you _understand_ —”

“Understand _what!?_ ” you snap.  “Understand that Eridan’s a fucking _liar!?_   That he’s a heartless egotistical asshole that doesn’t give a shit about anyone but _himself!?_ ”

“ _Karkat—_ ”

“That he sent you here to do what he couldn’t do himself!?  That he’s too _cowardly_ to kill me in person!?”

“ _KARKAT—_ ”

“Well guess what!?  Here’s something _he_ doesn’t know—I’m gonna be serving your head on a fucking silver plate and shoving it down his protein chute before this day’s over, _mark my fucking_ —”

“ _FUCKIN’ **KAR!!!!**_ ”

At that last outburst, you probably could have guessed what would happen next, because suddenly you recognized all too well who that voice belonged to.  You almost didn’t need him to pull off his glasses and top hat for you to recognize that face you knew all too well…and that hair.

Even your lusus falls silent.

You can do nothing but gape in shock and horror at Eridan Ampora, staring at you like you personally victimized him.

“Seriously, Kar,” he starts, “the hell was _that_ for!?”

You try to come up with something to say to him—anything—but your state of shock leaves you barely able to form complete sentences.

“I…”

“Who the _fuck_ just attacks a guy mindin’ his own, fuckin’ _God_ —”

“But you…”

“But I _what!?_   Literally did _nothing_ to pro-woke you saywe for _standin’_ in some place!?”

You have to make a mental note of his accent, while remembering that that was one of his ridiculous quirks. Translating “provoke” and “save” from his words (and telling yourself to do the same with all of his words from then on), you fumble a reply.

“But…you were gonna…kill me…?”

“ _Kill_ you!?” he shouts in anger.  “God _damn_ , Kar, have you _seriously_ not put two an’ two together!?”

“Two and two together”?  The hell is he even talking about?  What was there to even put together?

Even if you don’t understand what you were apparently supposed to get beforehand, it slowly dawns on you that Eridan is, in fact, not going to kill you, either personally or through a second person.  And if he wasn’t going to kill you, he probably wasn’t planning to do it before when he was ignoring you.

Remembering that he had, in fact, been ignoring you, and now had no immediately recognizable explanation for it, your shock and confusion for the situation in its entirety turned once again to unrelenting anger directed at the sea dweller standing in front of you.

“ _You hadn’t responded to me for WEEKS!!!_ ” you yell at him.

“What do you mean!?” he hollers back.

“ _WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘WHAT DO I MEAN,’_ you fucking left me on the _culling block!!!_ ”

“And exactly _how_ did I supposedly leave you on the cullin’ block!?  You got your fuckin’ message, didn’t you!?”

“Which I was convinced _wasn’t real_ , you bottom-feeding piece of shit!”

“ _SKREEEE!!!_ ” your lusus shrieks, as if to echo your sentiment.

“Gugh, would you PLEASE shut that thing up?” he groans as he begins to rub his temples.  “I already have a headache from everythin’ being blurry as _shit_ , and your lusus isn’t helpin’ any.”

“Oh, _I’m_ sorry!” you begin mockingly.  “I didn’t realize the world ends and begins with _you_ and _your_ needs, Prince Narcissus!”

He raises an eyebrow at you.  “The hell is _that_ supposed to mean?”

“It means ‘fuck you, I’m not telling my lusus to do _shit_.’”

“ _SKREEEE!!!_ ” your lusus shrieks yet again.

“Kar,” Eridan starts, “you’re bein’ _really_ fuckin’ irrational about this—”

“ _OF COURSE I’M BEING IRRATIONAL ABOUT THIS!_ ” you scream at him before he can finish.  “For fucking _weeks_ I thought you had turned your fucking back on me!  You stopped responding to my fucking messages!  You had been vague with me for over a _sweep_ on what it was you were even planning!  Do you _really_ think it’s that crazy for me to assume you had been bullshitting me the whole time when you just drop fucking contact like that!?  _Especially_ when you would _block all my messages!?_  

“And then when I start thinking all hope is lost, wouldn’t you fucking know, my _message_ comes along, and who do I fucking turn to first?  _You._   Oh, but wait, you’re _still fucking BLOCKING me!!!_   What else can I think except that it’s a fucking fake!?  How can you expect me to have faith in you when you _don’t give me any reason to give you any!?_ ”

Eridan never makes any attempt to interrupt or speak over you.  He lets you yell yourself out, and when you’re done, you two are left staring at each other for what seems like a long time.  It’s not until he finally breaks the gaze by looking down that the silence is broken.

“Look,” he begins.  “I had good reason for being vague and secretive about this, okay?  You have to believe me on that, Kar.  I may have assumed you’d assume the best out of it, but you gotta trust me that I didn’t just hide this shit just because o’ that assumption.”

In spite of everything that has made you doubt Eridan, you somehow know he’s telling the truth from the way he looks away from you like a downtrodden lusus would.  You’re sure that he really didn’t think you would freak out as much as you did, and that he had good reason for hiding his plans regardless.  It almost amazes you that a guy who’s a head and a half taller than you and—black irises withstanding—actually looks like he could at the very least be 11 sweeps old, could be so wigglerish and incapable of understanding how people work.

You let out a sigh, allowing your rage to cool.  When you finally allow yourself to speak, you’re perfectly calm.

“Is there any need for you to hide shit now?  Because I got a hell of a lot of questions, and I’m getting tired of trying to guess the answers.”

At your statement, Eridan immediately lights up and smirks.  “No,” he responds.  “But we should probably walk to your ship while you perform your inquisition.  It’s getting lighter out.”

You look up at the sky and realize he’s right—the blue sky is slowly becoming redder, signaling that the fleet ships would be leaving soon.  It would be best for both of you to get on the move.

“First thing’s first…”

Eridan speaks as you watch him put back on the sunglasses, and reposition his top hat in a way that covers his horns.

“Dude,” you start, “why are you—”

“I’ll tell you soon enough,” he says, simply walking out of the alleyway into the dense street, continuing on without you, his satchel swaying back and forth as he walks.

“Woah, fucking _wait!_ ” you say, and rush to catch up with him, your lusus following your every move.  It’s difficult because again, Eridan is tall as _fuck_.

“Your ship was eleven-eleven-four-thirteen, right?” Eridan asks once you manage to rush your short legs enough to catch up, eventually walking side by side with him.  He finishes the statement before you can try to remember.  “Yeah, it definitely was.  I remember they sent a copy of the message to DC’s account too.”

“D-C…?” you question.

“Debonair Corsair.  It’s a stupid name, I know, I almost considered changing it—”

“That was you, right?” you ask.  “I mean, I know it seems kind of obvious that it _was_ you at this point, but I just…some verbal confirmation would be nice.”

Eridan shrugs.  “Yeah, I’m Debonair Corsair.”

“So is that like…some alter ego of yours or…?”

“Nah, just some guy I killed.”

You almost stop in your tracks.  You don’t know what sort of answer you were expecting, but it certainly wasn’t _that_.

“You…you _what!?_ ”

“Yeah, but don’t worry,” Eridan continues casually.  “I did it without anyone ever findin’ out.  According to the Empire, he’s still alive and well, and has chosen to stay on Alternia where he’ll live the rest of his days slummin’ for treasure an’ carin’ for his moirail from afar.”

“O…kay?” you respond, trying not to internally freak out at how casually Eridan is treating the death of a living _person_.

Eridan seems to sense your unease, and scoffs.  “Well _fuck_ , Kar, what’d you expect?  You shoulda known I would of had to get my hands dirtied at some point.  Hell, it ain’t like they’ve ever been _clean_.”

“Okay, okay, fine,” you accede.  “I’m sorry if throwing away people’s lives for my own cause isn’t exactly my form of prime-time entertainment.  Which, by the way, how the _fuck_ was this stranger dying even necessary to our common goal?”

“Well, I needed a sea dweller to be your moirail, and it ain’t like I could just up an’ _ask_ someone—”

“ _What!?_ ”

You don’t think you’ve heard that correctly.  You’re _postive_ you didn’t hear that correctly.

Eridan proves you wrong as casually as he talked about death.  “Yes, he’s your moirail.”

The fuck.  The _fuck_.

“What part of the plan ever involved me being forced into a fake relationship without my consent?” you demand of him.  “When in the _fuck_ did I ever say it was okay to make me moirails with a dead stranger?  I want to know the exact conversation where I specifically said, ‘Hey Eridan!  You know what would _really_ make me happy?  If you fixed me up with a nice fucking corpse.  I’m just itching to get my pacification on with a decomposed, rotting body.’”

“Don’t call me Eridan, Kar,” he scolds, ignoring your very _legitimate_ concern as usual.  “Not in such a populated area. Call me Nektan.”

“I… _what?_ ”

“ _Nektan Whelan_.  That’s DC.  That’s your moirail.  And as we already established, _I’m_ DC.  Keep up with me, Kar.”

He probably means his last sentence in multiple ways, because not only are you struggling to grasp what are probably _very_ simple concepts in his view, but you also heaven forbid cannot seem to keep up with his bean-pole stride.  You’d be lying if you tried to say you didn’t wanna punch him sometimes, now being one of those times.

“Okay…” you continue, trying your hardest to let slide basically _every aspect of the conversation thus far_.  “Okay.  I’m Nektan’s moirail.  And…how long have I been in this apparently wonderful moirallegiance?”

“Couple sweeps,” Eridan explains.  “It’s because of Nektan that you were able to skip the blood tests.  He has hemoiphobia.  He’s downright _terrified_ o’ the notion of his moirail losing even a small pinprick of blood, even in an imperially mandated way.”

“That sounds suspiciously fake and unreal,” you tell him.

“Well, all psycho nonsense is basically fake, Kar, but Nektan is a respected member of sea dwelling aristocracy.  Meaning his issues—no matter how fake and stupid they are—matter.”

That you have no problem understanding.  Eridan could have actually made up a mental health problem and still convinced people it was real as a sea dweller.  But considering your occupational choice, it seems bizzare to you.

“So…mister ‘hee-moy-phobian’ or whatever…he has an issue with me losing blood for a blood test, yet is totally cool with me being a threshecutioner?”

“He thinks you’re skilled enough to avoid losing any blood on the job,” Eridan explains.  “He’s so convinced o’ this that he managed to convince at least twelve different commandin’ threshecutioner officers of it in spite of his fake as shit mental issues.”  And then, smugly, he adds, “Friendly reminder that Nektan is _me_ in all o’ this.”

Though you roll your eyes at Eridan/Nektan, you have to admit all of it makes some sense to you.  Sharing a quadrant with a high blood can guarantee a lot of perks; however, if you share one with a sea dweller, you’re basically unstoppable (given that you continue to share that quadrant for the rest of your life).  If you need to get away with something or get in the ranks quick, all you have to do is ask your sea dweller partner to make a case for you, and there you have it!  You just got away with murder or you became a general in one night with no training under your belt.  And the diamond and ashen quadrants are the best ones to be in with a sea dweller.  A sea dweller can be questioned for wanting their matesprit or kismesis to have or get away with something, but if it’s an auspistice or a moirail, literally no questions are asked, because it’s universally understood that both are vital to a person’s well-being. 

In your instance, the ashen quadrant was obviously out, for need of another party, leaving the pale quadrant as the smartest choice.  Even though it screws you over for wanting to fill a pale quadrant later on, you realize it’s ultimately for your own longevity, and really can’t blame Eridan for making that call.  In fact, you almost want to _applaud_ him for it.

But the manner he went about it…killing another sea dweller, when he could have just…

“Why didn’t you just make me _your_ moirail?” you blurt out.

Eridan actually squeaks in shock, and almost trips while walking, the statement flusters him so much.  He tries to hide his now violet face, but you just roll your eyes.

“Well, fuck, we both know it wouldn’t _mean_ anything.  I’m not very well going to go and have a feelings jam with Nektan, am I?”

“I mean…” Eridan responds, still clearly flustered.  “Yeah, no, it wouldn’t mean…yeah.”

“So?” you ask.  “Aside from your _clear_ discomfort with the notion, why didn’t you make me moirails with the _REAL_ you?  Why go through all the trouble to kill some poor assbag?  I mean, wouldn’t it have been better for you anyway, what with Fef—”

You stop yourself before you finish the name, because you know uttering it would simply screw both you _and_ Eridan over.  Eridan ceases his walking, as do you.  You’re reminded of your lusus’s presence for the first time since you began walking when he almost walks into you, but he stops in time with a low “skree” of shock.

Eridan doesn’t say anything.  After a moment, you try to falteringly pick up where you left off.

“Just…if people knew about you two, then wouldn’t you be…?  If people thought you were with _me_ , even if it’s just on _record_ …”

“‘Wouldn’t that put me in the clear too?’” Eridan finishes for you.

“…Wouldn’t it though?”

“No,” Eridan deadpans with a scowl.

“But—”

“ _Think about it_ , Kar,” Eridan interrupts, a snap in his voice.  “I’ve known F—… _her_ …for five sweeps.  She was the first person I ever really spoke to beyond pointing a weapon in their face.  Hell, she was my first friend on Trollian.  An’ every time I’ve talked to someone, she’s always came up either by my own foolish doin’ or by someone else.  Hell, you should know all about _that_ , Kar.

“And even beyond that, I’ve been hunting for her lusus for _sweeps_.  I’m notorious in FLARP circles for killin’ people’s lusii for the Emissary.  I’ve made a name for myself being her orphaner, often unapologetically.  You say the name Ampora to most anyone who’s FLARPed, and they’ll know who I am and what I do.

“If I really wanted to make a serious attempt at hiding any contact I’ve had with her, I’d’ve had to destroy all my history with her, with Kan, with Vris…with _you_ …hell, even with a bunch of other people whose names I either don’t know or don’t remember.  And even if I got through with each and every person who I’ve so much as _whispered_ my association with her to, and ensured in one way or another that they either haven’t said anything about or _won’t_ say anything in the future…I might _still_ never wipe my hands clean of her.”

His bitterness and hurt speak of a lot of things he’s told you much about.  Sweeps of longing for glory.  Sweeps of killing for a monster.  Sweeps of unrequited romantic attraction—at least, not the kind he wants.  And after doing all of that, he probably only _barely_ managed to fly under the imperial radar without them knowing what he is to their number one target for culling.

A part of you can’t blame him for being bitter.  Still…it seems selfish to you, for him to pin it on her.

“It’s not her fault, you know,” you tell him, not hiding the attacking tone in your voice.

He groans.  “I fuckin’ _know_ that Kar,” he says, “it’s just…hard, is all.  All I’m gettin’ at here’s that there’s a reason why I didn’t jump on the pretend-moirail bandwagon with you, okay?  And also a reason why I started blocking you.”

You raise an eyebrow at that last statement.  “What does _that_ have to do with anything?”

“Are you _deaf_ , Kar?  Talkin’ to me or _her_ is the equivalent of suicide at this point.  I can be found out if I make any wrong moves, but you don’t have the same history with her as I do…or with me that she does, for that matter.  You an’ everyone else’s best option at this point would be to stop talkin’ to us.  I’ve been wiping myself clean of my days on Alternia— _including_ my associations—and so should you with respect to me an’ her.”

Your eyebrows furrow out of frustration because what he’s saying is simultaneously rational and stupid.  Rational because it makes the most sense to cut ties with the two sea dwellers while you still can, for self-preservation’s sake; stupid because you don’t want it to be true.  He’s your friend—one you actually enjoy talking to on occasion.  Just cutting ties with him like that seems like a terrible thing to do in any situation, even if he’s the one asking you to do it.

“…That’s where Nektan comes in.”

Your eyebrows unfurrow at his remark.

“He’ll want to talk to his moirail Karkat Vantas on occasion, if not all the time.  It’d only be fair for his moirail to maintain at least _some_ consistent contact with Nektan.  And just to remind you…Nektan is DC.  And DC is _me_.”

He adds a smirk at the end of his statement, ever so smug with himself, and he continues on the path to your ship.  You can’t help but return the smirk as you follow behind him, your lusus—still uncharacteristically quiet—behind you.   

“And to think,” you begin as you walk, “I actually thought you were going to kill me.”

“That’s just one of your downfalls as a land dweller,” Eridan responds.  “But I as the superior breed o’ person can manage to forgive you for it, Kar.”

“Is it also encoded in your apparently vastly superior DNA to ruin genuinely nice moments?” you retort back.  “Because you seem to be really fucking good at that.”

“It’s impossible for me as a sea dweller to ruin _anything_ because _everything_ becomes inherently better by very virtue of having me in it,” he tells you, and you know he means every word of that bullshit.  You’re again reminded of how awful your friends actually are.

But you don’t have long to begrudge your choice in friends as you two turn a corner past a large hivestem to witness in full view an imperial fleet ship.  It’s oval-shaped like an egg, colored as fuchsia (unlike the Condesce’s official red flagship), and massive enough to fit the entire population of the Imperial Landing in it.  Though you’ve seen the ships from afar, viewing it up close leaves you in such awe that you _have_ to stop walking.  Even your lusus stops, looking up and lets out a high-pitched “skree” of surprise.

It takes a moment for your eyes to take in the full view of the ship from the top downward, and for you to see the numbers that identifies it.  It takes you another moment to recall the numbers Eridan stated when you two were heading for the ship in the first place.

1 1 1 1 4 1 3

“One more thing.”

You barely notice Eridan’s presence next to you until he speaks, causing you to turn to the source of his voice and see him rummaging through his satchel.  When he finally finds the object he’s looking for, he pulls it out—a moderately-sized unassuming green box—and hands it to you.

You know what it is immediately and take it from him.  “Is this the package that was supposed to get to me _days_ ago?”

Eridan pouts.  “Hey, this shit isn’t fuckin’ easy to get, Kar.”

And when you open the box, you know he’s speaking the truth, because the first thing you make out is a few box sets of contact lenses designed specifically to hide your blood color, and you can’t help but assume every other item will do just that.

When trolls have too low a blood color to be tolerable to society, they can do one of three things—accept the lot in life they received, try foolishly to hide from the Empire, or, if they were lucky enough to have a bit of cash on their hand, get stuff like this.  But even on the black market these things are a rarity, and the higher up the spectrum you go, the harder and more expensive it is to obtain.

Just one contact lens that’s designed to hide one’s true eye color _by itself_ (that is, without another lens to go with it) is exorbitant in price.  And there are _boxes_ of them here, all of the same shade of green.  That in itself speaks to the lengths Eridan had to go to help you.

There’s another object in the box—a small green canister that you know will be equally necessary to hide your blood color.  As for what it actually _is_ , however…

“What exactly is this green canister for?” you ask Eridan.

“It’s a special blush o’ sorts,” he explains.  “In case you get flustered or anything.  It makes your skin tint green as opposed to your real blood color.  You’re also supposed to put it on every visible body part.”

You take out the canister, weighing it in your hands.  “I’m not wearing fucking make-up.”

Eridan simply shrugs.  “Suit yourself.  Don’t complain to me when they find out your blood color when you’re getting all heated watching some stupid rom-com.  I can see the tagline now—‘Threshecutioning prodigy is culled after watching a scene where Adam Sandler lays a thick redsnog on Drew Barrymore.’”

You shoot him a dirty look, which he (to your annoyance) ignores.  After deciding you don’t need to pay any more mind to the green canister, you suddenly spot the black piece of fabric at the bottom.  Moving aside the other objects, you pull out the fabric, which unfolds itself as a shirt.  At first, you almost ask Eridan why he bothered to buy you a shirt, but when you see what’s on it, you suddenly appreciate way more just how much Eridan has done for you.

“I hope you can appreciate,” he says as you admire the shirt, “how fuckin’ hard it is to have someone make a shirt with a fake symbol on it.”

As a mutant, he probably assumed you either had no symbol or your symbol would be a dead giveaway for your mutant status.  You actually considered the latter quite a few times through the last couple sweeps, as you slowly started to accept the fact that ancestors might _possibly_ exist.  Because if they did, it meant your ancestor—whoever they might be—was a mutant, and the Empire would be able to recognize it by your symbol.  You even admitted this fear to Eridan once, which you imagine prompted him to get this shirt made—which you know for a fact is probably the most expensive thing you’ll ever own.

Because it’s one thing to get contacts.  Another thing to get a special powder.  But _having someone create a believable symbol?_

“If anyone asks,” Eridan begins, “your symbol is called ‘Hydra.’  Which makes you a ‘Hydran’ or somethin’.  I’d put it on now before you go on the ship.  And…I guess that’s all I have for you, Kar—”

You stop his words by embracing him in an uncharacteristic show of gratitude.  You almost drop the box in your hand as you wrap your hands around his frame.  He seems shocked at your sudden act of compassion, responding hesitantly to the hug with his own.  As he lets his arms rest around you, he speaks.

“You can thank me now, you know.”

You know when he says it, he means that moment when you first told him your blood color and he told you not to thank him then.  As you recall the memory—fondly, this time around—you squeeze him a bit tighter than before.

“I just did,” you tell him before finally pulling away from him.

You both stare at each other for a moment, taking in the sudden… _intimacy_ of what just transpired.  And you suddenly remember that he’s going to be your fake-moirail, in a sense.  You think he realizes this too, because he suddenly blushes, as if embarrassed by what happened.

“ _Skreeee!_ ”

Your lusus manages to either ruin or untense the mood by screeching.  You shoot him a look that could scold him for either of those things.

“Speaking o’ _which_ ,” Eridan says without missing a beat, “my lusus is waiting for me at my ship placement.  I should get over to him.”

“Wait!” you say.  “What if they question me at the gate?  Shouldn’t you—”

“You’ll be fine, Kar,” he stops you.  “Just tell ‘em your serial number an’ they won’t hassle you much.  An’ again, I’d put that stuff on before you go over there.”

You narrow your eyes downward, lost in your racing thoughts and rapidly beating heart.  You’re still nervous.  Somehow, accepting that you might be killed was easy to digest for you—you had accepted that possibility for your whole life, after all.  But now that you’re faced with the very _real_ possibility of living—beyond any vague promises to something real and tangible in your hands—it seems more daunting than ever.

Eridan’s hand on your shoulder is what breaks you from your introspection, and you’re surprised to look up at him with a _reassuring_ look on his face—something you never would have expected coming from him.

“Trust me,” he tells you.  “It’s all in the system.  All _you_ have to worry about is not letting yourself or your lusus get cut.”

Not very reassuring, but you know he’s right.  He’s done everything he can for you, and the rest is up to you.  Which, quite frankly, is a very, _very_ terrifying thought.

He takes his hand off of you and turns to leave.  As he does, you offer your goodbyes.

“Bye Eridan.  And…thanks.  For everything.”

“Be careful, Kar,” he offers as final words as he walks away.  “Stick to people you can trust.  Talk to your moirail.  An’ remember—your moirail is Nektan, Nektan is DC, and—”

“I know,” you interrupt him, trying to hide the tinge of anxiety in your voice as you speak.  You swallow it down, hoping you can come off more as brave and excited than scared shitless.  “DC is you.”

 

AT

“Is that Gamzee?”

Terezi points to a figure in the distance entering the ship’s gate, tall and lanky with horns _somewhat_ similar to Gamzee’s.  You narrow your vision to try to make him out among the crowd of people, and then shake your head.

“Uhhh…” you begin.  “No.  He’s not that tall.”

“Really?” Terezi asks.  “Didn’t you say he was tall, though?”

“No,” you correct.  “Um.  I said he was taller than I expected, when I first met him.  He’s maybe, kind of short, actually.”

She shoots you a look, as if to say “why didn’t you specify that _before_ ,” which prompts you to add a quiet “sorry” under your breath before resuming your search.

The two of you had unloaded your stuff and lusii on your assigned fleet ship a long time ago, and took it upon yourselves to find the others that were meant to be on the ship.  You knew Gamzee was because your letter stated you had the same ship assignment as him, and according to Terezi apparently _Karkat_ had the same assignment as well.  But when you pressed for details, she started being dodgy about the subject, saying she wasn’t actually sure.  The subject seemed to trouble her some, so you both dropped it and decided to focus on simply finding Gamzee.

“What about _him?_ ”

Terezi points to another troll with their back facing you who not only has horns like Gamzee’s, but is more close to the height you remember him being.  You grin for a second thinking you finally found him, until the troll turns their face and you see the fins that were obscured from behind.  You and Terezi sigh in exasperation.

“Does Gamzee even _know_ you’re waiting for him?” Terezi asks you.

“Well…” you respond, falteringly as usual.  “Not…really.  We spoke a little bit today, but, um…something happened to distract him, I guess.  And he hasn’t come back on sin—”

You stop mid-word when you spot it.  Not horns of a troll or any distinguishing features, but a large, white creature that you recognize.  It was the same one who’s photo you saw in Gamzee’s hive.

“ _It’s him!_ ” you exclaim, pointing to the creature.  Terezi winces at the volume of your voice (though you yourself don’t think you were being that loud), her eyes following where you’re pointing, but when she sees the creature, she turns back to you, confused.

“What do you _mean?_ ”

“It’s his lusus!” you explain to her excitedly.  “That must be Gamzee!”

And sure enough, as the creature comes into fuller view, you make out a troll next to it.  Even from your distance, you can see Gamzee as being a full head and a half shorter than you, in clothes that you remember him having on when you visited him for your testing—plain purple sneakers, polkadot pants, the shirt with his symbol.  The only thing that seems to be missing is his clown make-up.

You begin waving frantically and calling out his name, hoping to get his attention as Terezi winces yet again (she must have _really_ sensitive hearing).

“ _Gamzee!  Gamzee, over here!_ ”

And just like that, you see his head turn ever so slightly toward you, and—after taking one look at you—you see a wide smile appear on his face as he waves back.

“ _TAAAAAV-BROTHAAAAAA!_ ” he hollers back, and leisurely begins to make his way toward you and Terezi.  His lusus only follows him for a short time before turning away, you presume to the lusus pens on the other end of the ship’s first level.  You think he may not realize this, however, for he begins to make a few steps to follow in its direction.  Before you can attempt to call him to your direction, Terezi interrupts you,

“ _Gamzee!_ ” Terezi calls out impatiently, breaking his focus.  “ _He’s going to the pens!  Come_ here _!_ ”

Gamzee turns back toward the two of you, but still seems unsure to follow.  He looks back at the lusus, which only prompts Terezi to groan in frustration.

“ _GAMZEEEEEE!_ ”

Her call is what causes him to finally start walking towards the both of you again.  When he arrives, he’s nothing but smiles, as are you.  Terezi is nothing but silent and neutral.

“ _Maaaan_ ,” Gamzee says after having a long, heartfelt, brotherly embrace with you.  “Today has been fuckin’ _wild_ for me, dawg!  How’s it been for you, man!?”

“It’s been great!” you say, sharing in his excitement.  “Terezi let me ride on her dragon to get here, which was really, _really_ fun!”

You throw a smile Terezi’s way, which she only barely returns.  When Gamzee looks her way, however, her neutral expression returns.  You’re not sure why.

“Awwwww _snap!_ ” Gamzee says, as if only just becoming aware of Terezi’s presence.  “Missus _dragon ladyyyyyy!_ ”

Even with his short stature compared to her, he still manages to pull her in for a hug with his strength—a hug she does not return and clearly feels awkward in.

“You were _just_ the bitchin’ girl I wanted to up and speak at to!” he says as he pulls away from the one-sided hug.  “I was all speakin’ to Torea-bro here, and he was all and sayin’ to me, ‘Gamzee.  Ya _have_ to fuckin’ talk to Terezi!’”

She raises an eyebrow at this.  “Really?”

“Yeah!” he affirms.  “‘Cause like…I don’t know _nothin’_ about no motherfuckin’ ‘great horribleness’ noise, you know?”

“‘Grand Tyranny,’” she corrects.

“Awww, see?” he continues.  “I don’t even know how to say the fuckin’ thing right!”

“ _Well_ ,” she begins, a bit _too_ endearingly, “perhaps you _would_ know more about it if you went through the training _I_ went through to even _get_ into law.”  Then, with a small bite to her tone, she adds, “Which, again, I had to go through just to be _considered_.  Unlike _you_.”

You realize then that Terezi’s reluctance to talk to Gamzee probably stems from some anger she might be harboring for him going into law.  Perhaps because Gamzee got a position that he didn’t even train to be in.  You mainly realize this because this is what Terezi _just said_.  You can’t help but panic at the idea of conflict between your friends, and try to think of some way to diffuse the situation.  That’s what a confident guy would do, right?  And you decided you were confident when you spoke out against Vriska.  A confident guy can’t just go back on that!  Right?

Before you can try to stop your trembling enough to place yourself between the two of them in the most _confident way possible_ , Terezi’s eyes suddenly widen as she looks at something seemingly behind Gamzee.  She even nearly pushes him aside, though he’s too short to block her view.  You don’t know what the big deal is until she whispers the name.

“ _Karkat…?_ ”

At this, you turn to face the entrance again, and see why she bothered even saying his name.  Karkat, in a short-sleeved shirt, black pants, and with his krab lusus behind him.  You don’t recognize the symbol from any of his pictures, but then you never really saw much of Karkat in the first place.  You mainly try to share in Terezi’s excitement (or astonishment?) at seeing him, as well as Gamzee’s genuine brightness.

“ _KARKAT, MY MAAAAAAAAAN!_ ” he calls out, waving frantically to him.  “ _Wazzaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!?_ ”

For a second, you think you see him put his face in his hands.  Then, he seems to motion to his lusus to leave toward the pens, after which a very audible argument ensues between them before the lusus finally complies.  Once that happens, he (begrudgingly) moves toward your group.  When there, Gamzee wraps him in another of his strong embraces—something Karkat does not return, and appears more uncomfortable in than Terezi did moments prior.  For a second, you can’t help but be amazed that Karkat is only perhaps four inches taller than Gamzee, and still even smaller than you.  Somehow, you imagined Karkat being really tall and fierce—you know, like most confident people are, even if they _are_ angry and usually insulting people.

“Maaaan,” Gamzee says as he hugs Karkat, “I was all getting my _worried_ on about you earlier today, friend!”

“If you could _not_ crush my ribs,” Karkat says, ignoring Gamzee’s statement, “that would be _real_ fucking swell,” and then, gesturing air quotes, he adds the word, “‘friend.’”

“Uh…” you begin, feeling as though you’ve lost your original confident standing with Karkat.  “Hey, Karkat.”

He takes one look at you, and you suddenly remember the very brief conversation you had with him earlier on in the day—one he cut short, and which left you confused as to his true intentions, especially with his last statement:  “YOU WOULDN’T HAVE DONE IT.”  You can’t help but tie this to Gamzee’s apparently being worried about him.  Even Terezi seems to be looking at him with a mix of happiness, shock, and confusion.

There’s something that apparently happened with him, and you don’t know what.

“Karkat.”

Terezi’s almost hushed voice breaks the gaze you two shared as he can’t help but turn his vision toward her.  Even Gamzee can’t help but break his embrace at her words.

“Did he…?”

She allows the statement to go unfinished, as if it needs no further explanation, though you yourself have no idea what she means.  Karkat seems to, however, as his eyes light up in understanding.

“It’s fine,” he responds flatly.  “Everything worked out.”

This is apparently all that needs to be said, because Terezi’s expression brightens up immediately, as her lips curl into a smile.

“Good,” she says.  Suddenly, she then bats her eyes and adds in a very seductive tone, “Don’t _I_ get a fond embrace, _Karklllles?_ ”

His face flushes, and he responds with a middle finger.

Aside from Terezi’s awkward flirtation, you suddenly realize that this is the first real confirmation you’ve ever had of Karkat’s blood color.  Green?  Why did he ever bother to hide it?  You think it’s weird, and by Terezi’s confused expression at seeing the symbol on his shirt, you can’t help but think she might be thinking the same thing as you.

“Motherfucker,” Gamzee says, breaking the lull.  “I’ve up and saw _so many_ of our brothas and sistas today, guys!  Like motherfuckin’…Sollux!  I saw my _Sol-brother!_ ”

“ _Sollux?_ ” Karkat asks, a bit incredulously.  You know he must know of Sollux’s slavery position—everyone in your group did.

“Oh,” you interject, remembering Gamzee’s earlier conversation and your worried thoughts about your yellow-blooded friend.  “Oh, yes!  I was, uh…going to ask, Gamzee.  About that incident.  Was…did Sollux end up being okay?”

“Aw, man, he was _chill_ ,” he responds.

“Okay,” you say.  “That doesn’t, uh…answer my question?”

“I also saw our _Aradia_ girl!” he tells the rest of you, ignoring your statement.  “Though she seemed to be freaking out for some shit, I ain’t too sure.”

“Probably because,” you explain, “she was worried about her matesprit, Sollux.”

“What _are_ you two talking about?” Karkat asks with a tint of frustration.

“Oh…” you begin.  “Well…Gamzee, I guess, went to a slave auction, and, uh…probably saw Sollux and Aradia.  Being…well…you know…”

The mood becomes sullen there.  Even Karkat can’t help but look down with some sadness in his eyes at the thought.  Two of your friends.  Sold, like they were possessions.

“Aw, man,” Gamzee continues to not have a clue, “I don’t fuckin’ even know about whatever that _slave_ shit is about, but I did see them two lovetrolls!  And—oh _shit!_   I also saw motherfucking _Equius_ at the same place I saw Sol-man and Ara-lady!  Ahhhh, our horse-lovin’ cousin!”

“ _Equius?_ ” Karkat snaps, somehow this making him very angry.  “Fucking _Equius_ at a slave auction!?  He’ll go out and buy a fucking slave while _Nepeta—_ …”

He drops it there, then turns as if trying to hide his very apparent disgust.  “What a fucking _asshole_ ,” he says.

Terezi—after being uncommonly silent—finally speaks out.  “What…about Nepeta?”

Again, you do the task of filling in the troll without the knowledge.  “Nepeta was, erm…assigned to be a slave.”

“ _What!?_ ” Terezi exclaims in shock.

“Yeah,” you tell her a bit sadly.  “She told me about it, early this morning.”

“Oh no…” Terezi says sorrowfully, looking away from the others.  “She didn’t even…if I _knew_ about it…”

“But,” you butt in, feeling discomfort with the threat of sullenness in the mood, “maybe Equius was there because, uh…he was trying to—”

“ _Purchase her?_ ” Karkat finishes for you.  “Then he’s even _more_ of an asshole than I could have ever realized.  If his first reaction isn’t to do everything in his power to make it so she’s _not_ a slave, then he’s literally the worst scum in existence.  And to think I thought his worst characteristic was his ungodly obsession with fucking musclebeasts.”

“Well…” Terezi begins.  “Maybe he did try to free her.  And the only solution…was to buy her.”

Things become silent again for a brief moment.  But only for a moment, for _yet again_ , Gamzee plows right through it.

“Man, I didn’t even motherfuckin’ _see_ our cat girl!” he says.  “But I’d’ve liked to.  She’s motherfuckin’ alright, man.  She just does cute fuckin’ cat puns and roleplays and shit.”

Urged by Gamzee’s seemingly endless optimism, you try to change the subject. That's what confident people do, right? They change things when they are uncomfortable with them. And you are _definitely_ uncomfortable with this subject of slaves and your friends _as_ slaves.

“Do…” you try to begin, of course faltering as you do. “Do we know what everyone else is doing?  Like…well, I don’t really want to know what Vriska’s doing—”

“Nor do I,” Terezi adds bluntly.

“You can count me in _that_ number,” Karkat says.  “Vriska could be a glorified janitor for all I care.”

“I wouldn’t doubt if she was,” Terezi responds with a light chuckle.

“Last I heard from Kanaya,” Karkat continues, “she asked her testers if she could be a _pirate_.”

“Oh.  My.  _God_.”

“Right?  Who even asks to _be_ something like that!?”

You can’t help but feel a little glad at how well the conversation is now going, and a little proud of yourself for steering it in that direction.  You also can’t help but grin at all the jokes at Vriska’s expense.

“Kanaya we know is our mother grub’s caretaker…” Karkat continues.  “I really don’t give a flying _fuck_ what Equius is doing, all thing’s considered…I know what the rest of you are doing, save for Gamzee—”

“—I’m a motherfuckin’ ‘grand motherfucker’!” Gamzee interjects.

“‘Grand Tyranny,’” Terezi adds exasperatedly, “I literally just corrected you on that _minutes_ ago—”

“— _still_ don’t care,” Karkat butts in, “and then…well…”

“That’s right!” you suddenly exclaim.  “We don’t know what _Eridan’s_ doing!”

To hear his name come from your mouth seems weird.  Mainly because you never really talked to Eridan.  He apparently never liked you, and he kind of gave you the creeps.  You see Karkat almost cringe at his name, though the reaction is not replicated among the others.

“Odds are…” Terezi begins to explain.  “Odds are he’s been able to choose his own profession.”  Then, while rolling her eyes, she adds, “Because he’s a _sea dweller_.”

“Oh,” you respond.  “I didn’t realize, that being a sea dweller would, um…entail such privileges.  But, I guess, it kind of makes sense.”

“Yeah,” she continues.  “Sea dwellers can basically get first dibbs on whatever job they want.  And knowing Eridan, he _probably_ got some really prestigious position of great historical import.”  She pauses a moment, and then, laughing, she continues to speak.  “I bet he probably tried to get a genocide permit, too.”

“G-… _genocide!?_ ” you exclaim.

“Yeah,” she adds with a grin.  “He probably only got it for some barren, lifeless star system though.  That would be _hysteric_ —”

“Can we _not_ talk about Eridan!?” Karkat suddenly blurts out.

All the eyes are trained on Karkat and the group—all of them.  Even people surrounding your group turn to stare, before going back to their own business.  Terezi raises her eyebrow, as if asking for an explanation from him.

Karkat attempts to give one, though falters—almost as much as you tend to do.  “I just…we shouldn’t talk about him.  He’s just too…he’s too close to…”

And he doesn’t need to say more than that, nor should he.  Even _you_ understand what he means.  The unspoken person, if revealed would only lead to culling.  And Eridan, as that person’s moirail, is not someone who’s safe to bring up.

You curse yourself for your lack of foresight.  You were just trying to have a nice conversation that steered away from your friends in chains!  This confidence of yours has gotten you nowhere, _and_ —with you so abruptly bringing up Eridan—has only served to jeopardize all of you.

You can see why no one really depends on you for anything, and your pan goes back to thoughts of all the terrible things Vriska used to say to you.

“Well, fuck,” Gamzee begins.  “If you don’t wanna talk about the guy, we won’t, Kar-bro.”

Gamzee is the only one who doesn’t seem to understand, which is not surprising in the least.  But you can’t help but suddenly worry at the prospect of him bringing up her name—even in casual conversation.  Even worse…he might even bring her up now!

You think for a moment he has that sudden thought to ask about her, and you move to stop him, before a large booming voice from the sound system in the ship interrupts him for you.

“ _Greetings, trolls of the Great Gathering_ ,” the speaker booms.  “ _If I may direct your attention to the visual projection monitors…_ ”

At this, a wall perpendicular to you suddenly lights up with a visual of a platform, floating in the air.  At the platform’s center is a podium with a female blue blood in front of it.  Behind her are countless other trolls.  But among them, the most notable of all, is Her Imperious Condescension herself.

“ _We congratulate you all for making it to this Gathering today,_ ” the blue blood’s voice continues to boom.  “ _But above all else, we must praise Her Imperious Condescension for the grace her presence has bestowed upon us, as well as her generosity in choosing to speak to us today._ ”

 

TA

“ _We congratulate you all for making it to this Gathering today._   _But above all else, we must praise Her Imperious Condescension for the grace her presence has bestowed upon us, as well as her generosity in choosing to speak to us today._ ”

The words ring out through the Landing, but you only barely pay attention to them.  In between the jade blood hurriedly dragging you by the arm, the fact that you don’t know where Aradia is and never will for the rest of your life, and the _incessant voices that won’t let up_ , the last thing you want to add on top of that is compliments toward the person who’s responsible for your servitude—the Empress herself.  You think you’d rather die than listen to anything glorifying her name.

“Hurry _up_ , slave!”

The jade blood yanks you hard by the arm, presumably frustrated with your slow trek.  You haven’t said hardly a word to him, nor he to you.  In fact, he’s primarily dragged you through the Landing for God _knows_ how long and to God _knows_ where.

As you continue to hear the mixture of screams from the voices and the seemingly unending praise of Her Imperious Condescension (the latter of which being _so much more_ unbearable), you find it within yourself to raise a question—a harmless one, you think.

“Where am I being taken—”

“ _Shut up_.”

Well, so much for _that_ attempt.  Clearly you not only don’t get to _know_ anything as a slave, but you also can’t _ask_ to know anything.  You don’t even know who’s going to own you!

“Own you.”  The idea of it makes you feel numb inside.  You’re going to literally be _owned_ by someone else.  You, a being of flesh and blood, being treated like a disposable object.  And the most horrifying thought is that you know Aradia is in the same position as you.

You realize then that for all that you said about accepting that things will just have to be this way for you, and that you can’t question or choose to ignore the order anymore, you don’t think you can actually do it.  This is suddenly all too real and all too awful, and a part of you considers the possibility of just…breaking away from the jade blood.  You could, couldn’t you?  You have your psionics, right?

But then _what would you do?_   Hide away on Alternia?  That’s ridiculous and infeasible.  You’d be caught, and then culled.  Even if you tried to use your psionics to escape culling, they’d find some way to get you back, you just know it.  You couldn’t run from the Empire for forever, nor could you fight them for that long.

And what about Aradia?  You could save yourself, but…you probably couldn’t save her.  And if you can’t save her, then what’s the _point?_

“We’re here.”

The jade blood’s voice ends your inner turmoil as he yanks you to a stop.  As you try to reassess your surroundings after being halted, you find yourself standing before a black, insignia-less ship.  It’s of average size, and the docking gate is open.  Up inside, you can make out a lot of different trolls of different builds, ages, and colors.  You also see them all in rags and chains.

Slaves, just like you.

“Come on,” the jade blood urges you, dragging you again.

You honestly think you might fight him off this time because seeing all of those trolls in chains is just terrifying, because you _know_ that will be you soon enough, and you see one old maroon blood with large that swoop down to his feet and long black hair and you can’t help but think about Aradia and you’re scared and the _voices won’t stop_ —

“ _It is now my esteemed honor to present to you…our wonderful Empress, Her Imperious Condescension!_ ”

The troll’s voice booms from the projection monitor, forcing you to acknowledge its existence.  Despite your not wanting to see her or hear about her, you can’t help but look up to your right at the nearest monitor as you see the nameless female speaker step down from the podium and the Empress steps up.  You’re amazed at her sheer height—her very presence is intimidating, and you’re only watching her from a screen!  Even the jade blood can’t help but look up for a moment, as the Empress seemingly commands everyone’s attention without even _saying_ anything.

You think then that she might speak.  At least, it seems that’s the plan.  That is, until the screen glitches.  The Condesce and the others seem to notice this because she suddenly looks confused.

“ _Come on!_ ”

The jade blood is still dragging you, but your eyes are fixed on the screen.  You’re being pulled below the ship onto the dock gate, but before you’re pushed inside, the screen glitches and blacks out before a new visual comes on, and you see someone completely different.

You gasp.  Not because of the change in person, but because of who that person is.  You know them.  You know them very well.

_Feferi Peixes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if anyone is going to question the logical consistency of how five people who know each other happened to end up on the same ship among possibly countless ship assignments at the Imperial Landing. Then again, no one questioned the logical consistency of how four friends who just happened to find each other online ended up getting tangled in a game that they were ectobiologically created for.
> 
> I'm not gonna lie, I'm really lazy with Eridan's accent--at least the part where I personally think he replaces all v's with w's. It's just so time consuming to try to put all of that into writing in a sensible, understandable way, so _please_ understand when I just make the characters translate it for him in their heads, thanks much.
> 
> Also, I’m sorry if short!Gamzee doesn’t fit your headcanon. Okay, I’m not actually sorry about that.


	16. The Speech

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is probably more indicative of how I see the story going in future parts. More short chapters, and less chapters filled with a lot of different perspectives and things going on at once. Just hold out for it man, it’ll get easier to read this shit, I promise.

CC

Every sweep, the Great Gathering is held for trolls who have reached the age of eight sweeps old.  Trolls are assigned to different positions across the galactic -Empire, all with the purpose of best serving )(er Imperious Condescension.

For you, the story was always meant to be different.

You don’t get a Great Gathering.  You don’t get any messages telling you what you’ll need to do for the rest of your life.  You don’t get a future. 

This is because if it were up to the Condesce, you would be dead by now.

But like your lusus once said, you’re special.  You performed the Royal Obligation, like you were supposed to.  And so long as you continue to complete it, the Condesce has no choice but to let you live.

…But what kind of life is that?

Spending your life killing lusii, being forced to stay on Alternia as your loved ones leave you behind to new and abounding futures…who would want to live like that?

 _You_ wouldn’t.  And so you _won’t_.

This is what drove you to your present situation, of threatening multiple imperial guards for a microphone and a spotlight. Now you are standing before hundreds of trolls in the -Empress’s Square, with millions more now watching you from the screens above.  You can imagine the chaos that must be happening with the Condesce on )(er floating platform.  S)(e’s probably culled multiple trolls already, for the very fact that you got a hold of a microphone.  You know you’re personally responsible for their deaths, for forcing them to do this…but this is for the best, you think.

You think back to the words you typed on your husktop.  The ones you had rehearsed over and over until you knew them by the reverberations of your collapsing and expanding bladder based aquatic vascular system.  But it’s one thing to write it, and another to _say_ it.

Still…you already made your choice.  You decided to risk it all, and you already went this far with is.  What would be the point if you didn’t follow through now?

It’s now or never.

“Greetings,” you begin with a clear voice, “to you who have gathered at this Landing today.  I may not know all of you, but you no doubt know of me.

“You have no doubt read fables and legends, warning the youth to stay away from me.  You have no doubt heard tales and stories, saying I have the blood of wrathful Angels running through me.  I have seen you run from me, hiding to protect your lusii and yourselves.  And still, with no doubt in my mind…some of your custodians have been sacrificed to feed the Vast -Emissary to the )(orrorterrors.

“You all have been given plenty of reason to fear me.  To _hate_ me.  But I must ask of you all, and I want you to answer sincerely—who here can say it is actually _me_ they fear?”

Questioning and confused murmurs of “what’s she talking about” erupt through the crowd before you continue.

“Sure, you have been told of what I am supposedly capable of.  But who here truly _believes_ in such tales?  Are there any amongst us who truly believe the blood pumping through my veins is that of Angels’?”

No one responds—or if they do, it’s a small, scattered minority.  It’s enough to answer your question.

“These are the tales,” you continue, “that are told to children so that they will stay away from me—so that they will fear me.  And they are all _lies_.  You all know this as well as I.

“But these lies—like all lies—hide truth behind them.  It is in that truth that you all know deep in your hearts and collapsing and expanding bladder based aquatic vascular systems where the source of your fears lie.

“For the truth is, my fellow trolls, it’s not me who you are afraid of.  It is _)(er_.”

You point to the central platform, and the cameras on cue switch to the Condesce, who—as you had guessed—looks _unhinged_ from this.  Hushed gasps and exclamations of surprise spread over the crowd—as if they might all be culled simply because you said it.  The screens then go back to you as people quiet down.

“Yes,” you say.  “We never say it aloud, but we all know it to be true.  We are _terrified_ of the Condesce.  And while S)(e )(erself may revel in such fear, to admit it aloud would give her all the reason she needs to cull you.  So you prostrate yourselves before )(er, and hope you appear brave enough to live, but not defiant enough to die.  This is the life you live, no matter your blood color.

“And even then…it is never _enough_ for )(er, is it?

“For if your blood hue is viewed to be warmer than it should be, you are forced to live in chains.   You are made to serve people who have been raised their entire lives to be cruel and uncaring.  Before you can ask for _anything_ , you are denied _everything_.

“And those of a cooler hue…you are in chains as well, even if you do not see them.  You are slaves all to the fear of the Condesce, because you know deep down that everything you have attained can be lost in a second.  S)(e will take _everything_ from you, because it was never yours in the first place.  Your Imperial Messages may have denoted you otherwise, but you are all slaves just the same.  In the end, you own as much as your warmer hued counterparts— _nothing_.

“In the end, even our very _lives_ do not belong to us.  For as long as we have lived, they have always belonged to _)(er_.”

You’re shocked you’ve even been able to talk this long.  You were certain someone might try and cull you by now—but perhaps the Condesce isn’t as unhinged as you thought, if she’s still logical enough to assume you’re still feeding the Gl’bgolyb.

Though you’re sure she’s going to have someone check soon.  Soon they’ll see you haven’t fed her in a while.  But maybe it won’t matter if you can just finish the speech and…

“What if I said you don’t _have_ to live this way?” you say, trying to remember your purpose.  “What if I said that this system is _not_ set in stone?

“What if I said…that things could _change_?

“I am here to tell you just that, my fellow trolls.  I am here to tell you that you don’t _have_ to spend your days in fear. I am here to tell you that you don’t _have_ to be afraid of her stealing everything from you.  I am here to tell you that you don’t _have_ to live your lives in shackles.  For you see… _I_ believe in a future—a future _without_ )(er Imperious Condescension.”

You hear literal shrieks of horror.  You don’t think anyone has _ever_ said something so daring and insane.

You’re sure you imagine it, but a part of you believes you hear the Condesce hollering curses at you.

“I believe in a society that can exist not in fear, but in harmony.  I believe in a place where sea dwellers openly hold hands with the lowest of the hemospectrum.  I believe in a day where for once we are not afraid of what we might lose, but look forward to what we might gain.

“I believe…that we all have it within ourselves to _live_.

“It is for these beliefs—for these convictions—that I have come here today.  It is for these ideals that _I_ have decided to officially state my rebellion against the T)(rone.”

The crowd is in an uproar.  It is absolute chaos, and this time you’re _sure_ the cursing you hear is coming from the Condesce.  The energy of the crowd is what enables you to say what you’re sure will be the most revolutionary thing you’ve said through the whole speech.

“And it is my hope that you _all_ will join me in this fight!  Together, we can find a future for us all!  Together, _we can topple the -Empire!!!_ ”  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aside from being happy that Homestuck is alive and well, I’m also pretty excited to hear the new updates for the HS game! It’s nice that we’ll finally get to see the real Alternia, as opposed to _this_ fake nonsense.
> 
> That’s right. I’m not even a little bothered by seeing the real Alternia. THE LIBERTIES I HAVE TAKEN WITH TROLL CULTURE IN THIS STORY ARE DONE PURPOSEFULLY.
> 
> SO HA FUCKING HA, HUSSIE. THOUGHT YOU COULD KEEP THIS FANFICTION WRITER DOWN? THINK A-FUCKING-GAIN.


	17. Decisions and Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna say, I’m sorry it took me _so long_ to get this up. I wanted it up by December, and now it’s February. Lots of shit has happened to keep that date from occurring, least of which being the length of this chapter.
> 
> Happy reading!

CA

As the sometimes, somewhat unfortunate moirail to the heiress Feferi Peixes, you’ve learned the hard way not to underestimate her resolve and her passion.  If sweeps of bickering about the hemospectrum and killing for her lusus have taught you anything, it’s that when Fef puts her pan into believing something—no matter how _ridiculous_ it might be—her determination to make it a reality will never waver, nor would it ever bend to your (correct) way of seeing things.  Nothing exemplifies this realization better for you than when she almost left you two sweeps ago.  When that almost happened, you finally learned the only way to be with Fef was _her_ way—you could never have a say in what your relationship should be like.  It made you furious, of course, but your fury then was eclipsed by your fear of losing her.

So you learned to sit back and keep your mouth shut.  Tell jokes, and laugh at hers.  Make up flush crushes, and not cringe when she ever gave the slightest indication she might like someone else in that way.  Act like it actually _meant_ something when you told her about your plots of genocide, as if she could actually ever pacify you into never acting them out.  Hell, you even let her talk about _her_ problems in the palest way possible, acting as though you genuinely _enjoyed_ trying to pacify her.  It was a narrow, sometimes precarious tight rope you had to balance on, but you learned to tread it with a delicacy and grace befitting your royal standing.  And like any proper military strategist, you even learned to predict her moods to better prepare yourself for being the best moirail she could ask for.

Perhaps you became too confident in your abilities making up your little pale tale to notice what was going on.  Perhaps you became too invested in telling the lie itself, too scared that something would slip and you would be right back where you were two sweeps ago to focus on anything but your farce.   Or perhaps you were just too focused on everything else occurring today to think Fef would do anything so extreme.  Whatever the exact reason is, you’ll probably never pinpoint it, because of all the shit Fef could’ve pulled today, this is something you didn’t expect in the slightest.

_“It is for these ideals that I have decided to officially state my rebellion against the throne.”_

The almost _too_ meek voice sounds from the screen overhead, its words coming over you like a menacing wave to crush you.  People in your fleet ship push past you and each other, and you hear them gasping, murmuring, crying, shouting bloody murder.

And _you_ …the now _very_ unfortunate moirail to the girl on the screen…you’re frozen in place next to your unresponsive lusus, mute and gaping in sheer horror.

You did expect her to do something.  Her last message with you basically solidified that in your mind, even if you realized she would never tell you outright what she would do.  But that “something” you thought she might do amounted to no more than perhaps light sabotage and maybe some vandalized building saying something along the lines of “FUCK T)(-E COND-ESC-E!!!!” with some stupid cuttlefish drawn next to it.  You only expected her to make the Condesce’s day a little more difficult and maybe piss her off.

Not this.  Not an intercepted speech.  Not her trying to start a fucking _revolution_.

 _“And it is my hope that you all will join me in this fight!  Together, we can find a future for us all!_ Together, we can topple the empire!!! _”_

And then it’s not only you that’s quiet.  Everyone else falls silent, a quiet roar of people too afraid to make any declaration that they would _ever_ go against the empire.

But of course they wouldn’t.  This outcome was only too easy to predict, because no one in their right fucking thinking process would consider joining the revolution of an heiress.  No one except Fef, apparently.

For one thing, there’s already tradition to consider.  She’s supposed to stay here, quietly attending to her lusus, until the color of her blood overwhelms the black in her irises.  Then, and _only_ then, would she ever be seen as a worthy adversary to the Condesce, and be able to challenge her throne.  _That_ is how she’s meant to ascend to the throne.  The quiet part obviously wouldn’t have ever fit Fef’s shrillness and “excitement,” but then she never gave you reason to believe she would try to ascend in any other way than what was seen as legitimate.

Again, you can only think you blindsided yourself somehow, because looking back on everything, it’s all too obvious that she would have done something like this no matter what.  That’s how Fef is.  She doesn’t take things lying down.  It’s _her_ way, or _no_ way.

You should have seen this coming the moment you met her.  Instead of trying to shoot her like the brazen bastard you were and are, you should’ve ran when you had the chance.

But the thought occurs to you as you see on the screen her wide eyes staring at the silent crowd in front of her—it’s not too late to run now.  You could still run away and never look back.  But another thought comes, and you’re immediately torn, because proper moirail code should dictate that the only place you should run to is her side.  And with more than a little shame brewing in your insides, you know for a fact Fef would do the same if _you_ were the one crazy enough to incite a rebellion amongst the people (which you never _would_ be, of course).  She wouldn’t be standing, eyes transfixed on a screen, with every thought screaming at her _run, leave, get out, you can still live, you don’t_ need _her, just fucking_ **go** _._

…But then she’s always been an outcast, hasn’t she?  Her lineage gives her a chance to be higher than anyone, of course, but it’s only a _chance_ , and not one to be taken seriously by any proper member of society.  The only reason _you_ ever let yourself believe it was possible is because the thought of leading a life without Fef was too much to bear.  Now that you’re older, you know better than before how hopeless a venture it is—hell, the way she spoke to you today suggested that even _she_ wasn’t sure it was possible.  So _of course_ a girl like her—with nothing to lose and everything to gain—would be willing to run to the side of a fool who’s idiotic enough to test the strength of the empire.

You, on the other hand…you have almost everything you could ever ask for.  Anything else you don’t have, you can get later on with enough charm and murderous rage.  Not only do you have everything to lose…you absolutely for a fact _will_ lose it if you think of even _budging_ in her general direction.  How is that fair, for you to give up everything, when she would have to give up nothing?

Suddenly, you start to think she’s the most selfish person on Alternia.  Even more selfish than Vriska.

How _dare_ she?  How dare she try to start a fight with the Empress before her time?  How dare she make this speech when the Condesce was about to make her own?  How dare she try to start a revolution, knowing that only a proper moirail would run to her side and aid her?  How dare she be so _willing_ and _happy_ and _-EXCITED_ to help _you_ , even though it’s the _easiest fucking thing in the world_ for her to do, when you would have to return the favor like a good pale buddy _should_ , all while acting like it’s _not_ hard, it’s _not_ torturous, it’s _not_ going against all your dreams and aspirations and _every-fucking-thing you’ve ever worked toward?_   _How **DARE** she have to always have it **HER WAY**!?  WHY CAN’T IT EVER BE **YOUR** WAY!!?_

These thoughts come to you, screaming through the flood of silence and staring from the crowd surrounding you, and the urge to run away comes back in full force.  And for a moment, you think you will.

…But you can’t.  You’re stuck.  Just like you always have been.

It’s like four sweeps ago, when you realized for the first time that she was the heiress.  When a troll came from the sea, and attacked and wounded her for a reason you didn’t understand at the time…but then you didn’t need to.  She was Fef, and the first and only thing you ever really cared about then.  Even before you were aware of quadrants and romance, you knew you wanted Fef, and you weren’t going to let some filthy brinesucker with a pointless grudge take her away from you.  So once you saw her collapse, your rifle was already out and the troll fell down in a quick blur, dead.  You ran to her, to take in her wounds…

And that’s when you saw the horrifying fuchsia hue spilling from her.

You thought of running then, too.  Associating with the heiress is a death wish.   And despite what it may look like, you’ve never been a troll that was interested in dying.  It would have been so easy—she would have easily died off if you left and saved yourself, and you would have never had to think on it again.

…But you didn’t run.  You _couldn’t_ run.  Not then.

Though that was in the past, when you were kids and the future was so far away and you didn’t need to _care_ about anything beyond feeding yourselves and your stupid games of Cowgirls and Wizards—when you didn’t have to think hard about what it meant for you to be with her because being _happy_ with her was enough.  You were just some lonely boy desperate for fucking companionship, and she was the first person who ever offered it to you, so of _course_ you stayed.  This is the present, where you’re not a boy anymore, where being “happy” is harder, where you’re not ( _as_ ) desperate for a person to talk to, and you can almost _feel_ the Condesce’s glare with every moment you don’t hightail it out of there.

And if you’re not going to run…what _will_ you do?  Could you go to her side— _fight_ for her even?  Could you _really_ give up everything you have to gain from ignoring her (meaning literally _everything_ this empire has to offer) and go with her?  Could you really be so foolhardy to cast your lot in with a cause you not only disagree with, but will almost certainly mean your death, if not today, then later on?

Could you really do all of this…if it means it’s all for her?

You’re broken from your thoughts when your lusus whinnies.  You almost want to curse at him for interrupting your inner focus, but the whinny causes you to look back up at the screen, and then you see it.  More fuchsia liquid spilling from her.

Only this time it’s not blood.  Her tears pool in her goggles, hardly noticeable to any casual observer.

You then start to wonder how foolish you were to ever believe you had a choice.

 

CC

Silence.

Deafening _silence_.  The uproar is gone and all that’s left is the cold, still air.

No one answers your call to action.  Not even the slaves, who clearly have nothing left but empty, meaningless lives of servitude.

Perhaps because a life of servitude is still worth more than the prospect of certain death from casting your lot in with the )(eiress…no, not just an )(eiress.  A rebel against the T)(rone.

Your knees buckle and your throat becomes dry at the uneasiness of the crowd as you pull away the microphone attached to the shirt.  For a moment, nothing feels real—not even yourself.  You don’t even feel the tears falling down, only seeing them fill your goggles in a tyrian haze.  Even through them you can see your face being replaced with the Condesce’s for the first time since you began your speech, and you see her screaming and shrieking orders at people like a mad woman, snapping you back to full consciousness.

You pull off your goggles and wipe away the tears, willing away any more that may come, and try to breathe.  You had already decided to do this, and it’s too late to take it back.  And since no one is joining you, you have to make peace with the only option left: certain death.

You made the decision to come out today, to basically give the Condesce an ultimatum.  You made things easier for her by not feeding your lusus.  You figured if you were going to die one day anyway, you would die trying to get others to fight with you.  You weren’t going to let anyone be the master of your fate except yourself.  If you were destined to fail—as you realized sweeps ago—then you were going to fail on your own terms, and no one was going to stop you.

Or maybe…you just wanted to believe the people would speak out today.  That you might inspire something in them.

You should have known they wouldn’t have any sympathy for a traitor.

Just as you begin to accept your demise and await the Condesce’s trident, it happens—a flash of white light shoots out from an imperial carrier, causing it to tear open in smoke and flame, as you hear onlookers gasp and shout.  You turn your eyes away from looking directly at the flames and instead look at the screens, which have turned all their focus on the now burning, yet still hovering ship.  Through the diluted haze of the fire and smoke, you make out a white speck flying out from the chaos.

Before you can make heads or tails of the what’s and why’s of the happening, you suddenly see on the screens that white speck flying to _you_.  And as you make out the blue rifle and violet uniform, you have barely enough to turn away from the screens to see in terror to see what they already confirmed—Eridan, rifle in hand, mounted on his Skyhorse, and only ten yards away from you.

“ _Fef!_ ”

He shouts your name, though you barely comprehend it as he prepares to land near you.  In your pan, you’re screaming _no, go away, you can still save yourself, you must have known I was always going to die anyway, just like everyone else_.  But you don’t make this a reality as you see him fail his landing as his legs swing around Skyhorse too far from the ground, and he lands only to trip and fall on his face.

The people surrounding you stare in wide-eyed confusion, wonder, and horror as he forces himself up and brushes away dirt on what was once a pristine violet uniform.  He probably looks like some official authority figure to them, with his tall stature and regal outfit.  But you don’t see anything authoritative in him when he looks up with his broken eye glasses and thin trail of violet going down his face.  As his eyes meet yours, you see another image entirely—a boy you met when you were three who tripped and fell face first on a jagged rock, who had bled and cried and begged a complete stranger to help him.

This time, though, you’re not strangers, and he’s not crying.  But you feel as though you’re about to start again when you finally find your voice, and it’s screaming.

“ _No!_ ”

“I’m here, Fef—”

“ _No!!!_ ”

He’s battling through the crowd, pushing and shoving anyone who doesn’t have enough sense to stay away from him aside.  He keeps speaking as you keep shrieking.

“It’s okay, I’m here—”

“ _What are you doing!?_ ”

“I’m with you now—”

“ _You need to leave!_ ”

Soon he’s made it up to the stage and he’s heading for you, but in your mind you’re thinking _it’s too close, he’s too close, they’re going to get him_ …

But he babbles on.

“I’m with you—”

“ _You are going to **die**!!!”_

“Fef—”

“ _Eridan—_ ”

You know the guards won’t be distracted by his stunt for very long and already you can see the vision of the angry Condesce black out, telling you she’s on the move, and she’s moving for you, and you _know_ you can’t save him—

Suddenly, he’s wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace, and you freeze.  Every part of your pan is telling you to push him away, that maybe you can save him and say he’s deranged or something…

…but your body can’t follow through as you remember the feeling of those arms that have always been there, even when you didn’t want or need them.  The arms that you’ve seen so weakly clutch its own elbows in tears and yet can still hold you now with such certainty and confidence.  And as you realize that you really _do_ need those arms now, he speaks, just audible enough for you to hear.

“…I _knew_ you were lying to me.”

You choke a laugh because _cod_ is that the worst thing you can say at such a moment, but with that laugh comes a stream of tears.

“…I didn’t want you to…” you trail off as he pulls away from you, but he puts a finger to your mouth, stopping you from finishing the words.

“I was tryin’ to tell you before,” he says, sounding uncharacteristically soft.  “Before you cut me off…none of that shit I ever said about genocide an’ stuff…”

“Eridan—” you try to stop him.

“It doesn’t _matter_ , Fef,” he finishes explaining.  Then, speaking with his usual disaffected tone of dramatic fervor, he adds, “None of it matters.  Because I was doomed the moment I met you, Princess.”

You roll your eyes in the midst of the tears, angered by his dramatic statement.  “This is _sea-rious_ , Eridan!” you yell at him.  “This is not some FLARPing campaign with Vriska!  This is not some game!  This is _not_ something to be melodramatic a-boat!!  Don’t you see that being with me will get you _killed!?_   _Don’t you see that I was never destined to be the -Empress!!?_ ”

You expect him to suddenly freak out—to run away and leave like you think he should.  You’re not expecting it when his eyes remain locked with yours with a hardened, yet sorrowful expression, only to flit away after a moment.  You don’t expect him to bite the corner of his lower lip, as if unable to find the proper words to say.  And when he seems to finally find those words, you don’t expect them to come out of his mouth.

“More than you know,” he says in a low whisper.

Those three words tell you all you’ve ever needed to know about Eridan.  He knew there was no hope for you—that you would never ascend the T)(rone, that it was nothing more than a foolish dream of yours.  He probably accepted it as an impossibility before you did, even.  And yet here he was, standing by your side.

You know it’s unfair, but a part of you feels angry that he never really had faith in you, like he always said he did—angry that he lied to you for so long.  But you also understand, because you never really had faith in yourself.  So instead of acting angry, you resolve yourself to feeling grateful that in spite of everything, he’s decided to stay with you all the same.

Even if it means his certain death.

 

AA

“Oh gosh…” your slave master, Equius Zahhak, whispers to himself.  “Dear gosh God, _no_ , this can’t really be…”

He seems to be concerned by the familiar figures on the screen.  The sea dweller in the nice military suit, running toward a girl with a beautiful skirt.  When the screen cuts back to a large-scale image of the raving Empress you already see in the platform floating a hundred or so yards away from your own, he audibly gasps, and you know how terrified he is by how much he reeks of his own odor.

As for you?  You haven’t stopped smiling.  Not since you were first ordered to smile.  Even though your cheeks hurt from the exertion.

Because you, Aradia Megido, have given up.

You won’t deny the shock you felt when you first saw Feferi’s image replace the Condesce’s.  You also won’t deny the slight elation you felt at the Condesce’s confused reaction on the central floating platform.  You won’t even deny that when your sea dweller friend called out for revolution that a part of you—a small, tiny part that still finds a reason to defend her own—wanted to join.  And when everyone shrieked and screamed as Eridan’s white blast tore through steel to come meet her, you would not deny that you felt a little…inspired.

But the futility of it all leaves you motionless.  And obedient.  And _smiling_.

You’re more aware now, then you ever were before, that absolutely everything that has ever happened in your life was completely pointless.  If you were ever meant to lead a life of importance beyond slavery, it is certainly much too late for it to happen now.  You’re too stuck in this world of mediocrity with a life too devoid of meaning.

Yes…even as you watch the sea dwellers on screen embrace each other as the good moirails they are, and feel a twinge of longing for your own quadrant mate—now forever gone from your life—you know it’s all a vain attempt to give meaning to a cosmos that probably always would have been fruitless no matter what any of you did.  Painfully, you feel more than ever how your lives were always meant to be filled with wasted time and potential, up until all of your certain deaths.

And the fact that you realize this and that your slave master doesn’t—with his sweating and grunting and panicking and fear for the inevitable—almost makes the smile on your face genuine.

“This can’t be…” he says under his breath.  “This can’t… _Nepeta?_ ”

His utterance of his moirail’s name reminds you of her existence.  Sweet, precious Nepeta, who actually tried to fight for you.  The pointlessness of such a venture—mixed with the equal pointlessness of her and your life—might be enough to make a true cynic laugh.  But even though you’ve resigned yourself to cynicism, you can’t help but feel sad as you turn to see what her reaction might _oh my God why is she walking over people toward the end of the aisle???_

“ _Nepeta!?_ ” Equius hollers as he moves past you, looking both shocked and enraged by Nepeta’s sudden impulsiveness (the former sentiment you share with him).  “ _NEPETA!_ ”

Nepeta notices Equius moving (as delicately as he can manage) past the seats to get to her, and attempts to redouble her efforts to go swiftly over the laps of the confused people, like a meowbeast lusus caught misbehaving by the troll its guarding.  But as quick as she is, Equius in his frustration is quicker and he manages to grasp her by the arm just outside of the aisle.  She yelps, and you worry for a moment that he might have broken it, and you think he might be worried too, until Nepeta starts to struggle in his grip.

“ _Let, go!_ ” she says, trying to haplessly yank away from the brute.

“ _What are you DOING!?_ ” he says harshly, amazingly in control of his strength enough to keep her from leaving but not hurt her.  “Don’t you realize the _last_ thing we need is for people to make note of us!?”

“I—don’t— _CARE!_ ” she growls, still trying to yank away, eyes fixed on the freedom from his grip.

“‘Don’t _CARE!?_ ’” Equius snaps at her.  “How could you _possibly_ not care!?  _Did you not_ see _what just transpired!!?_   We absolutely _cannot_ be making rash moves!  We have to remain calm, and hope to Condesce that no one finds reason to suspect anything!”

Except people are already staring.  As you try to maneuver yourself past the seats to reach the two, you see the people on the platform settle in shock at the two moirails.  You also spot a few guards look warily at the commotion.

As you inch closer to the two of them, you see one reaching for a weapon.

“ _Nepeta Leijon!!_ ” Equius scolds upon Nepeta’s continued squirming.  His anger is enough to justify the sweat dripping off of him as no longer being comical.  “ _I_ command _you_ —”

“ _NO!!_ ” Nepeta turns, shouting in his face, her rage matching his.  “ _I don’t_ care _what you have to say, I DON’T **CARE**!!!_   Fefurry is _right_ ,she’s right about _efurrything_ , _AND I WANNA HELP HER!!!_ ”

You halt a few feet away from them as the words leave her mouth.  Equius’s jaw hangs open in utter horror of her declaration.  If the guards had any reservations about pulling a gun on them before, you’re sure they won’t now.

“H-how can you _say_ such a thing!?” Equius says, his voice hoarse and trembling.  “Surely you can’t mean—”

“ _I can, and I do, and I **WILL**!_ ” Nepeta yells at him.  “No one deserves to be treated the way we’re treated by the Empress!  She doesn’t even see us as _people!_   But we’re _all_ people, Equius!  We’re _all people_ , aren’t we!?”

It’s strange to hear such words be spoken so passionately in Nepeta’s voice, let alone for them to actually be coming from her.  The usually reserved, kind-spirited roleplayer acting like a drum major for the cause of revolution.  If none of this has a purpose, you can’t help but wonder why her words ring so true in the hollowness of your heart, for neither Feferi’s speech nor Eridan’s uncharacteristic selflessness mean as much as what the green blood has just said.

You’ve never really felt like a person—at times, you’ve probably felt more like a ghost than anything with tangibility.  But haven’t you always wished that for once in your life you could be _treated_ like a person?

“ _Be quiet!_ ” Equius whispers harshly through grit teeth, as if trying to hide the blasphemy of what she just said.  “ _You are endangering yourself_ and _me, even_ after _I’ve done so much to ensure your freedom!  Are you_ trying _to get us cull_ —”

Equius stops mid-sentence, going rigid and stiff.  You imagine the feeling of a gun pointed at his back would do such a thing.  The six guards of the platform have finally decided to take action and now their weapons are poised at the two trolls, surrounding them.  Even with Equius’s bulk over them and his capability to crush them with ease, you can tell he’s still terrified.

He probably won’t even fight back.  Nepeta’s wide eyes peering up at him and the guns seem to assume the very same.

“Don’t move,” the guard pointing the gun at Equius’s back commands, “unless you want to be shot where you stand.”

The guard doesn’t need to say it even once, for Equius is already paralyzed in place, with a no longer squirming Nepeta.  You think at first that he might be so passive that he wouldn’t even speak, but he does.

“I…I beg your pardon,” Equius says in as apologetic a voice he can muster.  “I was just—”

“Just trying to join the heiress in her schemes?” the guard spits at him.

“ _No!_ ” Equius replies, with more fear in his voice than he probably intended.  He takes a deep breath, as if to combat his nerves, and maintains as steadily as he can, “No.  That is not at all what I was trying to do.  Conspiring against the crown is the last thing on my thinkpan.  On a scale of one to one hundred, my desire to do commit such a traitorous act is less than zero.”

“Sounds like your green-blooded friend had other intentions,” another guard chimes in, pointing their rifle at Nepeta.  She hisses in kind.

Equius hesitates with a response, and you think he might be glaring at his green-blooded pale partner through his cracked shades.  Or…or is he genuinely frightened for her?

Regardless of his feelings, he does what any blue blood would do regardless of any sweat problem they may have: _lie_.

“She was roleplaying,” Equius calmly states.

“ _What!?_ ” Nepeta exclaims.

“It’s a silly thing my _meow-rail_ likes to do,” Equius continues, ignoring Nepeta’s outburst, and emphasizing the cat pun he just made.  You think it may be to pacify her—that, or get her to be quiet.  “When something eventful occurs, she likes to engage in her absurd roleplaying.  I, as her moirail, indulge her to…pacify her.”

“You dumb stinky _jerk!_ ” Nepeta bites.  “You know _I’m_ the one who pacifies _you!_ ”

“See?” Equius says.  “She is still roleplaying.  Clearly this event has troubled her more than I thought…”

“ _No no no no LET GO OF ME!!!_ ” Nepeta refuses, again trying to struggle away from Equius’s grasp.

“Regardless of her intention,” the guard behind Equius interjects, removing their gun from Equius’s back, “she still made a declaration to fight against her Empress.”

The guard then moves past Equius, eying who they now see as the main source of the disruption.  Nepeta keeps trying to struggle, hissing and growling at both Equius and the guard, until the guard points their gun at a new target—her head.

And with that goes any illusions of calmness Equius had.

“ _E-excuse me!?_ ” he exclaims.  “ _What do you think you’re_ —”

“‘Anyone who dares _consider_ the possibility of going against the Condesce will be culled,’” the guard quotes as cocks the small gun.  “Section nine nine of the Culling Code.”

“No,” Equius says, “no, Nepeta wouldn’t—can’t you—please just a light punishment, like forty lashes—”

And you can’t believe he’s stumbling over his words, because this is his _moirail_ , and he would be fine to lie her out of being hurt like nobility does, or even civilly discuss a “light punishment, like forty lashes,” but Mothergrub forbid he ever raise a hand against an authority figure of the Empire.

The guard cocks the gun as the cat girl trembles.  “No exceptions.”

And to your horror Equius is _still_ doing nothing, even though he must know if Nepeta goes he will surely be next—such is moirail code—and you think by the way he’s sweating and looking at the guard that he might actually be _happy_ with such a notion—even if it means _her_ death along with his.  You think even Nepeta must realize this, for the look she gives him does not suggest one with the slightest expectation that he will fight, but one that is _pleading_ with him to do so.

And suddenly it all makes you sick, sicker than Equius’s sweating, sicker than Vriska almost throwing Tavros off a ledge, sicker than the voices that you’re afraid will include Nepeta soon enough, sicker than seeing the combination of Sollux and yourself be auctioned off like lambs to the slaughter…it makes you so sick that the nobility could so casually let even the things they care about most be destroyed for fear of breaking a rule, and that the nobility around you would watch without a single

The guard puts their digit on the trigger.

All at once, you don’t want her life to be futile.  You don’t want _anyone’s_ life to be so utterly pointless, no matter if the cosmos has ordained that they must be.

And you decide then that you won’t let them be futile, no matter what.  If they won’t fight for it, then you will.

“… _What…?_ ”

Before the guard can let free the bullet just begging to be released, the darkness surrounds the lot of you.  All too familiar whispers become louder, and instead of fighting them away, you keep calling to those spirits to exact justice.

 _Come_ , you beckon.  Normally you would ask politely, but you have no time for such formalities as the guard still has their gun on her forehead.

But the voices are unsure—confused, even.  So long have they remained still and quiet, accepting the fruitlessness of a future they no longer have stake in.

Don’t you know…? they seem to question, as if having an answer to a riddle you’ve not yet heard.

But you have fire in your heart now, and you don’t care for their games.

 _Heed my call!_ you shout in your mind, forcing their weak, lifeless spirits to bend to your living one.  _ASCEND LIKE YOU HAD BEFORE! **PROTECT HER**!!!_

“ _What the—!?_ ”

Your focus is broken upon the guard’s exclamation, and you’re able to take in the haunted scene.  Ghosts swarm around all of you like locusts to a crop, their wails and moans leaving the onlookers surrounding you no longer gazing at the scene with passive curiosity, but alarm and fear in their expressions.  The guards stare in mute, paralyzed terror, and you see even Equius and Nepeta are fearful—though unlike the guards, they focus not on the ghosts, but you.

The guard that once had their gun on Nepeta is now aiming it at the circling ghosts surrounding the platform, shooting at them all like a mad person.

“What the _fuck_ is going on!?” they exclaim.  “What is happening!?”

You spot one guard near Equius, who seems to have more control over their senses.  You don’t know if it’s because they are that observant, or if it’s because they are able to detect mutant abilities, but while the guards continue to look at the ghosts in all directions around them, this guard finally turns to the two moirails.

And then, seeing the one target the moirails are focusing, the guard turns to you.

“It’s the rust slave!” the guard calls to their companions.  “It must be summoning the ghosts!”

“The _slave!?_ ” one of the guards replies in surprise at the revelation.

“Don’t worry,” the guard staring you down responds to them, getting ready to pull out their weapon.  “I’ll take care of it.”

For one brief second, you consider how pointless this attempt at relevance was, and think how this might be the end of your sad, worthless life.

That is, until you see what they pull out.

For the first time today, you smile willingly, overjoyed to find another fellow whip wielder.  A proper weapon for an experienced FLARPer like yourself.

The guard seems confused at your expression, but before they can do anything, a ghost you command flies right toward them, sending them on their back in a daze.  In a flash, you run at the now debilitated guard and—before they can regain their senses—snatch the whip from their hand and specibus.

“I’ll be taking _that_ ,” you say with a flourish that you don’t think even Vriska “Mindfang” Serket could top.

“It _is_ the slave!” the guard with the gun says, now aiming it at you.  “Get her—”

You still their hand with a lash of your whip, the gun flying out of their grip, still smiling at the advantage you now have.  Another guard lunges at you with no weapon, which you dodge with precision.  Another guard pulls out a gun, and you crack it of their hand as well, and crack the whip a few more times for show, as if egging them on.  You never quite enjoyed the fighting of FLARPing, viewing it mostly as a necessary end to truly enjoy the exploring aspect of the game, but you know you have enough experience to handle this fight.  And you think the guards and the nobles around you know that, for after your final whip crack, none of them step up to combat you, staring at you with an awe that might suggest that they saw you as a regular troll Indiana Jones.

But as you take in the power you have over them—you, a rust blood, a slave, with _power_ —through the ghosts you see another vision.

The central platform.  And the Condesce, looking straight at your own platform.

Suddenly, the guards seem too great a threat for you to best.  For even if you did best them, more would show up.  There is now only one way you would ever make it out of there alive, and that was to run.

You recall the sea dwellers, and realize they are your last hope.

“ _Aradia!_ ” Equius finally breaks his silent passivity to scold.  “How _dare_ you commit such…such _atrocious_ acts!?  I _order_ you to—”

You cut off whatever he was trying to “order” you to do by running to him and grabbing his arm to drag him away to God knows what else you’ve planned.  You think he might stop you with his enormous strength, but he seems to become tractable when your hand meets his bicep.  When you grab Nepeta in tandem, however, she is less compliant.

“Aradia, what are you even _doing!?_ ” she demands, not fighting your forward momentum, but not willingly joining it either.  You think if you had a proper answer to that question that she might be more open to helping you.

Too bad you don’t have any idea what you’re doing.

You move past the confused guards and fear-stricken faces of the crowd, sprinting toward the only out you can think of—the minicarrier, with all the lusii resting inside.  If perhaps you could get in there, you could fly the carrier to the two glub-rails, and possibly escape.  It’s not the soundest plan, but it’s the best you have.

You figure it won’t matter.  Surely the Heiress has a plan beyond this, doesn’t she?

You make a final burst for the minicarrier door, suddenly sensing followers—perhaps the guards that have come to their senses and are prepared to stop you.  But you’re through an automatic emergency entrance door (for emergency exit procedures from the platform before they can, and as you pull the moirails inside, you push a button that says “EMERGENCY LOCK” in bright red letters.  The door slams shut, and the ensuing pounds on the door let you know you’re momentarily safe.  But you know that moment will end soon, and as such you don’t waste any time going to the pilot controls of the ship—even as your lusus bleats at you from her cage, and Nepeta and Equius look at you expectantly.

“Purradia…?” Nepeta questions meekly.

But you pay her no mind.  You look at the controls, finding one that you _think_ controls the ship’s flying and steering.  But when you mess around with it, it does nothing.  You think it might not be turned on, or perhaps even stuck…?

“What is the _meaning_ of this!?” Equius shouts in frustration.  “Every single act you have committed has been, on a scale of one hundred, _beyond_ one hundred in terms of ridiculous, illegal, and even worse yet, _non-cow-ncordant with my wishes!_   I can’t believe I thought of you as _noble_ and _refined_ and…”

Equius continues to yammer on as you continue to play with the main controls.  You spot on a screen that it states the ship is ready for flight, lending credibility to the notion that it must be stuck to the platform somehow.  There are so many buttons, and you fear messing with too many of them to try to get it unstuck.  Your lack of knowledge about machinery reminds you that this plan is actually quite terrible and desperate.  If only one of you had machinery know-how _wait just a second_.

“You are _my_ slave,” Equius continues, “and—”

“Equius why won’t this fly?” you interrupt him.

“—I will _not_ abide this horsing a-…” he stops, confused.  “ _What?_ ”

“You know a lot about machinery,” you ask of him, “do you not?”

“I…” he begins.  “Well…I would say I am quite exceptional at the science of engineering, and…”  He pauses a moment, before continuing on his rage of a few moments prior.  “What does that have to do with _anything!?_ ”

“Can you tell me why this aircraft won’t fly?” you question him.

“What do you…” he starts, stumbling on his words.  “What even…it’s magnetized to the platform, you nincompoop, that’s how these minicarriers stay fixed to the structure, in case any emergency occurs and they need to save the most noble on the platform.  Did you even _listen_ to the guard’s explanation about the minicarrier?—”

“Then do you know what button can demagnetize it?” you ask.

“Why do you need to know that!?” he counters, getting frustrated by your line of questioning.

“So I can fly it,” you calmly explain.

“And _why_ would you want to fly this gosh-forsaken aircraft!?” he demands.

“To get us to Feferi and Eridan.”

With that, your meaning for the endeavor suddenly becomes clear to the moirails.  Equius’s mouth hangs agape, and Nepeta’s eyes suddenly shine with excitement and joy.

“ _Yes!_ ” the green blood exclaims, pumping her fist in the air.  “I _knew_ you would want to help them, Purradia!”  She grins happily at you, perhaps not truly aware of how much danger the lot of you are in.

“ _No!_ ” Equius refuses, fists clenched in anger.  “This is absolutely _unacceptable!_   The _last_ thing I and you will ever do is throw our lot in with those urchinous _traitors!_ ”

“It’s that or _death_ , Equius!” you shout at him.

“And how _dare_ you refer to me by name, _slave!?_ ” Equius seethes.  “I _know_ you are better than that, Aradia, and I demand you _act_ as such—”

“You and your moirail would have been _culled_ out there!” you continue yelling, now partly venting your anger at his inaction to save Nepeta before.  “And you would have done _nothing!_   But I’m not going to let you do nothing about this!  If you want your moirail to live, then—”

“If we were to die, then it would have been best for the Empire!” he maintains.  “It would have been _just_ and _dignified_ death for the both of us, a _great_ and _noble_ way to have our lives end!  How _dare_ you insinuate I don’t know what’s best for my moirail—”

“You _don’t!_ ” you interject.  “You only know what _YOU_ think is best for her, not caring about how she actually feels!  Didn’t you _care_ about how scared she was back there!?  Have you ever _once_ done anything to help her, or have you—”

“ _I AM THE REASON SHE IS OUT OF SLAVERY!_ ” he practically screams at you, coming at you with fists raised, causing you to flinch, thinking for a moment that he might actually use them.  “ _I have done NOTHING but sacrifice for her, and I would have GLADLY forfeited my life alongside her if that was what needed to happen!_   Nepeta, can you _please_ explain to her that—”

Before he can turn for the assurance that she wouldn’t have given, the ship rumbles violently, as if it had just unhinged itself from something.  You hardly don’t even _need_ to turn back to the control panel to know what happened.

The ship rumbles again as a not-so-innocent Nepeta reaches for the controls.

“Nepeta _wait_ —”

“ _Nepeta!_ —”

Both you and Equius try to scold her at once, but it’s too late.  You both are suspended in midair almost at once as Nepeta uses the controls to shift its weight and send it downward.  Lusus cries fill the carrier as you all fall down, and you’re sure that this is _certainly_ the end and how careless could you be to let Nepeta be in control—

In the nick of time, Nepeta finds a thruster that propels the minicarrier upwards, which of course sends Equius and yourself slamming against a wall.  Equius’s weight leaves a dent in the carrier, while you’re sure the carrier just left a dent in you.

“ _Nepeta…_ ” Equius starts.  “ _What…in…HEAVEN’S NAME…_ ”

“ _Just—chill out!—guys!_ ” Nepeta says in a broken statement as she tries (and fails) to fly the minicarrier in a steady manner, moving up and down and side to side in a mix of directions.  “ _I_ —got _this!_ ”

“You clearly— _DON’T!_ ” you yell at her, being forced to stop in the middle of the statement as you’re sent to the ground by another sporadic movement of hers.  “Do you even know where we’re _going!?_ ”

“ _The_ — _Empress’s Square!_ ” she responds, still clearly not in control of the minicarrier’s trajectory.  “ _To get_ — _Fefurry!_ — _and Ampurra!_ — _where she gave the speech!_ —duh!”

You’re impressed that she knows the location.  You of course recognized the platform immediately—one does not easily forget the place where one was sold off as property.

You think for a moment that she might actually know what she’s doing, until she makes a sharp turn and sends you landing back first against the lusus cages, knocking the wind out of you and causing many of the creatures to squawk in displeasure.  You struggle for breath and balance through Nepeta’s mad swerving, struggling to find something, _anything_ that will keep you steady through this madness.  The rickety flying toward the platform seemed hardly a bother before, despite having to stand, having nothing to steady yourself, and the place _reeking_ of lusii, but now with a passionate green blood who’s inept at flying this piece of equipment in charge of doing exactly _that_ , you start to wish the Empire had at least built some seats with sitting straps.

“ _BRACE YOURSELVES!_ ” she calls out.

You almost want to retort something along the lines of “what do you think I’ve been trying to do since you started _flying_ this death trap,” but then you look through the main flight projection screen in front of her and understand why she decided to say it now.  You see the platform, clearly, swarmed by thousands of trolls.  In the corner of the monitor you see imperial officials rushing toward the platform, no doubt to apprehend the two trolls you see in the apex of the chaos—Eridan and Feferi.

“ _Goooing DOWN!_ ” Nepeta says with too much cheer as she yanks the controls for a 90 degree nosedive.

 “ _NEPETA, I COW-MMAND_ —”

“ _Nepeta Nepeta NepETA **NEPETA**_ —”

You and Equius both can’t finish your desperate pleas for some modicum of control as the minicarrier crashes straight into the platform, causing both of you to fall forward and slam hard against the front panels.

After that, you are in a daze.  At first you think you might have fallen unconscious as you briefly lose track of time.  Regardless of whether or not you did, when you do get to your senses, it’s while your head is throbbing with everything around you spinning and turning.  It takes you a bit to realize that the ship—surprisingly—landed right-side up, and a bit longer to make sense of the new situation you find yourself in.

The first worrying thing you make out are sparks coming from the control panel—or was that just your mind playing tricks on you?  You sincerely hope it’s the latter, and you start to believe it might be, for they don’t show up again.  You couldn’t have possibly landed that hard, you’re sure.

“Nepeta, don’t you _dare_ —”

Equius’s voice is the second thing you recognize.  Due to his strength, he perhaps was able to take the brunt of the blow better than you.  When you turn to the direction of his voice—near the emergency door you, he, and Nepeta had come through before—you see this is exactly the case, him having absolutely no bruising or scratches.  (You vaguely wonder how beat up you must look in comparison as you feel a droplet of hot liquid roll down your forehead.)  The only cause for alarm are his glasses, which have completely shattered (yet he comically is still wearing the frames—you would laugh at the foolishness of this under any other circumstance, you’re sure).  He seems to be blocking Nepeta (her being equally uninjured) and her path to the door.  While before the shades obstructed your view of the emotions in his eyes, you can now see clearly just how _violently angry_ he is.

The cries of lusii become more apparent as Equius speaks again.

“Nepeta,” he starts, “have you gone absolutely _mad?_   Illegally appropriating government property to join the cause of _traitors!?_   Do you not _recognize_ the damage you have caused not only to the _Empire_ , but to—”

“I don’t _care_ about the Empire!” Nepeta yells at him before he can finish.

“How _DARE_ you interrupt me!?” Equius shouts back.  “And how _DARE_ you speak such slander against the authority and goodness of our civil regime!?  I realize your blood is an unfortunate _green_ hue, but—”

“Blah blah blah _I DON’T CARE!_ ” Nepeta shouts at him.

“—but you could _at least ATTEMPT_ to behave properly!” Equius finishes.

“Let me through!” she demands, trying to go around him.

“ _Absolutely not!_ ” Equius refuses, moving along with her to her new position.  They continue to dance like this as Nepeta keeps moving and Equius keeps blocking her.  “I will _not_ abide you helping her _or_ her disgusting moirail!”

“ _Let_ — _me_ — _THROUGH!_ ”

“ _No!_ ”

“ _Yes!_ ”

“ _NO!_ ”

“ _YES_ —”

The argument is ended as the door is blasted open in a flash of white light.  Equius only narrowly avoids the blast, and only due to Nepeta’s quick reflexes in pulling him down along with her.  In the door’s place there is left a large, gaping hole that—if Nepeta crashing it to the ground didn’t do the job—you’re sure has guaranteed the ship’s lack of functionality (you’re just surprised none of the lusii were hit).  But through the glowing hot metal debris you see two figures—one of whom you know is responsible for the hole—come up into the ship.

Eridan Ampora in broken visual orb glasses, regal and self-absorbed as ever, begins his threats as a distraught Feferi stands behind him.  “Look, imperial scumbags, if you want to _lih-wh_ to see your fuckin’ lusii aga—”

After a closer look at the two meowrails huddled together on the ground, staring at him in shock and awe, and then at you, with the same expression, his vehemence and intimidation turns quickly into a look of confusion.

“… _Eq?_ ” he says, shocked.  “ _Nep??_   And…and _Ara???_ ”

“ _ERIDAN!_ ” Feferi Peixes, no longer as mute and subdued before, slaps his shoulder.  “Do you see?  Your recklessness almost culled our _fronds!_ ”

“Well how the fuck was _I_ supposed to know they’d be on the other side o’ the door!?”  he starts.  “Fuck, I just figured it’d be some imperial official with no name I care to know, I didn’t think it’d be people we actually _do_ know tryin’ to attack us—”

“ _We’re here to help you guys!_ ”

Nepeta interrupts the squabble with her outburst, forcing the sea dwellers’ attention on her.  She slowly gets up, brushing herself off as she looks up at the much larger Eridan—perhaps the only person she might think would actually mean to hurt anyone.

Her voice betrays no fear, however, as she speaks with cheerfulness.

“We wanna join the ref-fur-lution!” she says, a cat pun playfully—and ill-fittingly—being added to her sentence.  “It was Purradia’s idea!”

Eridan raises an eyebrow at Nepeta, clearly confused at what she just said.  He then looks at you with the same look of confusion.

You try to look at Feferi instead of the bothersome male sea dweller, but you notice then that she’s avoiding the gaze of both Nepeta _and_ you, looking down at the ground with a solemn expression.

You don’t understand.  Isn’t this what she wanted?

“What-the-fuck- _eh-wer_ ,” Eridan says (and you’re reminded of his strange, wavy accent, making a mental note to translate it in your pan from now on), “I don’t have enough time to dissect your idiocy right now.  It ain’t like _any_ of us are gonna live much past this point if we keep lollygaggin’.”

At this, he moves toward the control panel, and thus toward you.  When he reaches the controls, he bites an order at you.

“Get off the fuckin’ controls, rustblood.”

You’ve always taken Eridan to be a bit of a tool, and even now you have a hard time taking him seriously.  But after he had wrecked two pieces of imperial equipment just to help a certain Heiress, you feel like testing him wouldn’t be a good idea at this point.  Still, as you pull yourself up from a shattered flight projection screen, you’re sure to add your own remark about the futility of him trying to get the ship to work.

“Considering we crashed the minicarrier into this platform,” you tell him, “and that you yourself decided to blow a _hole_ through the ship, I really doubt it’s going to—”

Before you can say “fly,” the ship control panel suddenly lights up, and the four flight projection screens turn back on, allowing you to see from the carrier’s cameras what’s around the ship.  The main screen you see is surprisingly functional, though you see the screen titled four—the one you landed on—is cracked.  Through the three good screens, however, a troubling image of imperial soldiers—cavalreapers, threshecutioners, you name it—surrounding the minicarrier appears.

Panic stabs you in the chest, paralyzing you in front of the screens.

“I’m not a fuckin’ _moron_ ,” Eridan says, perhaps mistaking your panic-stricken face for one of confusion at the ship’s functionality.  “I’ve flown one o’ these things with Vris before, so I knew where to shoot so what it wouldn’t damage the ship immensely _fuck will those godforsaken beasts fuckin’ SHUT UP!!?_ ”

He is definitely referencing the lusii, whom you’ve managed to tune out through all of this.  A reminder of their existence serves also as a reminder of just how _loud_ they’re being, and even as you fear for your life as the soldiers pull out their weapons, you can’t help but marvel at the miracle of you actually _agreeing_ with a guy like Eridan Ampora.

“Don’t forget your _own_ lusus!”

Feferi’s shrill voice helps you tune out the beasts again.

“I wasn’t _gonna_ forget him,” he snaps at her, “I’m just gettin’ things fuckin’ _ready_ , Fef, hold your goddamn horses.  Or should I say _shold your cod-clam seahorses_ —”

“ _It’s them!_ ” you hear calls from outside through the projection screens.  “ _Stop the traitors!_ ”

“…And just in fuckin’ _time_ ,” Eridan remarks with frustration, before leaving the control panel and marching over to Equius, still on the ground.  “ _You_ ,” he says as he points at the blue blood.

Equius vaguely looks up, a bit surprised he is even being addressed.  “Excuse me?”

“I know you’re a glorified mechanic o’ sorts, meanin’ you can probably handle flyin’ a minicarrier like this,” he says.  “So fuckin’ _fly it_.”

Equius’s rage from before returns in almost an instant as his eyes go from soft confusion to a very sharp glare in Eridan’s directions.  “I beg your _pardon_ , _sea dweller_ ,” Equius begins, making sure to bite out the words “sea dweller” as if he means it as an insult, “but I don’t bow before traitors to the crown.  And certainly neither will Nepeta, or _my slave_ , Aradia.”

He shoots you a dirty look as he says this.  You suddenly really wish something would make that look go away.

“Let me rephrase that,” Eridan starts again, and steadies his crosshairs to Equius’s temple.  “If you wanna live and continue to prostrate and sweat before the idol o’ our Condesce, _then you’ll fly the fuckin’ ship_.  _Do I make myself perfectly fuckin’ CLEAR to you?_ ”

Another miracle happens in that you’re suddenly _very thankful_ for the existence of Eridan Ampora, as his threat is enough to make Equius’s dirty look subside into one of shock and fear.  If Eridan was still a dignified member of royalty, you think Equius might have still been grateful to die at his hands (though you’ve heard that land dwelling royalty and sea dwelling royalty have a rather…complicated relationship with each other).  But die by the hands of rebel scum?  Absolutely _not_.

Equius begrudgingly stands up, trying to act as though he still has some dignity left as he walks stiffly to the control panel.  As he takes hold of the controls, he turns his head to look at Eridan, who looks at Equius with an upturned nose.

“Her Imperious Condescension will have your head for this, Ampora,” he says through grit teeth.

“Not before she has _yours_ , fuckblood,” Eridan responds dismissively.  Then, as quickly as he made his witty retort, he turns to the other of the meowrails and orders, “Nep, get my lusus from outside.”

Nepeta looks at him, confused.  “Huh?”

“Well don’t just fuckin’ _stand there_ ,” he snaps, “make yourself useful and _grab my steed!_ ”

She crosses her arms and pouts.  “Why can’t _you_ do it?”

He rolls his eyes, and you see him about to point his gun at Nepeta (you think Equius does too by his quick intake of breath), but in a knee-jerk reaction you speak up before he can point it at her.

“ _I’ll_ do it!” you say with a little too much worry in your voice.

You move toward the big hole in the minicarrier’s hull before Eridan or anyone else has time to even think about protesting this decision.  You don’t think Eridan would, however; in fact, he doesn’t even tell you to be careful with him, or anything a troll would normally say to someone handling their lusus for them.

You make it to the opening, expecting to have to scope out where the lusus is—briefly considering turning to Eridan to ask where he left them—but you see immediately the lusus has already made their way to minicarrier.

With such a dutiful lusus, you really start to wonder why Eridan couldn’t just grab the creature himself, rolling your eyes at his self-absorption.  But as you reach out to grab the lusus’s reigns and pull him up, you spot something in the distance that makes your heart stop.

An imperial soldier—the dreaded nukeliminator—aiming a large, explosive fire rifle in the minicarrier’s direction.  More than enough to kill you all.

“ _GUYS_ —”

But before you can say anything, the shot is fired and the explosive projectile lands a few feet in front of you.  The skyhorse lusus flies from the explosion and crashes against the wall opposite to the gaping hole.  You’re also propelled backward by the force of the explosion, though not as far back as the floating creature, landing sharply on your back on the ground a few feet away.

Your ears start ringing.  The people standing are in a panic, and you see Eridan suddenly yelling and shouting at people, though you can’t make out what he says.

Through the ringing, only one coherent sound comes out—the sounds of whispers of the dead.  They all make such a commotion in your mind that none of what they speak makes any sense to you—none except one voice.  But it sounds so strange to you.  The voice seems…clearer.  _Crisper_.  And so, _so_ , **_loud_**.

It’s the sound of howling laughter.

_HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!_

You vaguely feel yourself being lifted by someone—two people, in fact, as you turn and see Feferi and Nepeta hold you up by your arms.  You then turn to the hole in the minicarrier and realize you’re flying.  Eridan is pointing aiming his gun and firing with reckless abandon, while also still shouting and making noise that you still can’t hear.

You almost try to speak to him, to tell him you can’t hear him, that you might be deaf, and that you’re scared.  You don’t know how telling Eridan this last thing would help you, or why you even want to.  Maybe because you want to believe it’s all a lie, and to make the laughter go away, and somehow you think telling Eridan this would accomplish exactly those things.

But before you can tell him things you know he wouldn’t care about, the ship rears back as if Nepeta were driving it again.  The force sends Eridan toppling against a cage head first, and he falls, knocked unconscious.

Feferi runs to him almost immediately, leaving you with Nepeta.  The Heiress tries to shake her moirail awake, and you can see her yelling at him as loudly as he was yelling at you seconds ago, but you still can’t hear.  But now it’s not ringing.

It’s just that laugh.  That sickening laugh that drowns everything out.

_HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!!!!!!_

Another blast hits the minicarrier, and the lights in the ship start blinking red with _panic panic panic_ repetition.  You think for a moment that this must be the end—like you had thought so many times today it would be.  You know you’re prone to believing in the finality of things, but how could you possibly survive this?  Survive a shipfall with no way to brace yourself?

Nepeta says something to Equius as she holds you up.  She seems angry—furious.  You think Equius shouts something back, but it only serves to embolden her.

Another blast.

And suddenly you feel the ship falling and _mayday mayday mayday_ is what a ghost jokingly says through the howling laughter of the mysterious person.  As you become certain that your life is coming to an end, a short, sad thought occurs to you.

You never once thought to save Sollux.

Sollux, your matesprit.  The boy…no, _man_ you had given up on.  You try to tell yourself it’s for the best that you didn’t think of him when you decided to foolishly tempt fate by protecting those you care about, that you didn’t include him in that number, because ultimately you never _could_ have saved him.

It doesn’t help.

As the minicarrier crashes, your hearing finally comes back as you hear a mixture of insane laughter and Feferi screaming.

_HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

TC

You don’t know what all the motherfuck is going on.  You saw some fuckers you know on the big screen, and then some other shenaniganical shit happened, and now your friends all are getting their freak out on, plus everyone around y’all seems to be rushing around with no fuckin’ clue.

All you can say with absolute certainty—with not a motherfucking doubt in your mind—is that this must _wholly_ , _entirely_ , _absolutely_ , _positively_ be the work of one thing, and one thing only.

_**Miracles.** _

“ _Attention all trolls_ ,” some voice starts to announce from some place you don’t know where, “ _the imperial traitors have crashed somewhere in the Alternian wilderness. They are presumed dead._ ”

And that’s all the voice has to fuckin’ say. What fuckers died? You don't even _know_. But you feel kinda down about the whole motherfucking thing.

“Oh my God,” your best motherfuckin’ friend Karkat gets all to saying with his mouth in the worriest way possible.  “Oh my God oh my God _oh my God no no no no no_ —”

“That didn’t just…” Tavbro, the motherfucker with the _sickest_ fires this side of Alternia has done and seen, speaks his mind.  “They didn’t _really_ …oh _no_ , they _did_ …”

“— _no no no no no NO NO NO_ —AH!” Karkat goes on with his “no no no”s until your teal-blooded sister Terezi Pyope swats his arm.

“ _Calm down_ ,” she says, gritting her sharp teeth in a way that makes a motherfucker get to being downright _terrified_.  You have to cringe a little.

“‘Calm _down_ ’?” Karkat repeats her words, raising his upper eye hairs at her as Ter-girl sighs at him.  “‘ _Calm DOWN_ ’!?  Were you paying attention, or did you somehow become as blind as your fire belching doomsday dragon lusus?  Permanent blindness is honestly the only reason I can come up with for why you would think the most logical and sane utterance to make would be to tell us to ‘ _calm down_ ,’ because as has been clearly shown to us through a series excruciatingly horrifying images of _old pals of ours_ starting a fucking guerilla movement to overthrow none other than _Her Imperious Condescension herself_ , ‘calming down’ is the _LAST FUCKING THING WE SHOULD BE DOING!!!_ ”

“ _Heeey maaaan_ ,” you tell your brother, grabbing his arm in the friendliest show of support.  “Terezi-saurus Rex is right—take a chill pill, bruh.  Motherfucking miracles have never done us wrong.”

Karkat turns to you, with a glare that might up and suggest he’s angry—though that ain’t nothing new for him.  “‘Miracles,’” he repeats.

“Yeah!” you tell him.  “This is all the work of the most bodacious miracle to ever fucking happen, Kar-mofo.  It’s _obvious!_ ”

Karkat continues to get his mad on at you, breathing heavily from the anger fumes in his body.  “Let me get this straight,” he starts.  “You think everything that just happened—from Feferi Peixes intercepting the Condesce’s speech, to Eridan Ampora shooting his way to stand by his borderline psychopathic moirail slash _flush-crush_ , to the combined forces of Aradia Megido, Nepeta Leijon, and Equius Zahhak stealing imperial equipment to orchestrate some Han Solo-esque rescue maneuver and blast off at the speed of light into the sunrise, all down to the very fact that we _know all these people_ and could get in a _lot of fucking trouble_ if people found that out—”

“You probably shouldn’t say their full names so loudly—” Tavros says in his whisper (which is actually _really_ fucking loud, you think), but Karkat doesn’t listen.

“—you think all of this.  _All of it_.  Is the work of mother.  Fucking.  _Miracles_.”

“Hell yeah!”

Karkat’s quiet for a sudden moment, still glaring at you with his angry glance nuggets.  After some silence, he lets out a sigh, and finally responds.

“I fucking _hate_ you.”

That’s motherfucking Karkat for you.  Always saying how he all up and hates you and thinks the world ought to have been better without being alive in it.  You think it’s all chill—he’s just doing what comes all fucking naturally to him, and that to you is just beautiful.  Beautiful like the miracle of life.

“Regardless,” Terezi says after Karkat tells you about how he hates you, “the _last_ thing we need to be doing is drawing attention to ourselves.  Tavros is right in telling you not to yell out all the full names of the people that just—”

“ _Terezi Pyrope, serial number six-oh-four-one-three?_ ”

 _Hooooly fucking shit_ does the sudden voice scare and get you jumpin’ up!  It’s scarier than the horns the voice is, and you do surely get your turning around on to see who all the fuck is addressing Miss Pyrope, as do the rest of your crew.

Some official-looking fucker looks all down at you in her tallness (man, why you gotta be so fucking _small_ ), looking as scary as she sounded when you didn’t get a good look at her.

You think you see Karkat gulp hard in the corner of your twinkling eyes.

“Yes?” Terezi says to the motherfuckin’ official gal, all cool and calm-like.

“You’re wanted for interrogation, along with the brown blood six-forty-two-oh-five, and green blood six-twelve-six-nine.”

Karkles does a loud fuckin’ _gasp_ noise with his mouth.  The tall lady looks at him.

“I assume you must be the green blood then?”

“Oh God,” Karkat gets to saying under his breath.  “ _Oh God oh God oh_ —”

“Wait,” Tavros speaks as Karkat keeps saying “oh gods.”  “I’m…I’m that brown blood!  But uh…but—”

“All three of you are wanted for interrogation,” the chick explains, “for open association with green blood fugitive six-twelve-four-five, A-K-A Nepeta Leijon, as found by recent chat logs of hers.”

“— _oh God oh oh God oh GOD_ —” Karkaloney goes and goes.

“As she has recently been found to associate not only with the heiress, but with _other_ ciminals of the empire, such as former nobility Equius Zahhak, serial number six-ninety-nine-nine-nine, his rustblood slave, serial number six-ten-zero-zero, and of course former distinguished royalty Eridan Ampora—”

“— _OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH **GOD**_ —”

“—it has thus been found that you three are possibly guilty of high treason against her imperious condescension will you _calm down_ six-twelve-six-nine?”

You wish Karkat would get his calm on too, ‘cause he looks all _kinds_ of stressed and scared, and you motherfuckin’ _hate_ seeing your best bro like that.  It makes you a _saaad_ motherfucker to see him like this.

As Kar-bro continues to be all panicky, Terezzle-lizzle laughs all cackling-like.

“Don’t mind _him!_ ” she says while elbowing Vantastic in the gut, forcing him to quiet up.  “He just gets that way sometimes.  For no reason at all!”

Miss Tallchickladygalgirlbitchtits raises her glance nugget hairs at her for a second, before she puts them right the back down.  “If that’s the case, then we can have his moirail join us for the interrogation.”

Terezi looks as confused as tall person looked before.  “‘Moirail,’ huh?”

“He’s a sea dweller staying here on Alternia is he not?” the lady says to your pal Karkat.  “Minor member of sea dwelling royalty Nektan Whelan, right?  If you need him here, I can’t imagine it would be too difficult to call him.

“ _Woooooah_ ,” you say in shock, as people who are shocked often say things in shock when they’re downright _shocked_ like you are.  “I didn’t know you all up and got to be getting a _pale jam buddy_ , Kar man!”

Karkat’s all quiet at this, looking downward.  Tavros is quiet, too, but he’s looking at Karkat.  And Ter-gal keeps smiling at tall chick.

“I don’t think that will be necessary,” Terezi says.  “Neck-…tan…and his presence, would probably not alter my peer’s erratic behavior.  There’s only _so much_ a moirail can do, you see.”

 _Fuckin’_ shit _,_ you all get to thinking, _even Terezi-saurus all gots her knowing on with Karkat’s moirail?_ Maaaaan _, you are_ soooo behind _, Gamz my man._

“Understood,” the woman says.  “Now if you will allow me to escort you to the interrogation block…”

“ _This can’t be happening_ ,” Karkat says under his breath.  “ _This can’t be happening this can’t be happening this can’t be_ —”

“Awwww, brotha!” you tell him, giving him a nice brotherly hug.  “Chill the fuck out, man!  It’s all good.  Amazonian troll looks all scary, but she seems okay enough.  And anyway, we got _miracles_ protectin’ us!  I can _feel_ ‘em.”

You think Karkat might yell at you like he always does about how dumb your miracles are ( _classic_ Karkat!), but he actually looks down at you and your smallness with a kinda softness.  He even hugs you back.

“Yeah, okay,” he says.  “Miracles.”

“Excuse me, sir?”

Suddenly, the lady gets you attention with a _tap tap_ on your shoulder, and you look up at her.

“Um…pardon me high blood,” she says, “but will you…er…technically you’re not being charged with anything, so you can let them go…”

“Awwww _fuck_ , sista!” you get to saying.  “I ain’t gonna leave my best pals alone!”

“I…” she says all hesitatingly.  “Um…well, okay.  I suppose a purple blood such as yourself could have clearance to join the interrogation block with them.  And your name is…?”

“Gamzee Motherfuckin’ Makara.”

“Hm…okay.  Yes, you can join us, sir Gamzee Makara.”

And at that, she and the others start walking through the ship, you tagging along next to your best pal Karkat, who doesn’t let go of you the entire walk.  You smile the whole time at this.

 

GC

As you all march toward what may very well be your doom, you can’t help but curse yourself for not seeing this happening.

You were too happy, too excited at the prospect of becoming a Babel, that you didn’t think about all the variables at play.  Not Feferi’s speech—you knew Feferi would do something suicidal and drastic.  She’s always been that kind of person, revolutionary and untraditional.  And of course when Feferi pulled that stunt, it was only natural for Eridan to join her in similarly dramatic fashion.

What you didn’t think about were Aradia, Equius, and—more than anything else—Nepeta. All you are sure are now dead somewhere in the Alternian wilderness, as the last report on the projection screens had stated.

Aradia is… _was_ a slave.  Not only that, she was always resigned to this fate.  And Equius had his devotion-bordering-on-fetishism toward imperial subjugglation.  They seemed the least likely to do anything.

But Nepeta…

She’s never been easy to control.  Sure, she seems a meek, adorable, almost silly girl who likes to roleplay, but you knew her well enough that there’s more to it than that.  You know that she’s just as vicious as she is adorable.  She’s borderline _feral_ even.

And if this silly, nonsensical, fighting roleplayer was made a _slave_ …even if Equius did everything he could to free her, such an experience would change her.  Make her…make her as revolutionary as Feferi.

Somehow, you _know_ it was her that ultimately persuaded the other two to act, in one way or another.

You wonder if you would have seen this happening if you had known—if she had just told you she was a slave in that message with her.  Would you have seen this coming?  Would you have taken precautions?  Would Karkat, Tavros, and you be in this position?

You’re not sure.  All you know is that when you step into the interrogation block, there’s no going back.  The moment you were accused, you knew they already found you guilty.  That’s the law.  That’s how it works.  And even if you weren’t actually guilty (like you definitely are) of associating with those people, there’s no hope in trying to prove your innocence once you’ve been accused…or so it’s meant to be.

But you know the game, and you know its rules.  And you know its rules have loopholes.

You haven’t given up yet.

As all of you finally take a step inside what the blue blooded guard calls the “interrogation block,” you’re surprised at how sleek and shiny the whole place looks.  No blood, no grime, just cold steel, reflecting the fluorescent light of the room.  You’ve had some practice with actual interrogation during your training, but it was always in a white room with no decoration, and you were always told that such conditions were rare for most legislacerators.  There’s no decoration here, but everything is still so sickeningly… _clean_.  It’s not as dark and grimy as you always imagined a proper block would be, nor is there blood coating the walls, or corpses laying in the corners of the block.

You also make note of a lack of a Tyranny—neither Grand nor Honorable Tyrannies are present.  What sort of interrogation is this?

“I apologize for the informality of this,” the female blue blood explains.  “With everything in chaos as it is, this is the best sort of interrogation we can offer at the moment.”

You look around the room.  No seats for comfort, either.

“No Tyranny?” you ask.  “Or Legislacerator?”

“Unfortunately not,” the woman explains.  “Or at least, not in the most formal sense.”

Now this is something you can work with.  No Honorable Tyranny to devour you upon an offending statement.  No capricious Grand Tyranny that could rule just easily in your favor as they can against it, without a second thought.

You all may live another day yet.

“It seems a bit unprofessional,” you tell the woman.  “ _Certainly_ not the sort of treatment a troll being properly tried should go through. Especially since the people you’re accusing us of associating with are already dead.”

“They are not dead,” the woman states plaintively.

The words ring out hollowly in the block. You look back to the others, and all of you exchange confused, shocked looks.

You turn back to the guard. “Didn’t the report say—”

“There were no bodies found among the wreckage,” the guard explains, “save for those of a dozen dead lusii. They escaped somewhere. We stated they were dead to prevent any public panic, but trust me when I say they are alive.”

This information is shocking for two reasons: first, that your friends are not actually dead. Second, this sort of information is _never_ stated forthcomingly by imperial officials, unless one thing is about to occur—the people listening to it are about to be _culled_.

The gravity of the situation becomes even more apparent to you.

“Now,” the guard starts, “for the format of this interrogation, while we may not have what you _formally_ recognize as a Tyranny—”

“ _Yoooo_ ,” Gamzee suddenly speaks up from behind you.  “You say some shit about some Tyranny noise?  Motherfucker, I think _I’m_ one of those!”

“ _Yes!_ ” you say a little too excitedly, and _God_ are you suddenly so happy, _sooooo_ happy that he became Grand Tyranny.  Him acting as Tyranny would essentially _guarantee_ your and everyone else’s innocence.  “Yes, our associate Gamzee Makara is a… _competent_ Grand Tyranny!  And I don’t think he would mind serving as one in this case, _right?_ ”

You turn and throw a fake smile Gamzee’s way, silently hoping to God that he goes along with it and doesn’t fuck everything up.

“Well, if that’s what all you want me to be up and doing, I can fuckin’ do this Tyranny thing.”

You almost audibly sigh in relief.  For the first time in your or anyone else’s life, you thank God or whatever/whoever your creator is for sweet, tiny Gamzee Makara.

When you turn to the blue blood, you want to jump for joy, because she’s actually _pondering_ what you just offered— _considering_ it!

“Well,” the blue blood says, “I suppose that’s one direction we could take with this.  But uh…I’m not sure if—”

“ _I already fuckin’_ told _you I don’t want no fuckin’ ‘Crab Tyranny’ ass-shoal bein’ in charge o’ this!_ ”

A voice yells out through static on an audio projector throughout the room.  Tavros gasps in fear at the sudden voice, and even Gamzee jumps up comically while yelping.  Karkat seems to stay calm about the whole thing, though when you turn, you see him shiver ever so slightly.

You try to act as though it doesn’t phase you.

“Excuse me,” you say, “but…who was that just speaking?”

“‘ _Who is that,’ she asks_ ,” the voice starts.  “ _Dumbass fucking teal blood, I’ll_ shell _you who the fuck I am you disgusting_ —”

“That would be Her Imperious Condescension,” the blue blood calmly explains as the voice continues ranting.  “She is listening in on this interrogation from her throne.”

If the silence from everyone—save for the ranting and raging woman on the projector—indicates anything, it’s that all of you just went from frightened of what may happen to all of you to pants-shittingly _terrified_ in a matter of seconds with this declaration.  You can’t see if the color has drained from your friends’ faces, but you feel it drain from your own.

“The…H-Her Imperious Condescension is…” you try to say, stumbling over your words.

“Because of the gravity of the crimes you are accused of,” the guard explains, “the Empress wanted to oversee your interrogation herself.  You see, the fate of the Heiress is something that directly affects Her Condescension.  She felt having…er…I’m sorry Madame Condesce, but could you rephrase your orders to me?”

“ _It’s fuckin’ simple as_ shit,” the voice of Condescension shouts through the audio projector as she finishes a long rant.  “ _All y’all’s fuckin’ Tyrannies and Legislacerators are incompetent clownfish compared to the likes o’_ me _, and I don’t trust ‘em as far as I can fork ‘em!_ ”

“To be fair, my Empress, you can fork someone from a rather far distance away.”

“ _I DON’T NEED A SUCKA FISH PIKE YOU EXPLAININ’ MY MEANINGS!_ ” the Condesce shrieks.

“So…” you start, trying hard to get your jumbled thoughts together to form something coherent.  “S-so Her Imperious Condescension _glory be to her_ is acting as—”

“A Tyranny of sorts,” the guard finishes for you.  “And I as her most trusted bodyguard have been chosen to be a Legislacerator in this interrogation.”

“I…I apologize, ma’am, but this situation just seems so—”

“ _What!?_ ” the Condesce demands.  “ _What does the fish-uation seem like, you bottom feeding filth!?  Do you_ doubt _my tyranny, guppy!?  I am the_ GREATEST _of Tyrannies, the_ ULTIMATE _authority, and a fuckin’ piece of scum like_ you _has no right to_ _dare e-fin_ beginnin’ _to question my legitimacy!_ ”

“No no _no_ ,” you say hurriedly, “Madame Condescension, I would _never_ do such an unbelievably foolish thing.  Your authority is _supreme_.”

“ _Damn fuckin’_ RIGHT!” she affirms.

“It’s just…” you start.  “It’s this…the bodyguard—”

“I assure you that I have _more_ than adequate training as a Legislacerator,” the guard speaks.  “As bodyguard to our Empress, I’m required to be well-versed in _all_ occupations of our noble Empire.  Save for those positions that may only be accessed by our sea dwelling royalty, of course.”

“ _What, you questionin’ my_ choice _of Legislacerator_ TOO!?” the Condesce demands.

“ _Terezi…_ ” you hear Karkat whisper through grit teeth, and he doesn’t need to say much more.  _Are you_ trying _to get us all killed?_ he may as well say.

“No,” you say, calmly. “ _No_.  You’re right, my Condesce.  Your choices are always right and correct.  I apologize for being so brash and forward in my questions, and I beg your forgiveness.”

“FIN-ALLY _,_ ” the Condesce exclaims, “ _you’re listenin’ to fuckin’_ sense!”

“Shall we begin, then?” the guard asks of you and your friends.

It’s almost funny how quickly your friends all look to you.  Tavros, who can hardly stand up for himself even when he has a right to.  Karkat, a bundle of stress and anxiety just waiting to explode.  And Gamzee, who has no idea what’s going on.

The message is clear—this is all on you.  Their fates are in your hands.

You take a deep breath, steeling your nerves.

“You may proceed, Legislacerator,” you say.

At this, the blue blood—who has been mostly calm and even _too_ polite at this point—takes a drastic change in personality.  Her dark blue eyes shift from neutrality to determination in mere seconds as she begins to circle around you.

 _Ah_ , you think.  _The vulture strategy.  An old, but smart trick._

There are many ways a Legislacerator can confuse and befuddle their witness.  Some opt for explicit courtblock theatrics and drama (usually by framing people for crimes they didn’t commit); some opt for outright pain and torture.  You yourself have utilized a bit of both of these strategies in the past with your scalemates—something that proved very effective at the time.

But this speaks miles either for the blue blood’s confidence, or her skill.  No pain.  No theatrics.  Just quiet manipulation and disorientation.  This strategy, if perfected, can make even innocent people openly admit to committing crimes.

It’s so subtle that most people don’t even recognize its brilliance.  Even your friends watch her, confused at what she’s doing.

Of course, you’re not like most people, _or_ your friends.

She circles once.  Twice.  Three, four, and five times.  It’s on the sixth time of silently circling you all that she finally speaks.

“Terezi Pyrope, Karkat Vantas, and Tavros Nitram.  You all stand accused of heresy against the crown by association with fugitives Aradia Megido, Nepeta Leijon, Equius Zahhak, Eridan Ampora, and of course…the Heiress.”

The Condesce groans in dissatisfaction at hearing just a _mention _of the Heiress.__

You maintain your level-headedness.  “How do you figure?”

“As already mentioned to you previously,” the guard explains coolly, “messaging activity was found between Leijon, Nitram, Vantas, and you.  This correspondence occurred _today_ , in fact.”

You know this.  But you don’t know if they found any other activity of yours with anyone else who deserted.  You know you didn’t discuss anything with Equius, Eridan, or Feferi, but you can’t guarantee that for the others—in fact, you’re almost certain Karkat would have spoken to all of them, _even_ Feferi.

What you _really_ need to gauge is how much info they have on you.  So you play a little bit more innocent than you probably should.

“And how was this correspondence found?”

“ _I’ll_ ask the questions,” the guard reprimands harshly.

“I only ask because I want to know all the details, Miss Legislacerator.”

“Don’t act _coy_ , Pyrope,” she bites.  “The messaging activity was saved by Leijon herself, and was retrieved once we learned she was among those who aided the Heiress today.”

“And I’m sorry, the others…what were their names again?”

She makes a hardly noticeable misstep—hardly noticeable to anyone but you.  And you know then you have an advantage.

“Don’t play dumb,” she says, “you know who they all are.”

“Well, yeah, you told us their names before, and we saw them on the visual projection monitors, but…they were kinda strange names, and I don’t remember them.”

After making this lie, you realize suddenly that it would be in your best interest to _not_ act like you don’t know Equius, since he and Nepeta are moirails.  So you add quickly, “I think you said Equius though.  Was that really him on the monitor?  Nepeta talked about him a lot, but I never saw a picture of him…he definitely _sweats_ a lot.”

Then, you turn around to the others.

“Did _you_ guys ever talk to Equius?”

The others don’t react very quickly—and by others you mean Tavros and Karkat, because you know that if Gamzee opens up his big dumb mouth about _anything_ that jig will be up.

To Tavros’s credit, he picks up on what you’re trying to do before the others.

“Uh…no!” he says.  “I never really spoke to Equius, uh…he kinda… _scared_ me.”

The last statement you hope will make up for his faltering speech pattern, as it sounded rather unconvincing until he emphasized the “scared” part.

“Aw _shit_ ,” Gamzee says, and _oh my God_ , “me and Equi—”

“Yeah, we never really spoke to each other.”

Karkat interrupts Gamzee before he can make any incriminating statement, and _God_ could you kiss that candy-blooded asshole right now.

“We liked Nepeta, but Equius was…” Karkat trails off.  “How do I put this eloquently?  A huge fucking _asshole_.”

Howling laughter is suddenly heard from the audio projectors, causing all of you—even the guard—to flinch in surprise.

“ _Fuckin’_ cod _,_ ” the Condesce says through laughs, “ _that’s fuckin’_ fish-terical!  _I almost don’t wanna_ cull _the poor sucka!_ ”

You chuckle lightly in a good show of faith to the Condesce.

“Yeah, Equius never seemed to be the best person to form a friendship with,” you say.  “He was always such a shady character.  Just so… _weird_.  I used to tell Nepeta all the time that he was bad news, but she was just _so_ in pale with him.”

This part sounds incredibly sincere, because it is.  You never really felt Equius deserved Nepeta as a moirail, what with him pushing her around all the time and sometimes _frightening_ her into keeping constant communication with him.  Even though the others in your group thought they were the perfect moirails, you always felt differently.

“It’s just too bad,” you add with some emotion.  “I feel like he must have gotten her in with those bad people, because these actions against the crown are just… _so_ unlike her.”

That’s a lie and you know it, but you think you sell it really well as you sniffle a little and wipe away an aquatic reptilian creature tear.

But this doesn’t convince the guard.  In fact, you’re surprised that as she walks past you for the umpteenth time, she’s actually _smirking_.  “So you _admit_ you know all of them?”

Shit. _Did_ you just admit that?

“No,” comes another save from Tavros you would have never expected.  “But we knew _Equius_ knew some really… _really_ bad people.”

“Yeah,” Karkat adds.  “I don’t think any of us would’ve guessed that he knew the _Heiress_ , but we knew…we knew he was in with some terrible fucking people.”

Joining along with them, you heartily add more to the illusion.

“Nepeta’s so impressionable, you know.  I can just see Equius making her believe the Heiress is in _any way_ legitimate or worthy of rule—”

Something is heard shattering through the projectors as the Condesce screams.

“ _SHE_ ISN’T _LEGITIMATE!_ ” she shrieks.  “ _SHE IS A FAKE, A FUCKIN’_ THIEF _TO WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY_ MINE _, I WILL FUCKIN’_ GUT _HER AND MAKE HER GIVE BACK THAT FUCHSIA BLOOD THAT IS RIGHTFULLY_ MY FUCKIN’ BIRTHRIGHT!!!”

You’re quiet for a moment, silenced by the absolute awe of the Condesce’s wrath.  You feel as though she could cull you through the projectors.

You decide to use this anger to your advantage.

“…Exactly,” you eventually respond.  “Which is why I just feel so _bad_ , you know?  She was fed this awful, terrible lie about the Heiress, when clearly _you_ are the only one who ever was and ever will be worthy to rule our fair Empire.”

As the guard circles in front of you again, you see her throw a dirty look your way, not at all impressed by your playing to the Condesce’s ego.  You just smile innocently at her.

The Condesce, of course, responds with what you _think_ is a “humph” of approval.

“Obviously there’s nothing we can do about it now,” you say, “but it doesn’t stop me from wishing things could be different.”

The guard finishes another rotation, slowly, her boots clacking almost deliberately, precisely against the floor.  For a second you thought maybe you would have won with this alone, but you suddenly start to think she has something else.  A trump card of sorts.

“So to reiterate,” she begins slowly, “your story is that you knew Leijon, and that _poor_ , _sweet_ , _PRECIOUS_ young green blood got mixed up with people you hardly know, making you _totally_ and _utterly_ innocent of any wrongdoing.”

You stop yourself from gulping.  She _definitely_ has a trump card.

“…Then why is it that our records show Vantas’s moirail, Nektan Whelan, was once a FLARPing partner of the traitor Eridan Ampora?”

You don’t turn to look at Karkat.  But you know he must be paralyzed with fear at this.

“If we want to talk about tragedies similar to Leijon’s supposed manipulation,” she says evenly, “we should also bring up the greatest tragedy of all—a sea dweller, with blood so pure and violet that his testers almost _trembled_ in its magnificence, on his way to such a stunning occupation of conquest in the name of our glorious Empire…throwing his lot in with the worst criminal our species has to offer, the very Heiress herself…”

Then, as she walks near Karkat, you see from your peripheral her leaning down ever so slightly to address him.

“…And your _moirail_ ,” she says lowly, “actually _consorting_ with him in Alternian play games…I can’t think of _anything_ more tragic than that.”

You take back any wish of yours to kiss that candy-blooded asshole.  Instead, you want to punch him, and punch him _hard_.  Why didn’t he ever tell you about this Nektan Whelan guy he’s apparently pale with?  Does Nektan even _exist?_ Was this a part of Eridan’s plan?  Why didn’t he ever press Eridan for details early on, instead of acting like a wiggler and saving his freak out for the last minute on the Great Gathering?  And _why_ didn’t _Eridan_ just be forthright with him?  Ohhhh, you wanna punch Eridan too, _so fucking bad_.

But you can’t do that.  Not now.  You have to think fast.

“As a former FLARPer myself,” you begin, “I can tell you, Miss Legislacerator, that one does not often make meaningful alliances with others in the game.”

This is actually somewhat true.  It’s very common for people to form an alliance for simply one game, and go their separate ways to never speak to each other again.  You and your friends were an exception to this trend.

“So while it’s _totally_ possible Nektan—who I know _dearly_ —”  You’re sure to emphasize the last word in a way that Karkat understands your secret meaning—that meaning being “fuck you and your lusus,”  “—played with a person like Eridan in his FLARPing campaigns, I rather doubt their alliance lasted longer than one…maybe _two_ games.”

“That’s all fine and well, Pyrope,” the guard responds, “but I don’t think I was addressing _you_.  I was speaking to _Vantas_.”

 _Welp_ , you think to yourself, _that’s it.  We’re all screwed._

“Admit it, green blood,” she spits at Karkat.  “You and Nektan _knew_ Eridan Ampora.  It’s one thing to say you knew one person by tragic happenstance, and to even know of their moirail, but another entirely to ignore the association of _three different people_ who have betrayed the crown, one of whom is not even associated in a quadrant with the other two.  The messaging activity from three sweeps ago between Nektan and Eridan proves beyond a doubt that you and your moirail are guilty of knowing the sea dweller.  You can’t _possibly_ try to—”

“Wait.  Did you just say this messaging activity was made three sweeps ago?”

Karkat’s interruption takes both the guard _and_ you by surprise.

“I…yes, I said three sweeps ago, stop trying to—”

“But I’ve only been with Nektan for _two_ sweeps.”

The guard actually _stops_.  Oh, you _almost_ exhale with immense relief.  You go back to wanting to kiss this candy-blooded asshole.

“You can even check our files,” Karkat maintains.  “Nektan and I have been moirails for two sweeps _only_.  And if this supposed ‘messaging activity’ happened three sweeps ago during, what, _one_ FLARPing campaign?  I mean…I just don’t think Nektan would have ever brought it up to me.  Why the fuck would he or I care about a one-time FLARP alliance with some douchebag?  Why would it even be worth _remembering?_ ”

Yes, you could kiss, hug, squeeze, and do _so many things_ to this candy-blooded asshole.

You look to the guard because _God_ do you wanna see her expression, but you see she’s pulled out of her pocket a small husktablet, and she’s rapidly typing something in.  Once she’s done, she looks back up, eyes wide and full of shock.

 _That’s it_ , you think.  _We_ won _._

“My Condesce, he’s right!”

“ _What the fuck you glubbin’ a-boat_ —”

“Every single thing they have said checks out.  Even the issues with Zahhak make sense.  He even had some sketchy messaging activity with an imperial official today, asking them for a position but they wouldn’t give it to him—”

“ _Are you tellin’ me you fucked up!?  You_ betta _not be tellin’ me you fucked up!_ ”

“—it all checks out.  _It all checks out_.”

And to think if she wasn’t so sure of her abilities that she could have easily decided to frame you.  Instead, she tried to do things legitimately.

You have to stop yourself from laughing in her face, because a teal blood with no real experience as a Legislacerator just outsmarted the personal bodyguard of the Condesce and _God_ does that make you feel good about yourself.

“… _Still_.”

Any good feeling you just had is completely gone.

“They do for a _fact_ know Nepeta Leijon,” the guard says.  “Which no matter _how_ unfortunate they claim those circumstances to be, is enough for us to imprison them indefinitely.”

“ _Woah!_ ” Gamzee suddenly shouts for the first time in what feels like a while.  “You mean we’re all going to fuckin’ _jail!?_ ”

“Not _you_ , Sir Makara,” the guard explains.  “But your friends will.”

No. No no no no.  You can’t go be imprisoned.  You’ve come too far to let this to happen to you.  _All of you_ have come too far to allow something like this.  You need to think of something to bargain, _anything_ —

“ _Nah._ ”

The Condesce’s voice startles all of you.

“I…” the guard begins.  “Pardon…me?”

“ _If they know the fuckin’ Leiah gill or whoever the fuck she is,_ ” the Condesce states,“ _they can probs be useful to me._ ”

“My Madame Condesce—”

“SHUT UP!” the Condesce shouts.  “ _This is an oh-fish-al koi-yal declaration, suckas.  Get out a fuckin’ pen an’ write this shit down—if you wanna_ live _, you gotta take out your stupid fuckin’ friend and her moray-eel and_ all _her fuckin’ school o’ fish, ya hear?_ ”

“My Madame _Condesce_ —”

“ _I said_ SHUT UP!! _If you don’t fuckin’ do as I order then all y’all are gonna be fuckin’ gutted, no questions asked._ ”

You almost don’t believe what you’re hearing.  Minutes ago you were be tried for _treason_ , and now…now she’s _recruiting_ you for the cause against the revolution?

“ _Y’all suckas are gonna glub at me every-fin you minnow a-boat the gill_ ,” she continues, “ _no matter_ how _meaningless you think it might be.  I don’t give a fuck if it’s a time she_ coughed _at you, you’re gonna tell me_ every fuckin’ detail _from where her saliva ended up to the fuckin’ apology she fish-ued._ ”

“My Madame Condesce,” the blue guard tries again, “I _really_ don’t think—”

“ _Who the_ FUCK _had soldier positions in this stupid group?_ ”

“I don’t…um…Nitram has a position with the cavalreapers, and Vantas is a threshecutioner.”

“ _Good.  They’re both fin-erals now._ ”

“F-…fin-erals?  I’m sorry, your fish puns aren’t always—”

“GENERALS _you fuckin’ moron!_ ”

You can almost _hear_ Karkat’s mouth jaw dropping.  Tavros squeaks in shock.

“ _And the fuckin’ Crab Tyranny.  He a clown fish, right?  He one o’ those fuckin’ dumbass juggalos?_ ”

“He’s…he’s a purple blood, yes—”

“ _He’s a Jokage now_ ,” the Condesce says with final-ness.  “ _Leader o’ the laughsassins.  ‘Cause that shit’s fuckin’_ hysterical _to me._ ”

“Holy _shit!_ ” is all Gamzee has to say on the matter.  You half-think he doesn’t even know what a Jokage is.

“ _And what about that last girl, fuckin’ teal blood?_   _What’s her fuckin’ deal with all the Legislaceratin’?_ ”

You’re suddenly painfully aware of how little you fit in with the others, considering your occupation.

“She’s actually…she’s actually on her way to become a Legislacerator.  She’s an Honorary Babel.”

“ _Fuck being a Babble-fish, she could pro-bubbly be one o’ the old Legislacerators that went and fuckin’ found criminals for me an’ shit._ ”

Wait. You didn’t consider this.  Was she really _that_ impressed with you? Obviously, your profession is nowhere near a combat one, and while in the past Legislacerators were once in charge of seeking out and apprehending criminals, they’re now relegated to less glamorous work manipulating criminals in the courtblock. 

Yet…you really did perform something pretty amazing.  You basically just acted as a _reverse_ Legislacerator—whatever that even _is_ —defending yourself instead of prosecuting.  Could the Condesce maybe be so impressed with your work that she’ll upgrade you straight up to a Legislacerator, and…and bring back the old function of a Legislacerator?

Could you really be fulfilling your _true_ dream?

“ _Too bad we don’t do that shit anemone-more_ ,” the Condesce says. “ _Teal blood’s gonna be a cahootioneer._ ”

At the word cahootioneer, your excitement plummets to negative 413.  Your expression remains neutral, giving nothing away to anyone.

But from your peripheral, you see Karkat try to lean forward, as if to look at you.  He of all people knows how much law means to you.

He knows how much this hurts.

“ _I expect fuckin’ reports from y’all in two days about green blood gill_ ,” the Condesce says.  “ _Y’all will stay here on Alternia.  Make fuckin’ sense, or do I gotta repeat my-shellf to you sorry grubfuckers?_ ”

Karkat is still focused on you as he tries to reach a hand out to touch your shoulder.  And if it were anything other than this, you probably would have let him comfort you.

But on some level you blame him for all of this.  Him, Eridan, Feferi, Aradia, Equius, and Nepeta…if it weren’t for them, you would be living your dream.

You take a step forward before Karkat can touch you.

“Understood,” you say to the Condesce.

 

GA

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

\--- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is offline and will not see their messages until the next time they log in---  
GA: Karkat  
GA: I Know Youre Not On But When You Do Get On Please Talk To Me  
GA: Please Tell Me If Youre Still Alive!!!  
\---carcinoGeneticist [CG] came online---  
CG: KANAYA  
GA: Oh Thank Our Grubmother Youve Responded!!!!!!  
GA: You Described So Vividly To Me Your Situation And Just Logged Off And I  
GA: I Didnt Know What To Think Or Assume!!!  
GA: What Happened  
GA: Are You Okay At Least  
CG: YEAH, I’M OKAY.  
CG: FOR NOW, I GUESS?  
GA: !  
GA: What Does That Mean  
GA: Is Eridan Going To Do Something Even Worse To You!  
GA: What Is He Doing!!!  
CG: OH GOD, NO, HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING TO ME.  
CG: ASIDE FROM PERHAPS SAVING MY ASS  
GA: ?  
GA: I Dont Understand  
GA: Didnt You Say He Was Going To Kill You  
CG: YEAH...I DID.  
CG: BUT  
CG: LET’S JUST SAY A LOT OF THINGS HAVE HAPPENED IN A VERY SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME.  
CG: AND WHILE I’D LOVE TO CHAT YOUR HEAR DUCTS OFF ABOUT EVERY SINGLE DETAIL ABOUT EVERY LITTLE THING LIKE YOUNG TROLLS GOSSIPING ABOUT QUADRANTS, I REALLY DON’T THINK I HAVE MUCH TIME HERE.  
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA WHO MIGHT BE WATCHING ME RIGHT NOW, OR EVEN IF THEY *ARE* WATCHING ME  
CG: ...IF THAT EVEN MAKES SENSE?  
CG: HONESTLY, THE ONLY REASON I EVEN FELT SLIGHTLY SECURE MESSAGING YOU LIKE THIS IS BECAUSE APPARENTLY NO ONE HAS LOOKED AT OUR LAST MESSAGE, OR ELSE I’D BE DEAD ALREADY.  
GA: Karkat  
GA: As This Conversation Goes On Your Meanings Have Become More Obfuscated  
GA: Not Less  
CG: I KNOW, I KNOW, JUST...BEAR WITH ME, OKAY? THERE’S A LOT OF INFORMATION FOR ME TO WADE THROUGH IF I’M GOING TO PAN THE SIGNIFICANT GOLD NUGGETS OUT OF THIS SHIT-SPUN TALE, AND I’D APPRECIATE IT IMMENSELY IF YOU JUST SAT TIGHT AND LISTENED  
GA: Um  
GA: Okay  
CG: GOOD.  
CG: NOW, WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU BROUGHT UP?  
CG: OH YEAH, THE SUBJECT OF OUR FAVORITE GENOCIDAL TOOL ERIDAN AMPORA.  
CG: WHEN IT COMES TO THAT BAG OF SLITHERING GEOPHAGIES, ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT AMPORA HELPED ME LIKE HE SAID HE WOULD  
CG: AND NOW WE CAN NEVER TALK TO HIM EVER *AGAIN*  
GA: !  
GA: Why  
CG: THERE ARE A FEW REASONS FOR IT ACTUALLY, LEAST OF THEM AT THIS POINT BEING HIM EXPLICITLY TELLING ME SO IN THE LAST CONVERSATION I HAD WITH HIM  
CG: HE’S APPARENTLY BEEN TRYING TO CUT TIES WITH EVERYONE HE’S EVER KNOWN ON ALTERNIA, MOSTLY BECAUSE OF HIS...*MOIRAIL* WHO WON’T BE NAMED OUTRIGHT HERE  
CG: ACCORDING TO HIM, IT’S TOO RISKY FOR HIM TO OPENLY ASSOCIATE WITH ANYONE, AND EVEN THOUGH I’M NORMALLY ONE TO CALL BULLSHIT ON HIS OVER-DRAMATIZATION OF SEEMINGLY INANE SHIT LIKE THIS...HONESTLY, I WAS INCLINED TO AGREE WITH HIM, AND STILL AM  
CG: TALKING OPENLY TO THE SEA DWELLERS IN OUR GROUP MAY AS WELL BE TANTAMOUNT TO CALLING UP THE EMPRESS PERSONALLY AND ASKING HER TO CULL US FOR THE GLORY OF HER EMPIRE  
GA: ...  
GA: I Guess  
GA: That Makes Sense  
GA: And Actually Puts Into Perspective Some Of The Things He Said In The Last Conversation We Had  
CG: YES, GOOD  
CG: I’M GLAD YOU’RE ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH AT LEAST THAT RIGHT NOW  
CG: BECAUSE ASIDE FROM US RESPECTING ERIDAN’S WISHES WHILE AVOIDING ALMOST CERTAIN EVISCERATION OURSELVES, THERE’S ANOTHER REALLY, *REALLY* BIG REASON WHY WE CAN’T TALK TO OUR FAVORITE EGOTISTICAL DOUCHEBAG AS WELL AS HIS MOIRAIL, WHO AGAIN WILL REMAIN UNNAMED  
GA: ?  
CG: ASIDE FROM LITERALLY EVERY OTHER PAINFULLY OBVIOUS REASON WHY WE CAN’T TALK TO THESE PEOPLE, IT APPEARS THAT OUR FAVORITE MARITIME DUO HAS PUBLICLY INITIATED A REBELLION AGAINST OUR IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION  
CG: THEY’RE BOTH TRAITORS TO THE CROWN, AND LEADERS OF A NEW REVOLUTION  
GA: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CG: BY THE SHEER AMOUNT OF SHOUT POLES THAT ARE IN YOUR RESPONSE, I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO ASSUME THIS IS VERY SHOCKING FOR YOU.  
CG: I HOPE YOU CAN APPRECIATE JUST HOW MANY SHOUT POLES *I* WAS EMOTING JUST BY WITNESSING IT FIRST HAND  
GA: Its  
GA: Its Not Shocking So Much  
GA: I Mean  
GA: I Knew Fef  
GA: Er  
GA: That SHE Might Do Something Drastic Today  
GA: But THIS????  
GA: Im More  
GA: Terrified  
GA: In More Ways Than Just One  
CG: YEAH  
CG: I UNDERSTAND THAT  
GA: But Then  
GA: Why Would Eridan Do It  
GA: That Just Seems So Uncharacteristic Of Him  
GA: Hes Always Disagreed With Her About These Sort Of Things So It Just Seems  
GA: Odd  
CG: YEAH, BUT HASN’T HE ALWAYS HELPED HER IN SPITE OF HOW LITTLE HELPING HER ACTUALLY ALIGNS WITH HIS BULLSHIT SEA DWELLER SUPERMACISM? EVEN RISKING HIS LIFE FOR HER?  
CG: WHAT WITH FEEDING HER GARGANTUAN BULGE MONSTER OF A LUSUS, AS WELL AS JUST BY  
CG: YOU KNOW  
CG: OPENLY ASSOCIATING WITH HER IN THE FIRST PLACE  
GA: ...  
GA: When You Put It That Way  
GA: I Guess Its Not Too Difficult To Imagine  
GA: Even If It Is Eridan Were Discussing Here  
CG: AND IT’S NOT JUST THE SEA DWELLERS  
CG: ARADIA, EQUIUS, AND NEPETA APPARENTLY HIJACKED A MINICARRIER AND DECIDED TO JOIN THE FUCKING SEA DWELLER FREEDOM FIGHTERS AGAINST THE EMPIRE  
GA: This Is  
GA: Oh My God  
GA: This Is A Lot Of Information To Go Through My Digestive Tract Karkat  
CG: FUCKING TELL ME ABOUT IT.  
CG: AND THAT’S NOT EVEN THE TIP OF THE FUCKING FROZEN LAND CHUNK THAT IS THIS DAY’S EVENTS.  
CG: GET THIS: ONCE THE GOLIATH OF BODILY PERMEATIONS AND CAT GIRL GOT IT IN THEMSELVES TO JOIN THIS FRUITLESS CRUSADE, THEIR MESSAGING LOGS WERE IMMEDIATELY SCANNED.  
CG: AND APPARENTLY, MISS NEPETA POUNCE DE LEIJON HAPPENED TO HAVE SAVED MESSAGING ACTIVITY WITH—WOULDN’T YOU KNOW—TAVROS, TEREZI, AND I FROM *TODAY*  
CG: AND AS SUCH, WE WERE PULLED IN FOR INTERROGATION  
GA: :O !!!  
GA: Oh No Oh No Karkat!  
GA: Please Dont Tell Me Theyre Going To Cull You!!!  
CG: NO  
GA: What!  
GA: They...  
GA: They Arent Going To Cull You  
CG: SURPRISINGLY, NO.  
CG: I DON’T KNOW HOW, BUT TEREZI MANAGED TO PULL SOME ASS-BACKWARDS LEGISLACERATING TACTICS TO STOP THEM FROM CULLING US, CONVINCING THEM THAT WE KNEW NEPETA, BUT WE DIDN’T KNOW THAT SHE ASSOCIATED WITH THE HEIRESS OR ANYONE ELSE  
CG: IN FRONT OF THE EMPRESS, NO LESS.  
CG: BUT EVEN THEN, THE EMPRESS WAS PLANNING ON IMPRISONING US SOMEHOW, UNLESS WE  
CG: UH...  
GA: Unless What  
CG: UNLESS WE...PROMISED TO TAKE DOWN THE REVOLUTION OURSELVES  
GA: What!!!!!  
CG: YOU’RE TALKING TO A THRESHECUTIONING GENERAL RIGHT NOW.  
GA: ...............  
GA: That Is  
GA: Quite A Lot To Take In And  
GA: You Are  
GA: Oh My God  
CG: THAT’S APPARENTLY HOW OUR FEARED EMPRESS ROLLS.  
CG: IT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE IN A WAY.  
CG: HAVING THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW THE MOST ABOUT YOUR ENEMY BEING THE ONES TO TAKE THEM DOWN.  
CG: ESPECIALLY WHEN THE PEOPLE IN QUESTION ARE TOO SCARED SHITLESS TO LIFT A SINGLE DELICATE DIGIT AGAINST HER  
CG: AND...IT’S NOT LIKE I HAVEN’T DREAMED ABOUT GETTING A CHANCE TO PROVE MYSELF TO HER AND THE EMPIRE, AND IT’D BE DIFFICULT FOR HER TO IGNORE ME AS A THRESHECUTIONING GENERAL TASKED WITH TAKING OUT THE HEIRESS AND HER ACCOMPLICES  
CG: AND EVEN IF I WAS ON MY ORIGINAL CAREER PATH’S TRAJECTORY, STARTING OUT AS SOME NAMELESS GRUNT, I COULDN’T IMAGINE ANY OPTION FOR SURVIVAL WOULDN’T INVOLVE ME AT LEAST *ATTEMPTING* TO TAKE THEM OUT WITH EFFICIENCY AND GUSTO AT SOME POINT.  
CG: IT’S NOT LIKE I WOULD HAVE EXPECTED ANY LESS FROM ANY OF THEM IF THE SITUATION WERE REVERSED. HELL, I *STILL* HAVE A HARD TIME BELIEVING THAT ERIDAN’S DONE SO MUCH TO HELP NOT ONLY ME, BUT...BUT *HER*.  
CG: BUT  
CG: GOD, AS STUPID AND PATHETIC AS THIS PROBABLY SOUNDS TO YOU  
CG: I REALLY DON’T THINK I COULD DO IT, KANAYA.  
CG: CULL THEM, I MEAN.  
CG: NEPETA, ARADIA, ERIDAN...NOT EVEN THE HEIRESS  
CG: NOT EVEN *EQUIUS*  
CG: EVEN IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT  
GA: ...  
GA: I Dont Blame You Karkat  
GA: And I Dont Think Its Stupid Or Pathetic To Feel That Way At All  
CG: THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING  
GA: I Know You Might Not Have Any Information About This  
GA: But As Far As Ive Read Thus Far This Turn Of Events Have Excluded Some Of The Others  
GA: Has Anything Regarding Those Other Companions Become Newsworthy  
CG: WELL...  
CG: ASIDE FROM TAVROS, TEREZI, AND I, GAMZEE’S WITH US, BUT HE’S SO FAR GONE ON HIS GREEN SLIME HALF THE TIME THAT I DOUBT ANYONE COULD ACTUALLY SUSPECT HIM OF ANYTHING. HE’S MOSTLY A TAG-ALONG  
CG: A TAG-ALONG THAT WAS FOR SOME REASON MADE JOKAGE OF THE LAUGHSASSINS, BUT A TAG-ALONG NONETHELESS  
GA: I...See  
CG: I’VE SEEN NOTHING FOR SOLLUX. HE’S A SLAVE, THOUGH, SO THAT’S TO BE EXPECTED.  
CG: MEANING I DOUBT HE WENT AND JOINED THE HEIRESS’S CAUSE, OR ELSE WE WOULD HAVE HEARD SOMETHING  
GA: Ah  
CG: AND BY YOUR AMBIVALENCE ABOUT THOSE TWO, I AM BEGININNG TO DOUBT THOSE ARE THE PEOPLE YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT.  
GA: This Just  
GA: Seems Like Something She Would Involve Herself With  
GA: Probably To Make A Name For Herself  
GA: Especially Since Earlier Today She Expressed Anger At The Position The Empire Chose For Her  
CG: THEN YOU PROBABLY KNOW MORE THAN I DO AT THIS POINT.  
CG: I HAVE NEXT-TO-NO INFORMATION REGARDING VRISKA SERKET, OR WHAT SHE MIGHT BE DOING RIGHT NOW  
CG: NOR DOES ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER  
GA: ...  
GA: Thats Good  
GA: Maybe  
GA: If She Were Involved  
GA: I Imagine It Would Be In A Very Big Way That Would Be Hard For People To Forget Or Gloss Over  
GA: So No News Is Probably Good News  
GA: At Least Thats What Ill Keep Telling Myself  
GA: Maybe I Should Just  
GA: Try To Get Some Rest  
CG: REALLY?  
CG: THE SUN IS UP.  
CG: I THOUGHT YOU LIKED STAYING UP AT THE SAME TIME THE SUN WAS UP.  
GA: I Live In A Cave In The Darkest Region Of Alternia  
GA: It Really Doesnt Matter What Time I Sleep Anymore  
CG: ...TOUCHE.  
GA: Ill Delete This Message Log  
GA: You Should Too  
GA: You Should Also Probably Get Some Rest Soon  
GA: Or Try To Anyway  
CG: STRANGELY ENOUGH, THAT LATTER THING PROBABLY WOULDN’T BE TOO HARD FOR ME AT THIS POINT.  
CG: MY NERVES ARE SHOT.  
CG: AND TO THINK TODAY I THOUGHT MY BIGGEST CONCERN WAS BEING ABLE TO SURVIVE PAST IT.  
CG: NOW THAT I TECHNICALLY HAVE...  
CG: GOD, THIS IS ALL SO TIRING.  
CG: I GUESS I SHOULD JUST BE GLAD THIS GODFORSAKEN DAY IS FINALLY OVER.

 

-END OF PART I-

 

[Reader: Begin reading PART II](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3282428/chapters/7161365).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In writing this chapter, I realized I didn’t state Terezi’s serial number in her imperial message. This isn’t because I wanted to trick y’all or because I didn’t think of one—just when I wrote her chapter, I had this idea that all the high bloods (from Terezi onward) wouldn’t be referenced by their serial numbers except when they received their imperially assigned Trollian accounts, but then I later decided this would only be the case for Gamzee, Kanaya, and Eridan. And then of course I never changed it for Terezi, unintentionally leaving her number in question for who knows how long. But now y’all know what Terezi’s number is! I’m sure you’ve been constantly questioning and analyzing that piece of information since Terezi’s chapter, because clearly that’s what you need to be focusing on—troll serial numbers. Hopefully you can rest a little easy knowing what it is now.
> 
> Also, “Jokage” is literally the best thing I’ve ever come up with. Nothing is better than Jokage. It’s like “Hokage,” but then you add the word “joke” to it, and it becomes instantly more hysterical because weaboos.
> 
> [Begin reading the next part here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3282428/chapters/7161365)!
> 
> Aaaand if you care, I decided to make a little [playlist](http://the-sonderer.tumblr.com/playlist-1) for the Prologue and this first part, Futures Abound. I dunno, I like adding a musical element to my stories, and it’s kinda hard to do that when the only thing you’re marginally good at _writing_. At least maybe someone out there will enjoy it.


End file.
